Sorry I haven't updated in a while things here are ugh. If this story seems personal that's because it is. I promise to try to update at least once a week, I'm sorry for the long break.

I woke up to Mia's gentle whispers telling me that it's time to wake up.

"Good morning." Mia whispered lovingly once I awoke.

I smiled at her.

"Morning." I responded groggily.

Mia and I both got out of bed and started to get dressed.

"I picked out your outfit today you'll look really cute." Mia smiled as she handed me my clothes.

"Thank you." I smiled back

I took them from her and went into the bathroom to change. I looked over my outfit I had on a nice Juicy Couture t-shirt with a white spring long sleeve jacket, and a Juicy denim mini to match. Mia must have thrown in some t-shirts when I wasn't looking. I got dressed and left the bathroom. Mia was dressed once I entered my room, also wearing a jacket.

"What do you think?" I asked while Mia inspected my outfit as she put on her shoes.

"Well the jacket needs to be unzipped."

I obeyed and unzipped the jacket.

"Now shoes."

Mia handed me black converse. When I was totally finished Mia looked me over and smiled.

"Now it's time for school."

I looked at the time it was only 6 A.M. and my alarm had just gone off. I looked over to Mia with my arms crossed and a slight smirk on my face.

"What I thought we could have breakfast at the Dot." She exclaimed as she grabbed her purse.

I giggled a little. "Sounds like fun thank you."

"You're welcome."

I grabbed my purse as Mia and I left the room. My mom was in the kitchen and my dad was getting ready to leave when Mia and I left. We went out of the house unnoticed, entered the limo, and made our way to the Dot.

"Mia, how did your driver know to meet us here so early?" I asked curiously.

"Well I kind of sort of lied when I told you he was coming at 6:45 to drive you to school" Mia admitted.

I nodded and entered in the limo Mia followed. The ride to the Dot was spent listening to music.

At the Dot we talked about what we were doing later, Mia's picking me up after school and we're hanging out again, she's also spending another night, and I'm spending the weekend with her. We both had breakfast sandwiches and then after we ate we had to leave. A few people recognized Mia, but didn't interrupt us.

The ride to school was a little quiet we talked about what we were going to do after school and about lunch. Mia's not going to be around for lunch so I'm probably going to the Dot with Adam and Eli.

When we got to school the limo pulled up to the front steps and people watched it stop. I hugged Mia and I felt people staring at me when I exited.

I walked into the building heading to my locker. No one was there I wasn't really surprised. Then I see Alli.

"Clare are you wearing Juicy Couture or are my eyes playing tricks on me?" Alli asked.

"I'm wearing Juicy Couture your eyes are fine Alli" I responded monotone, laughing a little.

"Since when do you wear name brand?"

"Since I didn't dress myself. I went out with a friend yesterday whom I haven't seen for a few years."

"Clare did you hear what's going on today?" Adam asked cutting off Alli as she was about to speak.

"No Adam I did not" I stated sounding less than amused.

"Well, the whole school is going to watch a movie that is said to make everyone cry."

"Why, does the school want to torture us? It's going to so ruin my make up" Alli stated the last part.

Adam and I shrugged our shoulders at her.

"See ya Clare" Alli stated.

"Bye Alli"

I threw my books in my locker and shut it.

"Ready for class?" Adam asked.

"Skipping, sorry." I responded.

Adam rolled his eyes at me as I turned to the doors on my heel. I walked outside to the benches carrying only my purse. I held my arm down and looked at the cuts I've made they're all starting to heal since it's been about two days since I've made my last laceration. I brushed my fingers over them and quickly pulled my sleeve down when I noticed someone sitting next to me.

"Clare are you skipping because you're afraid you'll cry in class, because the movie is supposed to make you cry to send awareness out about third world countries and how we can change them." Adam stated sounding concerned as he sat across from me.

"Adam I'm not afraid to cry." I mumbled

"Than what is it?"

"I can't" I said almost inaudible.

"What was that?" Adam asked, I guess he didn't hear me

"I can't" I repeated in a slightly louder tone.

"Can't what?"

"Cry." I whispered

"What?"

"I can't cry Adam." I said in a slightly raised voice a little annoyed.

"Well your eyes do make tears right?"

"Yes Adam it's just that I can't cry can we drop the subject please?" I asked annoyed not wanting to explain everything without having the need to.

"Wanna trade secrets?" Adam asked.

I've literally got nothing better to do.

"Sure why not?"

"I'm an FTM…female to male transgender the only people that know are you and Eli, please don't hate me or be freaked out." Adam admitted nervously, kind of quickly. I blinked a few times.

"I'm not freaked out Adam, you're still Adam no matter what it's who you are." I state.

"Ok now why can't you cry?"

I rolled my eyes and obliged to answer the question.

"I was raised not to. I was taught crying showed weakness and every time I cried from either a movie or getting into trouble I'd get punished. I don't cry anymore." I replied sadly.

"It's ok Clare."

Adam held my hand.

"So do you love long sleeve shirts or do you have another secret?" I said smirking at Adam.

"H-how did you know?" Adam asked nervously.

"I have my ways, plus when have you seen me in short sleeves?" I asked as mysteriously as I possibly could.

"Ok spill." Adam demanded

"This goes nowhere no one knows only my parents, deal?"

"Deal and vice versa."

I put my left arm on the table and showed Adam all the marks, he moved besides me, and ran his fingers over the lacerations that are now healing.

"Why did you do this?"

I shrugged, not wanting to explain my home life to him.

"Show me yours." I demanded.

Adam rolled up his left sleeve showing me his burn marks and I ran my fingers over his.

"I couldn't be Gracie, she's my girl side. All I know is how to be Adam, but when I'm Gracie this is the only thing to help me deal." Adam explained.

"I can't take my home life my parents don't abuse me or anything it's just hard." I admitted not telling him more information than he needs to know.

"I'm so sorry Clare I can honestly tell you I know how you feel. My mom doesn't quite accept me as Adam and it's hard to deal with sometimes she even calls me Gracie or her daughter when

I'm not a girl."

Adam and I rolled our sleeves down and hugged. I felt like crying, but couldn't.

"I think we should head inside." Adam stated as he stood up from the table.

"Ok, hey Mia probably put my cell in my purse want to exchange numbers?" I asked as I rummaged through my purse.

"Sure."

I found a red box with a bow on it, inside was the new iPhone 4 with a note attached that read "If you need me call my number is already programmed and you cannot give this back you're on my plan. Love Mia." I smiled as I handed Adam my new phone and put the empty box in my purse.

"Wow an iPhone 4 someone is spoiled." Adam chuckled, I got up and we started walking.

"You have to enter in your number and I'll call you from mine I don't know the number yet." I stated as I watched Adam enter in his number.

Once Adam was done I called his cell which rang in his pocket, he saved my number once he took out his phone, and then put it back in his pocket.

"Don't give it out please I'm not sure of my plan yet."

"I won't Clare, promise."

"Thanks Adam."

"No problem, so here's a question for you…" Adam paused as we walked up to the school I looked at him curiously "Do you like anyone here?"

I nodded "But it doesn't matter I just realized my feelings yesterday and I'm not acting on them. I don't want a boyfriend I can't have one."

We both looked around the halls and noticed they were still empty so we sat down by our lockers as class went on.

"So who do you like?" Adam asked curiously as I played with my phone.

"Doesn't matter I don't think he feels the same besides even if he did I'm not sharing my secrets with him I'm afraid to, plus my home life isn't that good it'll only get worse if I have a boyfriend." I said sadly

"Have you dated Clare?"

I shook my head.

"Why not?"

"Too afraid to. It's not like I haven't kissed a boy before I just didn't date him."

Adam looked at me confused as Simpson walked up.

"Aren't you two supposed to be in your first period class still?"

"When is it over?" Adam asked

"At third period the movie is still playing."

"It's too sad so we left." I admitted

"Ok well I'm not punishing either of you two since I announced that kids may leave the class if they get too emotional, but only upon the teachers ok."

Adam and I nodded and Simpson walked away.

"We just got out of two classes with no punishment due to a stupid movie." Adam stated happily as Simpson walked out of sight.

I giggled a little.

"So back to the conversation."

"I was dared to kiss some random guy and I did. What about your first kiss?"

"I haven't had it yet." Adam blushed as he looked at his lap.

"So do you like anyone?" I asked amused as I looked over to him.

"Not more than a friend." Adam stated

"Mia put me on a plan with unlimited talking and texting." I said excitedly.

"That's awesome, so about the guy you like…"

"Adam what's with the questions I told you it doesn't matter."

"What if you tell him and he tries his best to help you or whatever."

I shook my head. "Adam it's not that simple." I muttered.

The bell rand and Adam stood up, and then helped me up.

"Clare you know you can talk to-"

"There you two are." Eli said once he seen us I guess coming from class

"So how was the movie?" Adam asked

"Fell asleep during it when I woke up at the ending people were crying. Why'd you two skip?"

"My idea I didn't want to go to class." I mumbled

I opened my locker and took out the books I needed.

"Adam you have my number call me later and we'll finish our conversation."

"What time?" Adam asked

"About 8pm."

"Ok I'll make a note of it."

"If you don't call me I'll call you." I stated

Adam nodded; I looked over to Eli who was giving Adam the death glare for some reason.

The rest of the day went by fast and after school Mia and I hung out for a little then went home. Mia had taken me shopping yet again and we both had tons of bags.

When the limo pulled in front of my house we both got out and started to walk, we looked around once we were inside. It was empty.

"No one's home." Mia stated the obvious.

We set our bags down and looked around the house I checked the kitchen.

On the fridge was a note from my mom.

"Clare your father and I went on a small vacation to Hawaii we'll be back next month. The bills are paid and there's money for your food in the cookie jar. We left you $10,000 have fun and don't tell your dad about how much money is there. Love always Mom"

Mia came back down and stood next to me.

"They're gone until next month they went to Hawaii for vacation."

Mia and I stayed in and ordered pizza. I told her that I was fine here by myself if she wanted to stay at her hotel, she agreed, and said she'll send her limo to take me to school tomorrow, and pick me up tomorrow afternoon. Adam called me on time and we talked for a few hours, then I went to sleep.

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