Chapter Six

The hot water was enough to make her wince. She just felt like she needed to feel something after the last couple of weeks. So Rory stood with her hands in the scalding hot water at the sink in the kitchen of The Dragonfly where they were hosting the Christmas dinner with her side of the family. They had survived appetizers and dinner, it was dessert where things had started to come undone.

Christian and Riley had animatedly told their grandparents about the trip to Aspen which had actually turned into a trip to Vail because Honor had decided it was absolutely absurd to rent a house for the prices when she could just buy one, and so she had. New construction available with a quick close, fully furnished, paid for in cash. It was one of the many things most people couldn't fathom but somehow had become normal in her life. Jess had gotten broody at the mention of a 'family' vacation, and while Rory knew that he understood why she would go, she also knew it stung. So naturally while everyone else was aware of the split and paid attention to the social cues, Sookie, god bless her had come in like a wrecking ball asking questions.

"Y'know hon," Sookie appeared beside Rory at the counter, "I just wasn't thinkin' and I knew you two were together, and I forgot what your mom told me, I just…I didn't mean to make things uncomfortable."

Rory scrubbed the pot harder. She had never been particularly good at dishes. Age and marriage hadn't made her any better, but she was determined to get whatever was stuck to this particular pan off. "It isn't a big deal Sookie," Rory told her, although seeing how her jaw was clenched even Sookie could tell she didn't mean that. "Jess and I will figure it out. I mean, you made a mistake."

"You wanna have an apple tart?" Sookie asked as Rory finally took her hands out of the water. "Don't wantcha to burn your hands off before you go skiing."

Rory laughed, for all the 'ski trips' she had been on, she was certain that Logan had only gotten her to actually go down the hill twice. A few times she had agreed to tubing, but skiing was decidedly not her thing. Their kids loved it, any and all athleticism either of them had was a direct result of their father because despite all of his best efforts, Logan had never gotten Rory to take any interest in sports. She would go to a game and watch from a box, she would laugh and talk with people, but she had less than zero interest in the game itself. "I somehow don't think I'll be skiing," she replied. It was the sound of a crash from the dining room that made Rory let go of the dish, letting it fall down in the soapy water, "there aren't any knives in there," she told Sookie before she excused herself to go see what kind of mess one (or both) of her children had gotten into. "Ri," she saw Riley standing there, bottom lip quivering as Christian was on the ground crying and holding his leg, "what happened?" Being a single parent to two kids had taught Rory plenty about having to triage the situation. She could see that no one was bleeding and while Christian was obviously in pain, it wasn't so much pain that she believed he had broken anything. She quickly scooped Riley up in an attempt to keep the little girl from starting to shriek and then she went to Christian who had sat up with his grandmother by his side. "What happened?"

"Christian fell."

Christian got his words out at the same time as his little sister, "Riley pushed me!"

"Which one of you is telling the truth," Rory helped Christian come a bit closer to her as Riley began hiccuping over her words. "Ri, calm down."

"It was an accident," she huffed, "I wasn't trying to push him down, just outta the way!"

"That is still a push!" Christian responded, his older brother sass coming out as he spoke.

"Ok, I think," Rory looked at her mother, hoping this wouldn't be a fight too, "it's time to go home," she told them. Of course she expected the moans and groans, the desperate pleas to stay with their grandparents, to continue playing, promises they would be good for the remainder of their visit. The truth was, Rory was done. Parenting alone at these events was nothing short of exhausting. Grandparents, no matter which generation or side of the family it seemed would simply make allowances for the kids behaviour. At least when she had been married and they'd been doing these things together, she could sneak away to take a breath, she was sure she'd been caught more than once enjoying a glass of wine and a book while Logan managed the chaos that was their two children for a little while. It took a few minutes to load the car, Luke and Jess helped her with gifts and Lorelai helped her buckle the kids in after they said goodbye, but she would be lying to say she wasn't relieved that they were on their way home. One of the things Rory had appreciated as a child was that she didn't have to attend 14 different Christmas celebrations, or any other holiday for that matter, but her own children weren't that lucky. They had Christmas on both sides of the family and it seemed that the number of events grew exponentially by the year once you added in school plays and pageants and things for their cousins, gingerbread decorating…it all added up quickly.

"Mom is Santa still going to come?" Christian asked from the back seat. "I know we were bad, but it was mostly Riley."

Rory fought the urge to smile. This was so like him, to absolve himself from any and all responsibility for an argument because it was more likely that his sister was the aggressor. "We'll see," she answered simply, hoping that for at least a few more years the illusion of Santa Claus would help keep them in line. She had never been over the top about it, not with Santa or the Easter Bunny or the tooth fairy, they existed but Rory had never traipsed around the house making fake footprints or moving a ghastly elf from location to location leaving gifts and notes…the only leverage she actually used was a vague threat that Santa was watching and that if she wanted to, she could call him. Sure, on the few occasions where she had called Santa, it was normally Logan on the other end of the line listening to her list off whatever shenanigans the kids had gotten into. "Are we all buckled?" It took longer than she would've liked, time for the kids to get in, coats to be removed, confirmation that they had all the gifts, not to mention all of the random crap the kids had brought with them, but finally they were on their way and Rory was exhausted. Evidently the kids were too because less than 10 minutes into the ride home to Hartford, Christian and Riley were both asleep.

Moments like this everything felt so normal. It felt like she was simply driving home from going to see her family, and then she would arrive at her house, her big house that shew as supposed to grow old in with the man she loved, and then she would be reminded that no one was there to help her carry a pair of sleeping children in. No one would be there to help her unload the car. No one would listen to her go through the various lists of things she still had to do for Christmas (unless she were to count Paris who would endlessly remind her just how stupid all of the gifts were and how their children didn't want for anything). But on the drive, for a little while at least, everything felt normal.

Jess could've been with her. She could've stuck it out for longer. She could've not told him about the guy in New York, she could have asked him to drive home with her and maybe this would've been the start of their next step. Maybe she finally would've let him spend time with the kids as more than Grandpa's nephew. Or maybe, maybe in some alternate version of events, she wasn't divorced and Logan had just missed the celebration because he was away on business, but they would do a big Christmas with her parents and grandparents on Christmas Day and everything was fine. Sure, she'd still have to carry the kids in, but he would be home the following night and off through the new year and all would be well in the world.

She wasn't sure which of those alternate realities were more likely to occur, but she looked back in her rearview mirror and caught a glimpse of her two sleeping children and without a doubt she could say which she wished were true.

The rest of the drive was quiet. Rory listened to the remainder of a book she was enjoying and then when she got home she backed her BMW into the garage with the help of her backup camera and then unloaded the gifts. The door to the garage was closed and she left the door to Riley's side open so the kids were safe for a few minutes while she got everything at least into the house. If it was inside the house she was more likely to actually deal with it after the kids were in their rooms. So once the final Barbie had been placed on the counter in the mudroom, she went and grabbed Riley. Thankful that the little girl barely stirred as she was carried up the stairs and quickly placed in her bed. Christian was a bit more difficult. Not that he stirred. No, the boy was dead to the world, but he was decidedly heavier than his sister, so carrying him up the stairs was a much more difficult task. When she made it, Rory was mildly embarrassed by how winded she was, but she tucked him in, pushed his dark hair out of his eyes and gave him a soft kiss on the forehead. She repeated the ritual on Riley and then, despite the fact that all she wanted to do was get into her bed, she instead peeled off her clothes from the evening, rid herself of her jewelry and put on a pair of pyjamas before heading back downstairs.

It was the sound of rustling coming from the living room that started Rory as she made her way down the stairs. The house felt incredibly big when it was just her and the kids were asleep, but she knew all the sounds. She knew the sound the furnace made when it was kicking in, she knew the sound of the wind whipping outside, and she knew the distinct sound of paper crinkling followed by mumbled curse words coming from the office he had never really gotten a chance to use.

"Logan?" Rory sighed. When had he gotten in? She felt in the pockets of her sweatpants for her phone, but it was nowhere to be found which led her to believe that she must've left it in the car or maybe in the pile of gifts waiting to be dealt with in the mudroom. "Is that you?" She didn't go towards the noise, instead she walked to the mudroom and found her phone, a sight of relief washing over her as she read the message.

I'm going to drop off some gifts quickly. I'll leave them in my office. You won't even notice me.

With a bit more purpose she walked to the office, his office. The one space she had never made any attempt to move into since the renovations, since the divorce. It had taken her weeks to consider moving any clothes onto his side of the closet but eventually she had…the office…that was too much for her.

"I didn't see your text," she exhaled as she found him casually dressed in jeans and a black hoodie.

"I'm sorry," Logan knew she must've been startled…casually finding someone in her house, it wouldn't have been a nice feeling. "Guess I should've called."

She couldn't agree though. She couldn't bring herself to tell him that he wasn't welcome to just drop in. Because he was…even when she wasn't particularly thrilled with him, even if her heart ached seeing him exist in their home. Because no matter what a deed or a divorce agreement said, it would always be theirs. "You're always welcome," she told him. "Kids are asleep if you want to give them a kiss. I'll…add this to the pile to wrap?" She was impressed that he had followed their agreement and not gone overboard with the gifts.

"I figured a private jet to Vail for New Years was as extravagant as they needed."

"Well if that isn't growth," Rory recalled arguing with him about all the reasons Riley did not need a horse for her second birthday.

"How was tonight?" Logan asked. He could see it on her face of course, that she was tired, that it had drained something from her. Family events had a way of doing that, no matter how close you were to your family, they still managed to exhaust you.

Rory shrugged. "Awkward," she wasn't sure how far into the Jess thing she wanted to go, but even though it shouldn't have been awkward, it had been. "Go say goodnight to them," Rory told him again. For a second he looked like he might say something, and for a heartbeat longer, Rory considered telling him they could have a drink and catch up. But he didn't say anything else and she wrapped her arms around her body and effectively hugged herself. "I'll see you in a couple days?"

If Logan was bothered by it, he didn't show it. He nodded and told her he would let himself out, apologized for startling her and then he went on his way.

The next few days passed in a blur. School ended and chaos descended on the house. Rory had managed to wrap all of the gifts before the kids were out but keeping them occupied, alive, fed and clean was a whole other story. There was a big part of her that wanted to send them off to Colorado with Logan and enjoy some much needed, much deserved relaxation. Rory knew though, she knew that after a few hours of relaxation and maybe a day of sleeping in, she would be bored and she would miss them. That was how she always felt when they were with Logan for their weekends. Of course she was happy that they were spending time with their father, with his family, but she would miss him, and that was why, while the kids were downstairs decorating cupcakes (unsupervised), she was packing up a tan coloured Aviator Carry On-Plus that she had bought on a whim when she and Paris had gone to the Hamptons in the summer. Paris had gotten a new house there and Christian and Riley had been with Logan, so it had made perfect sense. What she hadn't expected was to find out that Paris had been scouting locations for her next fertility clinic that she was hoping to open, so it wasn't as much relaxation as Rory had been hoping for. She tucked a hair behind her ear as she recalled Paris dramatically exhaling and staring at her "How do you think I can afford this house if I'm not inseminating middle aged women Rory? I don't have alimony to live off of!" Of course Rory knew that her friend hadn't meant to be cruel, Paris often forgot that divorce was painful, and it wasn't that Paris didn't know - she did. It was that Paris was still Paris and all that that entailed.

"Ok, guys, come on. Dad is going to be here soon," she was mostly done packing and went down to the kitchen where the lack of mess was surprising. Rory and Logan had agreed that he would come and help with bedtime to see the kids and then help her get gifts out, then he would return in the morning. She had offered a spare room, but this time he had declined. It was one thing when he hadn't seen the kids in weeks and was jet lagged, but it was just confusing when he could simply arrive in the morning. They were slowly but surely figuring out the reality of their divorce after all of the first and the normalizing. Finally it wasn't faking it to get along, and the kids seemed to understand how their parents did things. That didn't mean it was easy, it didn't mean that it was always simple and that sometimes watching him leave with their children wasn't akin to being punched in the gut…but they were figuring it out.

"Can he take cookies to his house?" Riley asked innocently. She was already in pyjamas and they were all enjoying the nothing they had to do despite the fact that it was Christmas Eve. They had celebrated with the extended family in Stars Hollow already. Logan would arrive in the morning and spend the day, his parents, her parents and grandparents would be there. Honor and Josh wouldn't be joining them this time due to a conflict, but Rory and the kids were both thrilled to have absolutely nothing to do for Christmas Eve.

"I'm sure he would love that," Rory nodded as she looked around and went through lists of things that needed to be done. Everything was separated. The big family Christmas was normally in the basement (much to her grandmother's dismay), but this year there was room for all of them in the dining room. So the tree on the main floor had gifts for everyone, grandparents, cousins, kids, the basement tree was just for Rory, Logan and the kids. She would have to carry everything downstairs and she almost regretted not having a fully enclosed room built down there other than the storage rooms. It was otherwise a huge open space with a kitchen in the middle, a projector television with sectional that they often watched movies on on one side, an eating area on the other, and all of the latest gym equipment that was never used but would've been stupidly heavy to have someone move, so Logan had just bought his own, and a few times Rory had found herself on the Peloton spin bike despite all of her misconceptions about it.

"Is Dad sleeping over?" Christian asked, "or is our next sleepover when we go skiing?"

"When we go skiing," Rory began sweeping the few errant sprinkles off the white marble surface and into the sink where they would be rinsed away, "and so you'll have a couple hours of lessons in the mornings, and then some time with Dad, and then we'll do dinners and stuff."

"You aren't skiing?"

Rory shook her head as she moved from the sink to the Tupperware drawer where she pulled out a small container and slid it across the surface to the kids, telling them to pack a few up for their father. "I'm going to write and relax and drink coffee."

"Probably wine too," Riley giggled.

The knock on the door to the garage startled her a bit, but Logan had asked if he could park in the garage because the snow was verging on being rain and Rory had agreed, "it's open," she answered. "In the kitchen," came a second later after Logan had announced himself and she warned the kids to stay put until they washed the icing off their faces and fingers.

"Mommy?" Riley took a bite of a cookie as Christian studied his to decide which one would go to Logan and which would stay for Santa. Rory nodded for her daughter to continue as she took a bite of one of the broken cookies they had agreed not to decorate. Thankfully Sookie had sent over some sugar cookie dough and all Rory had to do was roll it, use the cookie cutters and bake them - not too much for her to handle. "Why did you tell Auntie Paris that you and your friend Jess didn't colour very much?"

Rory looked at her daughter with confusion, she had FaceTimed Paris the other night, but she didn't recall all of the details of the conversation - apparently her daughter did though. "Oh we were probably just being silly," Rory shrugged.

"You told Auntie Paris that your friend Jess, he's Grandpa's family," she smiled remembering the detail that had been given when they had celebrated a few days earlier, "wasn't a good colour-er and that he couldn't colour for a long time. But that is so silly because Miss Clemens says as long as we can use our 'magination, then we can always colour!" Riley was laughing now when it all clicked for Rory. She hadn't realized Riley was around, but of course, colouring was a euphemism that she and Logan had used when they were married for something else and eventually she had used it with her friends too. She hadn't really counted on Riley to be paying so much attention. "You said that Daddy was a lot better at colouring and he could use his tongue to colour and that was silly!"

Rory looked at her daughter with horror just as her ex-husband made his presence in the kitchen known with a fit of laughter. "Riley, please don't repeat that," she tried to stay calm despite the fact that her cheeks were flushing and embarrassment was coursing through her veins. "That was a talk between mommy and auntie Paris. We don't eavesdrop, ok?"

"Sorry Mommy," Riley shrugged, "but he should probably practice colouring to be good at it, like Daddy!"

Rory was sure she wanted the earth to swallow her whole as she caught Logan smirking out of the corner of her eye. Of course she knew he had heard it all from the way he was looking at her.

"We can't all be good at everything kiddo," Logan broke the tension by going straight to greeting his kids. "Are these cookies for me? They look too delicious to eat!" Of course there were blobs of icing and sprinkles all over, but he made a huge fuss over the effort they had put in. "Maybe one of you will be an artist, hmm?"

"Then who will take over your job, Daddy?" Riley giggled.

"Not me," Christian mused. Of course he didn't understand exactly what his father did, but he certainly understood all of the conversation about taking over the business that he heard from his grandfather over the years. Even worse maybe is that he knew how much that had to do with the demise of his parents' marriage.

"You don't have to do what I do," Logan laughed, "or what Mom does. We just want you to be happy." It was the truth of course, Logan never intended to put the same pressure on his children that Mitchum and his grandfather had put on him. Whatever they wanted so long as it was legal and productive, Rory and Logan would both support their children.

"I wanna do it!" Riley giggled.

"Thank you," Rory smiled as Logan finally got back to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek, he had grabbed some broken cookie off the baking tray and popped it in his mouth, grinning at her with a couple of crumbs in the corner of his lips.

"Sorry 'bout the colouring, Ace. That's a damn shame because you are some of the best colouring I've ever enjoyed."