Author's note: Wow has life thrown me a curveball this passed week. I'll never understand the things we go through in life and why they happen to us, i just have to hope there's light at the end of the tunnel. This story is so cathartic for me to write, because it gives me an outlet for my grief. If you've ever felt what i feel i'm so sorry, and i hope this story helps. For me part of grieving is making myself feel it. Reading things that make me remember what i've lost. I'm afraid to let myself forget, it would be easy, but i can't. I read sad torturous stories and write them because it makes me feel not so alone. I wish all of you following along the best out of this life. Somewhere only we know- Keane is my song of choice for this chapter. Once I've completed the work i might go back and choose songs for each chapter, as i do some overall edits.

Chapter 19.

The beach

The Second Friday

Naruto had sent his replacement to visit him in lockup. Sai.

Sasuke had never seen him smile. He probably could just not at him.

Well what was lockup mostly, was only in name to be clear. If he wanted to Sasuke would have no problem at all in leaving. Who could stop him? Naruto was to weak, and Sasuke could be long gone by the time Kakashi showed up to the Hospital.

Sasuke wasn't going anywhere though. He wanted to get better. He had to stick around. There wasn't much he could do for Sakura in life, but in death he could do one thing for her. Avenge her.

Sasori would pay. Sasuke had to be patient. He had to heal himself before they met Sasori in battle. Sasuke didn't trust his own mind. He couldn't know that he wouldn't make a mistake that might end up getting Naruto or Kakashi or even himself killed.

Sasuke wondered if Naruto was even aware of the indifference Sai and Sasuke had for each other. No more so than what it was with Shikamaru, but there was still obvious discomfort in being alone with each other.

Sai handed him a paint brush, and canvas silently in the rec room. Neither of them spoke during the activity. Sasuke thought perhaps if Sai did speak he would probably just call him 'Traitor' so he was glad for the silence.

Sasuke tried to mirror the brush strokes Sai took, but even with his sharingan his painting didn't quite look as neat and defined as Sai's in the end. Sasuke wondered if this was reminiscent of the times Sai had taught Sakura in the years during his absence from the village. He wondered idly on the prospect of the relationship between Sakura and Sai. He wanted to hate him more for having spent so much time with Sakura, time that could have been his, but he couldn't hate Sai for that. Sasuke was glad for every friend she had in life. Glad some people stuck by her side when he didn't.

Sai added one final tree to his painting. It was a vividly bright pink tree. Cherry blossoms fell gracefully down from it in the portrait, and Sasuke knew. Sai hadn't made the effort to be here on his part or even Naruto's, he came for Sakura. In the same way Sasuke couldn't hate Sai for what he was to Sakura, Sai couldn't hate Sasuke for what he was to Sakura.

Sai was grieving in his own way like everyone else. Sasuke allowed him to correct his grip on the paintbrush with a 'tut', he mixed Sasuke's paint palette properly, and Sasuke was glad to let him.

'Someday.' Sasuke thought. 'I'll ask him about her.' He'd very much like to hear his stories of team 7's fallen member.

The Second Saturday

The great Hokage finally approved a short sabbatical, so long as Naruto accompanied him at all times. Sasuke was excited by the prospect of a trip to the beach. Excitement wasn't something he felt often, it made him feel wrong. Like he had done something wrong.

So when Naruto and Hinata showed up to collect him from his hospital room, Sasuke almost took the door off it's hinges running passed the staff. Eager to get out of there.

They had to stop by Sakura's apartment first. For clothes, and towels. The apartment was mostly the same, all though the dishes were now piled up, and Naruto had failed to properly throw out his takeout order from Ichiraku. Typical.

Naruto tossed Sasuke a pack, so he could throw some towels and clothes in it. Naruto, had caught Sasuke's shrewd look at the dishes and began to busy himself with cleaning them. Poor Hinata began to help him.

Sasuke laughed to himself.

Then Sasuke recalled that night. When he had thought Sakura was crawling out of the closet. He shivered. It still felt so real. Before he realized he had, he had retrieved the recording device. He felt the weight of it in the palm of his hand. The details of that night were so confusing.

Had the tape recorder just turned back on? No. The batteries had not been in it. He had heard Sakura say his name, he was sure.

Sasuke popped batteries back into the tape recorder, and retreated to Sakura's room while the others were busy. No one said they had to have eyes on him every single second afterall.

There. He could finally put it to bed. He would listen to the tape and once he heard his name he would know, that was what he heard for certain. The rest was a hallucination. No more doubt or second guessing.

Sasuke tried not to look at her pictures as he hit the play button. He slid with his back against her door until he was sitting on the floor.

The device clicked, and then the most pure, and perfect sound in this world drifted to his ears.

'Hi- um is thing thing recording, Ino. Oh it is? Oh. Oh. Hi! This is Sukara Haruno, and i'll be reporting on cell damage. Specifically the factors that can destroy them. There are physical, chemical, infectious, biological, and even nutritional factors that can cause such egregious amounts of stress on the cell that it is left damaged. Some types of cell-'

Sasuke flipped the switch. 6 sentences out of her mouth and Sasuke was trembling. He guessed he preferred this reaction to the outright mess he had been at her funeral.

Sasuke Uchiha gathered his courage and flipped it back on. He was going to make it through this. He was going to listen to every word Sakura had to give him. He didn't care that it was useless medical jargon that he barely comprehended.

'due to the advancement of various protective chakra techniques some cells can become almost impossible to destroy. In battle this is less than ideal. Chakra can act as a suit of armor placed atop the network of cells that make up a human body. One of the most sure fire ways to damage the cells without hope of recovery is to utilize chemical warfare. The use of a chemical weapon against chakra laden cells almost always prevents them from regenerating-'

"Sasuke?" Naruto's voice comes from the other side of the door, and breaks Sasuke's focus from the tape.

"I'm Changing." Sasuke replied party startled by Naruto and partly by the tape.

Sasuke pulled on a dark black hoodie, some matching shorts.

Not once on that tape had Sakura said his name...

Sasuke felt unguarded. Unsafe. Maybe that was why he retrieved Sakura's kunai knife, and put it in his backpack. He slung the pack over his shoulder, and forced himself to breathe. Calm. Cool. Collected.

"You're wearing that, to the beach?" Naruto asked when he opened the door.

"Yes." Sasuke rolled his eyes.

Naruto threw his hands back to support his neck.

"Whatever. You wanna die of heatstroke, it's on you."

They made slow work of getting to the only beach in all of Konoha. Naruto was out of shape, sick, all though he was making his best effort to put on a front. Telling Sasuke he was letting him win. As if they had even agreed upon a race in the first place. Hinata let Naruto put his weight on her when he needed. Sasuke did not mind that it took them almost 3 times longer to get there than it normally might have. He was fine with his present company, and still yet dreaded seeing the others Hinata warned him would be there.

What a trio they made. Naruto half dead on his feet, Sasuke half out of his mind, and Hinata being forced into the role of nurse for the both of them. Sasuke had never spent much time in his youth pondering his life or how he thought it might turn out. In all honesty he had been absolutely sure he would be dead before this age. Sasuke laughed to himself at the thought of his 12 year old self seeing him now. He wasn't sure what would shock his younger counterpart more. Being back in Konoha or being released from the psych ward for a beach trip.

Once they made it Sasuke scouted out many familiar faces from the rookie 9 plus Sai. Kiba had his dog in the water riding it around like a raft. Sai was painting Ino, who was eating it right up she liked being the center of attention, Sasuke smirked at that. She waved and winked at him when she saw him. Naruto became part of a water fight of some kind with Shikamaru and Choji the moment he laid out his towel. They were shaping balls of water with chakra and slinging them at each other. Sasuke watched Hinata as she watched Naruto. Probably just as worried as he was that the idiot would exert himself.

Sasuke sat up against the tree line in the shade. Intending to sit alone. After a while Hinata decided against letting him have space. She dragged the towel Naruto threw down, and opened a frilly parasol above Sasuke's head. She mounted it in the sand.

"Pale skin burns easy, huh? Naruto has no idea how lucky he has it."

"Tch." Sasuke hadn't bothered to take his top off so he wasn't worried about sunburn. He probably wouldn't get in the water, he hadn't been to this particular lake since his mother and father had brought him as a boy. Back before Itachi killed them.

Sasuke felt the sand in between his toes he hated that feeling it made him want to gag, and allthough it was admittedly stifling hot in his get up he pulled his hood up. It was way to bright out.

Hinata was a better girlfriend than Naruto deserved. Sasuke made this decision based on the fact that she didn't even seem to mind that Naruto was spending all of his time and attention on everyone but her. She seemed fine to sit back and watch him make a fool out of himself. She had taken a seat directly at Sasuke's side. Had anyone else tried he probably would have run them off. She was reading a book, and Sasuke hadn't been able to make out the title.

After a bit Hinata wandered off to socialize her book left abandoned on the towel.

Sasuke liked this, he realized. He felt relaxed. He didn't mind being among so many people so long as he was left alone.

It was okay that Sasuke hated most people, and socializing though. There weren't any needles at the beach. No Shizune. No ugly ass scrubs he had to wear. There weren't annoying sounds to drive him crazy at the beach. The beach would be just what he needed. Calming.

No sooner than the thought of 'calm' entered his head Naruto had ducked under the parasol and dumped a bucket of wet sand over Sasuke's head. Sasuke clenched his hands to stop his immediate desire to strangle him when he noticed how winded he was.

"Sit down for awhile would you? It's bad enough Hinata has to watch you run around like a fool, don't ruin her day by giving yourself a heart attack."

"Help me build a castle." Naruto smiled innocently up at him. He was having an allright day as far as his sickness went, he had some strength. Good.

Sasuke kicked the small mound Naruto had managed to build, and smirked when it all crumpled.

"Hey!"

"We can both build, and see who makes a better castle. Loser." Sasuke wiped off the chunky bits of sand that had collected in his hair, and his hoodie. Wet sand on his hoodie irritated him, but not enough to convince him to take it off.

"Oh, yeah! That sounds fun." Naruto grabbed a shovel and tossed it Sasuke's way. "No cheating! No ninja arts or Earth style. Hinata picks winner?"

Sasuke spotted the Hyuga heiress down the beach with her teammates. She was petting the dog, that Sasuke was sure had been much smaller years ago.

"Sure." Sasuke agreed. He trusted her not to pick Naruto just to cozy up to him. In fact it might even help Sasuke's chances if Hinata felt like teasing Naruto.

"Hey, Hinata!" Sasuke yelled out across the beach and the rest of the rookie 9 reacted like he had sprouted another limb.

Hinata looked up smiling as he waved her back over. She trotted back over their way and came to rest next to Naruto on the towel.

"What's up?"

"Wanna be the judge in our epic sand castle competition?" Naruto asked and Sasuke almost called him a doofus for what a nerd he sounded like.

Naruto had about 3 circular domes going on in the sand, while Sasuke only had one but he was going for a structure with good integrity not frills.

"Oh, that sounds great. Yeah i would love to." She sat back getting comfy watching them as they worked.

Naruto's domes fell when he bumped one with his knee.

"Shit. Wish Gaara was here."

"Even if he was," Sasuke reminded. "and you asked for help. That would be cheating."

"Yeah. Yeah." Naruto started to gather his sand back around, and glanced at Sasuke's work looking for ideas.

Then Sasuke got an idea.

"Hey, did i ever tell you about the time Naruto and i got super glued together?" Sasuke held Hinata's gaze and when she looked at Naruto Sasuke did to. He smirked at his friend as the horror started to etch itself into his frown lines.

"That's such a boring story Sas." Naruto's voice got harsher as he spoke.

Hinata disagreed, and giggled in delight. "Doesn't sound like a boring story to me. Tell me. How did Konoha's 2 strongest shinobi end up superglued together?"

Naruto had stopped his work to mime behind Hinata's head, begging for this story not to be shared.

"Well. It was all his fault." Sasuke jerked his head over at his golden retriever friend who scoffed indignantly at the claim. "Obviously."

By the end of the story Hinata could barely do anything but laugh. Just as Sasuke had hoped, she even began to tease Naruto herself.

The day at the beach had been great. It couldn't have been going any better. Sasuke was actually enjoying himself. He wasn't the last Uchiha on the beach, he wasn't crazy. He was just Sasuke building sand castles with his best friend.

It should have been like this all the time. Sasuke could have had years worth of beach trip memories by now.

Sasuke had won the sand castle competition in the end. His castle came complete with a drawbridge and little people made out of seaweed. Naruto had never been quite able to get his castles to stand for long. Sasuke expected he wasn't using enough water. He decided not to rub it in to much.

Naruto walked back out to the water, drenched himself and approached again. He shook himself off like Kibas dog. Sasuke narrowed his eyes at his friend, and made sure he saw as Sasuke wiped away the water that had hit him. Hinata giggled at the display, and Sasuke's cheeks burned when he saw the title of the book finally. It was that old pervert's book. Naruto's perversions were infectious it seemed.

"Aren't you going to get in?" Naruto asked.

"Not likely."

"Why are you so boring?"

"Why are you so annoying?"

Shikamaru and Choji had come out of the water.

"Sasuke's doesn't want his pretty skin to get burned i bet." Shikamaru teased. Sasuke rolled his eyes unable to get himself to care enough to respond.

Naruto laughed at that. "He's paler than a vampire right?"

"No doubt." Choji said.

Shikamaru inspected Hinata's parasol clearly amused.

Then they all took turns comparing Sasuke's skin to something. Paper. Rice.

"Come on guys lets leave the goth prince alone." Shikamaru said without any real feeling behind it.

Sasuke didn't hear them after a bit, something had caught his attention.

Something was under the water where they had all just been. It was fast, there were ripples on the water, and then it was there. Pink. He saw pink. Sasuke stood up abruptly, not paying any mind to Naruto behind him.

"About time, teme! Go have some fun!"

It's her. Sasuke shouted inside his head, his heart rate was sky high and he was panicked, and just like that weeks of therapy went right down the drain. It only took one blurry vision of pink, and Sasuke was convinced it was Sakura swimming around. He was diving in under the water before he could think any better of it. The salty brine assaulted his taste buds, and his skin felt cool in the water.

Where? Where is she?

Sasuke briefly heard a humming sound, it was garbled and warped by the water. Chrip.

Not now. Now now. The sound, he hadn't heard the damn thing all day. Why the hell now?

Calm.

Cool.

Collected.

He forced himself to stay on task. He dove deeper, twisting his head all around for any sign of movement. His sharingan was active.

Quicker than anything he had ever seen underwater he spotted a pair of milky white legs, and the back of a head, cotton candy colored darting forward.

The water was murky and the sharingan was barely any different than his normal vision. He swam down further, kicking as hard and fast as he can he's chasing after her, because he has to make it to her. He has to get to her. 'Sakura!' He wanted to call to her, and when he tried he just lost more of breath he was holding.

Wrong. They had all been wrong. She was alive!

If he could only just- his hand was almost touching her. Then his fingers grazed her hair, he pulled it to stop her and then-

Crap. Sasuke thought as he was kicked in his stomach. The rest of his air forced out of his lungs. How could anyone kick that forcefully under water he scrambled to understand. He needed to breath, he started to kick upwards and then Sakura turned away twirling around in the water like a ballerina. He couldn't see her face but it was her! He would know Sakura, anywhere even if his eyes had been plucked from his head. Her body seemed to bare all of the injuries he saw in the autopsy, like he saw that night in the closet. Most of her was covered in a black cape, he suspected to hide the hole in he chest. He forwent his thoughts of swimming up for a breath. He was swimming right back down towards her with everything he had.

Suddenly before he could do anything about it Sasuke was being jerked backwards by his hoodie. Sasuke's chest hurt as water filled his lungs. It burned. His lungs were seizing up. Someone was pulling him, but he slipped into unconsciousness before he could figure out who. His last thought was "I almost had her."

...

There was commotion going on around him, something was pushing pumping at his chest, and it fucking hurt. Sasuke gasped and puked up water. Hinata was over top of him, was she doing CPR? Sasuke struggled to sit up.

"No," Hinata pushed him down, her eyes were misty and her hands shook. "You almost drowned."

Then there was a frantic Naruto over top of him, shaking him. Looking just as out of breath as Sasuke. Water dripped off Naruto's face onto Sasuke's own.

"What the hell? What were you doing swimming that far down?!" His voice was equal parts fury, and terror. "You bastard!"

Sasuke pushed his hands off. He puked up another mouthful of water.

"Sakura." Sasuke said without meaning to. A mixture of oxygen deprivation and adrenaline made his lips loose. "She's alive. She was in the water i had to-"

Sasuke stopped talking when he looked up around at the gathered faces of the people he once grew up with. They were a mixture of emotions. Horror, terror, pity. None of the faces seemed to believe him. Especially not Naruto, he looked gutted. Someone said "He's really lost it, now." Shikamaru shook his head in manner that said he already knew Sasuke was disturbed.

Hinata was gentle with him, and she said "Shhh, just take it easy for now, lie back, just relax. You're going to be fine."

Sasuke didn't feel like he'd ever be fine again.

He heard Naruto speaking to Ino. "I thought he was getting better. He seemed better." His words were strangled.

"Me to. Me to. Naruto." Ino consoled.

...

The journey back to the hospital had been tense. Sasuke hadn't relaxed his right hand once, it was drawn taught in his hoodie pocket. When he sat on his bed back in the psych ward he finally did. Wadded up, and partly dried were long strands of cotton candy colored hair.

...

Sasuke sent a messenger hawk for Karin that evening when he knew the hospital would be quiet, and Ino was gone.

She met him on the roof.

"Nice to see you're alive i guess." Her voice was sharp like the edge of a sword. "The blonde kid wouldn't tell me much when i asked after you." She looked around them. "I guess I understand why."

Sasuke could only imagine the rage she felt having had the sound dumped into her lap in his absence. Having to do Sasuke's bidding while he wasn't even there. Being his own little marionette.

"Karin. I need you to analyze something for me. Can you do it?"

"Asking for favors when you've given none to me? Yeah fat chance." She started to walk to the edge of the roof.

"Do this, and the sound is yours." She stopped mid step.

Her face was impassive as she tried to decide whether she believed him or not.

"Who says i want it?"

"It'll be yours and yours alone. I'll never ask you for a thing again. All the money, the buildings keep them. I just want one thing from you." He held out the strands of hair.

She pouted. Then stepped forward. "Fine. Give me a couple day-

"Now."

"Now!?"

"Yes. Right now. The hospital has everything you need i'm sure."

"Son of a-" She started pulling the bits of hair out of his hand from between his fingers. "Fine. Fine!"

Once she had all the strands she asked, "Anyone in specific i'm comparing these to?"

"I want to know if they belong to Sakura Haruno."

She looked at him the same way people did since he had started living the life of a psych patient.

A few hours later she came back.

"They're hers. The hairs, they belong to Sakura Haruno."

"There's no chance of any kind of error, or contamination?"

She scoffed. "Not by me."

"The sound village is yours Karin."