Chapter 4

Harry

He had been such a git today. Cringing at his own behaviour, Harry smacked his forehead with his hand. His stomach twisted in knots as he thought about how he had not even said anything to Ginny today in Diagon Alley. He also thought he had been rather thoughtless not to have prepared himself to see her. He had been so preoccupied by everything in his own life that he hadn't considered exactly what he would say when he did see her.

As soon as Harry had returned to his tent home, he had rifled through the pile of unopened letters on the wooden table. He stupidly hadn't thought, before today, to look out for letters from Ginny in his determination to ignore all incoming mail. But now his hands landed on an unopened piece of parchment that had her small, rounded handwriting. Harry felt sick.

As Harry held the letters in his hands, he heard a crack outside the tent and moments later heard "Master Harry? Is you home?"

"Come in Kreacher," Harry called, and when Kreacher entered the tent he added "how are things at Hogwarts? Anything interesting happening?"

Harry felt slightly out of the loop now that he had moved further away from the school. After the many funerals and memorials, Harry had initially taken a room above The Hogs Head. He had known most of what was going on at the school and and the Ministry, as he would see so many witches and wizards in Hogsmeade, and he was travelling into the school each day to help with the rebuild. On the other hand, he was seeing lots of witches and wizards every day. Harry was bombarded with people questioning him, trying to buy him drinks, and worst of all, people asking him over and over about what he was planning now. In the beginning, he was able to simply say that he was staying to rebuild the school, but people soon got tired of this answer, and seemed to expect some kind of impressive career move or plans to catch death eaters that managed to escape before the battle.

"Are you working at the ministry now, Harry?"

"Which Death Eaters are you after first, Harry?"

"Are you working undercover here, Harry?"

"How many of your friends did He Who Must Not Be Named kill, Harry?"

"You should take over as Minister for Magic, Harry."

"Can you tell me blow by blow how you killed him, Harry?"

"How does it feel to be the most powerful wizard in the world, Harry?"

"You must have big plans, Harry. Are you an Auror now?"

"Can we duel, Harry? I reckon I could have defeated You Know Who easily."

It was constant. Harry even started to wear his invisibility cloak just to walk up to Hogwarts or to the Owl Post. But that was a hassle in itself. He could get no peace. A reporter for the Daily Prophet even published that Harry was living at The Hogs Head in an article. Following this, the amount of letters arriving increased ten fold, and the same questions were being asked day after day.

Harry had been totally fed up, and in anger, smashed an ink bottle, packed his bag and left. He knew things were getting bad when he had thought wistfully of the peace he had had at times when he, Ron and Hermione had been in hiding. But that stupid, angry thought had also developed into an idea.

So Harry asked Hermione for the tent they had borrowed from Bill.

Harry had thought hard about where he was going to go. He was trying to leave everyone alone with their families. After Fred's funeral, he felt that he couldn't take up space with his own grief. He didn't have any family, and so he felt that he had lost less than everyone else and didn't want to take anyone away from their sadness or use any of their brain space caring about him. So, although he wanted to go to the Burrow, he didn't. Hermione's parents were doing well and getting their memory back, but were still in St Mungo's. Harry had visited Hermione there; she was staying at the Leaky Cauldron and spending most days helping her mum and dad remember things about their life, and her. So, Harry didn't want to interrupt that either.

What he really wanted was to be with Ginny and he thought about her often. But he had been so absent lately and hadn't spoken to her since the memorial, and hadn't, as he had now realised, responded to her last letter. He'd been thoughtless. In trying not to burden others with his sadness, he had made himself unavailable to help others through theirs. And now he didn't really know how to make it right. His stomach had flipped today when he had seen her and Harry knew he had been foolish.

Talking to Ginny was now just another thing he wasn't sure how to do. Just like he wasn't sure how to do much at all. Everyone was expecting great things, but Harry didn't even have a permanent place to live, let alone a job, let alone plans to change the Wizarding World for goodness sakes. He didn't even really know how to get a job, because he hadn't completed his last year at school.

So here Harry was, living in a tent. He had started out in a familiar spot; near the camping grounds of the Quidditch World Cup. The first time in a week that he had seen anyone he knew was when he had gone to Andromeda's house for dinner. He had been so incredibly nervous about this meeting and was in two minds about going. The deaths of Lupin and Tonks twisted his stomach the most. He dreamed about seeing their still bodies in nightmares and woke up with a deep sense of absolute dread. He'd woken up and vomited a few times after those dreams, tears streaming down his face.

On the other hand, Harry was determined to be a good godfather to baby Teddy. He wanted to help, also, because Andromeda was now alone, looking after a baby.

It had been a difficult first meeting. Harry had not known what to say to Andromeda to express how sorry he was.

Harry had walked in and been greeted with a tight hug, that he returned lightly, still feeling like the air was not clear. He was also a little relieved when Teddy was asleep because Harry had not met very many babies in his life and wasn't really sure what to do. Andromeda had shown him quietly into Teddy's room to look at the sleeping baby. Teddy had been lying there peacefully, bright yellow hair on the top of his small head. Harry had backed out of the room and walked back along the hallway and leant over breathing heavily, almost hyperventilating, holding the wall for support.

"Harry, it's all right, take deep breaths," Andromeda had said.

Harry had looked her in the eye, "I am so sorry. Your husband, your daughter, I… I'm so, so sorry. And Remus, he was the closest person I had to family. Their deaths… I can't… They were so happy. I'm so sorry."

"Harry," she'd said, tears in her eyes as she held Harry's shoulders with tight hands, forcing him to stand up and face her, "I will miss them until my heart falls out of my chest. But we can be each others family now, and we are. You are Teddy's godfather. We can be each others family." Tears were falling down her cheeks now. She hugged him again, tighter than before, and Harry hugged her back, tighter than before.

And it was in a field very close to Andromeda's house, that Kreacher found Harry in now. This is where he had been posted since that dinner.

"Yes sir, indeed there is some news. Minister Shaklebolt was at the school today. And he had dinner with the Headmistress," Kreacher replied to Harry's questions.

"Interesting. Thank you, Kreacher."

"Is you needing dinner tonight Master Harry?"

"No, thank you. I'm eating at the house. I'm a little late actually. Thanks for tidying Kreacher. See you tomorrow?"

"Yes master, if you needs me, I'll be here," Kreacher said as he bowed low.

"See you tomorrow then," said Harry as he left the tent and headed across the field to the house. He would read Ginny's letter when he got back.