Chapter Three: Rain Dancing Rabbids
It is hard listen to two things at the same time. Nelegus however concentrated his thoughts to Polokus' speech rather than that annoying female voice who demanded him to "gimme more". He could only hear parts of the speech but trying to guess what Polokus were talking about was as challenging and fun like a thrilling puzzle of Grim Fandango. It however sounded like they were talking about Polokus' and his past. Nelegus had heard this speech before; he should give up his "madness". Polokus just refuses to understand that it's not mad to create, it's mad to destroy. Nelegus haven't destroyed anything. Ever.
The song had just ended. Nelegus focused on the meeting and prepared to ban pop music. He said:
"That was one of the latest songs of Britney Spears who had in Earth at least in some point titled as 'The Queen of Pop'. What do you think?"
Nelegus watched all the other seven members of the world's government: Dirannah, his second-in-command and the leader and conductor of The World Orchestra; Mr. Sax, the main editor of Culture Pages; Space Mama, Mr. Sax's wife and the leader of The Artistic Theatre; Razorbeard, the leader of culture cops and the main producer of Robotic Rust Movies Studios; Sergueï, the main producer of White Bunny Game Studios; Andre, currently unemployed and Mr. Dark II, the main producer of Burning Soul Game Productions. Although Andre and Mr. Dark II weren't so talkative, Andre because of his lack of experience and Mr. Dark II because of...well, it was just his way.
"The melody in her songs is quite simple," replied Space Mama, "the words are quite repeative and they are not polemical enough so we should ban all her works."
"But in this latest song there seemed to be a message about lust and about its destroying effects," augmented Sergueï. "Maybe this song could be counted as a major border case."
Nelegus didn't want a long-lasting argument about this. They had more important things to think about.
"So Sergueï has proposed major border case status. Does anyone agree with him?"
No hands were raised up. Nelegus were pleased that they could ban pop music just like they had banned death metal, rap and fusion jazz.
"With seven against one it is decided that pop music is not art," said Nelegus and hit the table with his fist.
"All pop music is banned?!" Sergueï tried desperately. "Can't we still talk about The Beatles?!"
"Hey come on!" cried Razorbeard frustrated. "Let's not discuss about that band anymore! Do you even remember how annoyingly long we had to hash over about its artistic possibilities?"
"He is right, Sergueï," Dirannah said. "There is no point to keep discussing it. You, me and Mister Dark the Second lost that debate fair and square."
Sergueï didn't want to give up:
"But...but...you've heard Yesterday, right? Such enchanting melody and it was in that one film we just recently watched to teach Andre about culture, what was the name...?"
"Once upon Time in America," Andre said. "Geez, even I remember that name."
"Yeah!" replied Sergueï completely ignoring Andre's insult. "I know the message is nothing more but how sad it is when somebody leaves you but it's said that there's a deeper meaning..."
"Deeper meaning, yeah right!" interrupted Mr. Sax. "If we go to that line we could say that Mario games are actually a metaphor of the fight between workers and owners."
"It is interesting that you mentioned Mario," said Nelegus who wanted to end this pointless harping. "We had decided about a week ago that they are not art. There have however come complaining from most of the culture cops who agree with two-dimensional Marios but disagree with three-dimensional Marios because of their stunning visuals, especially the latest part Super Mario Galaxy, and have proposed to define them as major border cases. We should now discuss..."
The conversation was interrupted when an upset robopirate rushed in. He was Razorbeard second-in-command, the guy whose name nobody remembered. Razorbeard usually called him as "useless grunt".
"What I have said about interrupting meetings?" asked Nelegus.
"If I remember correctly," the robopirate said upset, "the dramatic interruption is allowed only when something really, really bad has occurred."
"All correct," said Nelegus. "What is it?"
"The adaptation of the Glade of Dreams has been a disaster. The forest area was assimilated to the world without problem but the swamps...there's twisted landscape and lots of hostile and bizarre creatures who are threat to local and nearby residents."
Nelegus knew that twisted landscape meant only one thing: there were living creatures in the Glade of Dreams when it exploded.
"Razorbeard," said Nelegus coldly. "Are you sure that you and your troops looked every corner?"
"Absolutely!" Razorbeard said panicked. "All ships were full!"
Nelegus thought this problem for a moment. Then he remembered. How he could have been so careless?
"This is completely my own fault, how embarrassing. I thought that the Cave of Bad Dreams was a mental place in the head of Jano but it was actually a physical place. I should have told Sergueï and his troops to ask Jano let them in that place. Now those poor nightmares are awfully disfigured."
Nelegus continued:
"At least none of the intelligent residents met this horrible fate. It was unusually careless from me but at least I am not some Michael Cimino who after making a true masterpiece, Deer Hunter, made something so horrifying like The Gate of Heaven. My mistake is little compared to that."
"Is banning mini-game collections a little mistake?" Sergueï muttered.
Sergueï didn't mean to say it out loud but the accident had already happened. Everyone watched Sergueï with pressing silence.
"Could you live me and Sergueï alone for a while?" Nelegus asked after a moment.
All the others left the room and only Nelegus and Sergueï were left.
"You too, Mister Dark," Nelegus said.
A mass of black matter started to pour from Nelegus. His length went smaller as the dark matter with glowing yellow eyes left his body and floated out of the door. Nelegus actually looked distantly like Polokus' twin brother. Same short length, same comically long hands, his mouth was visible but that's where the similarities stopped. His eyes were blood red, his skin was paler than bone and his fingers were razor sharp not to mention that he had five fingers instead of four. He also had different clothing than Polokus. Instead of high purple hat he had bronze crown with eight spikes on his head, blue trousers and not to mention shoes and jacket with a red ribbon.
Unlike his actions so far would suggest Nelegus had a concerned face.
"Sergueï," he said calmly, "could you just tell me what presses your mind?"
Even though Nelegus was friendly Sergueï felt really uncomfortable. Nelegus was – odd enough – more frightening when he showed his humane feelings.
"Well...this culture thing..."
"...frightens you? Of course. You have not accustomed to it."
Nelegus saw that Sergueï was sweating.
"Hey, hey, there is no need to sweat," Nelegus said warmly like a father to his son. "I am not angry, just...concerned."
Nelegus put one of his long arms on Sergueï's shoulder and used his other arm for standing. From his face one could tell that he really meant his kind words.
"Look, I know that you enjoy gladiator fights and mini-game collections but...try to understand that they belong to the past evil world, the world of louts. Low-minded sport and reflex tests are not art. But I have faith in you, Sergueï. After all I created your ancestors so you cannot be evil."
Nelegus' warm face turned suddenly into a more attentive one.
"So, Rayman is in the Band Forest. Hey, I just got an excellent idea to solve all of our problems and I will need your help. Globox is imprisoned there, is he not?"
*****
Rayman felt grass under his feet. Ly removed Rayman's scarf from his eyes. Rayman had to blink for a while to get accustomed to the light and immediately he had to accustom to the landscape he saw. There were trees that Rayman recognized but then there were gigantic, oddly-shaped objects that from some reason looked really familiar. Rayman got a pile of memories that showed him adventuring in this place. All this caused him a massive headache.
"Why this place looks so familiar?" Rayman asked holding his forehead.
"It seems that they have assimilated parts of Clearleaf Forest and Light Woods into Dream Forest," replied Ly. "Now the forest has spread to Band Land."
"Only two of those names mean anything to me," Rayman told.
"But those other places have meant something," Moskito said.
"Let me guess," said Rayman. "Polokus will tell me about these swarms of memories once we get the first mask."
"Yes," answered Ly. "First we need to get past the gate leading to Band Forest but this place is swarming with rabbids and antitoons..."
"Anti-what?"
"Those small blue creatures. But in order to get inside we need help from Vaharnos."
"Who's...?"
Before Rayman could finish his question a transparent man appeared from thin air in front of them. Seeing him didn't bring any mental images in Rayman's mind so he was quite sure that they haven't met this strong jawed and small nosed man before. He had fine light purple jacket with white frills and green trousers and shoes. His skin was bright red skin, his eyes were bright yellow and his hair was dark green.
"So, I suppose I have an honor to meet the famous hero Rayman. I am Vaharnos, the former God of Hirlania."
Vaharnos reached out his hand for shaking. Rayman tried to grab his arm but it went right through him.
"Oh, sorry," Vaharnos laughed. "Sometimes I forget that this is only my astral projection. But do not worry; my body is in safe place. I have not actually seen it for a while, I hope it have not become too dusty."
Rayman tried to shake off an image of Vaharnos' motionless body lying in some forgotten place and asked:
"We haven't met before, right?"
"Oh, no. I have seen that you have difficulties to remember your past. Unfortunately we can discuss more about it after we have recovered the first mask."
"You seem to know awfully lot about what's going on. Have you been in direct contact with Polokus?"
"I cannot but I can see through your eyes and partially hear through your ears. I am a god after all."
"So wait a minute. Can EVERY god in the whole universe use my eyes and other body parts?!"
"Yes, but it takes lots of energy so we usually use that power when we feel it is absolutely necessary. I hope this information did not make you feel threatened. But do not worry, we cannot read your mind."
Still Rayman couldn't help but feel threatened by this information. To think that all cosmic weirdoes like Nelegus could spy his private life. Luckily his free-time was boring enough to drive out the audience.
"We should now press onwards," Vaharnos said and walked to the forest followed by Ly.
"Rayman," asked Moskito, "what ears was Vaharnos talking about?"
Rayman stopped for a second to think this mystery of his anatomy but then he decided to follow the others.
Soon they all arrived near to the gate and hid behind bushes. There were at least ten heavily armed rabbid officers.
"Charging there would not be wise," said Vaharnos. "Unlike most of the rabbids officers have not sense of humor."
"Since when rabbids have had anything that resembles any form of sense?" Rayman asked.
Vaharnos avoided his comment and continued:
"Just let me do the talking. I can use power I learned from Star Wars. I still cannot believe Nelegus and his underlings defined the original trilogy as major border case."
"Before we press on," Rayman asked, "I have to know what these 'border cases' are?"
Ly answered:
"Nelegus has this crazy theory that junk art is bad for common people's minds. In order to buy major border case art you require literal proof from three doctors that you are sane enough to enjoy them. Minor border case requires only one doctor's opinion."
"Yes," said Vaharnos "now just let me do the talking."
Rayman, Ly, Moskito and Vaharnos approached the rabbid officers. One of them raised rabidly his hand.
"Halt," the officer said and all remaining officers surrounded them, "we are looking some people and many of you resemble them."
"These are not the people you are looking for," Vaharnos said and made one slow wave with his hand.
"These aren't the people we are looking for," said the officer like he would have told how's the weather.
Even more surprising all the other officers nodded their heads with agreement.
"I still need to see your identifications," said the officer.
"There is nothing wrong in our papers," said Vaharnos with one slow wave.
"There's nothing wrong in their papers," the officer said and everyone agreed.
"Move along," said Vaharnos with one wave.
"Move along," said the officer and opened the gate.
After they had reached a safe place Vaharnos said:
"Unfortunately I cannot continue any further. I need to spy few things but I wish you luck in your quest. There are prisoners in these woods so remember to free them. I am off now but my contact will come soon."
With these words Vaharnos vanished. Rayman, Ly and Moskito waited for a while. Then a loud yell was heard above them. Someone was coming swinging from branch to branch. With great agility that someone landed right in middle of them. The man resembled Rayman very much: only differences were black hair and some yellow-black loincloth. Rayman's head was once again filled with memories where he helped to get this man's clothes back and where this man gave Rayman some seeds. He, like Moskito, has also been in some weird victory party with Rayman.
"Wow, Rayman! After all these years you're back," the man said.
"I remember that I have met you, but..."
Moskito interrupted Rayman:
"This is Tarayzan, the king of jungle."
"You exaggerate but thanks anyway," Tarayzan replied. "I have a very important thing to tell. Vaharnos doesn't know this because I heard about it just recently."
Tarayzan's face was grim when he continued:
"You're going to get that mask, right? You better hurry because soon it may be impossible."
Swarm of questions came from the three but Tarayzan continued:
"The swamp areas are really dangerous and filled with dangerous monsters. To prevent their spreading to other areas the forces of Nelegus is using some blue, bloated frog-like creature..."
"Hey, nicer tongue when you're talking about my best friend," said Rayman when he realized who Tarayzan was referring to.
Tarayzan was surprised:
"Oh...really? Well, um, sorry, but anyway, they're going to use his rain dancing powers to create a massive storm that would be on the swamps and prevent anyone from going in or out for next 30 years."
"What!?" Rayman yelled. "That's unbearable! What about all the residents of the swamps?"
"Nelegus gave them evacuate order but I doubt much of them will obey it," said Tarayzan. "That's why we must hurry before it's too late."
With these words they pressed onwards.
*****
Sergueï watched when Globox was tied in the mechanical machine.
"Is everything ready, professor Barranco?" he asked from a rabbid next to him.
"Positively, master Sergueï," the rabbid replied, "the dancers are ready to charge their energy in that blue, bloated frog-like creature."
"Good. Change the CD before we start the dancing."
Barranco didn't take well Sergueï's final sentence.
"But master, Nelegus gave us Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker so we could use it as dance music!"
"Please, you act like I was going to listen to Spice Girls. Just something that has more rhythm. Like that 'I like to move it', what's the artist's name...?"
"Hey, that belongs to rap music which is forbidden!"
"I'm a member of Culture Council and you're not, so take your opinions somewhere else. The discussion has ended."
With one wave of his hand Sergueï punched Barranco through the door. For some odd reason teaching that whiner to show some respect always amused him.
"Uh, master," Barranco groaned on the floor, looking out of window, "I think we have company."
*****
Many knocked out enemies, freed prisoners and collected lums later Rayman and his friends had finally arrived to the main building of rabbids' stronghold complex. First thing they saw was very unpleasant sight behind a window: Rayman could recognize anywhere professor Barranco's beaten features.
"I think that there's an alarm coming on," Tarayzan said. "Moskito, go with the released prisoners and prevent...uh...what was his name...?"
"Globox," said one of Globox's kids.
"Yeah, prevent Globox from being used by rabbids. Me, Rayman and Ly are going to find out a way to explode this cursed place."
"Okay, I can accept that plan," Rayman said and raised his arm. "CHAAAARGE!!"
Everyone charged inside the stronghold but a swarm of antitoons. Rayman, Ly and Tarayzan ran to another direction while Moskito, children of Globox, teensies and small pink, limbless creatures called electoons stopped antitoons' rush. Suddenly there started some loud music-like noise and some sort of singing.
"The process has started!" Tarayzan yelled. "Moskito, hurry!"
Moskito's forces ran through the hallway smashing antitoons and rabbids. Finally they reached big open place. In the middle of it was Globox tied is some device and behind glass was ten rabbids dancing with the music. Huge storm was forming on the sky.
"Hey, kids!" Moskito yelled. "Go to help your father. The rest of us will deal with those dancers!"
Globox saw his kids coming.
"Hey, glad you're here! I was getting little worried, this machine tickles me. At least this music is nice. Where's your mom?"
"I heard she and rest of the siblings are in safe place at some resistance hideout," said his eldest son. "We try to untie you know."
"Good," said Globox. "While you're doing that we must talk about our last talk..."
"Dad, please!" his son said while untying him. "In case you hadn't notice we are in tough situation where fate of the world is threatened!"
"Yeah, oldie!" said another son. "If you want respect then act like someone worth of it!"
"Why you can't be cool like my boyfriend?!" said his daughter.
"And why you had to be so uncool in presence of MY boyfriend?!" said another daughter.
"And why we can't be out late?!" said one of his sons. "In case you didn't notice rabbids were driven away!"
Globox sighed when 30 of his kids started to complain about various things. He really hoped this were "just an unwanted but necessary process to become independent".
*****
I feel really sorry for Moskito. His corridor was full of enemies and my group hasn't met any resistance or any living soul in that matter. He has to do all the hard work.
Wait a minute. Why does it bother me? In the old days I would have been thrilled to get into combat. It made me to feel alive. Hmh, "the old days". Maybe I'm actually becoming old.
Hey, is that...? Why on earth Sergueï is dancing by himself in that arena? Has this music something to do with it? Oh, and professor Barranco is there too but he doesn't seem to enjoy this situation. Can't blame him, if this is music then I'm not impressed. But I have to admit this is weirdly catching.
That door! It closed!
*****
Suddenly an unnoticed metal door closed separating Rayman from Ly and Tarayzan.
"Hi, Rayman," said Barranco's voice from loudspeakers, "long time, no see. How unfortunate for you that your friends aren't with you but it's fairer this way. Just step into the elevator in front of you so my master may begin."
"Go on," Ly said behind the door. "We try to figure out something."
Rayman stepped to the arena where he saw Sergueï watching him concentrated.
"Professor Barranco, we don't need the music right now so turn it off from arena's loudspeakers."
"Yeah, 'music'," grumbled Barranco and turned the music off. "Thank Nelegus it's finally over."
Sergueï looked Barranco with grim face and turned to talk to Rayman:
"Dance is always good stretching exercise before battle. I hope you have prepared yourself."
"You're going to battle against me? I have fists that shoot ray, what do you have?"
"My raw strength, of course," said Sergueï and showed his muscle.
Rayman had to admit it looked impressive and well-trained.
Suddenly a piece of plastic next to Barranco started to ring. It was a mobile phone, although Rayman didn't know it.
"Professor Barranco speaking," he answered. "Oh...yes, it is...sure. Master, it's for you."
Sergueï caught the phone and answered:
"Hello?"
"Sergueï, tell me first what ungodly racket you were just playing!"
"Nelegus!" said Sergueï terrified when he recognized the furious voice. "You can hear us?!"
"Yes, through the ears of Rayman! Did I not send you Tchaikovsky that you could use it as dance music?!"
"Uh...yes but I thought that using something that isn't art would distract our enemies to think unclearly."
"Oh," said Nelegus calmer. "Thank you for your thought but I have to remind you about Creature Rights Article, paragraph 45: 'It is forbidden to use anti-art for torture'. I hope I do not need to remind about this for second time."
"It won't be necessary, Nelegus. I'm sorry."
"It is all correct. Now, I called to help you in the battle against Rayman. Professor Barranco told that his cell phone is fully charged so you do not need to worry about low battery. Although you can only use one arm because of the cell phone but I can see through the eyes of Rayman so it gives you a major advantage."
"Wow, thanks!"
"You are welcome. Tell Rayman that we may begin."
"Okay, limbless champion. Let's fight!"
Rayman started to load his fist. Nelegus instructed Sergueï:
"From the position of his fist I can tell that he is going to hit your lower belly. Dodge to the left...NOW!"
Sergueï dodged Rayman's hit just in time.
"Strike to his belly! Good, that leaves a mark! Before he gets up grab his leg...Now spin...spin...throw him towards the plastic window!"
Rayman felt that and so did Ly and Tarayzan who were watching him.
"He's going to smash Rayman to mush if we don't do something and fast!" said Tarayzan.
"Let me think..." Ly said and looked the arena. "Hey, I got an idea!"
Rayman was badly hurt but he could still stand up. Suddenly he heard Ly's voice in his mind:
"Rayman, can you hear me?"
"Yeah," said Rayman.
"I bet Nelegus is giving instructions to Sergueï through that cell phone. Do you see that metallic plate in upper arena? That's a satellite. If you manage to hit it you can temporally disable the signals and Sergueï's moves would be easier to predict."
Rayman started to load an energy ball.
"He's aiming to your head. Prepare to duck...NOW!"
Energy ball missed Sergueï but hit the satellite just like Rayman meant it to happen.
"What the...? Nelegus, can you hear me?" Sergueï tried and looked his mobile phone.
Then Rayman attacked giving him rapid punches in every single place in his body. Four seconds later Nelegus was back on line.
"Hit him to the jaw!"
Rayman flew from Sergueï's punch but luckily it was quite mild.
"He figured out the satellite plate. Ly must have instructed him. He is charging and aiming the satellite! Put your hand in its way...NOW!"
Energy ball hit Sergueï's free hand. It hurt and he had to get to his knees from pain. Rayman used this to his advantage and sent a small energy ball to interrupt Nelegus' signal for a second. Rayman rushed towards Sergueï and raised his fist...
Straight to the face! Sergueï staggered for a while and then he fell to the grass with trembling power. The storm on the sky was stopped without anyone noticing it. Professor Barranco saw that the battle was lost and opened the doors that held Ly and Tarayzan.
"I failed you," Sergueï said weakly to the cell phone, "I'm sorry. Yeah...thanks, you're right; I just had bad luck...okay. Rayman, it's for you."
Rayman caught the mobile phone. Nelegus spoke:
"Tell me, Rayman, if you can. You have destroyed so much. What is it, exactly, that you have created? Can you name even one thing? I thought not."
Rayman thought this question for a moment but almost instantly he figured out an answer:
"Actually I can name one thing. I have created peace, balance and harmony every time your lackeys have come to destroy every good thing we have tried to preserve."
"I did not actually expect that you would have an answer. I just took that question straight from one masterpiece computer game and tried its effect on you. Besides you and the other rebels are destroying every good thing I have tried to preserve. Do you call that as creating 'peace, balance and harmony'?"
"Hey, now that we're talking about creating, why on earth you created rabbids? Their very existence is a mockery against nature."
"I'm right here, you know," said Sergueï weakly.
"I admit that their creation was a rather spontaneous move but they are just so adorable. Their slapstick humor resembles much like the classic silent comedies of Charlie Chaplin."
"You think rabbids are adorable? Geez, you truly are pure evil."
Rayman heard some sizzling voice from the cell phone and then the line went dead.
*****
"I, AM, NOT, EVIL!!!" Nelegus yelled when he threw the remains of his melted cell phone to the wall. "Mister Dark, leave me be!"
The dark matter went off from him and left the hall. Only Nelegus and Dirannah were there.
"Why, oh why people have to be so harsh to me?" Nelegus said and pressed his head against the table.
"They will understand, my friend," said Dirannah and patted his shoulder, "they will understand."
*****
Rest of the group joined Rayman, Ly and Tarayzan to the arena.
"Hey, Rayman!" said Globox happily. "I see that you have won a battle."
"Yes, good to see you," Rayman replied. "We must get blow this place and rest for a while before we can go further."
"That's right," Tarayzan said and pointed at professor Barranco who was standing on upper ledge of the arena. "Hey you! Where's the self-destruct mechanism?"
Everybody went silent and waited for Barranco's answer.
"You must have confused me with my clone. If I have designed something I don't plan to explode it, not even in tough situations."
"Come on, let's get out of here," Rayman said and pressed onwards.
After everyone had left the stronghold a portal appeared and gently swallowed Sergueï in it. When Barranco had walked there the portal closed.