Chapter One

The man in the suit entered. Probably some kind of businessman who had been admiring me from afar, behind the tinted windows of his limousine, who had finally decided to break the bonds of the restrictive class system to be with me, his beloved. It was fairly common. In tow he had some sort of bipedal gorilla with... was that a sword?

The behemoth was, indeed, carrying a sword on its back, a stupidly huge one at that, as tall as a person. It seemed as if it would be more at home in a cartoon. Come to think of it, a lot of the people in the theatre would.

"My apologies for disrupting any business, or interfering with prior engagements you may have had this evening."

He had certainly interfered with my prior engagements. The curse of being universally loved and desired, I supposed.

"It's unfortunate that the affair that gathers us together tonight is a troubling one. We are here because the laws that bind our society, the laws that are the fabric of our existence, have been broken."

I was puzzled. This did not seem like any declaration of love I had ever heard before. It almost seemed like this situation was not about me at all! It was a strange and alien sensation, and I didn't care for it. Hopefully they would notice me soon, so we could all go back to talking about me.

"As prince, I am within my rights to grant or deny the kindred of this city the privilege of siring. Many of you have come to me seeking permission, and I have endorsed some of these requests."

At this point I had mostly stopped paying attention, it was getting a bit too weird for me. Something about a judicator and a code; I had neither the attention span nor the vocabulary for this sort of thing. Shortly after, however, my mind was forcefully brought back to the scene as the big guy actually cut the head off my beloved! This was wonderful, now my backstory would be even more dramatically tragic; I couldn't wait to tell absolutely everyone at the very first possible moment! However, it seemed my new, rich lover wasn't done talking yet. He was still using a lot of strange words, perhaps he was European, and my mind was trailing off again until...

"This is bullshit!"

Oh my God, a rebel! From the rows rose my new prince; he had kind of a weird moustache thing going on, but oh, he was so muscular! I wasn't even sure which of the two guys I would allow to shower me with praise and adoration. Maybe I could have them both? Oh, or better yet, they could fight to the death over me! Sadly, my new rugged vigilante boyfriend soon stormed out of the theatre in a jealous rage over something my handsome, wealthy lover said. I'm not sure what, I wasn't paying attention.

The play ended, and Money Man brought me with him. He started using those big, fancy, European words again, so I didn't understand much of what he said, but it was very romantic! I assumed he was taking me to his limousine, and I was just getting ready to take my clothes off when he led me to... an alley. I'll admit, I was fairly used to that, but I was expecting better from this one! Worst of all, he accidentally locked the door behind me, and couldn't join me. As I started pounding on the door, calling for him to come play with my raven locks and my very curvaceous and very round body, I was addressed by a guy who looked more like my usual lovers.

"Hey, kiddo, calm down. What's your name?"

"I am Marie Susan Draculette. Are you going to be my boyfriend, too?"