Las Vegas - December 28th, 2000:
Amber sat in a chair in the reception area of the Bennington Sanitarium. This wasn't the first time, as she had been here with Spencer a couple of times since he had committed his mother. Though he wrote to her every day, Amber found that it took a little coaxing to get Spencer to come see his mother in person. Coaxing in the way of actually driving him to Vegas and then coming to the hospital with him. Though she always went in to see Mrs. Reid herself, Amber insisted that Spencer go in by himself for a little while first.
This trip to see Mrs. Reid was the reason that Amber was back out west instead of still in Virginia with her father. She had gone back east to spend the holiday break with her father. She hadn't planned on coming back to LA until after New Years. Of course that had been the plan when she had thought Spencer was going to go to Vegas and visit with his mother for Christmas.
Spencer had made it to Vegas. He had gone back with Ethan, both of them staying with Ethan's parents. However, the young genius had never quite gotten around to going to the hospital to see his mother. When Ethan had pushed the subject on Christmas Eve, Spencer had ended up getting a bus ticket and heading back to LA. Ethan had called her that evening.
Amber hadn't gotten a hold of Spencer until Christmas. After talking to him on the phone for about an hour she had told him she would fly out on the first available flight the following day. Amber could still hear her father's remarks when she had told him her new plans.
"He must be something special to have you running across country to be with him."
"Spencer's going through a rough time now, Dad. He needs me."
"Did he ask you to come?"
"No," she had told him, with a shake of her head. "Spencer wouldn't ask me to leave my family to be with him, but he shouldn't be alone right now."
Amber's father had just smiled at that point. She could still see the knowing look he had worn as he had said his next words. "That's when you know a relationship is something special. Remember that, Sweetie." He had then kissed the top of her head before calling the airport to find her a flight back to LA.
For the first time, Amber realized how special her father was. No, he hadn't always been there when she was growing up. His job had come first in a lot of ways and yet, when it really mattered, he had always been there for her. Had always supported her. Where her mother had always lectured and tried to make Amber do what she had thought best for her, talks with her father had always been different. Sure he had taught her what was right and wrong. Had given her advice and tried to influence her to make the right decision, but somehow always made it seem like it was her choice. Even when she did decide to do something he thought was wrong, he had let her do it, and then been there to comfort her when it didn't work.
Amber heard footsteps. Looking up she saw Spencer walking toward her. Amber got to her feet and took the hand that Spencer held out for her as he approached. Without a word, the two of them turned and headed back to the sitting room that Mrs. Reid was waiting for them in.
"I told her that we're dating," Spencer said.
"How did she take it?"
"She seems happy about it. Wanted to know what took us so long," he replied, with a smile.
Amber laughed and felt a lot less nervous about this visit.
Los Angeles - April 2001:
"Here, take a picture of me," Amber told Spencer, as she pushed the camera toward him, after taking a few pictures of the waves crashing on the rocks of the jetty. The day was beautiful, and after enjoying a picnic lunch on the beach, and then a few games of chess, they had spent some time walking on the beach, Amber taking pictures with the new digital camera that Spencer had bought her for Christmas.
Spencer took the camera from her as Amber climbed up on the rocks of the jetty. He snapped a couple of different shots, before Amber came down from the jetty to stand beside him. Shading the screen from the sun, the two of them reviewed the pictures that had been taken.
"I like that one," Amber said, as she switched back to the second shot that Spencer had taken. "Think I'll make a 5X7 print of it and send it to my dad," she said as she switched the camera back to the picture taking mode. "Get up there so I can take a few of you," she added, waving toward the jetty.
"I don't know. I'm more likely to end up falling in somehow."
"Then I'll rescue you. I am a lifeguard, remember."
Without another word of protest, Spencer awkwardly climbed up on the rocks and found a place to sit. After Amber had taken a few pictures, he started climbing down, and somehow ended up sitting in the sand.
"Are you all right?" Amber asked, as she walked over to help him up.
"Yeah. I'm fine," he told her, even as he took a hold of the helping hand that she offered. "I sure hope you didn't get that on camera," he commented as she got to his feet.
"If I did, I sure wouldn't let you know. Wouldn't want you to go destroying perfectly good blackmail pictures," Amber told him, the smile on her face matching her teasing tone.
Spencer smiled. "I think I've had enough of the beach for today. Want to head back to my place. I'll cook us dinner."
"Okay," Amber said, placing the lens cap on her camera. The two headed back in the direction of where Amber had parked her truck, and were soon walking hand in hand. "Ethan is away, isn't he?"
"Yeah, he went upstate for a jazz competition,"Spencer replied. "He's staying up there tonight and driving home in the morning. He seemed upset when he left this morning."
"He and Maria had a fight over her not going. She didn't want to stay up there overnight and when she suggested that she drive herself up for the competition, she said he got upset," Amber replied. Maria had actually told her more, but Amber didn't feel it was her place to elaborate on the situation anymore. Especially not when Spencer was Ethan's best friend.
Spencer nodded and changed the subject as they continued back to the parking lot. After a quick stop at a drug store on the way to Spencer's apartment, they walked into the empty apartment. As he headed for the kitchen, Spencer went to place the bag on the counter as he walked by. Instead of staying there, the bag slipped off the side and fell to the floor, a box of condoms falling out. Spencer quickly scooped it back up but not before Amber had noticed what it was.
"Feeling lucky tonight seeing as your roommate isn't home?"Amber asked easily.
"What? No! I mean I didn't ask you over tonight because Ethan's away. I'm not even expecting anything to happen but well, this is really the first real relationship I've really been in and well, I just wanted to be ready when, I mean if the situation should arise," Spencer said, stumbling over the words. He felt his cheeks grow warm and wondered just how red his face was.
Amber could see how uncomfortable Spencer was and it wasn't as if she hadn't thought about taking their relationship the next step. The thought of being intimate with Spencer had crossed her mind before and she was open to it. She was convinced it wouldn't be like the last time. She actually felt relieved that Spencer was thinking along the same lines as her with the progression of their relationship. Was tonight the night? She didn't know, but she did know that there was one thing she had to share with him before they did go that far.
"Spencer, we need to talk," she told him, nodding her head in the direction of the couch.
Spencer nodded, feeling as though he had just messed up their relationship.
When they were both seated on the couch, Amber took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "What I'm about to tell you I've only ever shared with my parents, Wendy, Maria and my therapist," she told him. "I told you that when I was thirteen I moved out east to live with my father for a few years. What I didn't tell you was why."
Banging on the bedroom door woke Spencer from the peaceful slumber he was in. It wasn't until he felt movement beside him that he realized that Amber still shared the bed with him and that the noise had awaken her too.
"Hey Spencer, you in there, man," came Ethan's voice. "I want to tell you about this cool girl I met last night."
Inwardly cringing, Spencer got up from the bed and quickly pulled a pair of shorts on before heading to the door. Ethan was knocking on the door again.
"Coming," Spencer called out. Reaching the bedroom door, he opened enough to stick his head out.
"Did I wake you up? It's almost noon," Ethan said.
"I had a late night," Spencer replied. "How was the competition?"
"It went well. I came in second, which is okay. The girl I lost to was awesome and not just musically, if you get my drift."
"Ethan, perhaps we should discuss this later," Spencer said, knowing exactly what he meant but also realizing how unfair it was to Amber for her to be overhearing all this.
Ethan looked at him quizzically and then the sound of movement in the room behind Spencer keyed him in on what was going on.
"Way to go, man!" Ethan said, a huge grin on his face. "I'll just go put on some coffee."
"Yeah, thanks," Spencer said, before closing the door. Turning, he saw that Amber had gotten herself dressed while he was talking to Ethan. "Sorry," he told her. "You shouldn't have had to hear that."
"It's not your fault," she said as she pulled her hair back and secured it into a pony tail. "Though you better believe I'm telling Maria what I just heard. I know they had a fight but what he did isn't right."
"I wouldn't expect you not to," Spencer replied, as she walked across the room toward him.
Amber leaned in for a quick kiss. "I'll call you later," she told him. Spencer nodded as he stepped to the side to let her leave the room.
Entering the living room, Amber headed over to the couch where she had left her sandals and purse last night. She slipped her feet into the sandals and picked up her purse.
"Bye, Amber," Ethan called from the kitchen.
"Bye, Ethan," Amber called back, biting her tongue from saying to him what she really wanted to tell him. As mad at him as she was for what he had done to Maria, he was still not only her friend but Spencer's friend to. Avoiding him entirely was not going to be possible and she didn't want to not come over to the apartment simply because Ethan was here. The best thing to do was to keep things civil.
~I am going to tell Maria not to bother apologizing to him though, ~ Amber said as she stepped onto the elevator to head down to the ground floor.
Los Angeles - Fall 2002:
The alarm clock ringing woke Amber out of the peaceful sleep she had fallen into. Forcing her eyes open, she looked over at where Spencer had been sleeping, to find an empty bed. She must have slept through the first alarm that would have told him to get up for work. She hadn't realized she had been that tired. Glancing over at the clock, she saw that she had an hour until her first class.
With a sigh, she threw back the sheet. She had enough time to get ready and get to campus on time, as long as she got up now. She crossed over to the bureau and turned off the alarm clock. She then opened the drawer of the dresser which held her things that had ended up gathering over here, over the past year or so. Maria often joked that Amber should just move in with Spencer because she was over here so much but Amber knew she wasn't ready for that.
Yes, she had been dating Spencer for the last two years. There had been ups and downs over that time. More than one argument. Yet, they had managed to stay together. To work things out. Yet as much as she enjoyed spending time with Spencer, the prospect of living with him scared the hell out of her.
Amber liked the way things were right now. Though she and Spencer spent a lot of time together, she still felt like she had her independence. Being able to go home to her own apartment which she shared with Maria gave her that freedom. Did she love Spencer? She believed that she did. The real question was - was she ready to spend her life with him?
Amber knew she wasn't ready to make that commitment quite yet. She still had her own dreams that she wanted to pursue. Spencer may have helped change her mind on the subject of love in that she believed in it now. However, even now she wasn't sure it was enough to give up her dreams for.
After showering, dressing and grabbing a quick breakfast, Amber left Spencer a quick note. She told him that she was going to stay at her place tonight but that she would call him. Grabbing her backpack and laptop bag, Amber left the apartment and headed down for her pick-up truck.
She walked into her Software Engineering class ten minutes before it was time for class to start. She sat down in a desk near the two of her group members who were already in the room. Immediately the three began talking about their project proposal that was due during their lab time for the class the following day. Professor Charlton walked into the classroom right on time and started the lecture immediately.
The day went smoothly for Amber, and after her last class she headed for her apartment. Maria was already home and pounced on her the moment she walked through the door.
"I'm so glad your home," Maria said, excitedly running to her friend and grabbing Amber's hands, as if her friend had been gone for a long time instead of just overnight.
"Can I at least put myself down and then I'll be happy to hear what has got you so excited," Amber replied, smiling and ready to share in her friend's good news.
"Sorry," Maria said, backing up a few steps to allow her roommate to enter the apartment the whole way.
Amber shut the apartment door, and then headed over to the couch. She swung the laptop bag over the back of the couch, resting it on the cushions. She then took her backpack off her right shoulder and placed it next to the other bag. Turning she found Maria standing right behind her, still visibly bubbling with joy.
"So what has got you so excited?" Amber asked, as she leaned against the back of the couch.
Maria held out her left hand. There on the ring finger was a small, sparkling diamond. "Alex asked me to marry him last night."
Amber squealed with joy, as she enveloped her friend in a hug. "I'm so happy for you," Amber told her, keeping her other thoughts to herself. She couldn't help but wonder if Maria was rushing into the decision. The two had only been dating for the last year and though Alex was a great guy, Amber wasn't sure if jumping into a marriage was the best thing for the two of them. Then again, she was still a bit of a cynic when it came to love, despite her relationship with Spencer. "Do you have any idea when you're going to get married?"
Maria shook her head as she broke away from Amber. "We haven't discussed it too much, though we both definitely want to wait until after graduation in the spring. Of course if Alex makes the NFL draft then we're not going to be able to wait too long after graduation."
Alex was on Caltech's football team with Mark. In fact, it had been through her brother that Maria had met him. Alex was the star receiver of the team for the last two years, and as Caltech was looking at their second championship in as many years, both he and Mark had attracted the pro scouts.
"You'll be my maid of honor, right?" Maria asked.
"Of course!" Amber replied, knowing there was no way she could tell her friend no. "We'll have to start making plans soon. I'll also need to get with Vanessa and Chelsea so we can plan your bachelorette party and then talk to your Mom about a wedding shower."
"I know. My head is swimming with everything I need to get done."
"Well, first things first, you and Alex need to sit down and figure out a date and how many attendants you're going to have. Then you and I can sit down and make a list of everything else that is going to need to be done and the time frame. We'll make lists so we can keep track of everything."
Maria nodded. "Oh, I'm so glad you're so level headed. I don't know what I'd do without you."
"Probably be late for things or forget about things altogether," Amber replied. "Now why don't you tell me all about how Alex proposed while I make us something to eat? I'm starving and I have swim practice in an hour."
"Okay," Maria replied. She was already starting the story as she followed Amber toward the kitchen.
End of April-2003:
Amber put up the no life guard on duty sign, as five o'clock approached. The day had been cloudy and overcast, and not many people had been on the beach. Her four hour shift had seemed to crawl by, and she was glad it was over.
She swept the sand off the tower and placed the broom inside. Then she closed up the life guard tower. She would be back on duty at eight tomorrow morning, but she planned on enjoying her Friday evening. Amber was getting together with Chelsea, Vanessa and a few other friends to put together the final preparations for Maria's bachelorette party on Saturday evening. They had rented the back room at one of the local bars for the event.
The wedding and their graduation was fast approaching. In fact, Maria had decided to have the wedding in Los Angeles the day after graduation. The two had decided to keep the wedding on the small side. Both Maria and Alex's immediate family would be in the area already because of the graduation as would all their friends from college. Another factor the young couple had considered when planning the wedding, was the different directions that everyone would be taking after graduation. It was just easier for everyone if the wedding took place before they scattered and then their wedding party wouldn't need to figure out how to make it to wherever the wedding was held.
The timing couldn't have been better for Amber. She had gotten her report time from the Coast Guard. She would have only a week before she would report to the Coast Guard Academy for Officer Candidate School (OCS). Her mother was not happy, as Amber had anticipated. However, her Dad had told her he was proud of her and wished her the best. Amber couldn't understand why her mother couldn't support her decision like her father could.
Along with her mother's lack of support on her decision was the question mark with her relationship with Spencer Reid. As much as she cared about him, she knew she couldn't give her dreams up for him. That action would only lead to eventual resentment of having given up something that was important to her. For now, Spencer had said he would go wherever her pursuit of her dreams would take her. Come June that meant New London, Connecticut. Yet that arrangement wouldn't last forever. Spencer had his own dreams and though the age requirement for new agents training with the FBI had those dreams on hold for now, eventually it would come time for him to take a chance on those dreams. Amber knew she couldn't ask him to give those dreams up for her as Spencer would only end up resenting her if she did.
Every time she had tried to bring it up, Spencer tried to change the subject. He said there wasn't any reason to try to discuss something that was almost two years in the future, when he would be twenty-three and met the age requirement for the FBI Academy. Still, there was a chance of him getting in earlier as he had applied despite the age requirement asking for special consideration. They hadn't given him a definite answer, though had allowed him to proceed with the qualification process. Amber didn't like putting it off, but as she couldn't find a way to convince Spencer to discuss the situation, she went along.
Amber stepped off the ramp of the tower and onto the sand. Looking toward the parking lot she saw a familiar walking toward her. Even from this distance she could recognize the familiar lanky figure, with his hands shoved into his pocket. The lifeguard can gripped loosely in her left hand, Amber walked across the sand to meet Spencer.
"Hey, this is a nice surprise. I wasn't expecting you to stop by," Amber said as they stopped not far from one another.
"I know you're busy tonight but I really needed to talk to you," Spencer told her, hands still in his pocket and looking over her shoulder at the ocean behind her. There was a look of sadness on his face, and Amber knew immediately that she wasn't going to like the direction this conversation was about to go in.
"What is it?" Amber asked.
Spencer removed his right hand from his pocket. In his hand was a folded up envelope, which he held out to Amber.
Amber took the proffered envelope and slowly unfolded it. She took note of the return address and realized the envelope was from the FBI. Curious, she took out the piece of paper inside, and unfolding it, began to scan it. "You're in," Amber said realizing that it was a letter of acceptance for the FBI Academy.
"They've officially decided to waive the age requirement," Spencer told her.
"When?"
"Their next session. I leave in two weeks."
"Before my graduation," Amber commented, as she put the letter back in the envelope, stating the obvious. It was a disappointment but not a complete surprise. It may have been coming sooner than she expected, but she knew this moment had been inevitable.
"I'm sorry," Spencer said, as he took the envelope back.
"It's not your fault," Amber told him, forcing a smile. "Congratulations. I know this is what you wanted and I know you'll do well." She was trying to stay upbeat for Spencer's sake. She was happy for him. This was a realization of his dream. Like she was excited to have made it to the Coast Guard, she knew Spencer felt the same way about this. Unfortunately, this also meant the end of what they had shared these last couple of years.
She had taken a chance, and despite her feelings on love, allowed herself to pursue this relationship with Spencer. It was hard enough when they were in the same city. She knew she wasn't capable of trying to deal with a long distance relationship, no matter how much she cared about Spencer.
"I only made it through the qualification process because you helped me train to pass the Physical Fitness Test. Thank-you for that."
"It's what I would do for anyone I cared about," Amber said, with a slight shrug of her shoulders. "So I guess we can't put this conversation off any longer."
"We could try to make it work," Spencer said, a hint of desperation in his voice.
Amber was shaking her head. "I just can't see me in a long distance relationship. We're both going to busy with our training and then who knows we're we'll be posted after that. There is no telling when we would see each other next time, Spencer. I just can't deal with that kind of unknown in a relationship."
"Then you're saying this is it?" he asked, knowing the answer but not quite able to accept it. He shifted his gaze from the ocean to the sand between their feet.
"I'm sorry, Spencer. It's not you, it's me. After seeing what my parents have gone through with their marriages . . . I can't take that risk."
"We're not your parents. There's a chance we could make this work."
Amber shook her head, though as he was still looking at the ground, Spencer couldn't see the gesture.
"If we knew we could get stationed near each other following training it might be different, but if I want to be a rescue swimmer, then there is going to be time at an air station I need to put in, followed by A-school and then, if I make it through, I'll be posted to another Air Station. Even if we get a first posting nearby, you won't be able to follow me through those changes. There is just no way."
"I know," Spencer said, easily able to see the logic in her words. "I just don't want this to be good-bye."
"I think I'm starting to understand how my mother felt when she left my father," Amber said, fighting back the tears that were threatening to fall.
"Can we . . . do you think we could still be friends?" Spencer asked, finally looking up, a hopeful expression in his eyes. He was more than willing to keep Amber in his life in whatever capacity that was possible.
Amber nodded, not trusting her voice. She was sure that if she tried to speak, her voice would break from the swirl of emotions that was going on inside of her.
Amber knew she couldn't just walk away from Spencer completely. The two of them had been through some very important moments in their lives over the past couple of years. She had shared with Spencer things that she hadn't even told Maria. Not to mention, she knew how few people that Spencer had in his life. Amber knew she would continue to worry about him. Would want to know that he was okay. To be able to offer her support when he needed it. Staying friends would be hard but not knowing that he was okay would be even worse.
Amber took the few steps necessary to close the distance between them. She dropped the rescue can on the ground and put her arms around Spencer and pulled him into a hug. Without hesitation, Spencer hugged her back. Though neither of them wanted to say good-bye, they also saw that their dreams just wouldn't allow them to be together. Both had known it all along and yet they had both hoped somehow to avoid it.
"If you ever need me for anything, just give me a call," Amber told him, as she took a step back, breaking the embrace. "I mean it, Spencer."
Spencer Reid just nodded, not knowing what to say.
"I've got to get going," Amber said, as she retrieved the rescue can from the ground. "I'll see you around," she added, more as something to say then really meaning it. She wasn't sure she could handle seeing Spencer again before he headed east for the FBI Academy. Saying good-bye this time had been hard enough.
Caltech Campus - Graduation:
Amber stood in the center of her group of friends following the graduation ceremony. They all still wore their caps and gowns and parents and other family members were busy snapping pictures of them all. Amber was still finding it hard to believe that four years had already gone by. They had all made it and now they were all about to go their separate ways. Sure they all had numbers and email addresses and they probably would stay in touch for a while. Eventually though, Amber knew that some of them would lose track of each other. It was a sad thought but inevitable.
As Vince's father took his picture, the group was about to break up when another voice spoke up.
"Hold on. One more picture please," David Rossi said, as he approached the group.
Amber looked up in surprise. She hadn't been sure if her Dad had made it or not, as the last she had heard was that his flight had been delayed in St. Paul. The call had disappointed her, as her mother had already told her she wouldn't be coming to the graduation. She had claimed she couldn't get the time off of work, but Amber knew it was really because she was still upset about her daughter's career choice.
Amber and her friends regrouped so David Rossi could snap a picture. As soon as he was done, Amber broke away from the group and gave her father a hug.
"I'm so glad you made it!" Amber told him.
"Yeah, well I didn't want to miss my only daughter's graduation," David Rossi replied, hugging her tight. "Got here just as the ceremony began. Congratulations, Sweetie!"
Father and daughter broke away, and David Rossi offered his congratulations to the other graduates. Told Maria and Alex that he was looking forward to their wedding the following day. He chatted amicably with the other parents for a little while. Soon, one by one, members of the group took their leave, going to find other classmates or off to grab dinner with family.
"Do you have plans, or are you up for dinner with the old man?" David Rossi asked his daughter.
"Dinner sounds good. Maria and I were up late last night finishing last minute things for the wedding so we wouldn't have to worry about them tonight."
"Great. Why don't we invite that boy you've been seeing? What was his name, Spencer? I'd like to meet him. Did he come today?"
Amber shook her head. Though when she had left the beach that day not knowing if she could say good-bye to him before he left for the FBI Academy, Amber had ended up driving both him and Ethan to the airport. It had been hard but she was glad they had that second good-bye. Even now though, hearing his name was hard.
"Spencer and I broke up, Dad," Amber told him, feeling tears start to well up in her eyes as she said the words.
"I'm sorry to hear that. What happened?"
"It just wasn't meant to be. We just wanted different things."
"I know what that's like," David Rossi told her, thinking of his own failed marriages. He hoped his daughter wouldn't face the same problems he had with relationships. He wanted her to be happy. To be able to share her life with someone who made her happy. From what she had told him about the guy, and the pictures she had shared, he had thought his daughter had found that.
"You'll find someone special when the time is right. You're still young and have a lot ahead of you," he added.
"I have a feeling I'm going to be quite busy over the next few months and not have time to worry about a relationship. Maybe Mom was right. Maybe the military and love just aren't made to go together."
"Don't think because you chose to serve that you need to give up on a family of your own," David Rossi told her, his voice serious as he spoke. "It may make things harder, but if two people love each other enough, they can make it work. I have friends and co-workers who have done it."
"Can we talk about something else, please?" Amber asked, as the two of them started walking toward the parking lot. She didn't want to discuss the topic of her relationship with Spencer anymore, especially not with her father.
"Of course, Honey," her father said, slipping his hand around her shoulders as they walked, silently hoping that one day his daughter would find the kind of love that he had never been able to.