My suckage is epic. No excuses – even though I have a couple. I'm sorry, guys.
Let's recap really quick:
Last chapter, Bella withdrew from classes and became a photographer. So did Edward, and now he's working at a restaurant. Edward and Bella went to Charlie's for dinner, and Sue was an a-hole. Tyler got handsy, and Edward laid the smackdown (so to speak). They got freaky in the office. Edward hates hair gel. The recital is coming up very soon, and so is Edward's big appointment.
All caught up? Sweet. Thanks, guys. You're the bestest.
Thanks to Ali, who's also the bestest.
xXxXx
As Long As You're Alive Again
"Hand me that, Swan."
Bella hands Emily the water glass she was reaching for, giving her a look the whole time. "You're barely showing yet. Do I really have to endure another seven months of excusing your laziness?"
Emily flicks off Bella as she chugs the water. "Let me tell you something. I don't care if you're two weeks, two months, or two years pregnant – "
"That's not possible."
" – Every thing in your body is different. I'm like… constantly uncomfortable. So yes, I'm going to milk this for all it's worth, believe me."
Bella rolls her eyes, smiling. She picks up the pair of Edward's boxers she was folding and moves them into the 'done' pile. Scooping up one of his shirts, she continues the assembly line.
"So, this wedding is tomorrow?" Emily asks after a couple minutes of silence.
"Yep," answers Bella, looping a pair of socks together. "I'm just so looking forward to it, let me tell you."
"So much sarcasm to exist in such a tiny person."
Bella sighs, rubbing her face. Her bangs are getting long and practically tickling her nose. "It's not that weddings are bad – in fact, they're good. Very good. I'm just nervous as all hell about having to take pictures for Princess Alice. These will be forever cemented in wedding heaven or hell, do you realize that? Just… why me? It's like she chose me just in case I fuck up, or something, so she can haunt me forever."
"I thought you said you two were getting along."
"We are. I'm just… never mind. I'm just being mean because I'm so nervous. Plus, Edward has been in and out of the house like crazy the past couple days because a bunch of his family is in town, and they all have to see for themselves that he's okay."
"I get it. You miss your sugar daddy."
Bella snorts in a very unladylike way. "Speaking of that, let's talk about the major bomb Edward dropped on me the other day."
"Oh, goodie. Let's."
"Remember when he was so poor he was living in a one room apartment with no heat?"
'That's the whole reason he moved in with you, right?"
"Right. Well, we're out to dinner with his dad, and he starts talking to Edward about his 'other account.' So, naturally curious, I ask him what he means. Edward cuts across his dad when he starts to explain and then tells me he'll explain later."
"Let me guess. Trust fund."
"Yes! What the fuck?"
"So, he was living in rags when he had god knows how much money in another account?"
"He refused to draw from it because it was his family's money, and he was determined to do it on his own. I appreciate the gumption behind the notion, but he was nearly dead. All that pride inside of him really worries me sometimes. It turns out that he has almost a million dollars at his fingertips, but he won't use it. What else does he have that he won't use?"
"A vibrating dick?"
Bella laughs, throwing a balled up shirt at Emily's face. "I'd be ten times more pissed about him keeping that information from me."
"You and me both, sister. Okay, I know you're all freaking out about this wedding, but let me give you one word that will make you feel instantly better."
"What's that?" Bella says disbelievingly.
"Tuxedo," Emily whispers.
"Tuxedo," Bella grins back.
"You're drooling, Swan."
xXxXx
Bella sits in the back of the church, snapping pictures as random relatives walk in on the arms of the ushers. Her eyes and lens keep going back to Edward, standing with the rest of the groomsmen up front. He looks so handsome, if not a little uncomfortable. Thankfully, the tuxedo is a little downplayed and he's not in a goofy bowtie. She sighs happily, knowing all about what's under that penguin suit.
She toes off her heels, and they fall to the floor with a thump. She rubs her toes through the pantyhose, already hating her life. She hasn't been in them for longer than two hours, and they're making her life miserable.
The last of the guests stream through, and then the processional music begins. She hadn't even noticed that Edward disappeared into the church somewhere, but she looks up just as he walks by. He briefly holds out his fingers to her – the pinky, forefinger and thumb outstretched. The sign language for 'I love you.'
She smiles at him, but he's not looking at her. He's still walking straight ahead, holding the arm of Alice's college roommate. Still, the tiny gesture warms her up and gives her the ammo to put the heels back on and continue with the photographs.
She hears her name being whispered, so she whips around. Alice is hanging out of the church doors, frantically motioning at her. As quietly as possible, Bella dashes into the lobby of the church.
Alice looks like she's about to pass out. Bella hands a peppermint to suck on, and Alice takes it greedily.
"Can you please take a picture of my dad and I?" she asks, gesturing to Carlisle, who's smiling down at Bella kindly.
"Of course." She puts the viewfinder to her eye, counts to three, and snaps an adorable picture.
"Can you stay back here and take pictures as I'm walking down the aisle? I'm thinking the back of my head, definitely include the veil, and try to get Jasper's expression – "
Alice trills on and on out of nervousness, Bella guesses. She nods along, agreeing to try her best. Kate taught her how to deal with frazzled brides: agree, agree, agree, and pray they don't remember their crazy demands when the pictures are returned to them.
"My brother looks pretty handsome, doesn't he?" Alice asks suddenly, cutting across her own ramblings.
"Yes, he does," Bella answers, sneaking a peek through the cracked door. He's shuffling nervously at the front of the church, and if she tries really hard, she can see everyone else melting away, and she can imagine herself in a big ivory dress, and –
"Do you see this," Alice continues, holding up her bouquet, "in your future?"
Bella smiles at Alice, unsure of how to answer. The topic of Edward's future is fragile at best, and she's not sure what the best response is, especially when confronted with Edward's own father.
"Alice," Carlisle cuts in. "Let's just worry about you today, okay? I'm going to get grey hairs if we keep discussing my children being married off."
Suddenly, the bridal march begins. Alice shrieks so loud, Bella's sure that everyone in the sanctuary hears it.
"It's going to be okay," Bella assures her, as the wedding director rushes up to fix up any last minute details.
"Get good pictures," Alice begs.
"It won't be difficult. All of you – you're so beautiful. The camera barely has to work."
Alice squeezes Bella's hand in thanks, and then she straightens up at her dad's side. The doors open, and Bella starts clicking away.
xXxXx
An hour later, Bella's shoes are off again. She's darting around the lawn at the reception, making sure she's catching every single member of the crowd enjoying themselves in one way or another. Really, she's biding time until they cut the cake, smoosh it in each other's faces, dance the first dance, throw the bouquet and leave. She's more than ready to get out of her dress and put on some sweats. And maybe a mud mask. And maybe some Edward.
"Hey," she hears behind her, and then feels a warm hand on her shoulder. She leans back into him, and his arms come around her middle. "Getting ready to drop?"
"I'm okay," she answers, placing her camera down on the table in front of her. It's starting to feel like a brick hanging around her neck. "How are you?"
"Holding up. Feet are sore," he says quietly, sitting down at the table.
She follows suit. "Your cheeks probably are, too."
"From all the smiling?"
"No, the pinching. Your great-grandmother Ethel over there seems to think you're the most handsome man she's ever seen."
"So I've heard," he grumbles, rubbing his face. "Have you met Emmett yet?"
"Other than really briefly the other night, no."
"He's here with his girlfriend. Let me flag him – "
"Please, no," she moans, putting her hands over her face. "No more polite introductions. No more schmoozing. I can't meet another person today; I swear I can't. You have the biggest family I've ever seen."
He laughs at her. "It's just my kid brother. He'll make you laugh. C'mon, I promise."
Before she even agrees, he's waving at someone behind her. Emmett, who looks almost completely different from Edward, walks up with his girlfriend. She's thin and blonde and silent, which makes up for Emmett's gigantic, loud presence.
Introductions are made, and as promised, Emmett does make Bella laugh. She thinks it sounds forced coming out of her mouth, like she's a bit crazed and exhausted, but at least it's something. It makes Edward smile, anyway, so she can't be too upset.
Suddenly, all of the unmarried women are called to the center to catch the bouquet. This is Bella's cue, and she grabs her camera to get a picture of the lucky – or unlucky – recipient.
What she doesn't catch in her lens is Alice's obvious aim, and she's more shocked than anyone else when the bouquet lands on her head. There is a chorus of 'aww' and Alice grinning at her sneakily. Bella just smiles, taking the pretty white flowers and walking back to Edward.
"What's this?" he asks, grinning from ear to ear.
She sets down her camera, takes a flower out of the bouquet, and ties the end into a tiny knot. She slides it onto his left ring finger, and it hangs off awkwardly. But the intent is clear, and before she knows it, Emmett has her camera and is taking a picture of the gaudy flower ring on Edward's hand.
"Cute, Swan," he tells her, but he's clearly pleased.
"A promise ring," she says, "for poor folks like us."
"And what are you promising?"
"Not to ring your neck when I get mad at you, now and forever, amen."
xXxXx
Bella breathes in deep as Edward rolls her over. She clings to his shoulders for dear life, and then drops down onto his chest as his hips finish the motion. She gasps into his neck, already completed minutes earlier. He's trying to find his end, so she kisses him and holds his face tightly as his eyes squeeze shut. He's on that borderline of pleasure and pain, where you want to come so badly it almost hurts.
"Relax, relax," she murmurs.
His body shudders, and then he finds himself and his completion. He rises up so she's seated in his lap, and he buries his face in her breasts as he groans and twitches.
He lays her back down against the sheets, and she smiles up at him. Usually, they're playful during sex, but that turned into something quiet and intense, with no sound between them at all.
"Hi," she whispers, still respecting the sanctity of silence.
"Hey," he smiles, his mouth quirking up in the corner.
She palms his face, and he kisses her fingers, palm, wrist and elbow. Then he draws back, falling against the pillows.
She crawls up, snuggling up next to him. "What's wrong?"
He rubs his face, and then looks over at her. "You know my big appointment?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm just… nervous."
"Nervous? Why? Do you feel okay?"
He cradles her face. "I feel okay, Bella. It's just like, the farther along I get with a clean bill of health, the more fucked up it'll be if I don't get one suddenly."
She leans forward and kisses him softly. When she backs away, he follows with a small smile. She kisses him again, and then bats his face away. "I had a point, then the kissing can continue."
"Hurry with the point," he demands, already working down her neck.
"Doesn't thinking like that always get tiring?"
He looks up at her, his stubble scratching at her tummy. "Yeah, of course. I'm just ready for the day that I don't have to think that way."
"Me, too," she admits. Then she shoves on his head. "Now get to your point."
He grins at her, and then finds the point very quickly.
xXxXx
"Can we speak?" Esme asks Bella as the last dance class wraps up for the evening.
"Yes, of course." Bella shoos the rest of her girls off, smiling as they talk amongst themselves about the recital. It's closer than Bella realized – only two weeks away.
"Let's go into the office, oui?" She gestures for Bella to follow her, and Bella does, taking her hair out of the tight bun and releasing her head from its ache.
Before Bella has time to close the door, Esme bursts out with, "I've met someone!"
Blinking rapidly, Bella takes Esme by the arms and sits her down. "Okay. Calm down. You're hyperventilating."
Esme rapid-fires some French that Bella doesn't understand, but waits until the English starts coming out. "…and zen, oh, it was so beautiful – we looked at each uzzer, and it was like lifetimes were born between us – "
"Okay, okay," Bella laughs. She's shocked; Esme is notorious for finding flaws in every man she's tried to date. "Start over, in English."
"You're going to kill me. I'm going to be dead once you 'ear zis."
"I'm not going to kill you."
"Oui, yes, you are, Bella – dead! I'm dead, oh…"
"Who is it?"
Esme stares at her, visibly shaking.
"Esme, it can't be that bad. He's not a murderer, is he?"
"Non, not a murderer. But you will become one once you 'ear zis!"
She stares at her godmother before all the pieces click into place. "Carlisle?"
"Oh, oui, yes, Bella – Carlisle! I knew it; I'm dead! I can't see 'im anymore, you are more important, even if 'e 'as zee most beautiful – "
"You've been seeing Edward's dad? For how long?" Bella keeps smiling, but then trying to check herself into seriousness.
"Since 'e came into town for zat shrew's wedding. 'e stopped by 'ere to drop something off for Edward, and zen – voila!"
"Voila," Bella repeats, a bit dazed. "I'm not mad at you. Not even a little bit. I'm so happy for you."
"Oh – you are? You are? Oh, Bella, my life – it's changed completely, like everything 'as realigned. I 'ave been dying to tell you, but I didn't know – "
"Why would I be mad? Don't be ridiculous!"
"Well, I'm practically your muzzer, and 'e - 'e is your boyfriend's fazzer!"
"Take a deep breath. All this French – I can't understand half of what you're saying."
Esme takes deep breaths, and then starts over. "I'm so in love with him, and I think he feels the same for me. He has been talking about moving here, to Seattle, to be closer to Edward and Alice… and for me."
Bella hugs Esme tightly, laughing. "That's wonderful news. Really. I couldn't be happier for you guys. And for Edward – he'll be really excited about his dad being closer. I know he misses his family, and he needs more of a support system than just us… how could I possibly be mad?"
"I don't know. I'm crazy. I've been stressing about the recital, and then so happy about him, but so worried how you would take it – "
"If you need it, which you don't, you have my blessing. One hundred percent." Then Bella takes out her phone, grinning wickedly.
"What are you doing?"
"Oh, just anticipating Edward's reaction." She puts the phone to her ear. "I can't wait for this."
xXxXx
And then suddenly, the recital is upon her. A year's worth of teaching these little girls, and now she's walking among them, in clouds of hairspray and powder. She straightens costumes and gives hugs, all the while thinking of her own dance at the end of the recital.
She doesn't have one planned. She has the music and a slight idea, but she keeps thinking back to that time when she had nothing but her own two feet, a beat and Edward, staring at her, making her feel beautiful and transient. He'll be here, and she'll be there, and he'll be watching, and she'll be moving for him. That's all she needs.
Her phone buzzes against her, and she takes it out, smiling when it's Edward.
"Hey, baby."
"Hey." He sounds strained, and she's immediately worried.
"What's wrong?"
"Listen, Bella. The doctor's office called me – they… they want me to come in for the results."
Her stomach drops to her toes. "What does that mean?"
"I… I'm not sure. But I don't know if I can make it to your recital, baby. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry – "
"Shhh, shhh. Shush. It's okay. You – when you are going in?"
"Now. Well, in a few minutes. Your dance isn't until the very end, right?"
"Right."
"If everything is okay… I mean, this is the big one, you know? These results, this means I don't have to go back in for six months. This one means freedom. So, if they're good… I should be able to make it in time to see you."
"Okay. …okay. Okay."
"But if not – they have to admit me right away and start treatment. It's policy. So I won't be able to – "
"No. No. That's okay. Don't worry – just. Just call me and let me know, okay? If it's bad, I'll go to straight to the hospital and be with you, as soon as the music stops. You won't be alone, not a step. Okay?"
"I know. It's – it'll be okay. I don't know why they're calling me in, usually I just… I mean, I don't know. This – this could be bad. This could be bad, Bella. This could be what we've been talking about."
Tears are streaming down her face, but she's trying to remain calm. "I know. I know that. Either way, I'm right here. Don't worry about a thing, okay? You just worry about you."
"If it's good, if everything's okay, I'll be there. I promise. I'll see you dance if it – if it kills me."
She thinks he's crying, too, but she doesn't say so. "I love you, Edward. I love you. Okay? Everything will be okay."
"I know… I know. I love you, baby. Go dance and be beautiful. I'll… either way, I'll see you soon."
And that's the only thing she can cling to. If it's good or if it's bad, either way, she'll see him soon.
xXxXx
One more chapter, and then a short epilogue left. They most likely will be in the same post, so there will only be one more update of Grand Jete. Thank you guys so much for coming along for the ride with me.
I'll save the sappy thank yous for the last update, since this will be my last fanfiction. :(
The chapter title comes from 'The Taste of Ink' by The Used.
See you all soon. Have a happy new year!
xoxo