Chapter Fourteen
Disclaimer: I do not own KotOR.
Despite Bastila's determination to set off right away, Mission had stopped in to another Czerka office to ask about Griff and having been informed that he had worked there before being kidnapped by Sand People but that they weren't concerned because he was 'honestly the laziest, more scatterbrained employee that I'd ever had the misfortune to hire and if he'd just kept even a fraction of the money people keep giving him for his get-rich-quick schemes that always blow up in his face then I wouldn't be hounded constantly by all the debt-collectors who think that he faked his own death for the seventeenth time to avoid them.'
Needless to say, Mission was very upset by this news – not the least because she had only been aware the Griff had faked his death four times – and so had not been able to bring herself to keep going until she had forced Revan to enter the Taris swoop racing circuit and make a killing betting on him. Still, it wasn't all bad: they were getting lots of money although Motta the Hutt likely hated them.
Still, that had only taken six hours and it was best not to travel through the desert in the middle of the day anyway and by early evening the group was finally ready to head out into the desert. Only a few feet into the desert they spotted a brunette looking bitterly satisfied as she made her way towards the gates back into the city.
She narrowed her eyes at them suspiciously. "Czerka actually allowing people out into the desert? I haven't seen you before but you're not wearing a uniform and you don't have any of the usual supplies so I'm gather you're a hunter. The Twi'lek looks too young to be a problem but you…" She glared daggers at Bastila.
Bastila, understandably confused, asked, "There's a problem? And you seem to be under the impression that it's my fault?"
"Oh, don't even pretend that you don't know what I'm talking about, you hussy," the woman snapped. "I'm Tanis' wife, Marlena." She smiled darkly. "Well, for now that is."
"Is there any point in wondering who this Tanis is and why her being married to him makes me a hussy?" Bastila wondered aloud.
"You'd think you'd be more upset about him calling you a hussy," Carth told her with a frown. "I mean, I'm getting upset on your behalf over here."
"But not as upset as me," Revan said quickly. "Since I care so much more about you than Carth and whatnot." He looked pointedly at HK.
"Annoyed taking of hint: And need I remind you that most Sith were once Jedi and so someone as paranoid as you shouldn't really consider a relationship with a Jedi if only for your overrated sanity?" HK asked obligingly.
Revan beamed. "I love HK."
"I would be," Bastila responded, ignoring Carth's thoughtful stare following HK's pronouncement, "if the fact that the most action I've ever had was when people like Revan won't stop hitting on me didn't make her assertion absolutely ridiculous."
"Oh please," Marlena scoffed. "You have a hunting license or at least travel with someone who does and you're female. Of course you're having an affair with my husband."
"I just got here, I don't even know who your husband is, I'm celibate as it is, and just because your husband might be interested in me if we ever met does not mean the interest is returned and the mere fact that he's married would be enough to kill it anyway," Bastila said a little coldly.
"You can't fool me, I know your type," Marlena insisted.
"What? Female?" Canderous asked.
"I will not hear your lies!" Marlena declared as she pushed past them. "Oh, but if you do see my husband that I just know you're sleeping with before he perishes, tell him that he totally deserves this."
"I'm extremely disturbed by her," Zaalbar confessed. "And a little afraid to meet her husband."
They continued on their way and soon ran into three dark Jedi dressed in black from head to toe.
"Okay, remember," one of them said, "Czerka complained to Lord Malak when we kept killing everyone in their caravans looking for Revan so we're actually supposed to make sure that he's here before attacking them all."
"But we've been here for weeks!" another one whined. "And these outfits are really not the best for long-term time in the deserts of Tatooine."
"Well, you remember what Lord Malak said when we complained to him," the third spoke up. "Our orders were quite clear that we were to wait here until Revan showed up no matter how long he might take unless we learned that he wasn't after the Star Maps after all. It's not his problem that we decided to go completely unprepared."
"You know, sometimes I get the feeling that Lord Malak really doesn't care about the well-being of his loyal servants," the second complained.
"Don't be silly," the third disagreed. "With all the Jedi we're killing, how long it takes to train a Jedi, and the very…selective recruiting practices of the Sith, there's only so many people qualified to replace us."
"We can talk about this later," the first cut in. "I don't suppose any of you happen to be Revan?" he addressed the group without much hope.
"Nope, not at all," Mission said quickly as Bastila pulled Revan's hood up over his face and Carth quickly dragged him along.
"I can't believe that we just ran from a fight," Canderous complained.
"Vehement agreement: I was promised blood and so far we have killed nobody," HK said dangerously.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Bastila said virtuously. "They didn't even attack us."
"But they were looking for Revan," Canderous pointed out. "And had they found out that this was him then they would have attacked for sure. I thought lying wasn't the Jedi way."
"Well, as somebody pointed out to me neither was genocide," Bastila said dryly.
Revan looked confused. "But you said that the Sith weren't a separate-"
"Oh look, a distraction!" Bastila declared, pointing at a human man in the distance, surrounded by several droids. "I say we go see what's going on."
"Hi, I'm Tanis," Tanis introduced. "My wife is a crazy bitch and reprogrammed my hunting droids to explode and kill me if I move from this spot but if I don't I'll die soon enough anyway. A little help, please?"
"Incredulous statement: She didn't think the droids could kill him without self-destructing?" HK demanded.
"You know, it's strange," Bastila mused, "but having met this Tanis Marlena spoke of I'm really not feeling the need to jump him."
Tanis gave her a strange look. "Good to know…wait, this is her insane jealousy assuming that any girl I might conceivably know is sleeping with me, right? I mean, don't take this the wrong way: you're very beautiful but I'm hardly the nymphomaniac she'd have you believe."
"I don't know," Carth said doubtfully. "There's no smoke without fire."
Tanis rolled his eyes. "Blast, I hate that expression. While it may be true that you don't get smoke without fire you can indeed have gossip and rumors without any part of them being true. Like, say I said that that guy," he pointed at Revan, "was the former Dark Lord of the Sith. What does your smug little 'there's no smoke without fire' mentality have to say about that?"
Bastila wondered vaguely why these things kept happening to her. "I suggest we just leave him to die," she said, irritated.
Revan immediately grew concerned. "Are you feeling aright, Bastila? Suggesting we not help someone clearly in need isn't like you. Is this because of your mother?"
Bastila chose not to dignify that with a response.
"You can't just leave me here," Tanis protested desperately. "I'll DIE!"
"We don't care," Canderous said bluntly.
"I care!" Carth said heatedly.
"Well, except for Republic," Canderous amended.
"Unfortunately, I don't know enough about droids to be able to safely disable them for you," Carth said apologetically.
"So I'm doomed?" Tanis asked, his voice shaking.
"Not if I can help it," Carth said determinedly.
Tanis looked puzzled. "But I thought you just said that you couldn't-"
"Revan," Carth interrupted loudly. "Did you hear that? Unless we reprogram Tanis' droids then four innocent droids are going to die!"
"That's a little melodramatic, don't you thing? And what about my impending dea-" Tanis started to say.
Revan's eyes flashed. "And I am not about to let that happen!" He quickly made his way to the first droid and within ten minutes all four of them were shut down.
"Puzzled confession: I'm not sure if I should feel relief that four droids weren't destroyed in one insane woman's convoluted attempt to kill her husband or disappointment that no one died," HK announced.
"Me too," Canderous nodded. "Except I didn't care about the droids."
"So basically you just are put-out that there was no blood," Zaalbar surmised.
Canderous shrugged. "Pretty much."
"Um, thank you very much for what you did," Tanis said nervously. "But you all sound like pretty violent people and only one of you actually cares if I live or die so I'm just going to give you 400 credits for you trouble and take off, okay?" He practically threw the money at them before sprinting back towards Anchorhead.
"What's with him?" Mission wondered.
They had happened upon a downed Czerka sandcrawler and killed all of the attacking Sand People before collecting their sticks. Poor Canderous was so grateful to finally get a chance to do something violent that he nearly cried and HK theorized that if he had tear ducts he would likely do the same.
They had continued on their way merrily slaughtering all the Sand People that they came across – and taking their stuff – when they reached a compound that they assumed to be owned by the Sand People.
They were about to go in when a voice through the door stopped them.
"Who are you and what do you want?" the voice demanded.
"What did he say?" Carth asked.
"Translation: He wants to know who we are and what we want," HK translated.
"Tell him that we want to go see their leader to discuss the recent attacks and that we come in peace," Bastila ordered.
HK grudgingly did so.
"I find that difficult to believe given the dozens of our prized Gaffi Sticks you clearly have in your possession," the voice said dubiously. "But I suppose that if I were being fair then I'd have to admit that they likely just attacked you on sight so you would have had no choice but to defend yourselves no matter what your intentions were. Still, you cannot come in here without removing your armor and weapons so we can be certain that you're not a threat."
Revan stepped forward. "Can you see me? And if so, how well?"
"I can see the whites of your eyes," the Sand Person replied promptly. "Why?"
"Oh, no reason," Revan said innocently. "We can come in without needing to remove our armor and weapons."
"I'll unlock the door right now," the Sand Person said, doing just that.
"Wait…Revan can speak the Sand People dialect?" Bastila looked shocked. "Then why did we buy an assassin droid?"
"Didn't we already have this conversation?" Zaalbar wondered.
"I think Bastila was off talking to the shop proprietor," Mission reminded him.
"Because it's an assassin droid and those combine two of my great loves," Revan replied easily.
"Hopeful inquiry: Assassinating things and droids?" HK guessed.
"Close," Revan allowed with a grin. "Droids and things that are badass, of which assassinating most definitely counts as."
"But he still claims he doesn't have a droid fetish," Carth muttered.
"Right," Revan agreed. "I still don't…" he trailed off and turned to glare at Carth. "Wait, what do you mean 'claimed'?"
"Can we just go inside?" Bastila asked tiredly, pointing to the now-open door.
They did so and were soon led through the vast compound and to whom they presumed was the Chieftain.
Canderous cocked his gun but to his surprise it was Revan that stopped him. "Wait. We just spent 5000 credits on a translator that we don't actually need – or at least that I don't actually need – and so we may as well see what he has to say first."
"Why are you here?" the Chieftain asked.
"Blatant lie: we were just passing through the area," HK replied innocently…or about as innocently as he could. It might have been more convincing if Revan had programmed him to be a better liar and not verbally broadcast all of him true intentions before he spoke.
The Chieftain didn't seem to notice, however. "I see. And the senseless slaughter of my clansman?"
"They started it," Revan claimed. And it was even true, in a way, for even though Canderous was totally planning on killing them anyway, the Sand People had attacked them before they had gotten the chance to do so themselves. "Also, do you happen to know where we can find an ancient Star Map?"
"Oh yes," the Chieftain nodded. "It's in a cave with an evil aura that we never have been able to decide if it came from your Star Map or from the giant dragon that happens to live in the cave. Perhaps the evil artifact called to the dragon?"
"Wow, that's just…Bastila, are we sure that it would be such a bad thing if the Sith took over the universe?" Revan asked, looking horrified.
Bastila sighed. "Yes, Revan, I'm positive. The Sith are horrible people and they want you dead."
"But why?" Revan wondered. "I really don't care what they do."
"…Apathy is death?" Bastila ventured. Revan's old Jedi Master Kae had often said something of the sort and she'd be assumed to be a Sith once Revan showed himself to be one so it was sort of a belief that one of them had.
Fortunately, that seemed to make sense to Revan who groaned. "I hate my life."
"What did they say?" Carth demanded.
"Loose Translation: the Star Map is in a cave with a dragon that would like to do nothing more than to eat us all and may very well have killed Bastila's father," HK reported. It might have been more of the general idea of what was said rather than an exact translation but if they really wanted to know, word-for-word, what those who happened to speak the language of the Sand People were talking about then maybe they should have taken the time to learn the language themselves. Admittedly, he hadn't had to do that as an understanding of the language had been programmed into him but that was just one of the many, many advantages of not being a meatbag.
There was only one thing that Bastila could say to that. "I blame my mother."
"For the dragon guarding our Star Map?" Carth asked, confused. "I don't know, Bastila. I think you might be going overboard here. I mean, I know you resent her and Force knows that I'm probably just projecting because I'm worried my son will start blaming me for all manner of things from me not being there during the attack to the Sith even showing up in the first place but surely if she had dragon-controlling powers then she probably wouldn't be so short on money as to need your father to go treasure hunting to pay for her treatment."
"She's not sick, she didn't need the money, and she's just evil!" Bastila insisted heatedly. "But I wasn't actually talking about the cave in general, just the fact that this might very well be the dragon that ate my father. I can't kill it personally, of course, as revenge is not the way of the Jedi."
"Even if you're not killing him in revenge but to get the Star Map?" Mission asked skeptically.
Bastila nodded. "I have reason to being angry with him so therefore I can't risk it."
"Jedi," Zaalbar shook his head in bemusement.
"I know, right?" Revan asked. He switched his gaze back to the Chieftain who seemed to be waiting for them to finish. "I…guess we'll just be going then."
The Chieftain nodded but didn't reply.
"Okay, time to go," Revan announced, heading for the door.
"What?" Canderous protested. "But we're supposed to kill them all, remember? You can't take this from me!"
"Sorry, Canderous," Revan apologized. "Next time I'll make sure to goad them into attacking."
"Let's just hurry so you can get on with your duel with Jagi," Bastila said quickly to distract him.
It worked as Canderous started talking a mile a minute about all the ways he planned to crush his former subordinate.
Unfortunately, before they reached the exit Revan's kleptomania started acting up and he could see something that looked interesting sticking out of one of the basket's in the corner of a room. Surely no one would mind if he just took a quick look, right? And then picked up the vibroblade. And then put it in his pack.
Every Sand Person in the room turned towards him and a few from the neighboring rooms poked their heads in and then promptly drew their weapons.
"Whoops…" Revan said sheepishly.
So much for diplomacy.
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