I don't own a single thing. But I make some awesome brownies.
Isabella Swan POV
Damnit. I was going to be so late.
I ran a brush through my tangled, hair, and smeared on some lip-gloss, hoping to look somewhat presentable. Sighing, I shut off the bathroom light and rushed downstairs for a chocolate chip muffin and my keys.
Sliding into my ballet flats, I was out the door running to my car.
I had slept amazingly last night, a solid 9 hours of blissful unconsciousness. Yesterday completely drained me, and I was grateful for the recovery time.
Unfortunately, I slept through my alarm this morning and had gotten ready in record time, a whole five minutes. Thank god I showered last night, or I would be Isabella Swan, hot mess.
Surprisingly, even with five minutes, I still looked great. I wore dark jeans and a blue and cream wrap sweater, with a sash that tied right under my bust. Even though it was May, I always seemed to be cold. My complexion has been thankfully clear, so I didn't need to busy myself with makeup.
I tried to push the speed limits, but I had it engrained in my mind to follow the law, something Charlie taught me back when he drove around in a police cruiser. Thankfully I only pulled into the parking lot only a few minutes late.
Rushing inside to my locker, I opened it and was immediately shocked. How did that get in here?
Dangling from a hook was a stunning pink carnation, beautifully in bloom. It's petals a pigmented pink, truly gorgeous. Attached to it was a handwritten note. I knew exactly who it was from. I braced myself for his words.
Bella, you outshine this flowers beauty. It represents words you won't let me say. I'm not giving up, but we'll do this your way. I'll spend forever trying to get back in your good graces, because you're worth every second. Edward.
My fingers grazed over his beautiful handwriting, his moving words. A tear escaped from my eye. He just didn't play fair. I pulled the carnation up to my nose, taking in its fragrance. It smelled like fresh rain, clean and pure.
I looked around and realized I still was in an empty, deserted hallway. Taking one last glance at the carnation, I put it back where he placed it and grabbed my textbooks. Racing off to class, Mr. Molina didn't seem bothered that I was late. Nobody else gave me a second glance. Since finals were next week, this week was just a wrap-up of everything we learned in the semester, and what we should focus on when studying. I carefully took notes, trying to make up for yesterday's slacking. When the bell rang, I walked up to Mr. Molina, apologizing for my late arrival.
"Don't worry, Bella. You've never been late before. Things happen." He smiled and sent me off on my way. I was pleasantly surprised he was so accommodating. I guess being punctual regularly paid off. The rest of the morning went by quickly, being that each class was much of the same. Finals this, finals that.
I was so glad that the weekend was only two days away, and summer vacation was within reach. All these new developments with Edward made me grateful for school to be ending.
I had no idea of what I wanted. Well, that's a lie. I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted Edward back in my life, and for things to go back to how they were. But I knew that was unrealistic, and never going to happen. I had no idea where that left me.
I needed time, time to think things through, and I guess from the note, he was going to give it to me.
The lunch bell rang, and I made my way over to my locker again, only to be confronted with a disgruntled Edward.
"Where were you this morning?" His tone was accusatory, like he thought I was avoiding him. Hah, if only.
"Was running late, is that a crime, Cullen?" I shot back at him, he didn't need to be so unfriendly.
"No, I was just waiting for you. Did you see-"
"How did you get my locker combination?" I cut him off; I was getting good at redirecting our conversations.
Edward blushed, and glanced at the floor. This gave me a chance to look at him for a brief second. He was wearing dark jeans like me, and a plain white t-shirt. He looked so… normal. Nothing flashy except for the Nikes on his feet, but those were his signature shoes. That man loved his shoes, and that little quirk made me smile.
"You have it written in your planner… on the second page. I remember seeing in when school started and I memorized it, you know, just in case you forgot." He shrugged, his lips pulling into a small dazzling smile.
With his answer, I was brought back to the Edward I loved, kind and thoughtful. He knew my memory got the best of me sometimes. He knew everything about me.
At least he used to, I was different now.
"Thanks, Edward… really. But all this?" I motioned with my hand to my locker and him, "I haven't wrapped my head around it all yet." My voice was quiet, even for me.
"Okay, but I'm still not giving up, so don't get annoyed with me," he joked, brushing an errant lock of hair away from his face.
"Ohhh, never with you," I responded sarcastically, rolling my eyes at him.
We both took off to lunch together, walking very closely. His head kept turning in my direction, a wide smile on his face. I knew Edward well enough to know his emotions, and he was glad I was being amicable.
His arm brushed against mine a few times, and I was pretty sure it was all intentional. Edward was always very touchy feely. I usually didn't mind in the past… but now? It made my head all cloudy and fuzzy. I put a small, but noticeable space between us and kept up with his pace.
Jessica and Lauren gawked at us right away as we entered the left side of the cafeteria. Did everyone forget that I was friends with him before? Seriously. Deciding to play, I winked at each of them, and they immediately looked down at their lunches.
Edward's usual tablemates were also staring, but some didn't have the facial expressions I expected to see. Emmett looked happy, Jasper too. Maybe Edward told them about me? Rosalie looked like she could care less, but Tanya had my favorite reaction. Her scowl put the Wicked Witch of the West to shame. If looks could kill.
Tanya Denali and Edward Cullen have never dated, but the whole population of Forks High School all knew that she desperately wanted to. It was sad, really, I almost felt for her. But then I remembered how she usually scowled at me, and I kept those thoughts at bay. She didn't deserve my sympathy.
Edward was oblivious to the whole thing. It was actually pretty funny, was he usually this dense?
"Well, thanks for walking me."
"No problem ma'am. Your hallway safety is of utmost concern to me," he replied, standing up straighter and saluting me. His stance didn't last long, and he burst out laughing.
"Geeze, thanks for your concern, " I scowled at him. It wasn't my fault I was completely gravity challenged. Sometimes I just fell down.
Rolling my eyes, I started walking off but felt a tug on my left wrist.
"Wait, can I sit with you?" He looked sheepish, nervously waiting for my answer.
Well, this was new. I guess it couldn't be so bad, if he didn't talk too much. But I had to ask one question.
"Why?" It was simple enough.
"Well, I wanted to get some reading in," Edward reached in his bag and pulled out a banged up copy of Tom Fielding's Tom Jones. "It's for lit, and I never have enough focus to do it at home."
"You can't read at your normal table?" I countered.
"It's quieter over there by you."
"But today I was going to play my harmonica and bang on my tambourine," I challenged.
"Shut up and let me sit with you, Bella. I won't bite."
"Fine, but don't eat my food." Shaking my head, I made my way over to my corner of the cafeteria table, silently hoping he'd turn and go to his own table.
No such luck. I'm sure whoever wasn't gossiping about us before, was definitely now with this new development. Edward A. Cullen sitting at lunch with Bella M. Swan.
The whole lunch hour Edward kept his word, reading silently and eating his own food. A few times he would peer over the book and smile, his face serene and happy, and every single time it made me melt inside.
Even though he was making me all mushy-gushy, I had to remain focused. We could be friends, but with limits. Boundaries. Lines that couldn't be crossed. Basically, I called the shots. It seemed fair to me.
The bell rang and as we parted ways I called out to him.
"Edward?"
"Yeah, B?" He replied, a wide grin on his face, those perfect cherry lips.
"Thanks for the carnation, it's beautiful."
"Just like you, Bella, just like you," Edward said smoothly, he winked and turned around, making his way towards his locker.
The next two days passed with much of the same. Edward would smile at me and talk to me occasionally. He sat quietly with me at lunch, reading or just eating. Sometimes we would make polite conversation. I really liked the way things were going. He never pushed, never pried. There was a natural progression to things, and I was happy with that.
When we exited the cafeteria together on Friday, a grim looking Rosalie and a beaming Emmett accosted us.
"Hey guys, you want to hang with us this tonight?" Emmett asked, grinning at us.
"Um…." I was at a loss for words. This was unexpected, hanging out with Emmett? I wasn't even friends with him.
I glanced sideways at Edward, who appeared amused. He was shaking his head at Emmett, but was smiling nonetheless.
"I bet Bella has plans, Em." Edward replied, looking from me to Emmett.
Me, have plans? Hah, not likely.
"We were just gonna grab some pizzas and rent some DVD's, something chill… you know?" I'm not sure if it was possible, but Emmett's smile got bigger. He looked so eager. "Please, Bella? We gotta get to know each other if Edward's gonna be hanging all over you. Please, please?"
Then he did something I never expected he would ever do. 6'4'' strong, tough, Emmett McCarty stuck out his bottom lip and pouted, giving me sad puppy dog eyes.
My resistance was crumbled, and I couldn't say no. Who could?
"Sure, I guess. Why don't you guys come over to my place? Say 7?" I offered, shrugging my shoulders.
My house would be empty, and the media room hadn't been used in a long time. I did love those cushy leather reclining loveseats my dad picked out when he redecorated the room. He originally thought it would be for Sundays and football, or watching the Mariners in the spring. The screen was huge, and perfect for a movie night.
"Yesssss! I've been dying to check out the biggest house in Forks." Emmett said, clearly excited.
"Guess we'll see you later Bella, Edward," Rosalie added.
"Well, you guys can ask Edward if you need directions. See you later." I gave them each a quick smile and stalked off to my locker. Edward was hot on my heels.
"Your house, huh?" He questioned.
"Yeah, what about it?" It wasn't that big of a deal. I was just being friendly after all.
"You just don't really like having people over… You would always come to my house. I can't remember the last time I was at yours. So what gives?" His logic made sense. I much preferred Edward's house, but he didn't know why.
I loved spending time at his home because of him and his family, Carlisle and Esme. They always made me feel at home. It was much preferred to the quiet loneliness of Casa Swan.
"I feel like some company, all right? It's been a pretty empty house lately." I frowned, looking at the ugly hallway floor. Why did I need to explain myself?
"Hey… " Edward put his hand under my chin and slowly lifted it up, bringing my eyes to his. "I just was curious. I didn't mean to upset you." He looked regretful. "So… your dad hasn't been around?"
This was definitely something I didn't want to talk about. I kept my answer short and to the point.
"Nope, haven't seen him since Spring Break."
"What?" Edward almost yelled.
Several students looked towards us, shocked looks on their faces. I quickly ignored them and focused on Edward. His hands were balled up in fists at his sides, he was slightly leaning forward, anger seeping from him.
"Are you serious, Bella? That's fucking neglect." His green eyes turned darker, angrier.
"That is none of your concern," I fired back at him. "I'm not talking about this anymore. See you tonight." I slammed my locker shut and ran off to class before he could follow.
Edward and I had a lot to talk about and things to work through our relationship, but Charlie wasn't one of them.
While I sat in the back of the classroom, all I could think about was Edwards face when he said the word neglect. His mouth was set in a hard line, his eyes wild and vicious. But mainly what I remembered was his attitude. Where did he get off thinking he had the right to talk to me about my dad? He knew exactly how Charlie was. Things haven't changed. They were never going to.
Shaking my head, I tried to rid myself of negative thoughts and memories. I needed to focus. Diligently, I took notes to review for the rest of the hour, and kept my mind on school for the rest of the day.
As I was exiting the doors, I knew Edward was probably waiting for me. Our conversation was far from over. Like I knew he would be, Edward was leaning against the hood of my Audi, looking casual and beautiful, mostly contrite.
Walking closer, I prepared myself for his little speech, since I knew he would need to get all his emotions out.
"Hey B… I'm so so so sorry about raising my voice to you. You didn't deserve that. You know I'm not mad at you, right? Just your dad... Your lousy excuse for a father." He grimaced, and shook his head. "But that doesn't give me the right to talk to you that way. I just got worked up when you told me. I mean seriously, why doesn't he come home?"
Sigh. I don't know either, Edward.
He reached for my small hands, clasping them in his big ones. His eyes looked directly into mine. Green to brown.
"Really… you know I'm trying to make things right here. Between you and me. And I have a lot of work left to do, and I don't want you to start thinking badly of me now. I'm just protective of you, you know?" Edward said.
I smiled fondly at him, remembering a time when we were in grade school. Edward got in a lot trouble in the 3rd grade when he pushed Mike Netwon off the tall slide on the playground. He did it because he saw me crying behind a tree and when I told him Mike made fun of me for my mom leaving, he was so angry. Even Esme called the school to report Mike, after Edward told her the whole story.
"Bella, earth to Bella?" Edward tapped my head with his index finger. "Anyone home?"
"Yeah, sorry. Just got lost in thought," I shrugged.
"So you're not mad at me, right?" He looked so cute and hopeful, but I was going to be honest.
"You have no right talking about Charlie. You know the situation, and I'm fine with it, really. Can we not bring it up again?" Pleading, I gave him a crooked smile and my best puppy dog eyes, just like Emmett.
"Ugh, fine. You win!" He acquiesced. "I just hate knowing you're home alone all the time."
Did he really just say that? Really, Edward. Really? Now I was angry with him.
"You know Edward, you didn't care up until a few days ago," I all but yelled at him. I knew it was a low blow, but couldn't not say it. He deserved it. I'd been more than nice to him about the whole situation, and I didn't want to regret my previous behavior.
He blanched at me, his mouth forming a small "o". Putting his hands in his jean pockets, he started pacing in front of my car. He continued for about a two minutes, before taking a few deep breaths.
"Bella, I…. fuck, you can't believe that, can you? I've always fucking worried about you, but I knew I fucked things up. I didn't know how to fix it. You intimidated me! I couldn't just go up and talk to you, I thought you'd rip my balls off, I knew I hurt you…"
I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. I guess we had to deal with this sooner or later. All my feelings were pent up, and I needed to let some loose. Edward deserved to know how I truly felt.
"Actions speak louder than words, Edward. You ignored me, for months. Fucking months. Sorry if I find it hard to believe you missed me," I said, my voice strong and full of hostility. "And you know what?" I continued, "We keep doing this. The whole talk at school, argue, then hash it out in the parking lot. I'm pretty sick of it. I just want to go home!"
I was getting so frustrated. He said one thing, but did another. How was I supposed to sort it all out? I needed a fucking guide to understanding Edward Cullen. Things were not simple anymore.
Edward was quiet for a moment, taking in my words. A look of desolation came over his face, contorting his features into sadness and anguish.
"You don't think I don't know that, Bella? I fucked up, royally. I wanted to fix it right away but I knew you were angry. So I kept putting it off, thinking if I gave you some time things would mend better."
"Mend better? What the fuck does that mean!" I spat, becoming infuriated. How is that even logical?
"It seemed right at the time… I thought if I gave you some space, you'd cool down then be able to forgive me easier. Obviously the opposite happened," Edward said, sounding so dejected. His fingers wound through his hair, pulling at his scalp. He was truly hurting over this.
"Bella… I just want to make things right. That's all I've ever wanted, it just took me a long time to work up the courage. I thought about you every single day, I never forgot about you. That's the only fucking answer I have for you, and I'll leave you alone right now if you say it's not good enough, if that's what you really want. I'll respect your wishes."
At this point, Edward's face was masked by his hands, covering his beautiful green eyes, which I knew were sad and uncertain. He was giving me a choice, putting the ball in my court.
Taking deep breaths, I slowly closed my eyes and thought about the situation perceptively.
Humans make mistakes; it's in our make-up. We do things we regret, make choices that aren't the best. Nobody is perfect, including Edward Cullen.
My life was full of my own mistakes, regrets, and bad choices.
Imagining life without Edward was hard, maybe impossible. He truly seemed sorry and regretted his actions. Clearly willing to pay for his mistakes, was I to give him the benefit of the doubt?
Forgiveness is divine, right?
This situation was fucked up on many levels, but I had to do right by my conscience, and my heart.
I opened my eyes and took in the sight before me. Edward was silent, his eyes closed, a tear escaping and trailing down his cheek. His cheeks were flushed, and his lips were cherry red and looking slightly chapped. In his pockets his hands stayed fisted, his arm muscles flexed and anxious. And most of all, he was still, ever so still. It was almost an eerie sight, yet he was absolutely breathtaking.
Edward Cullen was still the most beautiful man to me, outside and in.
In that moment, I understood some very important things.
If Edward had faith in fixing our relationship and wanted to sincerely fix things, then I needed to have faith that he would prove himself to me, and show the goodness in him I knew was buried deep down. It wasn't going to be easy, but I needed this just as much as he did, I could never deny that. Time would only tell.
I cleared my throat and spoke softly. "Do you want to go to the Thriftway with me? I thought instead of ordering pizza we could all make our own. Maybe grab some other snacks?"
My smile was genuine and wide, and I hoped he understood the meaning behind my words. He had miles to go to get back in my good graces, but I was willing to give him a chance.
After a long sigh of relief, Edward smiled and nodded his head. "Sounds great, B."
Walking up to me, he enveloped me in a tight embrace, almost making it hard to breathe. I wouldn't have had it any other way. Holding Edward felt so good, so right. His heavy breathing gradually slowed and his right hand moved to cup the back of my head, his face nuzzling my hair.
We stayed that way for a few minutes, before I slowly released him and spoke.
"We have a lot of talking to do, but maybe tomorrow… or Sunday? Let's just have fun tonight. I have to figure out Emmett and Rosalie."
Edward laughed and hopped in the passenger side, buckling in. "Don't worry, they know how much of a jackass I was… and am, especially to you. They kind of know the whole story," the last bit he said very quickly, leaving me stunned and speechless. He just shrugged.
I started the car, the engine quietly purring, and we took off to the grocery store for our movie night supplies. Tonight would interesting.
A/N: This took awhile for me, sorry for the delay! I just couldn't figure out the right way to configure everything. Have faith in Bella and me!
Also, if anyone reading this is interested, I am also looking for a beta and/or pre-reader on this story, so PM me if you are interested!
Review if you like. :-) Lawruhn