"You're movin' quickly on this," Cal noted casually.

"She's eight months along," Gail responded warmly.

'Geeze,' Cal thought. His balls tightened uncomfortably to remind him that he wasn't happy about the situation. Like he could forget. He and Gillian were bickering about everything now besides this subject, which meant this subject was right at the heart of all the arguing. He was tense and uncomfortable and his instincts were telling him to back off, to let this go, to just say 'no'. But his head kept telling him that this was for Gillian. It was just the next step. It was just a meeting. They weren't signing their lives away. It wasn't forever. Not yet.

"She's been looking for the right couple for a long time."

'And just about ran out of time.'

Gillian's hand tightened in Cal's slightly. He gave her a double squeeze, asking if she was all right, or perhaps just reminding her that he was there and still with her. "She's not settlin' then is she?" Cal dared to ask because he didn't understand why this woman was so insistent on meeting them. Which was the whole point of being there today. They had agreed, or maybe Cal had just given up on arguing, he couldn't remember, that they would come and meet this young woman who was interested in them adopting her baby girl, and see what she was all about. That was it. Just to meet her. See what she was about. It seemed safe. But even the smallest steps forward were still steps in that direction that for Gillian was sunshine and butterflies and for Cal was icy winds and strangling darkness... dead leaves blowing across the path, wolves calling in the background, branches scraping chillingly against each other, rolling fogs, pounding heartbeats.

'Stop it. Pay attention.'

Gail gave a warm smile. "No. She hasn't even met with another couple. She was quite determined to find the right people and won't settle. She hopes that, that is you. I'll let her explain why to you."

Cal noted Gail spoke to Gillian directly.

"She's quite prepared to walk away if it doesn't feel right."

"So are we," Cal volunteered. Gillian's hand tightened on his again. She didn't want him to say that, she didn't want him to think that (although she hadn't said it aloud); she wanted this to work out no matter what. She wanted the fairytale ending, sunshine and rainbows and tears of joy. And more importantly, although she hadn't said it aloud, she didn't want Cal to ruin this for her.

"It should be right for both parties," Gail added. There was a knock on the door and Cal's stomach leaped so severely his hand twitched. Gillian's hand suddenly felt cold. He realised that despite himself, he was in the same boat as she was. He did want a little girl, not just so it would satisfy some need inside his wife for the sake of it, but because he loved to see her with their children. And he wanted it to be their children. He wanted Lewis to have a sibling and he wanted Gillian to have more than one child. And while he would have wanted for her to be pregnant with his baby he would take an alternative to complete their family.

He wanted it.

What kept him awake at night was the internal polar pull. He wanted so very much to add to his family with Gillian, but he was also very afraid that she wouldn't cope with a letdown if that's what it came to. And there was every chance that it would. A great chance. Hell there was a very real possibility after today they could walk away and it be all over. Cal would be all right with that, disappointed, but all right. It was Gillian he worried about. He was torn between being a father and the protector. Funny, usually the father thing and the protector thing went together. But not in this case. And that meant he didn't know what to do. Jump in and support her whole heartedly? Deal with the fallout? What if the fallout was beyond what he could deal with? What if she left for good next time? What if she went so far down that path she never came back? God it just made him feel so sick. But he also knew if he refused it would push their marriage to the edge. She would never look at him the same way. Conclusion: igneous granite rock and fucking hard place.

Gail got up and went to the door. She slipped out. The knock meant the birth mother had arrived. Cal turned to watch Gillian. Her shoulders were set in tension and her features were drawn tight with nerves. He removed his hand from hers and put his arm around her shoulder. They had had a very silent morning while getting ready. Their back and forth had been the night before. Gillian turned to him and gave him a forced smile. Cal pulled her against his chest, hugging her tightly. No matter what, they still had each other right? Gillian sighed softly. Cal kissed the top of her head. He wanted to tell her it would be all right. He wished it would be all right. Where could he trade his soul to make this work out all right for his wife?

The door opened again and Cal and Gillian got to their feet. Lewis looked up from his blocks on the floor just to the right of where Cal was sitting. They had debated over bringing him today. Gillian didn't want him to interrupt the meet and Cal thought it would be a good idea to bring along the kid they were already successfully raising. Wouldn't hurt to show off a little right? That was the subject of fight number four last night alone.

Gail came back into the room first and she held the door for the young woman to follow her in. She was heavily pregnant, obviously, blond haired and brown eyed. Cal thought, on first glance, that she was quite attractive but then as she got closer it was obvious this pregnancy was hard on her. She was probably under a severe amount of stress with deciding to give her baby up and finding the right couple to raise it.

"These are the Lightman's," Gail introduced. Cal waited for Gillian to shake her hand first and then stepped forward. Her name was Kiera and she gave Cal a slight smile as he grasped her hand gently. He didn't know why, but he always felt like pregnant women were breakable. Probably some male protectiveness thing right? Right. Gail made sure to point out Lewis on the floor and Kiera said hello to him. Lewis stared at her and got up to hide behind his father's legs.

"You're all right," Cal told him, taking his son's arm and forcibly moving him out of the way so they could all take their seats again. It had taken Lewis ten minutes to get over being shy around Gail. At least Cal had a distraction from the obvious tension. Gail continued to talk easily though, explaining again that this was just an opportunity to meet each other, to get to know each other a little, to ask any questions they had. Lewis tried climbing into Cal's lap while Kiera, Gillian and Cal all tried to study each other without staring at each other. Gail added that they were in no way obligated to take this further if they didn't feel comfortable, which let's face it, meant if Kiera wasn't comfortable with them, because at this point, Cal was ready to throw logic and reason and sensibility out the window and jump in with both feet firmly off the ground and join Gillian in freefall. And he knew Gillian was already there. He could tell by looking at her eyes.

"I'll come back in half an hour and see how you're doing but if you need to find me before then I will be in my office down the hall."

They all knew where her office was. Gail got up and left as Lewis kneed Cal in the inner thigh causing him to flinch. "Ow!" He exclaimed and pulled Lewis to sit. "Careful with Daddy," he signed the entire phrase. Careful: two 'K' hands on top of each other moving in a circle out from his body; with: two 'A' hands pressing together, palms facing; Daddy: the open 'five' hand, thumb touching his forehead. Gillian would have been so proud he actually signed an entire sentence, but now was not the time to give her a nudge and point it out and gloat. Cal hoped she was looking.

Cal noticed Kiera watching and in the sudden vacuum of sound Gail had created by leaving he explained that Lewis was hard of hearing. "And apparently shy too," Cal added as Lewis leaned against his father in a casual hug.

Kiera gave a slight polite smile. "How come he's hard of hearing? How did that happen?"

"Complication from his birth," Cal answered. Gillian turned her head slightly towards him as he spoke.

"What happened?"

"His umbilical cord collapsed and he didn't get quite enough oxygen for a while."

"Oh, is he all right?" She was still being polite.

"Yeah he's all right. Just his ears don't quite work as good as they should."

"He's a cute kid. How old is he again?"

"Two," Cal answered her, jumping in to talk before Gillian could.

"Gail said you have another daughter?" And all of a sudden the ice was broken and Cal was telling her about Emily and how she had just gotten engaged a few weeks ago. She asked how it was that Gillian couldn't have children and Gillian explained it to her, slowly at first, sore subject after all and she was very nervous, but then it got easier. They talked about how they had met, how they had ended up together, how they had gone through the IVF to get to the point where they are today.

Kiera asked about their business. Gillian took over answering her questions now that she had warmed up. She talked with a pride in her tone that made Cal feel a little gooey inside. She was proud of him and that showed and he loved that about her. When she spoke like that about him he felt like everything would be all right. That nagging doubt had to shut the hell up. Kiera asked him about his English heritage and he told her very briefly about his family there and what his childhood was like; going to school, getting his doctorate and his work with British Intelligence, what had led him to coming to America and his previous work with the Department of Defence. Kiera asked Gillian about her childhood and where she had grown up. She asked about their families, siblings, nieces and nephews, parents. Gillian didn't mention her father's drinking and nor did Cal mention his mother's suicide and it wasn't until afterwards that he thought maybe they should have divulged that. Was it important if it didn't affect either of them anymore? As in, he didn't suffer from depression and Gillian wasn't a drinker?

Lewis eventually got over the stranger in the room and went back to building his blocks. Cal watched Kiera study him carefully. Cal took that time to study her. From the way she spoke he could tell she was educated, intelligent but clearly over tired. Her hair was lank, her skin dry and there were dark smudges under her eyes. He figured she was going through this alone and his heart went out to her a little. Pregnant women always brought out the best in him. Gillian had been drop dead gorgeous when she was pregnant with Lewis and this woman was struggling, but he still wanted to rub her shoulders and place a hand over her belly and give her a hug. She looked like she might cry.

"Gail said you were eight months," Cal noted gently, changing the subject carefully. They had been talking for more than half an hour.

"Yeah thirty two weeks to be exact."

"You've left this a late decision to make," Cal prodded softly.

Kiera gave a wan smile. "Actually I made the decision almost as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I've been searching for the right couple for the last six months."

Next to him, Gillian nodded politely, but he could tell she was as eager as he was to have this conversation. Cal coaxed Kiera gently around to what he and Gillian really wanted to know: why them?

"Did Gail tell you how I came across your profile?" Kiera spoke to Gillian. "About me insisting on going through some of the older books because I couldn't find what I was looking for?" Gillian nodded while she spoke. "When I read what you had written there I just got a good feeling about you."

Gillian gave a slight pleased smile. "And me?" Cal cut in. "I mean, I have to ask. It's not my information that's in that booklet."

"I know. Which is why I wanted to meet you now," she looked at him directly, unabashed at the obvious in the corner being pointed out. "But from what I can gather you're both intelligent people, you're already raising a son, you're a family, you have a successful business, you can provide stability and love as well as financial benefits."

Everyone waited for her to go on.

"Obviously I didn't plan on getting pregnant. The father and I were dating and it didn't work out. We went our separate ways amicably and then I found out that I was pregnant. I called him to let him know and he said he would support whatever decision I made about it." She paused, as if she were choosing her words carefully, or perhaps choosing how much she was going to tell them. "My mother had me when she was twenty and it was a real struggle. She hadn't finished her degree, she had no career to fall back on; there were a lot of tough times. And she did it alone." Kiera swallowed, which Cal noted probably meant she was a bit emotional. Fair enough. "I'm twenty-two. I've just finished university and my Mom's no longer with me and I just know how hard it is to do this alone." There was a flash of tears in her eyes. "I want more for this baby. I want her to be loved and looked after properly. To not be held back by things like money and circumstance."

She wiped her cheeks. "I can see you love each other very much. And I can see you love your son very much. And meeting him just makes me realise that you guys have been through some heavy stuff and come out the other side of it with your heads held up."

Lewis suddenly approached. He leaned into see Kiera's slightly hung face and placed his left hand on her knee. "Aww, aww, ok?" He signed 'ok'.

"That's very sweet Lewis," Gillian told him. "Good boy," she added and signed the phrase.

Kiera gave a little sniffle and Gillian, spotting a box of tissues on the table behind Kiera, got up and brought them over. Kiera thanked Gillian. "What did he say?"

"He asked if you were ok," Gillian crouched down next to where Kiera was sitting. Lewis was still peering at the crying woman. This was what Cal was talking about; Lewis's compassion. It was amazing. He was barely a month over the age of two. Took after his mother.

"How do I say 'thank you'?"

"You can talk to him, he can hear you," Gillian told her gently. "But this is thank you," she pressed the finger tips of her dominant hand to her lips and then moved them away so her palm was facing up. A bit like blowing a kiss.

Lewis signed the words back and wiggled his eyebrows at his mother like it was a secret joke only they knew about. He grinned and Cal thought he was doing such a good job of charming Kiera too.

"You can ask me more questions if you want to," Kiera added. "I'm ok." And she straightened back her shoulders to show that she was.

Lewis went to his stash of toys and brought back a T-Rex dinosaur. It was the length of his fore arm, green obviously and soft. He bounced it on Kiera's leg and made an 'arrrrrrr' sound. Cal chuckled at that. Then Lewis offered it to her. Kiera smiled and wiped her eyes again. "Thank you Lewis," she signed the thank you again and took the offered soft toy. His 'cheering up' duty done, Lewis went back to playing.

"I guess I would want to know about the father," Gillian brought the adult conversation back to the forefront. She moved to sit next to Kiera in another of the leather armchairs. Now it was more of a relaxed situation, less of an interrogation. Cal sat quietly on the couch.

"He's a great guy. Dark hair, hazel eyes, about five ten. He was pre-med."

"And he's all right with you givin' the baby up?"

"I talked to him about it. He said that if I thought it was the best thing then he agreed. He wasn't prepared to take her himself. Same reasons as me I guess."

"What were you studying in school?"

"Law."

Cal mentally recoiled.

"Pre-law," Kiera corrected.

Cal relaxed a little. They didn't need a legal shit fight on their hands over a baby. Legal loopholes were enough of a hindrance with Sophie and that stupid contractual clause for a lifetime.

"Will you continue studying after the baby?"

Kiera nodded. "Yeah definitely."

"You said your Mum died. What about your Dad? Or otha family?"

"I've never really known my father. He bailed on me when I was young. And my Gran died when I was just a baby so... it's just been me and my Mom for a long time."

"When did she pass away?" Gillian asked gently.

"About a year ago now. She had a car accident. Nothing hereditary."

Cal managed a light chuckle; Kiera and Gillian a smile each. Then there was a light knock on the door and Gail came through all professional smiles and a light air. She asked how things were going. Did they need more time to talk? Cal and Gillian looked to Kiera and she said that she was fine, had a lot to think about, but did the Lightman's have anything else they wanted to discuss? Gillian said she didn't think so. Gail reminded them that this was just another step in the process; there was still time to talk things through and come back with more questions if they still had any. They didn't have to make up their minds about anything right now.

Except, Cal making up his mind had nothing to do with Kiera. Well, a little bit. Making up his mind was more to do with Gillian. He could see Gillian was invested and Lewis was just sweet with everybody anyway... Cal knelt on the ground and encouraged Lewis to put the blocks away while the women talked. Lewis kicked over his tower with a squeal and a clap of his hands. Then he helped his father pack everything away again. They said their goodbyes and got into the car.

"What do you think?" Gillian turned to Cal.

"Seemed to go well," Cal responded carefully while he pulled out onto the road.

"Yeah but did you read her?" Gillian demanded.

"Of course I did."

"And?"