Oh c'mon! I said no flamers! Not no reviews at all! Review why don't ya and btw~
Disclaimer: Naruto... not mine. If it was male characters would be fucking Naruto into the bed, Sasuke would be weighed down and drowned in a lake, and Sakura would be castrated... wait she's not a man... or is she? Mwah hahahahahaha!
Uzumaki-sama? Are you happy to be back to your village?" Two figures walked, no, glided across the rocky terrain with a grace that humans did not possess. A small tittering laugh came out of the smaller figures mouth, a white and green swirling fan covered red painted lips. "Reiko, dearest. How many times must I tell you?" Amusement coated the words. "Do not call me Uzumaki-sama. I am Kir... to you and friends anyways."
The woman laughed giddily. "But Uzumaki-sama. I am but your faithful servant, I cannot call someone of your stature something so... trivial." Kir just shrugged and started humming a haunting tune. "Reiko, you do still have the scroll don't you? Without that, we cannot go through the gates without it being... troublesome."
A long white haired man tapped him on the shoulder. "Uzumaki-sama, the scroll is in your pocket." He coughed to cover his amusement when his master stopped and looked dazed for a second. "I knew that." He dead panned and continued to glide forward, not really thinking about it. "I was just testing you." Kimimaro's coughing increased, which sounded suspiciously like laughter.
A snort sounded from behind them. "Yeah right. And my dick is covered in flowers." Came the crude voice of the young Ryuukishi Akiyuki. A similar male beside him frowned gently. "Brother, you shouldn't swear so much." The voice of his twin spoke up, or in other words Ryuukishi Koichi. The polar opposites in personalities and mirror images in looks. Short and shaggy light pink hair that was braided at the left side of their heads with a red band to hold it. One black and one green eye, each representing something different.
Their clothes were the same also. Plain black shirts tucked into beige rolled up jeans, with a large zanpakto covered in wrappings on their backs. Kimimaro sighed at their constant... arguing (Well it wasn't really arguing if only one person is yelling and the other is on the verge of crying) and started to braid his long waist length white hair. Dressed in casual baggy black pants, with his ankles wrapped in bandages and black sandals. His lavender colored kimono top was loose and tied at the waist with a purple ribbon. His green eyes were trained on his master and savior.
Kir sighed and ran a hand through his long blond hair, cerulean eyes starring up at the sky. Flawless skin, sprayed over with a light tan. The scars on his cheeks had disappeared when he had merged with Kyuubi... that was such a sad time. His confidant was gone, but had left a precious gift in his leave. His eyes flashed a swirling black and white in color. (A/N: I'll tell you about his Kekkei Genkai later, kay? ^^)
His clothes were... surprisingly feminine. His figure practically androgynous, you couldn't tell if it was male or female. His kimono was white with light purple sakura flowers decorating it. The ribbon was also purple. On his neck it showed the head of a black phoenix, so smooth it was practically part of his skin, part of it was covered by a black dog collar. On his head was a white hat.(If you want the picture, it's on my bio, the hat is like Urahara Kisuke's from bleach and I wont describe Reiko till later cause she's still wearing a coat and her head is covered by a hood.)
Finally the arguing stopped and both brothers glared at each other challengingly. "KIR-SAMA IS MINE!" They both yelled at the same time, latching themselves to the boy in questions arms. "Mine." They growled. Kir sighed and patted both of them on the head. "Koichi, Aki. You both were such good boys when you were younger." He said in a whimsically. That stopped all four of them. "We're older then you." They all dead panned. Kir fanned himself and grinned mischievously. "Exactly." The Ryuukishi brothers popped him a raspberry and pouted, which looked weird because they were both at least a head and a half taller then Kir.
"So...? Uzumaki-sama, you still haven't answered my question." Reiko commented. "Are you glad to be back in Konohagakure?" (Village Hidden in the Leaves) Kir just ignored him and walked ahead of the group.
All the children of eve sleeping somewhere tonight
Dream of days when the shadows are gone
All the children of eve say a prayer every night
Praying there'll be no dragons at dawn
He sang softly. "What was that song was that Uzumaki-sama?" Kir hummed softly, flipping his hair back in a purely feminine gesture. "The Children of Eve." He said and then snapped his fan close. "And no Reiko, I am not glad, or happy to be back in Konoha." Tension arose from the group, the source of it... Reiko. Kir, was, as always, apathetic.
Trying to change the subject and get rid of all the tension, Kimimaro cleared his throat to get his master's attention. "Eve is one of the first children of earth, is she not?" Kir purred, deep in his throat and answered absently. "In a biblical sense. Adam and Eve were the first of man kind on earth. Adam first, then he needed help in the Garden and then came Eve. In a sense, people who believe in the stuff think that we are all Children of Eve."
The four of them nodded. "Oh. Look at that Reiko. The gates of hell." Kir said cheerily. Reiko snorted, while the twins laughed. Kimimaro just nodded while Kir grabbed the scroll from the sleeve of his kimono. They came up to the gates and two people were suddenly in front of them. Kir sighed and tilted his hat forward so they wouldn't be able to see his eyes. "Who are you and what do want in our village?" Kir silently handed out the two guards gave them suspicious glances and opened the parchment.
To whom it may concerns,
Open the damned gate!
Sincerely,
The Third Hokage- Sarutobi Hiruzen
On the bottom of the paper had an imprint of the Hokage's chakra signature to prove that this was really from the Hokage. The guards nodded and turned to the gate keeper. "Open her up!" One of the most unnoticeable guards the group has ever seen, yelled.
The small group walked through the gates, getting love struck (Ryuukishi twins and Kimimaro considering you can't see Kir's face/body same applies for Reiko) looks and suspicious ones. (Kir and Reiko)
"Uzumaki-sama." Came Koichi's hesitant voice. "Where is the Hokage's tower?" "Fucking bastard would have the highest fucking tower in the this damn shit stain of an ass fucking castle, am I right Kir-sama?" Kir smothered a laugh that was threatening to come out and stood on his tippy toes to pat Aki on the head. "Good boy." Was all he said before heading in the direction of the tallest tower in the village.
Aki stood there for a second, a dazed expression on his face, before running to catch up with the group. "Hey fuckers! WAIT FOR ME YOU STUPID PIECES OF SHIT!" He screamed, making more then one parent put hands over there children's ears and plenty of killer glared aimed at him. Koichi laughed quietly, while Reiko let loose a belly laugh that came straight from her gut.
Five minutes later they were walking pass the secretary with enough contempt that she thought they were nobles and let them through without much trouble, but with an adoring glance at the twins and Kimimaro. Akiyuki growled and slammed the large doors open, "Fucker! Why'd you have to be the top ass fucker in this place? DO you know how much stairs these pussy ninjas have?" He screamed. Koichi tried to calm his brother down while he gently shut the door in the face of a shocked secretary.
The Hokage looked startled for a second before smiling gently. "Kir! Its wonderful to see your group again." Kimimaro gave him a suspicious glance. "How do you know who we are, Hokage-san?" (He calls the Hokage, san, to show respect but he calls Kir sama because he is his master)
"Ah, Kir here sends pictures to me every year of all your adventures." He gave an impish glance at Aki. "Like what happened to a certain person that involved a screw, a bear and a fish." Aki grew red, before maturely sticking out his tongue. The Saidaime laugh jovially. "Okay, okay. You all came just in time to be ninjas. Kir, your test in half an hour. And what would you four like to do?" They all exchanged looks, before Koichi and Akiyuki stepped up.
The twins spoke at the same time. "We are Kir-sama's servants. We are his to use and order." Kimimaro spoke next. "He has saved us and is our savior, we will do anything for Uzumaki-sama." Last was Reiko. "I will follow Uzumaki-sama forever. I am but his servant and to be his for the rest of his existence." Sarutobi laughed and casted an amused filled glance at Kir. "It seems you have loyal vessels." He said. Kir gave a tittering laugh and opened his fan to cover his mouth. "Of course. You would think differently?" Kir shook his head and rubbed his... nails *cough* claws *cough* against his kimono. "I have the memories of my clone and..." He looked up, eyes wide and dazed. "I was an idiot." Was all he said.
Reiko and Koichi giggled as Sarutobi and Aki laughed. Kimimaro just smirked and stroked his master on the head in comforting manner. "They are in for a shock of a life time." He commented. Sarutobi thought for a second and compared the orange wearing idiot to the feminine and genius one here... then choked and nodded in agreement. "Are you going now?" He asked, covering himself up. Kir nodded and turned towards the window, about to jump through it... that is, until the Saidaime slammed it shut. "Door." He ordered.
Kir smirked and said the answer to the Hokage's prayers. "Jiiji, why have you not just use shadow clones to do your paper work?" And closed the door behind him. Sarutobi's eyes grew big and wide, before a giddy laugh erupted from his throat as he made three shadow clones without seals. "Do the paper work." He ordered and sat in his chair, reading a little orange book, perverted giggles coming out every now and then. "Thank you Kir!" He shouted, making more then one person think that the Hokage had lost it, while a giggling boy was on his way to the academy.
"Uchiha, Sasuke!" Iruka-sensei shouted. A duck butt headed boy stood up while his many fan girls cheered for him... especially Yamanaka Ino and Haruno Sakura. "GO SASUKE-KUN!" They screeched. Then turned to glare at each other. "See forehead! He likes me better!" Sakura aimed a small dose of KI to her words. "Ha! In your dreams Ino-pig! He loves me!" Many of the academy students ignored them and focused on the fight.
"Okay Sasuke, all you need to do is land a punch or hit on me in the allotted time." Iruka then settled into a basic academy stance and shouted out, "Go!" Sasuke wasted no time and immediately launched an attack. A few seconds later he as in Iruka's face while many of the fan girls "oohed and ahhed" at his speed. One fist was aimed at the man's head, while the other was closing in fast towards his stomach. Iruka ducked quickly and jumped back, and swung his leg in an upward arc that hit Sasuke, but the duck butt recovered fast and leg swept the older forcing him to jump. Sasuke immediately hit a successful punch on the man's stomach.
Iruka grinned and backed up to his clipboard, saying a quick, "5 minutes and 56 seconds." Next was the genjutsu part of the exams. "Alright Sasuke, now you need to get out of the genjutsu as fast as you can. And, of course, its timed." He started the hand seals and instantly, Sasuke was surrounded by clones of himself mocking his strength and desire for the kill. The emo gritted his teeth and put his hand in a tiger seal, yelling out a quick, "KAI!"
The clones disappeared from sight as the rest of the students appeared before him. The Sasuke fan-girls *cough* stalkers *cough* cheered loudly, making a certain Inuzuka and his nin ken hold their ears, of risk the fact of their ears bleeding. "Good job Sasuke, 4 minutes and 47 seconds." Sasuke turned his head to the side and ignored everyone, hi permanent cloud of gloom growing over his head. "2 more to go and your done with the genin exams." Iruka commented. "This part, all you need to do is get 17 out of 20 kunai and shuriken to hit the target." He said, gesturing to the small circle with a round dot right in the middle of it.
Sasuke just, "Hned" And grabbed five kunai, chucking them at the bulls-eye and hitting it four times out of five. This happened every time except for the shuriken test, which made his score, "Good Sasuke, 18 out of 20." ~Insert fangirl's shrieking and boy's groaning~ "The last part of the test is the nin justu." He made a waving motion and smiled gently. "First is the Kawarimi." Sasuke sighed and, after the necessary seals, disappeared in a puff of smoke and leaving in his place a piece of wood. Iruka nodded and wrote some non-sense onto his clipboard.
"Next, henge." Sasuke immediately turned into the Saidaime, while the fangirls SCREAMED in appreciation. Iruka grinned but inside he was thinking something along the lines of, yeah and we sure don't get that a lot. "Good." Was all he said in reality though. "Nice, change back." The Hokage disappeared and the ALL MIGHTY SASUKE appeared, instantly getting whistles of admiration.
"Last is the Bushin." Sasuke scowled at the world in general and three clones appeared then disappeared in ten seconds. "All right Sasuke passed!" SCREAMED Sakura. Ino stuck out her tongue. "He probably passed for me, he loves me that much." She said in scorn. Sakura snorted. "Yeah right Ino-PIG! He loves me more and he passed for me!"
FOREHEAD!
INO-PIG
FOREHEAD!
INO-PIG
FOREHEAD!
And that went on for a while, and only when Sasuke got his hitae-ate did they stop. "Okay next..." Iruka grinned happily when he read the next name. "Uzumaki Naruto." Many laughs came from the group then. "Tch. Why would he bother coming? He's going to fail anyways." Sasuke said with his usual arrogance. "Yeah! Naruto-Baka is so going to fail!" There was no yelling and insulting and that's what got everyone's attention. "Naruto?" Iruka called, trying to find the blond ball of sunshine. He sighed and said in a mournful voice, full of sadness. "I guess Naruto fai-" He was interrupted when an amused filled giggle came from a near by tree. Looking up, they saw a familiar sight of Naruto's yellow highlighter colored hair.
"Aw, Iruka-sensei did not sense me, when I was right here for the last hour." The voice that came out though, was not Naruto's. Instead it was light, feminine and husky, making more then one boy blush. "NARUTO BAKA, STOP PLAYING AROUND AND LET GO OF THE HENGE!" Sakura screamed. A small tittering laugh was her answer. "You asked for it Haruno." The voice said, and before they could blink, Naruto was in front of Iruka. "It's nice to see you again Iruka-sensei." He said in sweet voice.
Boys blushed and the girl's were instantly jealous. Long golden hair braided all the way down a slim body, stray strands framing the braid, while full pouting lips were pulled back in a small smile and bright blue eyes were aimed on his brother figure. "Ohayo (Hello~Informal version) Iruka-sensei. It is my turn, is it not?" Iruka nodded in a daze. "Taijutsu." He said absently and settled into the basic academy stance, Naruto, on the other hand, just stood there and took out his fan, making a coy movement and hiding his face from view, his other hand coming up to flip his hair back.
"Ready when you are Iruka-sensei." The child's teacher nodded and grinned, already telling what Naruto's game was. In actual battles, you don't attack first or charge in wildly or brashly. You waited until your enemy attacked first to analyze his or hers attack pattern. Iruka immediately swung his leg up in an upward arch, while Naruto just stepped back and was instantly behind the chunin, a finger out and poking the young dolphin's back. "I win." Naruto said cheerfully.
Iruka stood shock still, while whispers spread through out the small class of waiting to pass students. Silently, Iruka went to check his stop watch and gasped. "O-one minute and 23 seconds." He stuttered in complete shock, followed by the rest of the class. "CHEATED!" Sakura yelled. "NARUTO BAKA CHEATED." Said boy aimed an amused look at the pink haired bansh- eh hem, I mean girl. "Haruno-" He said, startling the class again, I mean didn't he have a crush on pinky? "How do you cheat in a Taijutsu match?" He asked, this time amusement was obvious in his tone. Sakura stopped her ranting, but scowled at his logic.
"Okay Naru-" The boy in question interrupted him. "Kir." Iruka tilted his head to the side questioningly. "My name is Uzumaki Kir. I have gotten it legally changed, so it is Kir." Iruka nodded. "Kir then,get out of this genjutsu-" Again Kir interrupted him. "I do not need to do this test Iruka-sensei." The chunin gave the boy a strange look. "And why is that Kir?" The boy smiled indulgently and held out a note he grabbed out of his kimono sleeve. Iruka took it and read what it had to say.
To Umino Iruka,
Genjutsu doesn't work on Kir. Don't make him take the test.
Sincerely,
The Hokage
Iruka sighed and nodded. " All right Kir, get an equal score or a greater score then 17 on the shuriken and kunai test and you pass." Kiba decided to speak up then. "HEY! Why doesn't the dobe (Dead last) have to take the genjutsu test!" He yelled out in anger. Kir gave a small giggle and sent an amused glance at the Inuzuka. "Genjutsu does not work on me Dog boy, so I do not need to take this test, as it would be pointless." Kiba blushed and looked away from the blue eyes that seemed to look right through him.
"All right Iruka-sensei." He said with a small smile and immediately swept his right arm to the side, sending ten kunai towards the five targets, hitting all of them in the middle. Not looking at the class his left arm did the same, sending shuriken to the targets, but instead of it hitting, it blew up on impact. Kir frowned and tapped his closed fan on his lips. "Hm... it seems that I got the exploding tags mixed with the regular ones." He turned to Iruka-sensei and smiled slightly. "But, it is still the same, is it not? Dead is dead, there is just more blood and gore." Iruka nodded and said with a small voice, "20 out of 20."
His face portrayed shock and happiness. "Okay Na- I mean Kir, Kawarimi." Kir smiled and was not there the next second, a chair in his place and him up in the same tree again. Hinata, a girl who's crush on Kir had ceased after she had saw him, giggled in excitement. "Henge." A poof of smoke later a cat jumped out of the tree and into Hinata's arms. ~Purr~ She giggled and started to pet the small tabby, then gently let it down to the floor. "Lastly... the Bushin." A hissing laugh came from the cat's mouth before it disappeared and three clones of Kir took his place.
"Easy." Kir commented. Iruka silently handed Kir his hitae-ate, then turned around, walking towards his office mumbling under his breath. "Meet back tomorrow to find out your teams." Jealous glances and glares were immediately aimed at Kir. "Hn. (Something you say if you're an emo duck ass with a permanent storm cloud over your head) Dobe, fight me." Kir covered the bottom half of his face with his fan, giggling girlishly. "No thank you Uchiha. I do not wish to hurt you." The whole class laugh, when Sasuke sneered at him. "Please you little faggit," He said, referring to Kir's clothing. "Like you could beat an Uchiha. We are of the Elite." He then looked down his nose at the empty space. "HEY!" He yelled, seeing Kir already heading home.
Sasuke growled and started going through some hand signs. "Katon: Gōkakyu no Jutsu!" (Fire Release: Great Fireball Technique!) A large fireball was came from the emo's mouth and the intent was clear. The fucking bastard was trying to kill Kir! To figures intercepted the fireball and sent it flying back towards Sasuke, who dodged fast enough that all it did was disperse once it hit the building. Kir just continued on his way as if a homicidal genin hadn't aimed a life threatening fireball at his back.
Sasuke glared at him and growled lowly. "Dobe." He sneered and walked away, followed by his loyal fan-girls.
Dammit! Some people suck! So I wont write more until I get at least ten reviews :0 oh and by the way... RABBITS ARE TAKING OVER THE WORLD!