Sobbing and keeping my arms around myself I just felt like I wanted to rush off into the ocean and let all of this be over with, but knew Charlie would never forgive me for just ending my life like that. But the pain, the memories were all causing me so much pain right now and with Jacob and Embry seeing them only made me more self conscious about people saying anything or thinking the wrong thing about me. Still on my knees I leaned over more still not laying on the sand but I was close, but than hearing the voices suddenly jerked. "Bella? We didn't mean to upset you." I hard Embry say and from the tone it sounded like he wasn't sure really what to say to me. Falling back as I finally turned to see both Embry and Jacob behind me with worried expressions on their faces and just looked down. Shaking my head some and pulling my legs back up against my chest while hiding my face up against them.
"Please just leave me alone, I don't want to talk or hear anything from anyone right now. Just leave me be and go away."
Without even waiting for an answer I was shifting up and brushed off the sand before moving slowly down the beach, keeping my arms still wrapped around myself protectively wiping my face though the tears only just kept coming. Letting out a light breath I just tried to focus on the water, but it wasn't helping and only got me more upset and with a few steps fell back to the sand. Crying like before and curling into my little ball once more wanting to just get rid of this pain. Shaking having forgotten I wasn't alone on the beach right now all I cared about was the pain, the memories and the fear that this would never end. Wondering if I would always be this weak, helpless person that men felt they had to dominate and brutalize. Even in the back of my mind I could see Jasper finding out somehow where I was and coming to finish me so I wasn't a threat to him anymore. Shaking my head softly and just unable to control the tears running down my face as I finally just fell onto my side there on the beach. Still curled up in the fetal position.
"I just want this to stop, the pain, memories." My words a mumble really mostly to myself since I was just too upset right now. My chest felt like someone punched me and it only seemed to get worse instead of better. When Jacob asked about the bruises it just felt like the walls I had built up was suddenly coming down around me. Fearing they were going to judge me differently now and think like everyone else I just attracted trouble or maybe even deserved the treatment I got. It was horrible and I tried to curl up into a tighter ball. Flashes of the last time coming through my mind and it only made me tremble even more, clinching my eyes closed tightly willing them to vanish and trying to ignore his voice, the words he said to me, what he called me. It was almost as if I was having a nervous breakdown, but just hadn't been able to work through this and get past it my fear no less stopping me. "No...make it stop...please make it stop..."
EMBRY
When Bella seemed to get startled by our being there I sighed some wishing our dad and Charlie had stopped us and just let her come back when she was ready. I just had no idea what to say or do for her really and I doubted even Jacob knew either. As she turned to look at us for a moment than pulled her legs up to her chest I felt my heart break some knowing she was in so much pain and that someone could hurt her like this. Sure I didn't know her all that well it had been so long since we last saw each other, but still it was painful to see someone I knew so upset and hurting. My fists were clinched suddenly at my side before hearing her voice and the tone only made it worse.
"Please just leave me alone, I don't want to talk or hear anything from anyone right now. Just leave me be and go away."
But it wasn't the words it was the fact she didn't even wait for us to say anything and just got up walking away slowly down the beach, seeing her arms wrapped around her protectively and it made me wonder if she thought of Jake and I as a threat. "Does she really think we would hurt her? I don't know Jake maybe we should just..."Jake cut me off by raising his hand and than slowly turned to look back over at him and shook his head some. "I don't think she considers us a threat Embry, it's just something like this has to be hard to talk to anyone about. And well we are both guys so it probably scares her to think what we might say or do if she did tell us." I couldn't help but to nod, Jake was right and hearing him made me understand more as we both turned back to look over at her, seeing her drop back down on the sand. Only this time she pulled herself into a ball almost like a fetal position and was crying.
Exhaling some Jake motioned me and we both started walking towards her, knowing we couldn't just leave her here alone like this. But as we got closer I caught some of her words and tightened my fists a moment before stepping past Jacob. We both didn't know what to do, but at the same time I had this urge, a feeling like I needed to hold her. Hoping it would help and not make things worse. Biting my lip as I pushed a hand through my hair and slowly knelt down behind her and at first hesitated before finally moving to pull her up off the sand and up against me. She at first tensed up and I wondered if I should stop, but when she turned her head to look up at me, it was like seeing only the shell of a person looking back. Here was the girl we use to tease and play with as children just so broken and fragile it was killing me.
"Bella?" I just couldn't think of what else to say and finally pulled her up off the sand and up against me, where she just broke down crying into my chest. Moving one hand over I lightly caressed down her back and just held her, seeing Jacob walk over finally with us. He knelt down and had the same look as I did in his eyes. We both hated seeing her this hurt. But it was odd holding her like this, my heart was suddenly racing and the tightness that had once been in my chest was gone. Looking down at her it was like a suddenly protective feeling washed over me as if I was needed to keep her from being hurt again. It was odd but at the same time felt so strangely like it was meant to be.
"Bella...let us take you back to our house alright. You can hang out with me and Embry maybe dad can get Charlie to let you stay. Rachel's away anyhow." Jake's voice was soft nearly a whisper as he lightly took her hand and she seemed to let him. His eyes like mine still seemed full of worry and anger though more towards the one responsible than anything. I nodded liking his idea only hoping our dads would be alright with it. I felt her move against me and gave a faint nod of her head to his offer before I slowly and carefully moved to stand up with her. She was still upset and with how I suddenly felt I just without thinking swept her up bridal style in my arms and we all walked back along the beach than through the woods to the house.
Glancing at our dads I just made my way with Bella in my arms to Jake's room, hearing him slightly talking to them and figured he could ask and I would try and get her to relax. But she didn't seem to want to let me go even when we got into the room, hearing Jake I turned a moment than looked back to her. Hearing the game being turned back on as I debated what to do with Bella or at least where to put her. Finally settling on his bed for now, at least she could lay down if she wanted too and still watch us.
"Here Bella lay down on Jake's bed its a little more comfortable over the floor and you can still watch us." Tilting my head some as I laid her down slowly moving my arms away seeing a faint nod from her knowing she was alright with this and let out a faint breath knowing tonight was going to be long.
JACOB
Seeing the reaction to them being there and hearing her words I just looked at Embry a moment noticing this was hard for him, hell it was hard for me. I'm the one who had to go and ask about the damn bruises but now I was feeling like the bad guy. Bella was so upset and hurting hearing her crying and seeing how she just wrapped her arms around herself I wanted to make it all go away, but wasn't sure what to do or say. I hadn't dealt with anything like this before so the right words just weren't coming to me right now. As she stopped a little ways down the beach and collapsed again I made a slight move to go than stopped. What was I going to do? She barely remembered us and after all these years we couldn't really say it was the same or anything.
"Does she really think we would hurt her? I don't know Jake maybe we should just..."I cut Embry off raising my hand and than slowly turned to look back over at him and shook myhead some. "I don't think she considers us a threat Embry, it's just something like this has to be hard to talk to anyone about. And well we are both guys so it probably scares her to think what we might say or do if she did tell us." He nod and I figured that it made sense to him now as we both turned back to look over at her, seeing her pulling herself into a ball almost like a fetal position and keep crying suddenly started to hit me emotionally and mentally. Moving a hand up I pushed it through my hair trying to think about what we should do.
Exhaling I motioned Embry and we both started walking towards her, knowing we couldn't just leave her here alone like this. But as we got closer I caught some of her words and saw Embry tightened his fists a moment before stepping past me. I just stopped and stood there watching wondering slightly what he was going to do. Neither of us both knew what to do, but at the same time I had this urge, a feeling like we needed to help her and that we couldn't just leave her hear alone like she wanted us too. I watched as Embry moved to her and than slowly knelt down, inhaling some but remained quiet, seeing as she wasn't screaming for him to get away was a slightly good sign I thought. Crossing my arms over my chest as he moved to pull her up off the sand and up against him.
Hearing her just break down crying into his chest I looked out over the water thinking for a moment than slowly made my way over to them since she wasn't screaming. "Bella...let us take you back to our house alright. You can hang out with me and Embry maybe dad can get Charlie to let you stay. Rachel's away anyhow." I finally said though was surprised at how soft nearly a whisper my voice was, biting my lip some as I lightly took her hand and she seemed to let me. My eyes where full of worry and anger though more towards her bastard ex-boyfriend. Looking up I saw Embry nod to my idea and now just prayed both our dads was alright with this. Seeing her move against him and gave a faint nod of her head to my offer I slowly moved to stand up letting Embry keep her against him. She was still upset and now I suddenly felt that we needed to protect her, to keep her safe and be there to help her while she tried to deal with this. Gently letting her hand go to walk along side Embry as we headed back to the house.
It was a quite walk back along the beach, and than up through the woods before we spotted the red house and I moved up ahead to open the door. Our fathers still on the couch and I just lightly shook my head. "Dad, Charlie were going to take Bella to my room, let her hang out with us while we play but if it's alright can she stay? Rachel is away at college so she can use her room."Letting Embry go ahead on down to the rooms while I was asking about my idea. Charlie was watching Embry and Bella since she was curled up in his arms, than finally he turned back to me and I saw the hurt in his eyes. "I...if Billy is alright with it...maybe it will help being around friends." His voice was so low for Charlie and watching him drop his gaze to the ground hurt, but I forced myself over by him and laid a hand on his shoulder before seeing my dad nod in agreement.
"Thanks Charlie, dad we will not do anything to hurt her I promise." I squeezed his shoulder than made my way down the hallway to my room seeing Bella curled up still in Embry's arms and let out a light breath. This was going to be a long night. Still feeling a pull to protect her yet wasn't sure why or how this happened, but for now I kept it to myself thinking it was just my imagination. Although I would protect her as best as I could. Letting Embry handle her I got the game turned back on for us to play and hopefully relax for the rest of the night.