Chapter Five

Since I had had my revelation, it had become clear that there needed to be some very new rules in this place, to accommodate my important role in this vampire stuff. As I brought back the astrolite to Mercurio, he told me that I had to take it to some warehouse of which he didn't even know the location. Obviously, that would not do at all.

"Listen up, Cripple-boy, you had better find me a better story to star in, and fast. Something glamorous with at least seven love interests."

"Wh... what? But these are Lacroix' orders."

"Oh, yes, my pining lover, that sounds much better. Where can I find him?"

He gave me directions, and I took a taxi to Lacroix' tower downtown. This story was clearly lacking in hot, spicy love scenes, and I would give it more than it could handle.

I strode into the building past the curious security guy; normally I would have stopped for the strip-search, but this guy looked like he would rather strip the wrapping off a hamburger, and besides, I was on a mission. I took the lift to the top floor, as that was the only appropriate floor for a man worthy of me. Sure enough, there he was, though the welcome was not as affectionate as one would have expected.

"You? What are you doing here? You were not to return until you had finished your mission!"

Obviously, he was just playing hard-to-get.

"I have a much more fun mission now, honey, and it's just for the two of us. And, uh, maybe the big guy, but I'd honestly prefer it if he waited outside."

I put on my most suave face, not quite sure if what I said made any sense. Lacroix' expression of pure, unbridled puzzlement did little to alleviate my concern.

"What on earth are you talking about? Bah, actually, never mind that, I have a much more important task, and no free operatives to carry it out. A ship has anchored off the coast, the Elizabeth Dane, and it is carrying a very important item: the Ankaran Sarcophagus. I need you to investigate."

A sarcophagus. I came for hot vampire action, and now I am being sent off to do aquatic archaeology.

I couldn't understand it. I was the sexiest vampire alive, ready to kick ass and seduce both man and beast in my erotic adventures of the night. But my fights weren't as cool as they should be, my partners weren't as enthusiastic as one would expect. But then I realised it. It wasn't my enchanting raven hair, it was as shiny and sticky as ever. It wasn't the fault of my hot body, it was as big and beautiful as ever. My chest real estate wasn't to blame, it was as floppy as ever.

It was the writer [?]

But I knew what to do with uncooperative writers [!]

And once I had taken care of him, this story would go by my rules! [!]

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fuck