I don't own anything!
Sorry it's taken me so long to get this out! I'm working on the next chapter so it shouldn't be such a long wait next time (hopefully)
Harry POV
I sit, unable to stop shaking after hearing what the firemen have to say. I'll be here for a while.
Draco's here. I spoke to him for a moment. He sounded panicked. I dearly hope he's ok. We don't need both of us losing our minds.
My mind flashes from memory to memory. Some start in The Cupboard. Some don't. They all share one similarity, though. Every single memory ends with me shaking, alone, in the dark. For every memory that passes, I have the same thought. This'll be the last one. Surely there couldn't be any more.
Somehow, I'm always wrong. My life seems far too short to have this many terrible memories. Then again, look at my life so far. Dead parents before I could walk, abusive relatives for ten years plus a few months every summer, a crazed madman trying to kill me each school year. Just peachy.
I sit for hours. I'm lightheaded from my heavy breathing. My vision blurs every few seconds. My body is covered in goosebumps. My heart is pounding in my chest, making my hands tingle. My feet are numb and my traitor of a mind continues to send nightmare after nightmare after nightmare.
I try to keep up with my own thoughts. For every terrible memory, I force myself to think of the good ones.
The day Ron and I first met. My first Christmas at Hogwarts. Fighting the troll on Halloween and gaining another best friend. Every moment spent with Hermione and Ron since then. Earning points for my house. The day Ron first brought me home, just before second year. Learning that my godfather isn't a murderer. His offer for me to move in with him. That night, last August, when Draco and I talked, really talked. Every moment with him since then.
I continue with the good memories. There are more of them than I expected. Lots more. I'm struck with how incredible my friends and 'family' are. I need to thank them more. This thought keeps me distracted for all of thirty seconds until another round of flashbacks whacks me across the head.
These ones are slightly more recent, only about three years back. I got home from school, full and happy and hyper. I'd just met my godfather, everything was better between Ron and Hermione, and I had a brand new Firebolt that I was aching to take out for a spin.
My uncle and aunt didn't seem to enjoy my good mood all that much and stuffed me back into The Cupboard as punishment. I didn't expect myself to react so strongly to it. Sure, it ruined most of my childhood but it couldn't be worse than Voldemort, right? It couldn't be worse than dementors.
Merlin, I couldn't have been more wrong.
Almost immediately I started hyperventilating and shaking. I spent two days in there, no food. I barely slept, too full of anxiety. And the water they slid through the door to me was always warm and the cup was dirty. It was awful.
It's almost as bad to relive it now. My eyes, finally dry after hours of crying, begin to tear up again. My head hurts and I need to pee and these stupid firemen keep banging on the door. I just wanna get out. Is that really too much to ask?
I let out a loud sob as I feel my legs go numb to my knees. I nearly jump to my feet when one of the firemen pounds on the wall.
"Shut UP, kid! It's not the end of the world! You're going to get out! STOP BEING SO DRAMATIC AND STOP MAKING NOISE!" he shouts, his voice ice cold.
I gasp as I'm sucked into another memory. This one is very recent. I don't need to be forced into a tiny room to remember this one. I'm always thinking about it. It's from the beginning of this summer.
I'm fighting the memory, swimming my way back to the surface when I hear the banging against the wall again.
Bang, bang, bang. Then, "SHUT UP, BOY!" I don't have time to register that the voice is not my uncle's. Suddenly, I'm standing in the doorway to the sitting room at my relative's house.
My aunt and uncle are chatting on the sofa; Dudley is in the armchair in the corner, watching television. Technically, I'm not supposed to be here. Vernon made it very clear that I was to make myself scarce this summer. I have, for the most part. It's not like I'm aching to spend time with my relatives.
I don't even have my trunk or any of my magical belongings with me. The only thing I brought is my wand. All of the rest of my stuff is at Sirius' house. However, I want to talk to my cousin. That's the only reason I'm here at all. That, and Dumbledore really wants me here for some reason. I'm only staying for a week this summer.
Over the years since I've been going to Hogwarts, Dudley and I've gotten closer. Not necessarily besties, but we get along. And at the beginning of this summer he told me a secret about himself. I figure it's about time I return the favour.
"Um … Dudley? Could I speak with you for a moment?" Dudley looks at me, vaguely surprised, but he stands up nonetheless, switching the television off and leading me out of the room. I don't miss the look that Vernon sends our way.
We go to his room; it's bigger than mine and we're both more comfortable. Besides, we're less likely to be disturbed there.
We've spoken a lot recently. He talks about how stifling his parents are. I talk about school and all of the things with Voldemort. I guess I had never considered how difficult it would be to have parents who baby you and never make you do anything for yourself.
Dudley's going to legally be an adult next June and he's realised that he doesn't know how to do anything. He knows that he can't take care of himself and he doubts he'll be able to get any sort of good job with his intelligence or people skills—both of which he completely lacks. Sure my life has been hard, but I can take care of myself. I don't really have to worry about how I'm gonna live when I'm an adult.
We sit in silence for a minute. He's on his bed. I'm on his desk chair. These talks are always awkward, no matter how many times we do them. It's hard to get the conversation going.
"So." I say.
"So?" he says back. "You said you wanted to talk about something? I'm all ears." His smile gives me the courage to say what I need to.
"Um … do you remember the summer after my fourth year at Hogwarts? You and your frien-"
"Dudders?" Aunt Petunia interrupts me from the sitting room. "Duddy, baby, are you ok? Will you come here for a moment?"
"I'm fine Mum!" he shouts back. "Give me a minute!" he turns to me, rolling his eyes. "You can continue," he says.
"Uh … so, um, you and your friends were kinda bullying me."
"I'm sooo sorry. I was such an idiot!"
"No! It's ok, I've forgiven you! I only started with that because of something you said. Do you remember me telling you about a guy named Cedric?"
"Oh. Yeah. How could I forget?" he's suddenly sombre. I know I have to move this conversation along.
"Well, you-"
"DUDLEY! YOUR MOTHER ASKED YOU TO COME DOWNSTAIRS! COME! NOW!"
"COMING! ONE SECOND!" he gestures for me to continue.
"You said something about Cedric being my boyfriend. You weren't exactly that far off. You see-"
"DUDLEY! DON'T YOU MAKE ME COME UP THERE!" Vernon shouts.
"One SECOND!" Dudley shouts back.
"While I never liked Cedric like that, I have liked someone else like that. I actually do now."
"What are you saying?" Dudley says over the sound of Vernon stomping up the stairs.
"Um … I'm dating a boy."
"Oh!" Dudley says.
"His name is Draco." I add. I'm wondering if I've made a major miscalculation and I should have just kept this all to myself when his face breaks into a big smile.
Both of our heads snap to the door when we hear an agitated growl coming from the hallway. There stands my uncle in all his purple faced glory. I swallow; out of the corner of my eye, I see Dudley do the same. He's never scared of his dad. Uh-oh.
"What. Did. You. Just. Say?" Vernon says in a whisper. I can barely hear him above the pounding of my heart. I glance at Dudley, hoping for backup, but he is still staring at his father. He's clearly terrified and I can't say I blame him. He's never even been yelled at by his father. "Didn't you hear me, boy? I asked what you said." His soft voice is almost, almost kind. This is worse than the yelling. Much, much worse.
I swallow again for courage. "Um … I said that I have a boyfriend named Draco."
"That's what I thought." He smiles. "Right. Dudley." He looks at his son. Dudley makes a tiny squeak under his father's venomous gaze. "Out. Now." My uncle looks back at me as Dudley walks out the door. Dudley glances at me from his position in the doorway. His eyes ask me a million questions. I merely shake my head at him, focusing again on his father.
Vernon sighs, taking a step towards me.
Hermione POV
Logically, I know he can't hurt me. I'm a powerful young wizard; he is not. I have a Godfather running loose who's wanted for the murder of thirteen people; my uncle believes that he's guilty. Not to mention, I have plenty of experience dealing with angry old men.
However, knowing this and reacting as though I know this are two completely different things.
Draco POV
I do my best to stand strong as he flies toward me. Who is he to attack me? I have done nothing wrong. I try to bring out my inner Gryffindor.
Ron POV
I find myself shaking as he gets closer to me. I nearly flinch when he grabs me by the arm. What am I doing? I can't show my fear! His legs quickly pull us toward the stairs.
Ginny POV
I want to fight back. I want to kick and scream and punch. I want to lose control and prove to him that I'm not some weak little kid. I want to magic his face off!
Neville POV
But I can't. I can't lose control of my magic. I have to remember that I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to hurt Dudley or Petunia. I don't even really want to hurt Vernon. I just want him to let me go.
Molly POV
He's yanking me down the stairs now. His grip on my arm is too strong. My fingers are tingling from lack of blood. I flex my hands, curling my fingers in an attempt to stop the tingles. I force myself to stop when I see the lights above me flicker. Control it. Control it.
Luna POV
Control it. I continue to chant in my mind as he pushes me into The Cupboard. The second the door closes I start to panic. I try to distract myself with thoughts of my friends and school. Instead of cheering me up the thought drags me down. I think about how much pain I've caused the people I love.
Harry POV
The more I think of the past 5 years the more I believe that I am where I belong. I think of Cedric and how it's entirely my fault that he's dead. I think of the Weasleys and every time I've put them in danger. Ginny almost died in second year, Arthur almost died last year, and Ron has almost died every year we've known each other. Not to mention the amount of times I've risked Hermione's life to protect my own. I almost killed all of my friends last year when I let Voldemort into my mind. Sirius would be a free man if I hadn't let the rat go.
I'm realising that I'm more of a danger to my friends than anything else. Maybe I should just stay here for the rest of eternity.
6 Days later
I've been in here for almost a week. I hyperventilated for the first two days. In fact, I breathed so heavily that I passed out. When I woke up that night, everything was still. I've barely moved at all since then. My body switches between complete and utter stillness to painful vibrations. I've had absolutely nothing to eat and only two cups of water, both snuck to me by Dudley in the middle of the night. My stomach rumbles painfully at the thought.
My body stays completely still when my door opens for the first time in days. I peek to my left, seeing my cousin standing just outside the door. "Hurry," he whispers. "They're out for a moment! Gather your stuff and leave! They'll never know you're gone." I don't say anything. I'm not sure I could, even if I wanted to. "Harry?" he says. "Didn't you hear me? You're free! Go!" I stare at him, not blinking. "Oh no. You're not dead are you? Please don't be dead!" He pats my face and something happens.
It's like waking from a distant dream. I sit up with a gasp, thinking of Sirius, and escape, and the Knight Bus.
My jog around the house is a blur. I gather only the bare essentials. I run to my room and snatch my wand and two galleons from under the loose floorboard. The next moment I'm out on the street, waving my wand around like a madman.
The Knight Bus appears, screeching to a stop. I don't wait for the conductor to talk. Instead I throw a galleon at him and demand he take me to Number 10 Grimmauld Place.
As I slowly let myself relax, I notice that the other travellers are sneaking glances at me, some blatantly staring. Recognising the problem, I hastily cast a few glamour spells. I'll have to do better at the house but for now it's all I can manage.
It takes a few hours and I'm nearly asleep when the bus stops in front of the apartments.
I shakily make my way towards Number 10. When I look behind me, the bus is gone. I turn to my right, practically sprinting towards Number 12. The moment I reach it I'm pounding my fist against the door, yelling for Sirius.
He opens it, bleary-eyed, Moony popping his head around the corner behind him. Only then do I realise that it's the middle of the night and I've just woken them. "Erm … hello Pads."
He stares for a moment before his eyes widen and he pulls me close to him, hugging me tight. The action surprises me and I let out a startled gasp.
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