Hey, hey! What's up! Here I am with ch12 and let me tell you dayum I had writers block when I wanted to sit down and write this chapter. It was so frustrating omg and it lasted for days, I had no idea what to do, agh so lame. But it finally left and I could finally write out this chapter. It took like three tries and lot of adding and removing stuff but it's done. "It's here! Take it! Take it!" haha that's a movie reference from Pirates of the Caribbean. But anyways I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Disclaimer: My Hero Academia doesn't belong to me.

Chapter 12: Is It Supposed To Feel Like This?

The idea of family had been quite a foreign concept to Hawks due to his less than ideal childhood but, ever since being with Fuyumi, that had slowly changed. He was used to spending most of his time by himself and taking care of himself so when most of his free time was spent with her, he felt happier than he ever remembered himself being.

Activities that most people found mundane because they were a part of everyday life, became new experiences for Hawks. Going grocery shopping, packing away the groceries, preparing dinner together, and sitting down for a hearty meal with Fuyumi and Rei had filled his heart with an indescribable warmth. This was the type of normal that he'd never gotten to experience.

He'd thought that family started and ended with blood relations and that was it but, Fuyumi made him feel like part of something he'd been missing for most of his life. Being with her continuously added to him. As he helped her clear the table and take the dishes to the kitchen, he felt so grateful.

"Thanks for having me over for dinner." he hugged her from behind.

"Of course." Fuyumi kissed him on the cheek, "Most of the time it used to be just me or me and mom having dinner together, so it's been great having you over." she turned in his arms to hug him properly.

It really had been wonderful having him over. Hawks' fun and carefree personality was always enjoyable to be around, and brought some much needed laughter to the house that held the pain from her and her brothers' childhoods. Hawks brought his own warmth and life to the house every time he came over. And watching him and her mother chat away like he'd always been around continuously confirmed to her that he was meant to be in her life.

Hawks and Rei were sitting on the walkway in the backyard, a cup of tea in ear of their hands to fight off the winter chill. Fuyumi was in the kitchen preparing her own cup and cutting up the cake she'd bought for dessert.

"I hope you enjoyed dinner tonight." Rei began.

"Every meal I've had coming over has been my favourite one." he chuckled. "Not to mention, preparing dinner with someone is more fun than I thought it would be." he admitted.

"Oh? You don't have any siblings to spend time with?"

"I'm an only child." Hawks replied. And if his parents had had their way, he wouldn't even be here. "I've been on my own for quite some time." he added pensively.

Rei noted the serious look on his face as he answered her question. She knew there was a lot she couldn't ask him. As a hero, he had to keep his private life protected and secret. Call it intuition but, with his answer just now, Rei felt like there was something more he knew he couldn't say but desperately wanted to.

And it was true, there was always more he wanted to add to his answers but, he always stopped himself before he could. He was immensely grateful that Rei had been so considerate in what she had asked him over the times he'd visited but, sometimes it left him wanting to say more. There was so much he wanted Fuyumi to know. She'd opened up her world and so much of herself to him but he couldn't exactly do the same for her.

"Whatever it is you're struggling with, whatever you're struggling to say, you'll say it when the time is right. You don't have to force yourself." Rei said as if she'd read his mind. Hawks looked slightly surprised hearing her words.

Rei finished her cup of tea before standing up. Fuyumi should be on her way back, Rei felt it the appropriate time to excuse herself so the two of them could spend some time together. Before leaving however, Rei reminded Hawks that he was always welcome in their home.

Fuyumi arrived not long after carrying a small tray with her cup of tea and two small plates with slices of vanilla cake on them.

"Thanks for helping with dinner, you were a perfect chef's assistant." Fuyumi teased.

"Assistant?" he lightly huffed, "I cut the cooking time down to half. If anything I was the co-chef."

"Oh yeah, co-chef?" Fuyumi turned to face him with an amused smile on her face, "Think you can handle making an entire meal on your own?"

"Not a problem. For our next date, I'll make dinner." he answered and held her closer, a smug smile on his face.

Xxx

At the end of the night, Fuyumi walked Hawks out, neither of them wanted to say goodbye. Even after spending the whole day together, they still wanted more.

"I caught the end of your conversation with my mom." she looped her arms around his neck. "I don't want you to feel like you're forced to tell me anything."

"Fuyumi..." she was too good to be true. He really didn't deserve her.

"If you can't say it now, don't. But when you are ready, I'll listen no matter what." Fuyumi leaned in and kissed the tip of his nose, "So no more of that serious gloomy face, okay?" she giggled.

"My face is never gloomy." he feigned being insulted but his smile gave him away.

"Of course it is. Just ten seconds ago you looked like you just got the worst news ever." Fuyumi tried to imitate his 'serious face' as she'd called it but, ended up just looking adorably pouty. That made him laugh before he pulled her in for a tender kiss on the lips. Then another and one more.

That night when Hawks went to sleep, the last thing on his mind had been his conversation with Rei and his final talk with Fuyumi. To tell or not to tell? He'd fallen into a dream with the last person he wanted to see, especially concerning this topic.

"So you've got yourself a girlfriend, huh, Keigo? Make sure you don't mess up with her, although I suppose it's too late to ask that of you." the voice of his father left this dream manifestation of him.

To be honest, Hawks was a little surprised he still remembered what his father's voice sounded like. Although he supposed all the shouting he'd been subjected to had left a mark on him. His appearance was the same too, although this version of his father looked a lot less paranoid and on edge. But other than that, it was like he was looking at Takami Zaiaku from all those years ago.

"What are you talking about?" he asked coolly. Hawks had only just noticed that the two of them were standing in the house he'd grown up in. The house itself was as run down as he remembered but it was empty. No broken furniture and appliances and certainly none of the trash that took up most of the space.

"You really think you can start a relationship based on lies? She doesn't even know your name. I know you like to walk around like your past doesn't exist anymore but, it still does. You can run away from it when you're on your own but, with someone special in your life, that makes you nothing but a liar. Guess you really are my son after all." he leaned against the wall where the fridge would've been.

"I know you're trying to get a reaction out of me but, its not going to work." Hawks walked away from this dream created version of his father. He went outside.

"The boy's become a man now, I see. That's the number two hero for you, always so calm and in-control but, too much of a coward to own his past." his father taunted him from the doorway where he now stood.

"This is probably the most you've ever spoken to me." he stopped looking around the fake grassy surroundings and looked over his shoulder to his father, "I don't even know why I'm entertaining a conversation with you. If you were anything like my actual father, a single word out of me would've earned me a kick in the back." he wasn't hurt or angry when he'd said these words, in fact, he felt quite numb.

Hawks was tragically good at compartmentalising. He'd put all his feelings and past memories in a deep, dark part of his mind that he felt nothing for. He could sort through those memories without so much as a flinch, only remembering them as something that had happened to him. As soon as his ties to his parents were cut, his feelings towards his past self and childhood went along with them. No regret or anger or resentment but, a sort of resigned acceptance.

And wasn't that a true tragedy itself?

"When was the last time you even heard your own name? When was the last time you spoke it? When was the last time you wrote it down?" his father joined him outside on the grass.

"That name doesn't mean anything to me anymore." that wasn't entirely true and Hawks knew it.

"I'm not so sure. If you really felt that way, why have you been thinking about telling Fuyumi this entire week? Your name and your past that you haven't acknowledged in over a decade is suddenly the most prominent thing on your mind. You're telling on yourself, kid." his father scoffed, the feathers on his body moved in the fake wind.

"Oh yeah? Since you seem to have it all figured out why don't you explain it to me. What exactly am I trying to say?" Hawks was losing patience. Maybe if this conversation ended faster he could finally get out of this dream and wake up.

"You're fighting yourself on whether or not you should tell her. You love her so much that you think she deserves the truth but, the smarter, self-preservation part of you knows how risky that is. You don't trust her—

"That's not true." Hawks retorted sharply. He wouldn't accept such an accusation.

"Then you don't trust yourself to trust her with that knowledge. Vulnerability has never been your strength, Keigo. You're a hero of The Commission, you've been trained to never be vulnerable. Not in battle and certainly not in your emotions. What if she leaves you? What if you being the son of a killer is too much for her?" For whatever reason, his father was smiling at his words, smiling at the thought of Hawks struggling. Maybe this rendition of his father was more accurate than he thought.

"That's her choice to make." Hawks answered in a low voice.

"But part of you doesn't want to give her the option to choose. You can't always be pragmatic, son." his father laughed bitterly.

"You've sure got a lot of advice to give the son you never wanted." once again, he stated it matter-of-fact, he wasn't trying to argue or make his father feel anything.

"This is your dream not mine, Keigo. Says more about you than it does me." Zaiaku shrugged.

He couldn't argue with that logic.

And as much as he didn't want to admit it, Hawks was fully prepared for Fuyumi to leave him if that's what she wanted. He could sacrifice his own happiness if it meant her own would be guaranteed. His past would be a difficult one to accept. And while children weren't their parents, there was no guarantee that children would always end up the same way their parents did, sometimes separating the two proved difficult.

"There's really nothing to fear, Keigo. You've been on your own for most of your life anyways, so you should be used to how it feels." his father was standing next to him when he'd said those last words but, to Hawks it felt like he'd heard them all around him.

Of course he was used to it. He was too used to it. He'd grown accustomed to it. At least when he was alone he knew what to expect, it was comfortable due to experience. And that was the problem.

But being with Fuyumi, he'd experienced falling in love and the joys of spending quality time and making memories with someone you cared very much about. It was new and unfamiliar and the outcomes weren't set in stone.

Taking risks as a hero was expected and not that difficult for him but, when he was with her, he wasn't the number two hero, he was just himself. Well as much of himself as he could be. As much of himself that only she knew, that the public didn't. Taking risks when he was vulnerable like that and stood to lose so much personally, made him uneasy. With her, he wasn't Hawks but he wasn't Keigo of the past either, it felt like something else.

And when he thought about how much she loved him, and how much she showed it, it made his heart ache. He'd never experienced anything like it before. His days felt longer and fuller because of her. He'd give her the world if he could, she more than deserved everything but, up until now he hadn't even been able to give her his name.

Fuyumi had given him an out and told him she'd wait for him but, how long would that be? He didn't want to make her wait forever.

Hawks woke up in his room. He sat up and stretched looking at the time: 4:02 a.m. Hawks got out of bed and went to the bathroom to splash some water on his face. That had felt like the longest dream of his life. Having that conversation with his 'father', if you could call it that had left him with mixed feelings.

After wiping his face Hawks walked back into his room and looked at his phone. His wallpaper was a picture he'd taken of Fuyumi when he'd taken her flying for the first time a month ago, the night they'd confessed to each other. After they'd talked on the tower, Fuyumi had asked to try on his visor. They suited her quite well and when he took the photo, she'd smiled in a way that made his heart race. Definitely one of his favourite pictures of her and there were plenty to choose from.

"Let me see the world through your eyes." she said as he handed her his visor. Fuyumi removed her glasses then put his on. Her vision was coloured golden yellow as she looked around. Even though she knew Hawks wore them to protect his eyes when he flew, Fuyumi still found it amusing that this was how he saw the world most of the time.

Meanwhile, for the heck of it, Hawks had tried on her glasses. "Woah, Fuyumi, I didn't think your eyesight was this bad." he laughed, barely able to see in front of himself.

"Yeah, well, not all of us can have perfect vision, bird-boy." Fuyumi teased with a smirk.

"Now, now, no need to be jealous. I see well enough for both of us." he said jokingly and held her closer to him, still wearing her glasses.

Fuyumi put her arms around his neck and couldn't help admiring how handsome he looked wearing her glasses. How was he always so handsome? "Unless you want to ruin your eyes, you shouldn't wear them for too long. But you do look good in them." from this distance she could see every handsome feature on his face.

"Not as good as you look right now." he whispered in that attractively low voice of his that made Fuyumi blush. She would never get tired of his flirting.

When he suggested taking a picture so she could see for herself, Fuyumi got excited and decided to get 'into character.' With just the right amount sass and attitude in her smile, a hand on her hip and her head tilted to the side, Fuyumi posed.

Hawks amusedly scoffed, "Are you trying to be me right now?" he asked after taking a few pictures of her.

"I love that you recognised that this is something you would do." she laughed and her teasing smirk remained.

"I'm not that smug… all the time." he was aware that he was smug some of the time at least. But, seeing Fuyumi like that made him want to stand back and just admire her forever.

"Have you seen yourself in photos?" she walked over to him and put her glasses back on to see the picture for herself. "I get a ten out of ten for this."

"That's not the only thing you're getting." he put his arms around her waist as he kissed her. Fuyumi put her arms around him and kissed back.

Hawks smiled fondly at that memory. That night had been truly unforgettable. It had been fun and meaningful. They'd talked about the good times and difficult ones, they'd been there for each other. And more than anything, Fuyumi made it clear that she'd stick by him. The kiss they'd shared after his admission of his own brokenness had been powerful, it felt like they'd both let their walls down and created something new together.

Fuyumi had even shared some of her worries with him, a part of her life he knew was difficult for her to talk about. Faced with that pain of the past, she still told him with a strength in her that he admired.

If she could go that far for him, then he could do the same for her. Not because he felt he had make even but, simply because he loved her and wanted to show her as much of himself as he could. Even if it hurt and even if he didn't like the parts of himself he'd end up sharing with her, he wanted Fuyumi to see him as he was. Whether things worked out in his favour or not, this was something he knew he wanted to do.

With daylight ever approaching and a new day along with it, Hawks had made up his mind. With the fondness of his memories with Fuyumi, the gratefulness he felt when she'd given him the space to decide on his own what he wanted to do and, even the back and forth he'd had in his dreams about his own doubts and fears, he was ready to take another step in his relationship with Fuyumi.

He was ready to tell her his name.

And that's ch12 for y'all. As I've said before, I'm a sucker for angst and reflection so I indulged in it some more especially cuz there's so much to work with when it comes to Hawks so it's always fun diving into his head to see what he's thinking. As for his father, since his name isn't said in the anime and he's only referred to as 'Takami', I gave him a name to use in this chapter. Hope you enjoyed this and are pumped for the next chapter, based on the ending of this. Anyways...

That's it from me-

Until the next chapter:

Ketsui Tasogare :-)