Gillian sat cross legged across from Cal. Both of them were on the bed, their lamps on, half undressed, just about ready to go to sleep. The room was dim around the edges and it was like they were sitting within their own little bubble. Gillian seemed excited and her hands fidgeted around each other and with the bedspread and that kind of happy expression on her face made Cal feel light inside. He waited for her to speak first. She was the one who said she wanted to talk.

"Guess what?" She finally asked.

"What?" Cal responded immediately. He couldn't help but smile. She had good news. He could tell. What was the good news?

"I'm pregnant," she blurted and she leaped forward into his arms, catching him off balance, while his stomach lurched.

Cal woke with a twitch. His heart was hammering. It was hot. He could feel himself sweating, his skin prickling. Gillian was pressed up close next to him. He threw back the covers but she was like a furnace. "Gill," he gave her a gentle shake. "Move ova," he whispered. "You're too hot for me." He used a hand to gently guide her. She muttered a little and rolled on to her other side. Now she was in the middle of the bed and Cal didn't have anywhere to go. He sat up, got up, the removal of her body and the blankets not cooling him fast enough. He sat on the edge of the bed, steadfastly ignoring the clock. He didn't know what time it was. And he didn't want to know. This baby stuff was really messing with his head.

There were just way too many 'what if's' when it came to adoption and even more when it came down to this one. Or this potential one, because nothing had been set in stone yet, and that was what killed him the most. All he knew was that a woman wanted to meet them because she saw something in Gillian's profile from over seven years ago that she liked. Not him. Gillian. And if this young woman liked what she saw in both of them now, she was going to let them have her baby. It just seemed liked the strangest situation. It was so very sudden, so very surreal, so very speculative.

This woman had been looking for months but the Lightman's hadn't even been in the same boat. Not even in the same galaxy. And through some sort of fluke or administration error or cruel joke, the wheels were starting to churn. Gillian wanted this and Cal couldn't say no. He didn't even want to dig his heels in, not really. But he hadn't forgotten about New York. It had only been nine months since then; they had moved on but it was still the recent past. Sometimes it still woke him up in the night. Now this was waking him up in the night.

For something to do, Cal got up and checked on Lewis. He had kicked his bed covers into a ball against the wall. His pillow had fallen off the bed and Lewis's pyjama top had ridden up so high Cal actually wondered if he was choking on it. He tugged it down again and Lewis muttered in his sleep. He shifted slightly and a hand came down to smack Cal in the face as he leaned over his son. Cal moved his arm into a more comfortable position and left the covers off; the little boy felt warm enough.

"Lewis?" Gillian muttered as Cal climbed into bed again.

"It's fine," Cal told her. "Go back to sleep."

"I am asleep."

PJ

Cal woke. The room was light and it was nice and warm and no one was yelling from the bedroom next to theirs, or from the doorway, or worse, in his ear. He rolled and found Gillian in the middle of the bed still and draped an arm over her waist. They could have five minutes to themselves.

"Hmm?" She murmured. "Is it time to wake up?"

"I dunno," Cal muttered.

"Did the alarm go off?" She asked sleepily.

"No."

She squirmed against him, fitting against his body better. Cal dropped his head into the back of her neck and snuggled.

They woke again to the sound of the alarm this time. Gillian switched it off and they both turned on to their backs, finding their own ways to waking up properly. Cal periodically pried his eyes open, only to find them blurry and burny. He really needed more sleep. It always felt like he needed more sleep. Wasn't it meant to get easier when the baby slept through the night? Lewis was two and slept eleven hours on average a night. Maybe Cal needed to go to bed at eight o'clock too.

He sat up and picked the sleep out of his eyes then ran his hand over his face and into the scruff on his cheeks. It was getting itchy and he scratched desperately at a spot just under his jaw.

"Got fleas?" Gillian asked from her pillow.

"Nope," Cal responded.

"Are you going to shave?" She sounded so hopeful and excited as she asked.

"Yep," he started to find his way out of bed.

"Yay!" She answered sounding genuinely happy. Cal smiled to himself as he crossed to open the curtains on a grey day. "I'll schedule you in for sex tonight then. Make sure you get home early so we can get rid of Lewis."

"So romantic," Cal turned back to face her.

"Aww want me to buy you flowers and light a couple of candles later?"

"Yes," Cal pouted at her while walking around the bed to the bathroom. After emptying his bladder he grabbed his toothbrush and stepped into the shower. When he stepped out again Lewis came racing in. "Good mornin'," Cal greeted him as he wrapped a towel around his waist.

"Hi Dad," Lewis answered him haltingly. Good morning was still too much of a mouthful, even if he could sign it.

"Where's your Mum gone?" Cal peered into the bedroom. The bed was empty and unmade but Gillian wasn't on the other side of the room getting dressed either. Cal figured this was his way of being told he was on Dad duties this morning. He lifted Lewis to sit to the vanity next to the sink.

"Oooh," Lewis reached for the canister of shaving foam, but not fast enough, Cal grabbed it out of his reach.

"Here," Cal took Lewis's hand and squirted a small amount of shaving foam on to his palm.

"Oooh, look," Lewis murmured.

"Foam," Cal told him.

"Home," Lewis repeated taking his left index finger and poking it into the middle of the pile of white.

"Foam," Cal tried again, annunciating the 'f' sound. Lewis looked confused. Cal moved on. He squirted foam onto his own hand and spread it over his cheeks and down on to his neck. "Like this," he indicated Lewis should do the same. Lewis brought his hand up to his face and stuck out his tongue to taste it. "No! Yucky," Cal shook his head and made a 'no' sign out of his hand; bringing his thumb, index and middle finger together on his right hand. He didn't know what 'yuck' was. Cal washed his hand with warm water and filled the sink while Lewis spread his shaving foam through his fingers and made little noises of delight.

Cal shaved carefully and then used the back of his razor to run along his son's baby soft cheeks when Lewis demanded, "me too!" Lewis laughed and tried to take the razor but Cal held it back. "Let Daddy do it," he told him. Lewis acquiesced.

Cal rinsed his blade carefully and snapped it back on its holder. He let the plug out of the sink and got a washcloth to wipe away any access foam from his face. He ran it under the water to get it warm and wiped Lewis's face first. "Very nice," Cal told him. He lowered Lewis to the floor and suggested he go and show Mum. Lewis took off. Cal rinsed the cloth again and pressed it against his entire face, starting with his eyes. The warmth felt really good and probably woke him up more than the shower had. He got the foam from his ear and ran it over his now smooth cheeks and down his neck. A sharp stab of pain made him pull back abruptly. He examined his neck in the mirror. There was a little lump like a bug bite. Great, now something besides Gillian was attempting to eat him in his sleep.

Cal got dressed and went to the kitchen and as he strolled in Gillian swooped on him from the bench where she was buttering toast. "Let me feel, let me feel," she bounced excitedly. She wasn't wearing a bra; it was delightful watching her jig with anticipation. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her cheek against his and gave an appreciative 'mmmm'. It was almost worth shaving regularly but...

"See now if I shaved everyday it wouldn't be this excitin' would it?"

"Hmmm," Gillian hummed, while they stood cheek to cheek. Cal put his arms around her waist and rocked them both side to side gently. Gillian hugged him tighter, just a hug now.

Cal turned his head to kiss her cheek. "You all right luv?"

"Yes."

Cal held her a little longer. "Really all right?"

"Just thinking."

Cal pulled her back a little and she gave him a slight smile and turned back to breakfast while Cal wondered what the hell that was all about, and a little pebble of dread fell onto the pile with the rest of them in his stomach.

PJ

"No!" Cal complained. "Too fast!" He stilled Gillian's hands. "You have to do it slowa for me darlin'." He let her hands go and watched them intently as they moved again. He looked up at her eyes. "Was that rude?"

"Cal," she smacked his knee lightly. "Pay attention."

"I was just askin'. Was it rude?"

"You tell me," she signed it again.

"I don't know," Cal complained again. He groaned and fell sideways on to the bed.

Gillian gave a light laugh and petted his knee. "Aw come on," she coaxed.

Cal sat up again. "This is hard."

"I know. That's why we have to practice."

Cal pouted.

"And that was rude," Gillian told him pointedly, using his understanding of the word. Rude in American meant impolite. Rude in British usually meant it had a sexual connotation. Or maybe that was just what rude meant in Cal's head.

He grinned. "All right, all right. Show me again."

Gillian signed the simple phrase.

"Uh you said, let me love you long time."

Gillian tried not to smile. "Nope. Are you taking this seriously?"

"Tryin' not to."

"I can tell," she added sardonically.

"One more time."

Gillian signed it patiently once more. At least signing it over and over for Cal meant she was learning it without having to think.

"Uh, you said, you and I should..." He thought. "Um, somethin' to do with the letta 'x'."

"Uh huh," Gillian nodded.

Cal thought for a moment. She had placed it under her eye and let it trail down. What would 'x' be short for? And what did it have to do with her eye? "Watch somethin' x rated."

Gillian smiled slightly. "Close."

"Oh," Cal gave her an impressed expression.

"But not really."

"Aw see this is no fair! You get to look up these words and I have to guess them."

"Not guess, work out. You know this means 'look'," she signed it. "So how would this," and she brought the 'x' finger under eye again, "Mean that we should watch something x rated?"

"Are you gettin' grumpy with me?"

"A little bit," Gillian let out a sigh. "You're supposed to be able to read faces."

Cal lowered his eyes at her, his way of 'not reacting'. He did it whenever anyone challenged him and then he fixed an 'amused' expression on his face and sat there and watched her. Daring her to continue. "There an underlyin' issue you wanna bring up luv?"

"No. I just want you to take this more seriously."

"I can't take it any more seriously than I do. I go to the lessons with you, I try to sign for our son, I undastand everythin' he signs to me. You want me to become fluent in six months and thats just not gonna happen. It takes me a long time to learn this stuff."

She wanted to be able to accuse him of spending too much time watching sports, or drinking in bars, or... anything else besides the explanation he had just given her. "I'm pushing too hard huh?"

Cal reached out and took her hand. "No, you just want the best for our family and I can't fault you on that. But can you cut me some slack?"

Gillian relaxed her shoulders. "Course."

"And can you tell me what that last one was?"

"Sex."

Cal raised an eyebrow. "Really?" A pause. He lowered his tone when he spoke next, "You and I should have sex?"

Gillian nodded.

"A bit forward innit?"

Gillian gave a slight smile. She brought a hand to his smooth cheek. "What do you expect?"

Cal grinned. "This convasation is so bipola."

"Bipolar?" Gillian smoothed her thumb over his jaw.

"One minute, we're fightin' the next you're suggestin' we have sex."

"To be fair I started out suggesting we have sex."

Cal's grin got a little broader. Almost time to kiss her. Not quite yet. Tease it out a little bit more. "Are you really mad at me?"

"No. Just trying to do what I think is best for Lewis."

"Love that about you."

She gave a little pleased smile.

"Now, how is it that you always learn all the rude signs?"

Gillian's smile got deeper. "It's fun to tease you."

Cal's next response was a little grunt and he leaned forward to press his lips against her. Time to step up the teasing to the physical level.