Rain was falling on Konoha, matching the somber tone of the day for most of the village. Naruto was standing with Teuchi and Ayame towards the edge of the crowd dressed in black, for the first time in his life. The sandaime Hokage, Jiji, had passed away. They said he was killed by his own student. None of this made any sense to Naruto. The attack seemingly came out of nowhere while he was making his daily deliveries. There had been a lot of new faces in Konoha for some reason which meant that a lot of these people would of course want to eat the food of the gods, a.k.a. Ichiraku ramen. He had sent a dozen shadow clones out for deliveries when he suddenly remembered them popping as fighting broke out in the streets. Before he could join in on the action, he was taken to a shelter and forced to hide in a crowded underground room as shaking and sounds of fighting terrified the cowering masses. It didn't help that the people in his shelter had nearly thrown him out so the 'demon brat' would finally be killed or not 'draw the enemy to us'.

Naruto didn't know quite how to feel staring at the photo of Jiji sitting on the coffin. He had always loved Jiji like a grandfather, but he still couldn't forgive him for not letting him become a ninja. That paired with all the secrets he had kept from Naruto left a bitter taste in his mouth. The Hokage had known who his parents were, his own student (not the one that killed him, apparently) knew his parents, after all. And the Hokage knew about the fox and never told him, even though all the adults in the village already knew and took it out on him. Naruto was interrupted from his thoughts when he was approached by a familiar weirdo.

"Hey gaki, how are you doing?" Jiraiya asked as he glanced down sideways at the uncharacteristically subdued Naruto.

"None of your business, super pervert." Naruto replied curtly with his arms crossed, not even looking up.

"I'm sorry." The toad sage whispered so the boy could barely hear him, causing Naruto's head to snap up to face him. "I'm sorry I was never there for you. I just- I just got caught in my own grief. My student, the fourth hokage who I had loved like a son had died so suddenly, and my best friend turned traitor. I couldn't bring myself to come back to the village, so I left again on a long term mission to gather information and deal with threats to konoha from outside the village. I guess I had thought that by doing that, it was enough. Since I was indirectly protecting you, my actions were validated. Seeing you now makes me realize how selfish I was being."

The blonde boy reflected on these words for a while before responding, "I guess I can understand that. After I was told I couldn't become a ninja, I couldn't bring myself to look at the Hokage Monument or even talk to Jiji. Part of me wishes I had at least once before... ya know." He trailed off, with a slightly reluctant expression.

"Well gaki, just because you're not a ninja doesn't mean you can sit still and relax. Both to protect your loved ones and because you'll have enemies after you-know-what. You'll need to learn to protect yourself. I hate to say this to you, but it's pretty much either you work with me or the council will force you to become a human weapon against your will." Jiraiya said softly as he led Naruto away from the others so they wouldn't be overheard.

"What? That's not fair! I didn't ask for this to happen to me. Can't you guys just mind your own business?" Naruto commented, incensed.

"Afraid not, kid. To village leadership and most of the world, you're a valuable resource. They couldn't care less about what happens to you or your wishes. The only reason you were safe until now was because the old man was protecting you. With him gone, you're in danger." This got a begrudging 'fine, what now' the from the boy. Jiraiya grinned, "now, you come with me on a mission."

"A mission? But I'm not-"

"Not a ninja? Yeah, I heard you the first hundred times. It's a secret mission to go find my third teammate, Tsunade. She's going to be the 5th Hokage. While we're gone, I'll train you in everything you'd need to be a capable ninja." He held up a hand to silence the boy's retort, "and think about it. Being part of the mission to bring the new Hokage back? I can't make any promises, but if anyone can let you become a ninja, it would be her."

"Really!? What are you waiting for, let's go!" He turned and started to run towards the village gate before being lifted by the back of his collar.

"Hold it, brat. We'll be gone for maybe a month or more. You should pack everything you need to bring and let your boss know you'll be gone. Meet me at the gates at 10 tomorrow morning."

"Alright! I'm gonna be a ninja!" Naruto shouted as he ran the other direction back to Ichiraku's, causing Jiraiya to shake his head with a slight smile on his lips.

ー༄ー

The so called ninja training had been nothing but boring and frustrating. It took over a week to get tree walking down, and he couldn't spend much time each day working on it since they had to keep moving from town to town. While walking he was supposed to keep a leaf stuck to his head, but how was he supposed to do that when the old pervert kept throwing rocks at him! Those things hurt!

Eventually they walked through the gate of Tanzaku-Gai, one of the largest cities in the Land of Fire, after Konoha and the capital. It was also apparently a big tourist destination and house a bunch of casinos. Apparently when you want a new Hokage, you have to gamble for one. This was not at all how he imagined it worked, Naruto had always thought the strongest most amazingly epic ninja would automatically be Hokage.

"I told you that's not how that works, idiot! It's just the Tsunade is most likely in a casino drinking her life away." Jiraiya responded to Naruto's thoughts he had been voicing out loud.

"Yeah, sounds like real Hokage material to me." Naruto griped sarcastically, only to realize Jiraiya was no longer paying attention to him.

"Ahem, gaki. I... have some important research to conduct now so I'll leave you to find a hotel room for us." Jiraiya quickly said while shoving a small wad of cash into the gaki's chest, causing him to reflexively grab it as Jiraiya ran off into an alleyway.

"What research? You're just going off to be a creep. What is wrong with old people these days?" Naruto muttered to himself as he counted the change he was given. Of course they were all 1's.

ー༄ー

Naruto settled into the room by collapsing onto the bed. After groaning, he rolled over and stuck a leaf on his forehead again. He started getting it to rotate a little bit like he was supposed to before a knock on the door broke his concentration, causing the leaf to fall onto the sheets. He angrily jumped to his feet and stomped up to the door and swung it open. "I almost had it, old man, if you hadn't knocked and broken my concen-" he snapped his mouth shut with wide eyes when he saw two ominous figured in black cloaks with red clouds. He backed up and started to close the door. "Sorry, you've got the wrong room. I think the rest of your band is staying a few doors down the hall." He joked with a nervous chuckle. A gray hand with sharp claws for fingernails grabbed the door before it could close all the way.

A dark chuckle filled the room as the door was flung open with a bang. The shark-like man pulled the huge bandaged sword off his shoulder as he began to exude killing intent. Naruto had never felt so afraid in his life, it was overbearing. He could hardly even breathe as he sunk to his knees with a look of terror on his face. "Remember to keep him alive, Kisame." The other man, who sort of looked like that teme Sasuke, stated coldly.

"Yeah, yeah. No reason I can't take his legs off. He won't be able to run if I do that." Kisame smirked as he lifted his sword. Suddenly, a golden light erupted from the floor of the room causing all three to be surprised. Concentric rings of golden light grew brighter as nature chakra saturated the air in the room. Despite the fact that none of them could sense or interact with senjutsu chakra, they all felt the pressure of this light. It felt simultaneously like they were being crushed, as if the air around them became heavier, while also making them feel relaxed and rejuvenated. A strange feeling for sure. Kisame swung Samehada to try and absorb the effect, only for his sword to bend away from the light, screeching in agony upon touching the nature chakra. "What the- !" Kisame shouted in shock from his legendary sword being repulsed as the light flashed in one final, blinding flash of light before it, and the Kyuubi jinchuriki, were gone. The only thing left in the room, smoldering rings on the floor and incinerated furniture.

Just then, Jiraiya burst through the room's window. He sensed the huge surge of nature chakra and came running as fast as he could. However, only arrived to see the room destroyed with two shocked Akatsuki standing outside the open door to the room. "Where is Naruto? Tell me now and I might let you live!" The toad sage shouted in rage. Naruto was nowhere in sight and he couldn't sense him at all.

Having regained his calm, Itachi responded emotionlessly, "that's what we would like to know. He vanished in a flash of light before we could take him. Let's go Kisame, our target is no longer here and we're not ready to fight a sannin just yet." His partner begrudgingly agreed as they took off down the hall.

Jiraiya contemplated chasing after them, but decided to instead investigate the strange state of the room. Looking more closely at the rings on the floor, he saw remnants of what looked like a finely written fuuinjutsu seal. The most shocking aspects of it, however, were that the runes reminded him of what he remembered of his prized student's signature space-time jutsu, the Hiraishin, as well as the fact that he could feel the remnants of senjutsu from the seals. Then he heard a fluttering sound as a piece of paper floated down onto his head. Snatching it off his head, he quickly read it. And reread it. Not that it helped him understand just what he was looking at.

ー༄ー

Hello Jiraiya,

I couldn't help but notice you left your untrained and unprotected student alone with two members of the Akatsuki. That was pretty dumb. But I guess I shouldn't expect too much from a self-declared 'Super Pervert' who can't even fully enter sage mode on his own.

Don't worry about Naruto, I'll train him and keep him off the grid for the next couple years. By the time I return him to you he should be ready to sign the toad contract and master sage mode. Unfortunately my method for learning senjutsu can't be easily passed down. Anyways, in the meantime why don't you keep yourself busy investigating the movements of the Akatsuki and dealing with internal conflict in your village. I'll throw you a bone to chew on to keep you occupied:

The Akatsuki's goal is to capture the 9 bijuu to resurrect the 10-tails and use it as a weapon to subdue the elemental nations. They also plan to resurrect Madara Uchiha, who was the guy that arranged for the group to be formed shortly before his death.

Their members are Itachi Uchiha (who is your anonymous contact), Kisame Hoshigaki, Deidara, Sasori, Kakuzu, Hidan of the land of Hot Water (who is literally immortal, by the way), formerly Orochimaru before he got kicked out for trying to steal Itachi's eyes, and Konan (your former student)

The ones to really look out for are:

Obito Uchiha, who actually survived due to having Hashirama's DNA injected into his body and was brainwashed by the still-alive-at-the-time Madara Uchiha to become his successor, even using his name. He wears a one-eyed mask and often goes by the name of Tobi. He has a space-time sharingan technique that is superior to Hiraishin. Also, he's the one that killed your student and released the 9-tails.

Nagato (also your former student), who has taken Yahiko's corpse along with five others and turned them into remotely controlled puppets with his rinnegan. He is now calling himself Pain and is the leader of the Akatsuki, in addition to the new Amekage. Fun fact, Uzumaki's can't awaken the rinnegan in that way. Only certain Uchiha can. Although Uzumaki's, with their huge natural chakra reserves, can certainly make good vessels for implanted eyes, similar to Kakashi. I'll give you one guess who those eyes really belong to.

Finally, the real mastermind of the group and the most dangerous. Zetsu. He's the incarnation of the Rabbit Goddess Kaguya's will and is made of pure natural energy and, again, cells from your Shodaime's body. He can spy on you anywhere at anytime. And the only way to sense him is through senjutsu. As long as you are on Earth, and not in the middle of the ocean, he can listen in on your conversations. I don't care how good your privacy seals are, unless you're the sage of six paths himself, they won't slow him down. He plans to resurrect his mother and turn the entire human race into mindless puppets. I'd say you've got five years or less to stop him. Good luck!

Sincerely,

Kagerō, an actual sage

P.S. Don't you dare set foot in Ame. The constant rain is Pain's sensory jutsu. They're waiting for you to take the bait and go there so they can kill you. I need you alive to teach Naruto senjutsu.

ー༄ー

Jiraiya was speechless, caught somewhere between panic due to his godson being kidnapped, anger from being insulted and joy because of receiving so much information on the group he had spent the better part of a decade in the dark about, assuming it is true, that is. Although, it does match his information well enough and sheds light on a lot of mysteries that had been plaguing him.

That's when he realized just how unprepared they were, as his face paled. The village was leaderless and there was a rinnegan wielder and possibly a resurrected Madara planning to destroy them. He needed to bring this information and Tsunade back to the village as soon as possible. Even if it meant taking on Tsunade's debts in return... his poor wallet was already crying at the thought.

ー༄ー

Meanwhile in a temple behind a waterfall on a beach in the land of water...

A thoroughly terrified and confused Naruto, who definitely didn't wet his pants a little, fell flat on his face on a stone circle with concentric rings engraved on it.

"Oh, it really worked." Naruto heard someone say as he looked to the side to see a older teenager crouched down with both hands placed on the edged of the stone circle. She had shoulder length mint-green hair and indigo eyes that were half closed and looked completely dead inside. Some sort of golden dress? Tunic? Monk robe? adorned her, with the only other obvious thing she was wearing was a necklace with three large black tomoe beads.

Suddenly Naruto shot to his feet, arms raised in caution. "Where am I? Who are you? What happened to fish face and the pervy sage?"

"Ah. I kidnapped you before those two guys in the black cloaks kidnapped you. Don't worry, I left a note saying that I took you and that you're safe. Not that he'd believe it though, but that's his problem." She replied with a straight face as she stood up and dusted her hands off.

"Wha-" Naruto was lost for words as he looked around, taking in his surroundings. They seemed to be inside of some run down stone shrine in a cave. The opening was covered in what looked and sounded like a waterfall. Besides some baskets and piles of scrolls the only other notable thing in the cave was a headless statue of a person.

"Oh my, how rude of me. It's nice to meet you, Naruto Uzumaki. My name is Kagerō, the current sage of six paths." She commented as she pulled the boy to his feet.

Naruto gawked at her. "H-how do you know my name?" He wondered out loud.

The girl fought down a smirk, forcing her voice to remain steady as she lied to his face- which of course went completely unnoticed by the oblivious Naruto. "I... am the mortal incarnation of a goddess. You are far too important to the world to let perish, Naruto." She was met with a look that once again had her stifling laughter. Naruto's jaw dropped open and his eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head.

"I knew it. I knew you were real! The god of ramen is real!" He shouted, jumping up and down.

"Uh.. Naruto? Naruto!" He stopped jumping and looked at her with a sheepish smile. "I am not the goddess of Ramen. Rather, I am a goddess of Fate and Destiny."

"What? That's lame. Tell me, is the god of Ramen real? Tell me!" He demanded, looking disappointed.

"... I... have heard of a religion dedicated to the flying spaghetti monster. Which is supposedly a sentient floating ball of noodles and meatballs. I guess that counts, right?" She absentmindedly responded, annoyed at how the awesome introduction she had spent years thinking about was so readily dismissed. Seeing Naruto's expectant expression, she raised a hand to quiet him, "I don't think it's real though. And you wouldn't be able to join anyways, as the religion only exists in another world."

"Ugh, fine. So what was all this stuff about me being important? I know that already, I was gonna become Hokage until they wouldn't let me become a ninja." The gaki said impatiently with a bitter frown.

"Ah, you're thinking too small here, kid. Why stop at Hokage. When I'm done with you, you'll be known all over the world as a legendary hero." She smirked as his expression lit up.

"Awesome! Are you gonna make me a ninja? Wait! I forgot! I needed to help the old man find his teammate, Sunadi, or something. She was gonna let me back into the program." He exclaimed, slumping his shoulders with his head down.

"Relax, by the time you go back to Konoha they'll be begging you to pick up a headband. But no, I won't be teaching you to be a ninja. Not exactly." The Uzumaki's face scrunched in confusion as he tried to make sense of her words.

"What could be better than a ninja?" He voiced his thoughts.

Kagerō walked over to a faded mural, depicting a scene of the sage touching the shoulder of a person enveloped in some kind of glow. "You know, people didn't always have chakra. It was a gift from the sage of six paths, Hagoromo Ōtsutsuki, to humanity." She turned to see Naruto picking his nose, not paying attention at all. "Hmm, I guess you're not interested. You know the other candidate for hero was a certain... Sasuke Uchiha." She said tauntingly, a little louder than before. That certainly got a reaction from him.

"What!? That teme! He's evil! He's the reason I got dropped!" Naruto shouted angrily as he looked at her with wide eyes.

"Heh. I know. That's why I chose you instead, even if you are an idiot." She smirked.

"I'm not an idiot, idiot!" He shouted back.

"Oh yeah? If that's true, then you should be able to understand the importance of what I'm about to tell you." She finished, victorious in getting Naruto to finally focus on her teachings.

"Yeah, no problem! I'll get it on my first try, watch me!"

"Alright... then as I was saying. Chakra was a gift, meant to allow people to understand one another better than words can convey. It was meant to bring about peace. Hagoromo then had two sons: the eldest, Asura, was like his father and inherited this belief of using chakra to heal and promote peace- an idea called Ninpo; the younger of the two, Indra, thought that this was a mistake and instead sought to use chakra to protect himself and his descendants... the Uchiha clan. He weaponized chakra to create what is known as Ninjutsu." She looked back at the boy to see that he was at least paying attention. His expression was somewhere between comprehension and eating a lemon... it would have to be good enough for now.

"Ah, wait! You said it was the Uchiha that turned catra into a weapon!? I knew they were no good!" He huffed with his arms crossed, head turned to the side.

"It's chakra, Naruto. And yes, the first Uchiha was the one to weaponize chakra in that way. Handseals were a tool he invented to aid members of his clan to quickly learn new jutsu and mold the chakra necessary to use them." Naruto looked back at her in surprise.

"You can make jutsu without moving your hands in weird ways?"

"Of course, observe!" She said as she turned to the side and breathed a decently sized fireball without any handsigns. "It's easy once you have mastered nature transformations."

"That was awesome! You gotta teach me to do that. Aw man, Hokage here I come!" The blonde laughed, already imagining himself flying through the sky shooting fireballs as he wears the Hokage hat, before declaring Ichiraku's a Pastafarian holy site.

"Don't get too excited, it will take a lot of work to get to that point. Which brings me to the subject of handsigns and jutsu. I only want you to use one jutsu, at least for now. Handseals are like a crutch, it can help you learn to mold chakra at first, but if you use them too much then you will become reliant on them, unable to mold chakra naturally like I can." She chided, causing the knucklehead to be shaken from his delusions.

"What's the one jutsu I can use? Ooh, will it be a lightning dragon? A giant fireball? The ability to fly?" He bounced with excitement.

"You already know it. The shadow clone jutsu. Have you figured out the technique's biggest strength yet?" She asked, already assuming that he would be oblivious.

He slumped in disappointment upon hearing he wouldn't learn a new jutsu. "Uhh, having more than one of the great me in the world?"

"No." Kagerō deadpanned. "Haven't you noticed that when a clone pops, you gain it's memories?"

"Hmm? Now that you mention it... how did I know we were being invaded when I was standing in the back of the shop? Only my clones were outside... OH! I get it! When my clone pops, I gain its memories! I'm a genius!"

'That's what I just said.' She thought to herself. "Yeah... good job Naruto. You're sooo smart." She said, disingenuously. Naruto of course thought she was being serious.

"Ha, that's right! Wait, but how is that the shadow clone jutsu's biggest strength?" He asked as he scratched his head.

"Well, you could use them to spy without risking your own life. You could henge them and have them pretend to be someone else or even a whole group of people. But the biggest advantage is in learning. If you make 9 clones and each of you learns something, when they dispel, you will have learned 10 times as many things as anyone else."

He stood there with a blank expression on his face for a minute before a look of enlightenment passed over his face. "Ohhh, that's amazing! So I can become a great ninja super fast, believe it!"

"Now you're getting it. But not quite. I'm not going to teach you to be a ninja." She replied, nonchalantly.

"What? But you just said-" his complaint was interrupted by his new teacher.

"I said I would be teaching you to be a hero, not a ninja. Naruto, answer me this- what is a ninja?" She asked with a finger raised.

"Uhh, someone who can jump around super high and use awesome jutsu like shooting fireballs." He replied honestly.

"And I just told you that I will not teach you any new jutsu. Just chakra manipulation." She responded.

"But... why?" He asked, now completely lost.

"Because of that story I told you earlier. Ninjutsu is a violent corruption of Ninpo's beliefs and practices made easily taught by the double-edged shortcut of handsigns. What I'm going to teach you, is the original, more pure expression of chakra. You won't be a ninja, but a monk. And after you return to Konoha, you will become a sage like Jiraiya and myself.

"A monk? That sounds boring, but ok. As long as I learn awesome stuff it'll be ok with me." Naruto begrudgingly complied. "So when do we start my training?"

Kagerō smirked, "right now."