Hey guys hope you like the new chapter and if you want the second half you know what to do.
Characters are owned my Richelle Mead
"Adrian" I yelled after him my voice broken as tears streamed down my face. I attempted to grab my crutches to go after him but he was out of the door before I was off the couch. I heard him lock the doors as I fell back to the couch.
I hated myself, I loved Adrian but I couldn't let go of Dimitri if I knew there was a way to save him. Not because I wanted to be with him, I loved him and a part of my heart would always belong to him. He was my first love, the first man I had slept with but my heart no longer belonged to him or myself. It was Adrian's and I couldn't imagine my life without him. My phone started to ring, attempting to clear my voice I answered the best I could.
"Hello" I said hoping that whoever was on the phone wouldn't realize I had been crying.
"Rose are you ok?" Oksana asked concern filling her voice.
"Oh my gosh how are you and Mark" I asked avoiding her question. Realizing that Adrian and I never got around to calling them as we had planned. The thought of him sent another wave of guilt through my body, he loved me with all of his heart and now he was wandering the school grounds thinking I loved Dimitri more than him.
"We are well, I was actually calling because we heard you are moving to the Royal Court in a few days and were thinking about coming for a visit if that is ok with you" she said.
"Yeah, that would be wonderful. Adrian and I were actually going to call you, he is out right now but I think we would be ok with me telling you" I said thinking that I would call his phone after I got off the phone with Oksana.
"Should I get Mark?" she asked before I could tell her.
"Yeah if he is around if not you can tell him when he gets inside" I said realizing that I still needed to call Sydney. I knew she was still a little put off by our kind but we have kind of become friends after everything that happened.
"He just walked in hang on" I could hear her telling him to get the other phone. They had the best relationship that I had ever seen and I was hoping that Adrian and I would be as happy as they were without all of the drama.
"Hey Rose how have you been? Oksana said you have some news for us" Mark said
"Well I was wondering if you guys knew anything about being shadow kissed and pregnant?" I said.
I heard Oksana yelling in the back ground.
"Congratulations, as you can tell Oksana is very happy for you" Mark said laughing at his wife's reaction before Oksana came back onto the phone.
"Oh my gosh Rose are you and Adrian so happy? I can't say that I know anyone that has been shadow kissed and pregnant but if there is anything we can do let us know" she said attempting to calm her voice down.
"Well that is why we were going to call you earlier. We wanted to see if you could teach Lissa and myself more exercises to keep her spirit from seeping through to me and the baby, but since you are coming we can do it when you come" I said happy that I would get to spend more time with them. They had become part of my family, it was weird to think it use to be just Lissa and myself but now I felt like my family had grown so much that I knew I would never be alone.
"We would love to help you two, I am going to have Mark book our tickets for the beginning of next week. You can tell us all about the pregnancy and what else you have been up to when we come" she said.
"Sounds good" I said trying to stifle a yawn that did not go unnoticed.
"You sound tired, we are going to let you go so you can get some sleep" Mark said.
"Ok, I will see you guys soon" I said grabbing the crutches so I could get up once I got off the phone.
"Ok sweetie congratulations again and we will see you soon" they both said bye and we hung up.
I sat there happy they were coming but worried that Adrian still hadn't come back. I was going to get something to eat but decided to call Adrian before I got up.
The phone started to ring and continued to ring until it went to his voicemail. I left him a quick message to call me back and hung up. Grabbing the crutches again I went to the kitchen made a quick sandwich and ate it standing at the kitchen counter.
I grabbed my phone again and called Lissa.
"Hey have you seen Adrian" I asked after she picked up. I knew it was a little rude but I really wanted to find him.
"No, but Christian just got off of the phone with him. He asked me to come over and hang out with you. Is everything ok?" she asked concern filling her voice.
"Did he say where he was?" I asked ignoring her question.
"No, but I was just about to head over" she said.
"You don't have to, I am fine. I will just talk to you later" I said hanging up before she could protest.
I felt an ache in my chest realizing if he was going to send Lissa over, he didn't plan on coming home any time soon. I tried Eddy's phone, but it went to voicemail he was probably on patrol again. I was tired but I needed to find him to explain that he was wrong. I wanted to save Dimitri because he deserved to be saved, his family deserved to have him back, not because I wanted him in my life other than a friend. But I realized as much as I wanted to save him I was not willing to lose Adrian in the process.
Sliding my cell phone in my back pocket I grabbed the crutches and headed out the front door. I wasn't sure where to start looking so I decided to head toward the gym thinking maybe he went to the lake to think.
The temperature outside had dropped, I scolded myself for not putting a jacket on before I left but didn't want to have to go back to the dorm to grab one. I was hoping I would find him quickly explain everything and get him to come home with me. I stopped by the guarding dorms and asked one of the other guardians if Eddy was patrolling, after a quick check they told me he was for the next four hours. I walked back outside heading toward the cafeteria to see if he stopped by to see the feeders. I glanced in the room but didn't enter. After what Dimitri had done to me I hadn't gone back into the feeder room. Partly because I was embarrassed because I knew there would be a part of me that wanted them to bite me instead for that endorphins rush. Those thoughts just brought up what Dimitri had turned me into and those were memories I was trying to forget.
When I didn't see him in there I moved on, stopping by Alberta's office to see if he had stopped by to get the rest of the papers we needed to complete the process to move to the Royal Court.
"Hey Rose how are you feeling?" she asked when I knocked on her open door.
"Better thanks. I was wondering if Adrian had stopped by recently" I said hoping she had seen him and would be able to give me some direction where to find him.
"Not tonight, are you ok? You seem upset. Why don't you have a seat" she said gesturing to the open seat. I was tired from the crutches and the little bit of walking I had done so far.
"Alberta I don't know what to do" I said feeling the flood gates open as the tears ran down my face and my feelings of hopelessness overwhelm me. "I love Adrian with all of my heart, but I can't just let Dimitri stay a Strigoi and now there may be a chance to save him and turn him back to what he was meant to be. How am I suppose to turn away from that?" I asked taking the tissue she offered to wipe my eyes.
"Rose when you were gone things feel apart, not just for Lissa but for Adrian too. I know you think he moved on because of Avery, but you know that it was her controlling him. But I seen him when he was not with her under her control and he was broken. I don't know how many times he came here to see if there was any news and every time we had to tell him no it was like a piece of his heart broke off. I know that is not what you want to hear, you are looking for someone to tell you that it is ok to go after Dimitri again but I will not be that person. You need to realize that your decisions don't only effect you. You made a promise to Dimitri to kill him and you tried and you went a lot further than a lot of people would have, but now you need to realize that you are not only responsible for yourself but that baby" she said handing me the rest of the box of Kleenex as the tears picked up.
"But how do I just let it go without trying" I cried out.
"Rose do you love Adrian?" she asked no humor in her voice.
"Yes"
"Do you love that baby you are carrying?" she asked.
"Of course" I said getting frustrated, how could I not love Adrian and our baby.
"Then that is how you let go, you put their needs ahead of your own. You realize that without you that baby does not exist and without you and that baby Adrian is broken far beyond repair" she said walking around her desk to kneel in front of me.
"I know you think you can save the world Rose, but you can't. You get to decide what you do, I am just hoping that you decision does not hurt the ones you love in the process" she said patting my arm before returning to her seat.
"I should go, if Adrian comes by please tell him I am looking for him" I said getting up from the chair.
"Rose head back to your dorm he will come home when he is ready" she said her voice gentle and caring.
"Good night Alberta" I said walking out of her office.
Once outside I sucked as much air as I could into my lungs. I hated that everything she said was right. By going after Dimitri I was telling Adrian that I loved Dimitri more than him and the baby. Now I was determined to find him, I could not have him thinking that I love someone more than him.
I had a hard time getting through the grass with my crutches but I finally reached the lake and disappointment sunk in when I realized he was not here. I dropped to the ground bringing my knees to my chest the best I could with the cast. Hugging my knees for warmth I glanced out to the lake thinking back to the time we were last here. I told him that I loved him and we made love for the first time. I started to cry remembering how wonderful and perfect that night was and now I was alone and Adrian probably hated me.
The moon was hidden behind clouds so the night was extremely dark, I felt goose bumps on my arms and legs as a cool breeze went by. I knew I should go back before I caught a cold but I couldn't get myself to move yet, so I ran my hands up and down my arms trying to produce some type of heat.
"You should head back before you get sick, I am sure the cold is not good for the baby" Adrian said his voice soft but distant.
Quickly I shifted my body the best I could to see him. "I have been looking for you" I said grabbing the crutches.
"I asked Lissa to come and keep you company awake and asleep, I am going to crash in Eddy's room" he said grabbing my hand to help me up to my feet.
His words almost knocked me over, I felt like someone was punching in the chest and tearing my heart out.
"What I don't understand" I started to say when Adrian turned and started to walk back to the dorms.
"Adrian please talk to me" I yelled at him since I couldn't catch up to him and it didn't seem like he planned on stopping until we reached our dorm.
"What am I suppose to say Rose? You have made your decision, the same decision you have made for the last two years. It is him, it will always be him. Apparently I was a stand in until you could get him back" he said turning to walk again.
"That's not true" I yelled at him tears pouring out of my eyes.
"All that I ask is that you wait until you have our baby before you go off on some suicide mission to save him" he said turning to look at me. I could see the tears that were falling from his eyes.
"I can't bare to lose you both" he said before he turned and started to walk again.
"I don't want him, I love you. He is my past you are my present and my future. I want to save him but it is not because I want to be with him" I said lowering my body back to the ground. My body was shaking so much I was having a hard time holding myself up on the crutches.
Adrian's body had stopped moving and he turned to walk back toward me.
"You can't have it both ways. Let me help you back to your room and I will call Lissa to come stay with you tonight" he said bending down to help me up.
"I don't want it both ways, I want you. You are the father of my child, my lover, my friend, my every" I started to say when a shooting pain went through my stomach.
If you don't know what to do it is REVIEW for part two.