Hi, beautiful people. Happy… Friday? Maybe it's still Thursday where you are and I can pull this off. Probably not, though. I suck.

Thanks for everything, you guys. I hope you enjoyed your EPOV's! And thanks to the two bestest betas, who both fell asleep and aren't to blame for the typos in the last fourth of the chapter.

xXxXx

I Want His Wings

"Got any fives?" questions Bella, peeking at her hand of cards.

"Go fish," Jacob answers blandly, picking at a scab on his knee. "Got any sevens?"

Bella hands over a seven, and Jacob puts it down in his large pile without much enthusiasm.

"Do you want to play another game?" she asks her half-brother.

He shakes his head, his dark eyes darting around the waiting room. They've been here for a few hours, and even though the news was favorable, it's still daunting to be in a place ensconced in sickness.

Sue stands by the door, leaning against the jamb. It's very early in the morning, and her usually kempt stepmother has circles under her eyes the size of dartboards. Bella wants nothing more than to go home and sleep, but she feels an obligation to stay in the waiting room until her stepmother gives her some sort of signal to go home. Sue has barely said one word to Jacob the whole time, and Bella wants to keep her brother entertained and out of Sue's hair.

They have Charlie on drugs to clear out as many clots as possible before putting him into bypass surgery in the next twenty-four hours or so. Bella hasn't even seen her dad yet, but Sue's ten-minute hourly visits assure her that he's stable, but asleep.

There's another reason she is staying in the hospital instead of going home, and that's the very obvious absence of Edward. She keeps wondering what it would be like if he was here, holding her hand, annoying her, anything – and all she can imagine is how much better it would be to hold on to hope incarnate.

This thought barely has time to clear her brain before she hears a soft clearing of the throat, and looks up to see Alice Cullen in the doorway.

"Hi," she says quietly, giving Sue a small smile. "Edward called me."

"Hi," Bella answers back, putting down her cards and shuffling them together. "What are you doing here?"

Jacob, as if he senses some discord, attaches himself to Bella's leg. She runs her hands through his dark hair, and then whispers to him to go be with his mom.

"I just thought you may be lonely, sitting here by yourself," Alice offers after a few moments of awkward silence. "I had to come home from Chicago early because my fiancé had to pick up some extra hours at work, and we have no one to watch our son… well, anyway. I just thought you may need some company. Hospitals can get lonely."

"I'm with my family."

"Of course," Alice murmurs. "How is your dad doing?"

"He's stable. He's going to be okay."

"Good." Alice opens her purse and pulls out an envelope with tons of photographs spilling out. "Have you ever seen pictures of Edward before he was sick?"

"A couple. Some on his Facebook, and then the one in the broken frame from the other day." As she answers, Alice shoves the envelope of pictures in her hand.

Bella takes them out, her hands shaking a little. There are tons of pictures of Edward from birth until sickness, but one in particular stands out. He looks to be about sixteen, leaning under the hood of a black Trans-Am. He has a wrench in one hand and annoyed look on his face, but his shoulders are so strong, and he's so beautiful in his health she wants to cry.

"Can I keep this?" she asks Alice, cradling the picture.

"Sure," Alice smiles.

"So this is the Trans-Am?"

"He told you about it?"

"He couldn't stop talking about it. 6.6 liter V8, blah blah blah."

Alice looks at the picture fondly. "He worshipped that thing. He and my dad worked on it for weeks before it could be driven."

"He told me he wrecked it."

"Well… it was totaled, that's for sure."

Bella looks up. She takes in Alice for the first time as another woman – she's beautiful in a sharp way, just like Edward. Her eyes are darker than Edward's, but not yet brown. All of her features are tiny, like with a strong wind, she'd be blown away. But she also looks tired and worried, and Bella understands that look more than anything.

"I really like your haircut," Bella tells her randomly. It's short and hugs Alice's face.

Alice touches it on impulse. "Thanks. I shaved all my hair off when Edward lost his hair."

What a forthcoming thing to admit. Bella's taken aback, but she just nods. "I'd probably do the same thing."

Alice turns a scrutinizing eye on Bella. "You do know that one day, you may be in that position?"

Does she just have 'maladjusted idiot' written on her forehead? "Yes, I'm aware. What were you saying before about Edward's car?"

Alice sighs. "His friend stole it and wrecked it. Edward covered for him."

"He did?"

"Turns out he cares more about people than things," Alice says quietly. "He's always been a strange kid. Quiet, you know? Emmett, our younger brother, always wears his heart on his sleeve. But Edward was always reserved, and it was always a guess as to what he was thinking. He's really surprised me with the heart he has. I've discovered that it's the quiet ones you want to watch out for. I know that's a common thing to say, but it's true in many circumstances. Quiet men are the ones who feel the deepest because there aren't enough words in English for them to say their thoughts. That's Edward."

Alice continues after a breath. "I was certain he was going to die. We all were. They had to adjust his meds so many times, and then he just took off from Chicago in the middle of the night and came here. When he showed up at my door, it was like a horror movie. He was a skeleton, and there was nothing in my house he could eat. He fell asleep on my couch, and I watched him all night, his chest, making sure I could see the rise and fall of it. Everything evened out eventually, but I'll never forget that. Ever. Even if he wants to act like he's okay, I can't, not until I know for sure."

"How will you know for sure?"

"They say after five years of remission, you can be considered cured. That's five years of getting tests and having them come back clean. That's five years of crying, praying and blind faith. That's five years of holding his hand, wondering if this time will be it. And what if it's almost five years, and the cancer randomly shows back up? Then it's five more years again to wait. Do you understand that?"

"What I understand is that I love Edward, and you're not going to scare me off by spewing facts at me. I appreciate what you're saying, but I'm not your enemy. I care about him, just like you do. We both want what's best for him. We should be working together, not separately."

Alice looks thoughtful and goes silent. The clack of her boot heel against the linoleum floor is somewhat distracting, but not annoying.

"How was Chicago?" Bella asks, breaking the silence.

Alice shrugs. "It was okay. It was good to see my dad."

"Did you see your mom?"

"Yes. We all had lunch with her."

"Can I ask how that went?"

"Extremely awkward, especially since her new husband showed up."

"What? Seriously? She hasn't seen you guys in years, and then brings her new husband to lunch?"

"Right? I wanted to throttle her."

For a second, they become gossiping friends, bemoaning the shortcomings of family members. But then they realize they aren't friends, so the silence falls awkward once more.

"How was Edward?"

"I think it was harder for me in regards to Edward than it was for him. You know, he's very quiet, like we've stated. He didn't say much, but when she hugged him and cried… it made me feel like I could commit murder or something. Where was she when he was diagnosed and treated? Who even knows."

Bella waits a beat before responding. "I know you think I'm some evil temptress or something, here to break your brother's heart. And I can't guarantee that things will work out because I can't see the future, but I do know myself, and my own heart and feelings. I can't be without him. Not 'I don't want to be' – I can't be. I've prided myself on my independence in the past, but ever since he walked into my life, he's completely eclipsed everything else."

"Codependence isn't exactly healthy."

"Well, Edward isn't healthy," Bella says finally. "So I guess… maybe I'm not, either."

xXxXx

Bella is rarely shocked, but when she walks into her apartment and sees Edward pulling on a t-shirt with his keys in his mouth and one foot toeing a shoe, that's the only word appropriate.

She drops her purse on the ground and lets out this noise she's not sure any human should be capable of making. It's this giant heaving breath under her tongue that rolls out onto a cry. She runs towards him and he holds out his arms, and for the first time in hours, she allows herself to completely relax and let someone else hold her up.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to get here," he whispers in her hair, leading her over to the couch.

She doesn't let go when he sits down, just crawls into his lap like a child and curls herself around him. "I told you not to come," she murmurs against his neck, her tears a close reality.

"Even if I didn't want to – which I did – after all you've done for me, Bella, if I hadn't come, you'd have every right to kick me out."

"It's not like that – "

"But it is. You've taken care of me for months. It's emasculating. Lie against me now, and let me take over my role as protector. See, I psychoanalyzed myself for you, so you didn't even have to do that."

She giggles against him, and she's aware of how delirious it sounds. "I'm so glad you're here."

"Me too, baby." He presses a kiss against her nose, and that coupled with the fact he so rarely calls her 'baby' leads her into a contentment that is immediately followed by sleep.

She doesn't sleep long. When she wakes up, Edward is still sleeping, his arm thrown over his face. His snores are loud and indicate how tired he is, but she's got to get some food in her and then go back to the hospital.

"Wake up," she murmurs against his lips.

He groans a little, and then cracks an eye open. "What time is it?"

"A little after 2 PM," she whispers. "Hungry?"

"I could eat."

She kisses him one, two, three times, and has him smiling against her mouth when she pulls away.

"I missed you so much," she tells him, running her nails through his soft hair.

"I missed you, too. Even your morning breath."

"You are just so charming."

"That's what they tell me." He rolls off the couch and adjusts himself. "I'm gonna go hop in the shower. Wanna join me?"

She makes a face at him. "We need to get back to the hospital."

"That wasn't a proposition. I just want to wash your hair and feel your skin."

With words like that, how could she say no?

xXxXx

"I think all waiting rooms in the world look the same," Edward comments as they settle down into the plastic chairs that Bella and Alice vacated hours before.

"Yeah? I guess it's good that you're seeing the waiting room for once," she says, smiling.

"Yeah, I can't say that I'm complaining. I'd rather watch a million episodes of Days of Our Lives and Dr. Phil in these straight-backed chairs than be in a hospital bed again."

"Were you a patient here?"

He shakes his head. "Only outpatient."

That reminds her. "You took your meds today, right?"

He kisses her face. "Yes, mom."

She pushes on his nose. "Speaking of mom… how was Chicago?"

He shrugs. "You know, I really don't feel any better or worse having gone. She's never going to be the mom of my childhood again."

"Alice told me she showed up with her new husband."

"Oh yeah… wait, you and Alice talked? Was there screaming? Bloodshed? Do I need to hide a body?"

"Funny. If anyone needs to hide a body, it's you. Maggie caught sight of your cock when I opened a picture message unawares at the studio the other day. She won't stop talking about it now."

"That's just stupid of you, Bella."

"What? Me? Why? You were the one sending pictures of your – "

"Yep, I sure did. In fact, that's all I sent you pictures of, I think. So process of elimination should have told you that's what the picture you opened would be of… see what I'm getting at? You shouldn't have opened it. Unless it was around Esme. That would've been okay."

"You are so disgusting."

"Anyway, she brought her new husband around. He's a good deal older than her, surprisingly. He had to have been in his sixties."

"Did your dad go?"

"No, only us children. Alice left the same day and came back here, to Seattle. She said it was because of Riley, but I think she knew she was going to murder mom if she stayed."

"That's what she told me. We kind of bonded."

"You think so?"

"Why, do you not?"

"How would I know? I wasn't here. I'm surprised she showed up, but I'm glad she did. I think my anger towards her in most of the situations you've been involved in was really the catalyst between you two. You both are actually a lot alike; she's just a bit crazy when it comes to me and Emmett. Very mama bear and cub scenario."

"I gathered that."

They continue to talk for another hour or so, but when there's nothing much else to say, she leans against his shoulder and pulls a book out of her purse. He is content to let her lean against him and toy with her ponytail, sending random commentary about the soap operas out into the universe.

Sue peeks in at one point, informing Bella that Charlie is being prepped for surgery. She introduces Edward, and Sue is more pleasant than she could have anticipated. Hmph, of course it only takes the face of a beautiful boy to soften her stepmother up.

At around seven PM, they walk down to the cafeteria to grab some food. Bella manages a salad of wilted lettuce, mushy tomatoes and sour vinaigrette before giving up. Edward opts for hot soup, which he informs her tastes like hot salt water.

Instead of going back to the waiting room, they venture out into the small garden outside. It's still cold; it's not even March yet. Edward takes Bella's ungloved hands and puts them between his thighs as they sit on an icy bench.

"Still coming to my dance recital?" Bella asks randomly, watching Edward stare off into the distance.

He turns to smile at her. "Of course I am. You're a really good dancer, and I love you."

She smiles back. "What are you thinking about? You seem so lost in your mind."

He shrugs after a moment. "One night, Alice and I talked about what being cured really means, and how many people never see that day. Do you want to know the statistics?"

She blanches. "No, I really don't."

"You need to know them. They aren't awful, but there's still about half a chance I'll die from the disease within the next five years."

"Edward, for god's sake," she snaps. "I said I didn't want to know."

"I don't know if I can really wrap my mind around it," he continues. "Not reaching my thirtieth birthday. Not watching my hair turn grey, or my eyes turn wrinkled in the corners. All these signs of aging that people take for granted, I want. Is that weird? I remember talking to this old man once, in the hospital. He had leukemia too, but a kind that really only occurs in senior citizens. He said to me, 'I don't understand plastic surgery. I wear these wrinkles like a badge of honor.'"

Bella shivers against him, and he pulls her closer. How can she articulate it isn't the coldness of the temperature that made her chill, but the resignation in his voice?

"That really stuck with me," he says after a few seconds. "I always think about it. Sometimes, I'll stare in the mirror after I get out of the shower and look for grey hair. Something I can be proud of. Something that indicates I've lived a long life. Because Bella, do you remember when you asked me if I was scared about dying?"

"Yes," she whispers.

"And I told you, 'if I would have known you, I would've been.' You know how I know that? Because I do know you, I might be dying, and I can't stop being fucking afraid. I know there's not much I can promise you, and that kills me. I've thought about it all, too. At night, when you fall asleep, I sit up and think about running away. Just waking you up, telling you to pack some clothes, and then hopping the next flight to… wherever. But then I realize, it doesn't matter where I run. It doesn't matter if I ask you to marry me right now, or never do. It doesn't matter if you love me today, tomorrow or forever. Cancer will always be there, a part of me, a part of us. I can't just be Edward, and I'll never understand how you can look at me and see past all of that. You make me feel like you take out all the parts of me that are dying and put new things in there. Things that will survive much longer than my body, or any body ever could."

There is no possible response to that, Bella thinks. One, because she's never heard him so vivid, so honest, so afraid. And two, she feels like if she opens her tightly clamped lips, she'll start crying and never stop.

She gets a hold on herself, because she knows he needs something from her, any sort of indication that she may feel the same way he does.

"I'll be with you," she chokes, "all the way. Until your heart stops beating."

He kisses her, and it's so cold outside, but his mouth is so warm. Out here, in the garden, where things live and grow while people inside wither and fade, she feels the last bit of her reticence break off and surrender itself to him, forever.

xXxXx

Bella straps on her pointe shoes, tying the ribbons around her calves with practiced ease. She stands and shuffles over to the CD player, picking a random mix. She doesn't need a particular type of music or even a beat. She just needs background noise to remind her not to get lost.

Most of the lights in the studio are off. She can hardly see herself in the mirror, but that doesn't stop her from gaining her wings. She lifts to her toes, making her body long. She breathes in through her nose, reaching for the sky.

A lot has happened in the past few days. Her dad came out of bypass surgery just fine. He's expected to be released within the next week. She and Alice made tentative plans for lunch, to hopefully forge some sort of bond over caring for Edward.

And most importantly, she missed a test in two of her classes. She has a few options: beg the professors and provide proof that her dad was in the hospital, withdraw from those classes and pray they offer them in the fall, or withdraw from school altogether.

She hasn't given the last option much thought until now. Edward mentioned it offhandedly when she told him what had happened. He began talking about his own problems with keeping up, and how he was considering taking a semester off to work a full time job, now that he and Bella had to find a new apartment.

She paid the hefty fee to get out of the lease, and now they have a month to find a new place and move out. She simply can't afford the luxury condo with her paycheck alone, and even though Esme is generous with both of their salaries, Edward is still only part-time.

So, Bella has also questioned whether she should step down from school this semester. She doesn't know if she wants to, but she emailed the photographer she had taken classes from about a year ago, wondering if she still needed an assistant.

The photographer, Kate, remembers Bella and enthusiastically offered her a part-time job as a photographer's assistant. Doing that, along with teaching dance, would be the equivalent of a full-time job.

But… but what? That's what Bella keeps asking herself. She loves photography. She loves psychology, too, but it's more of a deep understanding than a passion. And she needs the money, since she uses the check Renee gives her to put into savings.

Does she need such a life upheaval right now? Should she withdraw from her classes, take on a dream job of photography, and just let life lead her where the wind blows, without any huge plans?

Well, that's what she does, right? She lets her feet lead her across the tiny world that is the dance floor, with all of its planes and space. Some steps require small shuffles or graceful twirls.

But others, other steps require huge leaps of faith, ones where you close your eyes and hope you find your balance when you land. Some steps across the surface require nothing more or less than a grand jeté.

So, what does she do? Has the transience of life taught her nothing? To enjoy this life, she has to adapt to the darts thrown at her. Some, she ducks. But others, she allows to hit her, straight in her head, heart and gut. If Edward has taught her anything, it's to just jump off the cliff and trust that someone will be waiting to catch you.

The music stops, clicking to an eerie silence. Her ears are ringing, and even though she's not completely winded, she can't stop taking deep lungfuls of air. What was it that Edward was saying the other day? That wrinkles, worry lines and grey hair are badges of honor?

Well, she's ready. She's done playing safe. Done making small, cautious steps she defined as chances because she'd never tried them before. Chances aren't sure things, and isn't that what life is? Embracing that nothing is a sure thing?

She doesn't know.

But she's going to find out.

xXxXx

So, you know when I said this would be around 25-ish chapters? I may have been on crack. It'll probably be closer to twenty, so that means we're almost ¾ of the way through. Sad face!

The chapter title comes from "Gabriel" by Lamb. It's a great song, and it really goes with this chapter great. Don't you hate when people say that? I'll just leave you with a little lyric or two from the song:

"I can fly/But I want his wings/I can shine even in the darkness/But I crave the light he brings."

"I can love/But I need his heart/I am strong even on my own/But from him I never want to part/He's been there since the very start."

See you guys next Thursday/early Friday!

OH! One more thing. Some people have said they didn't receive the EPOV I promised, which was an error on my part. There was a totally overwhelming response, so I guess it's only natural I missed some. If I missed you, let me know and I'll send it this time! But all outtakes will be posted when the story ends, so even those of you who don't review and are just awesome readers won't miss anything. :)