Rating: T for occasional language. Also see other warnings.

Disclaimer: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and all related characters belong to Nickelodeon.

Summary: Bradford has always blamed Michelangelo for his misfortunes and especially for his mutation so when he manages to capture the young ninja, he's going to make sure he knows exactly what it's like. 2k12 AU.

Warning: Warnings for physical and mental torture in this story abound, as well as for implied and highly disturbing situations. Trigger warnings may apply for some chapters. There will not however, be gruesome details. Some things are best left up to the imagination.

Ovkx: You're welcome. Yeah, that would be a good thing.

Ms. Dragon Reader: Having to say that just about killed Donnie but he knew he had to do it... Yeah, if nothing else, at least Chris Bradford is finally dead :-)

Sewer Rat in Tuxedo: Leo's definitely at his best when he's just being a brother :-) Sorry about the wait on this chapter. I just didn't feel quite ready before so I posted for my other story first instead.

A/N: Donnie asks for advice leading to a possible Trigger Warning this chapter while he's explaining things.

How Much is that Turtle in the Window

ch 43

{I'm fine with what u think is best,} Mikey finally answered, tapping softly but quickly. He ignored Leo as he frowned, trying to keep up.

Donnie pursed his lips slightly. "It's important that you have a say too, though, Mikey."

{Y?}

"What do you mean why?"

Mikey glanced at Leo, his heart quickening as he did. {B'cuz... well...} he shrank back, {no one ever cared wot I thawt b'for so y care now?} The sad thing was that it wasn't even just an excuse to cover for his current fear of Leo which had been totally throwing him off all day.

Donnie stared at him, stunned. "Th-that's not true!"

{But it is...} he tapped even more quietly,. {No one ever lissened to me b'fore or wanted my opinion. U all shut me down without lissening or sed I was stupid so... y do u care about my opinion now?}

Flabbergasted, Donnie paled as he thought back to all the times they had done just that. He'd never thought anything of it at the time or that they'd been that bad.

{Can't argue?} Mikey asked with a small, bitter smile. {That's wot I thawt.}

"Donnie," Leo hissed, "what's going on?"

As Donnie attempted to come up with a reply to either of them, Mikey struggled to his feet and began climbing out of the pit. He glanced back to Donnie when he reached the top. {Need to go. Pls, help me up?}

Donnie nodded numbly but shot to his feet and the top of the pit where he helped Mikey to his feet and passed him his crutches. He made as if to follow until, keeping his carapace to his brother, Mikey tapped, {U fixed the doors and taps, I'm fine on my own.}

Then he left, leaving a pale Donnie to stutter out an explanation of their conversation to Leonardo.

-:-

"Hey, we're back," Raph called as he entered the lair with takeout in his hands and Casey in tow.

"But I'm not staying," Casey added. "Don't wanna upset Mikey too much in one day."

Donnie looked up from his laptop wearily, "Doubt he'll even notice so you may as well stay for a while if you like."

Raph gave Donnie and Leo concerned looks as he stepped into the pit to pass down a bag of Murakami's. "Why? Where is he?"

"He went to bed," Leo frowned. "He left his door open, at least but..."

Raph dropped down on the bench beside Donnie, Casey beside him. "What happened now?" he groaned in disbelief. "Seriously, I leave for an hour or two and something happens every damn time."

Donnie and Leo exchanged unhappy looks. "We don't really know," Leo admitted quietly. "He's been acting off all day..."

"You mean since we left him alone with you yesterday," Raph accused darkly.

With a sigh, Leo nodded, "Yes but then while he and Don were talking a couple of hours ago, he accused all of us of always dismissing him."

"It's more involved than that," Donnie explained miserably, "and... he's right, we have."

"What're you talking about?" Raph scowled. "We've never done that shit."

"Yes, we have," Donnie corrected shamefully. "We've done it over and over. Just dismissed Mikey and his ideas as stupid without even hearing them out the vast majority of the time."

"Well, they are!" Raph exploded in disbelief. "And in the heat of battle, we don't really have time to listen to every stupid idea out of his mouth when he doesn't take the time to think things through!"

"While you're right about that, Raph, you could at least put it less rudely," Leo chastised darkly. "What if he woke up and heard you? How do you think he'd feel then?"

"And that's the problem right there!" Donnie snapped. "Look, I understand we can't always stop to listen but it's not just in the heat of battle. It's been almost all the time, mission-related or not. Being constantly dismissed and belittled wears on a person and Mikey's no exception, despite how it always appeared!"

Raph worked his jaw, struggling to keep from lashing out. "Then why didn't he ever say anything?"

"He did but we didn't listen." Donnie abruptly stood and snatched up his bo, holstering it with a flourish.

"Where are you going?" Leo asked, his eyes narrowed.

"Out," Donnie said sharply. Then he wilted unhappily. "We need to fix this and I don't know how to even begin. I'm going to go talk to Mr. O'Neil. Hopefully, he'll be able to give us some advice."

-:-

Standing in the doorway from the passage to the lounge, Donatello gazed at Mr. O'Neil where he sat working on his laptop in a comfortable chair.

"H-hey, Mr. O'Neil."

The man in question started, whipping around in his seat, eyes wild. He relaxed a moment later as he saw it was only Donatello.

"April said you were out here," Donnie ventured nervously.

"Came in through her bedroom window again, I see," Mr. O'Neil observed knowingly and Donnie blushed furiously. He went to stammer an excuse but Mr. O'Neil laughed and waved his hand dismissively. "It's okay, Donatello, I understand."

Donnie frowned slightly, not quite sure how to take it. It wasn't as though he could just come in through the front door like a human but April's father almost seemed to be implying there were dishonourable reasons for his actions. Sure, he'd long held a massive crush on his daughter but he'd never try anything. Not without her consent anyway.

"Relax, Donatello," Mr. O'Neil said, his expression turning serious. He closed the lid of his laptop and put it on the table to the side of him. "Is there something you needed me for?"

"Actually..." Donnie glanced around the room nervously, "yes, there is." He took a deep breath, steeling himself. The last thing he wanted was to bother Mr. O'Neil when his own state of mind was fragile but there was no one else. He felt at breaking point and he couldn't afford to do that. Not to Mikey and not to their other brothers. Especially when he was the one everyone looked to for answers. "I-I'm so sorry to bother you Mr. O'Neil but there's no one else I can turn to."

Mr. O'Neil's eyes filled with sympathy and he motioned to a nearby chair. "I'm sorry to hear about what happened to Splinter. No matter how I feel come Saturday, I'll be there," he promised quietly.

"Thanks, Mr. O'Neil," Donnie murmured through the sudden lump in his throat as he gingerly sat down.

"Call me Kirby."

Donnie's eyes flashed to April's father in surprise. "Are you... sure?" he asked tentatively.

Kirby nodded firmly as he stood and walked towards the kitchen. "I think we've known each other long enough by now. You're family in all but name and blood to April and that makes you practically family to me too," he said over his shoulder.

A short time later, he returned, a cup in hand which he passed to Donatello. "You drink it black, no sugar, right?"

"Usually," Donnie frowned into the cup. He drank his coffee in a variety of ways, depending on the time of day and how he felt. "Thanks."

Kirby sat down again opposite Donnie with his own cup of what Donnie knew to be decaf. After everything April's father had been through, he'd given up on real coffee. "So how can I help you, Donatello?"

"I..." Donnie's eyes darted away from Kirby to the passageway as if to reassure himself that neither April nor any of his brothers were there listening. "I know you aren't a sitting therapist but... I... I need to talk to someone about everything and I... I don't know anyone else. Being a mutant, I don't even have the luxury of finding a professional I can talk to. I know you have your own problems currently s-so if you tell me you don't want to listen to me or that you can't, I understand and will leave but..."

"Stop Donatello," Kirby spoke gently, leaning forward ever so slightly to show Donatello that he had his full attention. "You are right in that I'm not the best choice to talk to, both considering my own PTSD and the fact that I'm an experimental psychologist but by necessity, I do have training in regards to listening to people. You and your family have helped April and myself more than anyone can know and I'm here for you. I can't promise to do anything but listen but I'll try to help you if I can."

Donnie nodded gratefully. "Thanks, Mr. O... Kirby." He took a deep swallow of his coffee for liquid courage and then placed the cup aside and launched into the story, telling Kirby the basics without going into horrific detail about what happened from the moment they found Michelangelo to just prior to leaving the safety of the sewers to come speak with him. As he spoke, he felt awful for betraying Mikey's confidence but what choice did he have? It was all too much and he couldn't contain it all within any longer.

"The Foot hurt him so badly, Mr. O'Neil! They constantly degraded and dehumanised him, experimented on him, messed with his mind and memory and..." For a moment, he fell silent, trying to draw on courage he wasn't sure he had any more of. "Th-they molested and raped him, Mr. O'Neil! Over and over! Mikey freaks out now if one of us even touches him and h-he doesn't know it's coming.

"On the ship when he finally admitted what they'd done, he couldn't understand why they'd do such things and asked me why they would! I... I couldn't answer him, Mr. O'Neil! How could I? My little brother, who was only fifteen when this first happened, begged to know why they would treat and train him as a dog and then do something like that!"

He gazed desperately at Kirby, knowing it was something the only adult left in his life wouldn't be able to answer either and felt sick as he saw him trying to contain the horror he felt at hearing the dreadful story. Donnie shook his head and ploughed on. He wasn't expecting or even hoping for such answers, he wasn't that naïve. He just needed to get the poison out and maybe get some advice on how to move forward.

"Be-because Mikey kept trying to escape, Dogpound broke his hands and fingers and without treating them, had them sealed and welded inside metal manacles designed to emulate dog paws which were weighted to keep him down on all fours like an animal," he went on, trying desperately not to break but the crack he heard in his own voice told him what a poor job he was doing. "Th-they, his hands, that is, they've healed badly and now he has almost no movement in his fingers," he exclaimed, the hysteria building as he folded his fingers to illustrate the state of his little brother's hands. "And do you know how I found out about his hands being broken? I had to cut the manacles away and see the damage for myself!

"I'm only sixteen, Mr. O'Neil! How the hell am I supposed to fix that?" he cried softly, hyperaware of April, concerned and worried in the room just down the corridor. "I-I mean, I can research online and I've been d-doing just that whenever I get a moment but... but our anatomy is vastly different to both humans and natural turtles and theory is no substitute for actual or guided experience!"

Kirby made a small sound of agreement to show he was listening but didn't otherwise interrupt and Donatello closed his eyes in anguish, his shoulders shaking from the emotion he could finally let out. It was all so much pressure and mostly on him and he didn't know how to deal with it.

"On top of that, they somehow took his voice away so that he can't talk, can you believe it? Th-thankfully, he still has his tongue and vocal cords but he hasn't been able to tell me what they did. He... he tried to tell me once but we were interrupted and he doesn't seem willing to talk about it since."

"If you don't mind, how has Michelangelo been able to tell you anything if his hands are in ruins and he can't speak?" Kirby asked quietly, hating to interrupt but needing to know.

Donnie blinked in confusion for a moment. "Oh, uh... after we made it onto the ship, I started teaching him Morse Code. I needed a way to talk with him and he needed a way to communicate beyond a few simple blinks of yes, no and the like. He didn't want to learn at first but thankfully changed his mind and agreed." He managed a small, sad but proud smile. "I knew he could do it if he tried, but I had no idea how fast he'd actually pick it up."

Kirby canted his head slightly and Donnie wilted in shame because that brought him to the other problem that had finally reared its ugly head tonight.

"We've..." he sighed in resignation. This was the main reason he'd finally decided to come talk to April's father. "I'm sure you've noticed that Mikey's not the brightest of us. He has a lot of trouble focusing and l-learning when sat down and told to study. It's been a problem our whole lives and we..." he hung his head in shame, "we haven't been very kind about it over the years. We put him down and belittled his intelligence and his ideas or outright refused to listen to him over and over and until today, I never realised how bad we'd been."

"What made you realise?" Kirby asked quietly without judgement.

Donnie blinked as if startled. "I gave him two options to choose from and asked for his opinion. Mikey then asked why I suddenly wanted his opinion when none of us ever cared or listened before. Now, you know Mikey, he often says or does stupid things or... he did before anyway, now... he's not really himself anymore after everything he's been through..."

"Or perhaps he is himself, just a very traumatised and hurting version of himself who needs help relearning his place and worth in the world," Kirby suggested thoughtfully.

Donnie nodded numbly. Michelangelo would never be the same again, he knew that and he knew there was no point wishing for the old Mikey back when he'd been hurt so badly and had his innocence and lust for life shattered so badly. That didn't mean he couldn't be helped though and regain some semblance of a new normalcy. He'd happily settle for seeing Mikey learn to live without constant fear again and he'd do anything he could to help that happen.

"But Mikey's not as stupid as he acts," Donnie said, continuing where he'd left off. "He's not as naive as he often seems. Seemed. I think... we just never catered for his needs. He's very intuitive and..." he sighed deeply as he tried to explain. "Show him something once and he instinctively remembers it. Press him to remember and repeat it back, make him try to focus on it and it just doesn't work. He flounders, we get frustrated and then take it out on him." His eyes closed as he tried to shut out and overcome the sick feeling that began to rise anew. "Last year, long before all this happened, Master Splinter was trying to help me with my ninjutsu one day. He was trying to explain to me the way I overthink things and that it holds me back when there are times I just need to act and let instinct and experience take over. That's how Mikey works best. To demonstrate, Master Splinter attacked him as he was walking through the lair listening to music. Mikey didn't know Master Splinter planned to attack but he dodged every single attack and kept on going, eyes closed the entire time.

"Not long after that, I realised that if you show Mikey a room or a scene and then mess it up, he can easily put it back the way it originally was. Tell him or pressure him to concentrate on it though, it's another story," Donnie explained. "Long story short, he's very capable when you let him go at his own pace but instead of encouraging him, we constantly belittled and put him down and it seems we made him doubt his own worth."

"The more you are told something, the more you believe it, even when blatantly untrue," Kirby stated softly.

Donnie nodded reluctantly. "And realising what we've done made me realise that, intended or not, we've made an already horrific situation so much worse than it needed to be. How are we supposed to fix Mikey when he knows how little we thought of him in the first place?" he asked plaintively. "I-I mean, we don't really think that little of him but that's what he believes because it's what we made him believe."

"Then you're going to have to show him the truth."

"And how do we do that?"

"One day at a time," Kirby stated firmly. "It won't be enough to just tell him. You're all going to have to show him and you're going to have to reinforce it every day. Even if it takes months or years. Talk to him. Listen to him. Ask for his ideas and opinions often and really listen to him. Let him be part of the change, though I suggest you do not mention it's because of advice you received or he might take it badly or think you're being insincere. If he asks why, just tell the truth that you realised how important he is to you all and that you want him to know it."

Donnie nodded frantically.

"This is something all of you will need to work on, not just you."

Kirby pressed his lips together as he thought. "When you acknowledged before that I'm not the right person to talk to about this, you were correct. Ignoring the reasons stated, this kind of thing really isn't my area of expertise. However, even though I have trouble leaving the apartment most days, I am here for you and will listen or help however and whenever I can."

"Thank you, Mr. O'Neil."

"Kirby," Kirby reminded him with a small smile.

Donnie smiled nervously back. "S-sorry, M... Kirby. Old habits, you know?" he asked with a weak laugh.

Kirby smiled wanly and stood. "Wait here," he called before walking to his study and stepping inside.

Donnie leant back into his chair and worked to regulate his breathing. While he felt better for talking, he still felt like a ball of anxiety, ready to fall apart at any moment. Suddenly, he heard footsteps approaching and opened his eyes again to see Kirby O'Neil walking back towards him, a couple of books in hand. Donnie watched as the man sat down and began flicking through one of the books, the other placed beside him.

"After my own experience with the Kraang, I've needed therapy myself," Kirby spoke up with a frown. "The problem with me, though, is I can't exactly be fully honest or my therapist would likely recommend I be locked away for my belief in aliens and mutants. The lack of honesty hasn't entirely helped, though thankfully, I can skirt around some of the issues with generalisations."

Donnie nodded, feeling the shame rising again. This time about having taken so long to finally rescue April's father.

"All of you, not just Michelangelo, not even just him and yourself, need therapy after all you've been through in the last year. To be honest, you needed it even before this last year." Kirby looked up, catching Donatello's eye as he spoke and Donnie swallowed. He knew that but what could they do? They were mutants and had no place in human society.

Kirby looked back down at the books, putting aside the first in favour of looking through the second. "I have some ideas on how to help but will need to work a few things out first. However, with Michelangelo physically unable to talk or even write, that's going to be a problem. In the meantime, I can give you some advice." He closed the book and looked Donnie dead in the eye. "Michelangelo is in a very bad place right now and I'm sure you're aware you need to be careful about how you behave around him. He's had every aspect of his life controlled for far too long now and obedience and fear beaten into him. It's vitally important you watch the way you talk to him. The last thing you want is to say something that might come off sounding like a command. The damage that could do could be devastating at a time when he needs to instinctively relearn that he has a choice.

"You are going to have to be careful not to tell him what to do. Encourage him if he becomes stubborn or if you need him to do something for his own safety and well-being, yes, however, it must be his choice. It cannot be forced upon him."

Donnie nodded again, feeling sick as he remembered a few times he'd had to command his little brother early on. "W-we realised that after the first time Dogpound caught up to us. There were a few times we had no choice and had to command him so we could escape b-but once we were aboard the 'Umi Ryuu', we've been consciously trying to give him the choice without exerting our authority over him."

"Good," Kirby said, "because doing otherwise at this point could prove extremely detrimental to his recovery. Especially if you want him to regain his independence and ability to think for himself and make decisions."

Donnie frowned and resolved to bring it up to Leo and Raph again, to make sure no one slipped up and accidentally hurt their brother with thoughtless wording.

"Take this." Kirby picked up one of the books and leant over the gap between the two to hand it over. "This book has a few chapters that should help you with somewhere to begin. It's no substitute for professional help but it is a start."

"Thank you, Kirby," Donnie said gratefully, taking the precious book and hugging it tightly to his plastron.

"In the meantime, I'll look up a few more resources for you and get them to you on Saturday. I'll stay the day and if you feel up to it later in the day, talk to you about them or anything else you want to or need to talk about. If you don't feel up to talking then, you know you are always welcome to come by in the evenings."

"Thank you, Kirby, I really appreciate this," Donnie said quietly. "Leo might be our leader but with Master Splinter gone, my brothers are looking to me to fix things and I don't know how."

"It would be a lot on anyone's shoulders, let alone a sixteen-year-old with no training."

Donnie nodded numbly and looked back down at the book. "At least now I have somewhere to start."

-:-

Donatello slowly made his way home, taking the time to think about what he'd talked about with Kirby O'Neil. He'd been given a lot to think about, more than he'd expected if honest and he was extremely grateful for the man's support but everything was still far too much. The most important thing, though, was Mikey and finding a way to make amends for all the hurt he'd caused his brother over the years.

If only he, Leo and Raph hadn't been so dismissive all the time, Mikey might have had a better chance.

Donnie frowned unhappily. Mikey still would've been hurt, he still would've been cruelly mistreated and abused but maybe he might've been able to hold onto hope that they would come for him. That he was important enough for them to come for him.

He might have been able to hold onto himself just that little bit more.

Mikey was resilient, he always had been and the proof of that was the smile he'd once kept up at all times of the day despite the belittlement from the people who cared about him the most. Donnie closed his eyes for a moment in pain.

Despite their dismissiveness, Mikey had always been there for them whether to keep them fed or keep their spirits up and keep them together as a family and now it was their turn to do the same for him, their little brother in name and spirit if not by actual age.

Donnie was about to reach out to key in the code to the outskirts of their home when a faint sound or feeling of something that didn't quite belong caught his attention. Immediately, he shot out of sight into the piping above and kept very still.

His eyes searched below and all around, listening for the faintest rustle and he held his breath but there seemed to be nothing. He carefully reached down for his T-phone, intending to remotely access his security system when he finally saw it. Red eyes faintly glowing in the darkness.

He stiffened as he focused on them. It was small, barely two feet high at an estimate and oozing familiarity.

His hand twitched, aching to reach for his bo but he couldn't take the risk, not so close to home, not right outside their door.

The thing whirred faintly, making a chill rush through his blood, and moved, stepping into the light as it put its mechanical nose down to the ground as if to sniff out prey.

Carefully reaching into a pouch on his belt, Donatello pulled out a small pebble he kept for such circumstances and threw. The MOUSER screeched loudly and took off down the tunnel after the pebble and holding his breath, he watched it run.

Five minutes passed. Ten minutes passed. Half an hour passed before he felt safe. He still reached down for his T-phone, connecting to his security network and scouring the nearby hidden cameras and what he saw chilled him.

Three MOUSERS in the nearby vicinity alone.

They were going to have to deal with this but they had to be subtle about it.

Donnie swallowed and made his way down and to the door, then let himself inside.

-:-

Leo and Raph looked up from the pit as he jumped the turnstiles, obviously relieved to see him home at last.

"What took you so long?" Raph grouched in annoyance.

Wondering why Raph always had to be like that, Donnie couldn't help but twitch.

"Was Mr. O'Neil able to help?" Leo asked more calmly. However, Donnie still heard the note of anxiety in his voice. Leo was just as worried about Mikey as he was.

"Somewhat," Donnie admitted quietly. "At the very least, he's given me somewhere to start and I would like to talk to you both about it but right now, something more important has come up."

"More important than Mikey?" Raph asked hotly, screwing up his face in disbelief.

Donnie nodded reluctantly. "Is Mikey still in his room?"

"He hasn't come out since you left," Leo answered miserably. "We've tried to entice him out but he's barely even acknowledging us."

"You didn't try ordering him, did you?" Donnie asked sharply.

Leo winced guiltily. "Of course not, though... I admit I thought about it."

"Good. That you didn't, that is," Donnie said snippishly. "Because that's the last thing he needs right now. Even Mr. O'Neil said as such."

Raph rolled his eyes. "That's nothing new. You've only been telling us that for the last month already."

"Except we now have professional confirmation," Donnie pointed out darkly. He looked towards the passageway, aching to go talk to Mikey to try to start making things right but unfortunately, that had to wait. Instead, he made his way down into the pit to sit by his brothers. "I have a confession to make. I've just spent the last half hour hidden in the piping above our outer doors."

"What, too afraid to face us after snapping at us and taking off?" Raph sneered disdainfully.

"Don't do that," Donnie frowned.

"Do what?" Raph countered belligerently.

"Dismiss me, put me down. It's a bad habit we all have and it has to change for all our sakes," Donnie retorted unhappily. Now he'd seen it in what they'd been doing to Mikey all these years, he recognised it in all of them. "And no. As I was about to unlock the outer door, I thought I heard something so I hid rather than risk it. Then I saw a MOUSER lurking nearby."

"So you hid," Raph sneered again. "What, you can't take on a little, itty, bitty, MOUSER without one of us holding your hand?" he mocked.

Donnie shot Raph a disdainful look but it was Leo that shut him up.

"You did the right thing, Don."

"I know. If I destroyed it so near the lair, that would've given Stockman or the Foot a place to start looking more closely at. If I followed it and then destroyed it, I have no doubt Stockman would look at the GPS record to see where it had been and given them a place to start looking from," Donnie said softly, feeling cold at finally verbalising the threat. "I remotely accessed the nearby cameras and there were at least three of them in the general area."

Leonardo breathed. "That is a problem."

"One we are going to have to deal with," Donnie agreed. "It's a good thing my security is so well hidden and disguised but that doesn't mean it's impossible to find, especially by someone as intelligent as Stockman."

Raph snorted. "You're giving him way too much credit, Donnie. The man's a fuck wit."

"In some ways, yes but you can't deny how good he is when it comes to science and technology."

Leo nodded. "We're going to have to warn April and Casey to stay away for the time being."

"What about Saturday? That's only two days away."

Leo frowned as he thought. "We'll play it by ear for the moment, try to get more information and deal with this. If we have to, we cancel, if we can, we escort them a safe route. This means that for the immediate future, we're going to have to keep an eye on the surrounding area and no one leaves the lair." He looked directly at Raphael and Raph sighed and nodded reluctantly

"Guess I'll go call Casey," he grumbled unhappily, no doubt at the knowledge they couldn't immediately take the fight to The Foot.

Leo nodded gratefully. "I'll message April and take first watch on the security monitors." He turned to Donnie. "I'm sure you're anxious to check on Mikey so you should go do that. Then, when you're ready, get Raph and we'll try to come up with a solution to this problem along with what Mr. O'Neil said that you wanted to talk to us about."

-:-

Comments, thoughts and concrit are always welcome.

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