Chapter 37

October 12, 1996

Emily stood on a small pedestal in the centre of the greenhouse. The usual stone table, recipe books, and potion sets were gone, replaced by three full length mirrors, charmed to levitate and rotate slowly around her. She scrutinously inspected every angle of her new dress. The robe shop made all the adjustments she requested, but perhaps it was too much.

The silk flowed gracefully down her body, feeling light as air, and cinched at her waist with a silver belt. It almost looked like she had curves. The hem hovered just over the floor, the perfect length and cut, with a slit up her right leg to her thigh. Her right arm and shoulder were bare, the scars on her back were adequately hidden by a highcollar and long cape while one sleeve covered her left arm. This was more skin than she usually showed, but she wasn't displeased by what she saw. After a few months of Sirius's regimental meals and the summer training with Harry, her body looked stronger and healthier. Much better than the wisp of a woman who escaped the locket.

"Emily, what can I do?"

She hardly heard the question. There was no time for distractions. This was too important a decision. Knowing her former Head of House, there would be an abundance of well-connected and powerful people in attendance at his famous Christmas party. She needed to look her best for the occasion. Perhaps someone there could help her find out what Dumbledore was hiding. She dug into every book and tomb she owned that mentioned the Peverell family. Their crest appeared so much it was burned into her mind: a triangle with a circle inside and a line down the middle. She didn't know what to make of it and the feeling irked her, like she was missing something obvious.

"This feels hopeless."

No. She could solve this. She was close. The ring cursed him, there was no doubt about that, but what kind of curse? Had Gaunt cursed the ring to protect the last of his inheritance worth anything or had Riddle return for the ring, like he did the locket? Was the ring a Horcrux too? But why would Dumbledore wear a Horcrux after destroying it? What was she missing?

"What do you think I should do?"

Even if it was a Horcrux, the ring was most certainly a powerful artefact in its own right, so it made sense Dumbledore would keep it close at hand. Regardless of the damage it did to him.

"Emily!

"There's no need to shout," she said, turning her attention to Tonks, who watched her expectantly from the loveseat, Lady Feathertop nestled on her lap, a half eaten tray of tiny sandwiches on the table in front of them.

"Apparently there was," Tonks said and took a large bite of another sandwich. "Did you hear anything I said?"

"No, but I imagine it had something to do with how worried you are about Remus being in the werewolf colonies," she said dryly.

Tonks finished the sandwich off with another bite and sunk into the cushions. Feathertop used the opportunity to stretch over her like a furry blanket, her large paws hugging Tonk's neck. "Sorry, I must sound like a broken record. I'm just scared he'll get hurt or worse..." Her arms wrapped around Feathertop for comfort and the Kneazle buried her head in the crook of Tonk's neck.

Emily nodded in understanding. "Yes, Werewolves aren't known for being welcoming to outsiders. I can only imagine the trials Remus is going through to earn any trust among them. A hopeless cause, if you ask me, given how easily they turned to the Dark Lord before."

"Then why is he doing this? Why would he rather be with them than with-" Tonks stopped, unable to finish, and stared at the ceiling as if she would find the answers amongst the magical plants. "Is being with me so horrible?"

Emily shifted uncomfortably. "No, Remus left because he's afraid."

"Of me?"

"Of what being with him could do to you. He said so in front of us all. You're just starting your life, your career, and he's barely able to hold down a job. He has nothing to offer you. And all the new anti-werewolf legislation will ensure he won't."

Tonks shook her head in disgust. "Scum like Umbridge have no right being in charge of our laws. It doesn't matter what people like her think. I know he's a good man. He makes me happy and I make him happy too. That's all that matters. He deserves to have a normal life and family just like everyone else."

Emily could tell she really believed that. There wasn't any part of her that cared he was a Werewolf or what he could do to her. Tonks didn't want to see the monster inside him, waiting to come out, to kill, but Emily saw it. When he transformed he would kill anyone that crossed his path. That part of him would always be there, lying dormant. If Tonks was serious about him she would need to face that fact.

"His life will never be normal," Emily said with as much neutrality as she could muster. These were the facts. If they upset her, so be it. "You won't heal years of damage with a few kind words. We might accept him, but he needs more than us, he needs something to live for. If you want him to leave the colonies then you can't go on ignoring that fact."

"I'm not!" Tonks said indignantly and sat up. Feathertop jumped gracefully onto a nearby pillow, watching them both intently. "How can you say that?"

"Because you don't see that being with him is a real risk. Having a family with him would only add to that risk. What if he bites you, or passes lycanthropy onto your children, or worse?"

Tonks didn't even flinch. "We'll be fine."

That she could be so certain drove Emily mad. "How do you know? Have you looked into any of the research?"

"Merlin, no, I'm not letting that anti-werewolf rubbish scare me. I know we'll be fine. I can feel it."

Her naivety was too much. Emily couldn't hold back any longer. "And what if the baby is in wolf form during pregnancy and eats you from the inside out, how happy will your blind hope be then? Or if you both have to watch a child go through tremendous pain from being turned at birth? How would you feel about that? Do you even care about Remus's concerns? Aren't you afraid of what could happen?"

Tonks looked hurt, but she didn't get angry like Emily expected. If anything her resolve grew stronger and she stood to face her. "Of course I care and yes, I'm scared out of my wits, but I still want to try. We'll never know if we don't try. I love Remus and I'm willing to risk anything to be with him. Wouldn't you do the same for someone you love?"

Emily frowned. Such a weighted question. There was so much she had already given up for love, to make Regulus else happy, to save him. And everyone knew how well that ended for them.

"Well?" Tonks pressed, unwilling to let her questions go unanswered. They had that in common.

"Yes... I would, and I have," she said and left it at that. There was no point pushing Tonks any further on the topic. This was her life. Let her live in wanton misery if that's what she wanted.

Tonks smiled, as if she got through to Emily. "I know you have. You and Sirius have made it through the worst and came out of it all stronger."

Emily's throat tightened with shame, but she did her best not to show it. Sirius hadn't even crossed her mind. Of course she loved him. But it was a different kind of love. "Yes, it's taken a lot to get here. I would do anything for Sirius."

"And I you, love."

Emily jumped as Sirius appeared, a drink tray in hand, Ruby trotting in behind him. He wore vibrant red robes embroidered with shimmering gold thread - basking in his Gryffindor pride. How long had he been there?

When he saw Emily he froze, his jaw dropping at the sight of her. She smirked. Not long it seemed.

"What is that?" he asked.

Emily ran a hair through her straightened hair, loving how elegantly it flowed through her fingers and over her shoulder. "Oh this?" She held out the emerald skirt and silver cloak, giving him a twirl. "Do you like it? I had it specially made for Slughorn's party."

"So you want me to stand next to a Slytherin banner all night? Loddy hell, woman, you'll be the death of me." He put the tray down on the table and helped himself to a drink.

"Oh like you're one to talk," she said, eyes his clothes.

"You don't know what I'm going to wear to the party. Though now I'll get out my best golden robes."

She scoffed, "Don't pretend you weren't going to already."

Tonks chuckled and Sirius looked sour. He had definitely been planning something.

He eyed her, not completely displeased by what he saw, lingering on her legs. She shifted so he would see more. He took another drink and asked, "Who are you trying to impress?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she said, flicking her cape.

"I like it," Tonks said, giving Emily an encouraging look. "Green looks good on you."

The compliment surprised her. She didn't expect the younger woman to take her side on anything. Especially after everything she said about Remus. Maybe she had underestimated Tonks' resilience.

"Don't encourage her," Sirius said. "Merlin, what have I done to deserve this punishment?"

"Oh calm down, I have another- Ah!" she stopped and grabbed onto her left arm. The Dark Mark pulsed painfully, spreading into every nerve in her body, holding her in place. Something was wrong. Someone had made a terrible mistake. The Dark Lord was so angry. The pain became blinding and she could only scream.

And as abruptly as it started, it stopped, lifting a weight off her so quickly her knees buckled and she fell sideways.

"Emily!" Sirius and Tonks exclaimed.

There was a crash and someone caught her before she hit the ground.

Emily took a shaky breath. She was covered in a cold sweat. Her robes clung to her body like a second skin. Sirius was calling her name, holding her tightly. Like she was about to disappear. She opened her eyes slowly, adjusting to the light, like she was coming out of a dark tunnel.

"Something's happened," she said, her voice hoarse. How long had she been screaming? "Voldemort is angry."

Before anyone could respond, a wisp of light burst into the room, a patronus, and took the shape of a jackrabbit. Its tiny mouth opened and a deep voice filled the room. "A student has been cursed by a Dark Artefact near Hogsmeade- ''

Emily recognised that voice. That was Proudfoot. An Auror she used to work with. For a moment she thought the rabbit came for her.

Until he said, "Tonks, return to your post, we need all hands on deck." Then the patronus vanished.

Tonks looked between where the rabbit disappeared and Emily, her concern apparent. "Emily, are you-"

"I'm fine," Emily said, harsher than she intended. "Go. Make sure Harry is alright."

Tonks nodded and left quickly.

Emily watched her go and a part of her wished-

No. That time of your life is over. Not that it was ever real. This was your choice.

Her eyes fell to her left arm and a whimper escaped her lips. She closed her eyes, pushing away a different pain. Her regret.

"Emily," Sirius asked, his voice soft, like she would break. "What can I do?"

She buried her head in his chest, shame burning in the pit of her stomach. "There's nothing you can do."

He remained silent and just held her.

Weeks went by without another incident. Harry's classmate was recovering from the curse she received from the Dark necklace she was trying to deliver to Dumbledore. Tonks confirmed the girl was under the Imperius curse. Harry was even more convinced Malfoy was behind it. Given how sloppy the plan and execution she could believe it, but Sirius and the rest needed more convincing. She was sure Harry wouldn't leave this alone.

They waited for more chaos -watching as fall withered into winter; leaves died and fell, snow and ice coated the world- but all stayed quiet.

Emily yawned and turned another page of her book, snuggling deeper into the cushions of her favourite black velvet wingback chair, wrapped in a thick wool blanket, basking in the warmth of a fire. Lady Feathertop laid across the top of the chair, her tail brushing Emily in a steady, comforting rhythm. With each passing line of the page her eyes grew heavier and another yawn hit her. She shook her head and pushed her emerald glasses up her nose. She felt comfortable enough to sleep, a rare occurrence, but she only had a few chapters left. However after another page her eyes slowly closed, the light around her dimming.

The floorboard creaked.

She jerked awake and reached for her wand, a defensive spell in mind-

Then she saw Sirius in the doorway, Ruby at his side, and relaxed. He was dressed in his black winter robes, back from their afternoon walk. She checked the time. They'd been gone longer than usual. Snow covered his hair and shoulders. Water dripped to the floor around him, his boots and gloves covered in sand. Ruby shook out her body, throwing water and sand everywhere.

"You're both filthy," she said and flicked her wand, vanishing all of the mess, and with another wave threw a gust of warm air, drying them instantly. "Cast a repellent charm if you're going to run around wild out there."

"Yes, ma'am," he said and carelessly threw off the outer layers of his robes over the sofa. "Dare I ask what Dark tome you're engrossed in? You haven't moved since I left."

"It's nothing sinister," she said, lifting it for him to see the cover.

He examined it and scoffed. "Ancient runes? You think I went to that class? What are you up to?"

"Why do you always think I'm up to something?" she asked, returning to the book. After being startled out of sleep she felt momentarily recharged to keep reading.

"Because you usually are. I've seen all the books you've ordered. Taking all those notes. I've left you alone long enough I think. What are you up to?"

"Fine," she sighed, closing the book. Apparently she'd been too obvious in her work. Or he knew her too well. The thought left a pleasant feeling in her chest. "I'm looking into an artefact Dumbledore possesses that's linked to Voldemort."

"Which one?"

She almost laughed. "The new ring he possesses. I'm sure you've seen his hand. I believe the ring cursed him. He showed me memories he's gathered and I saw the ring with Tom Riddle. I believe Riddle turned it into a Horcrux on his quest to become immortal."

Sirius looked thoughtful, taking everything in more earnestly than she expected. All of her fears he'd dismiss her findings vanished in an instant.

"Why would he wear a Horcrux after destroying it?"

"That's what I'm wondering," she said, her excitement rising. "I believe the ring was a powerful artefact before becoming a Horcrux. It bore the Peverell family crest. I found evidence Cadmus Peverell enchanted the ring around the same time my ancestor Ignotus enchanted the Cloak of Invisibility."

His eyebrows rose at the connection. All purebloods knew how powerful the Peverell family was. "And what can the ring do?"

"I don't know, yet. Cadmus was a very private person. There's not much record of him."

"So you're at a dead end. What can I do to help?"

Emily was surprised by the support. She thought he'd tell her she was wasting her time going behind Dumbledore's back. Then again Sirius never ran away from breaking the rules, not that she was doing anything wrong. She could research whatever she wished. But perhaps it was best not to bring Sirius in any further.

Her hesitation wasn't missed. "Really Emily? You know what doing things alone leads to."

"Yes, yes, I have another very old text around here somewhere you can read and summarise for me," she said, pretending to look for it.

Sirius made a noise of disgust and coughed as a bad cover. "You know what, research all you want, but tell me before you do anything."

"Yes sir," she said and opened the book to the chapter she left off on. Wait, had she finished the last one? She couldn't remember and turned back. Her eyes grew heavy after one line of ruins.

"Why don't we get some light in here," he said and raised his wand. The curtains flew open, abruptly letting in the light. Emily winced and lifted her book to hide. It looked well past the afternoon. She began around dawn, after she awoke from a particularly rough night of sleep. "Keep reading in the dark and you'll need those glasses permanently, Potter," he said and ruffled her hair, messing it up further.

"Stop that," she said, swatting at him. "Don't you have anything better to do than pester me?"

"Not really. Why don't we go outside and stretch your legs a bit. The fresh air will do you some good. We can build a snowman and throw snowballs to Ruby."

Ruby's ears perked up.

Emily sunk back into her cushions and said, "As tantalizing as being cold and wet sounds, I'm perfectly content here, thank you."

"Right, another day inside then," he sighed, the disappointment very apparent. "How about a drink then?" Before she could answer he was already gone.

Her gaze shifted to the empty doorway, lingering for a moment, then she dropped her book and followed him. He was in the kitchen, pulling out a bottle of wine and a glass. Disappointment still hung over him and she realised her rejection affected him more than she expected. A sudden urge came over her.

"I'll take one as well."

Sirius jumped and Emily smiled. She surprised him for once.

"Oh, now it's a party," he said, smiling widely, and summoned another glass. He poured her a generous amount. She smiled, feeling content for a moment, until he added. "Perhaps a trip to Hogsmeade is in order after we finish this round."

"Hogsmeade?" she repeated, her body tensing. She imagined the crowd of onlookers, the glances, the whispers. She shuddered in disgust. "Why ruin a good day?"

"What's wrong with Hogsmeade?" he asked, aghast she could say such a thing.

"Being in public is a disaster waiting to happen. I'll either be kidnapped, killed, or have more drinks spilled on me," she said the last bit with more spite than intended.

Sirius chuckled. "Are you really going to hold a grudge over that? It was an accident. You and Madam Rosmerta could be friends if you took the time to talk to her."

"Friends," she said, the word odd on her lips. She remembered the barmaid at the Three Broomsticks, the one with the dazzling smile, waves of golden hair, and other attractive assets. She hovered around Sirius like a bee to honey. The same as all the other witches buzzing about the pub. "I don't need any more friends."

"Come on, love, we need as many friends as we can get right now. Give her a chance."

"Why do you care so much about what I think of the barmaid?" she asked, eyes narrowing.

"I don't. I want to spend the day with you, somewhere other than here. With Dumbledore around, Hogsmeade is one of the few places we can go. Why not take advantage of it? Let loose a little. It could do you some good."

Her lips drew into a thin line. Was he calling her uptight? "And what if Dumbledore isn't there right now?"

"Bloody hell, woman, you're hopeless," Sirius said and drank deeply.

"I'm cautious, there's a difference." Emily took a tentative sip and winced. She turned away to spit it back.

"What's wrong," Sirius said, his tone tense.

"It's uh, very sweet," she said carefully. She hated sweet drinks, they gave her migraines.

"Of course you hate it," he said, taking another long drink. "You're such a snob. Everyone drinks this at the pub. You'd know if you ever left this dreary place."

She was used to his jabs, but this one felt sharper. Her defences rose. "Well everyone else has horrible taste," she said, keeping her voice light.

He laughed. It wasn't kind. "You always see the worst in everything" he said, resentment lining his tone. "Don't say it's them. You're the one making everything harder than it needs to be."

Her jaw dropped in surprise. There was more upsetting him than he let on apparently, but this behaviour didn't make any sense. "What are you talking about?"

A cold look took over his face and he spat, "You don't see it, but I'm always the one trying to make the best of things. To take care of you. But you could care less. You reject every single thing I suggest. Are you really that afraid of the world?"

"Yes," she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You know they're looking for me, and you by association. No doubt they heard we were together after the last scene you made in the pub."

"Oh so it's my fault, of course," he said, angrier than she'd ever seen towards her. "You'll find any reason not to be seen with me."

Her stomach clenched painfully. "You know that's not true. We agreed to take things slow. For Harry-"

"Don't use Harry as an excuse. You won't go because you're afraid I'm going to put you in danger. That I'll make a mistake that will cost you. Don't forget that we're trapped here because of you. You're the one who was stupid enough to become a Death Eater."

Her head spun. "I didn't force you to stay. You said you wanted to be here-"

"Because I thought I could have a life with you! I wanted a fresh start, to move somewhere new, but you insisted we stay here and make everything look like nothing happened. But something did happen. You left me-"

"I didn't mean to!"

"But you did, and I had to learn to live without you, without this place to hide, and I survived. I want that life back. I want to move forward, not back. I didn't spend half my life locked away to be trapped here."

"You'd still be in Azkaban if I hadn't found Pettigrew." She regretted the words as soon as she said them. She didn't think he could become any angrier, but she was wrong. He moved faster than she could react, pinning her to the counter. She dropped her glass, wine spilling down the front of her robes, the glass shattering on the ground.

"You knew the entire time he was behind it," he said, his face so close she could smell the wine on his breath. "You left me to rot thinking he was dead. You could have used your Auror privileges to visit me. To tell me Peter was still alive. I would have found a way out myself to find him, but you needed to have all the control and none of the recognition. Didn't you? You used Remus to get me out so no one would know you were involved. You think you helped me, but you didn't. You can't help anyone but yourself." He downed the rest of his wine and put the glass down beside her so roughly she jumped.

Her throat clenched painfully. Something was wrong. This was too drastic a change. He wasn't in his right mind. All of the compassion and love he usually showed her couldn't just go away. He was under a spell, he had to be. She needed to defuse this and figure out what was wrong with him. "I didn't mean to upset you, Sirius. Let's calm down-"

"Don't tell me to calm down! I've held my tongue long enough, so you wouldn't be bothered, but I don't want to sit and take commands anymore. I'm not one of your pets. I have my own life to live. I should be out there, fighting. Not hiding like a coward."

"I-" her voice broke and she hated it. "I hadn't realised you were so unhappy."

"Of course you didn't, because you only care about yourself," he said in disgust, his eyes full of hate. She wanted to wipe that look from his face, to fix whatever was happening, but she had no idea where to start. He reached for the bottle, but she waved her hand, pushing it away.

"I think you've had enough."

He gave her a look so cold, so uncaring, her heart stopped.

"You're right, I have," he said and stepped away, heading down the front hall.

"Where are you going?"

"Somewhere less infuriating." he said and opened the door.

She felt a desperation she couldn't contain and grabbed his arm. "Don't go."

He roughly pulled his arm free and walked away. Toward the edge of the barrier.

"Sirius!"

He didn't look back and disappeared the moment he crossed over.

Emily went numb. He was gone. Just like that. Moments ago they were smiling, bantering like usual, and now... she was alone. She closed the door and walked back to the kitchen, stepping to the counter.

She picked up the wine bottle. There was no label.

It all started when he drank this.