This chapter is a little more eventful then the previous one. Well, not just a little, rather a lot…
xXx
Finn didn't feel like singing. Not in the slightest. As far as he was concerned, singing wasn't even on the menu today. But sheet music was being in passed around anyway, and there was nothing that Finn could do about it.
"When problems overwhelm us and sadness smothers us, where do we find the will and the courage to continue?" Schuester asked the class as they all had their music, "Well the answer may come in the caring voice of a friend, a chance encounter from a book, or from a personal faith."
"Where is this going?" Puck scoffed. Schuester raised a finger for him to be quiet and pointed at the pianist, signaling him to start playing.
"For Janet, help came from her faith, but it also came from a squirrel," he continued. The class looked at each other, confused.
"Shortly after her divorce, Janet lost her father. Then she lost her job. She had mounting money problems. But Janet not only survived, she worked her way out of despondency, and now she says life is good again. How could this happen?" Schuester laughed quietly.
Finn looked up, crossing his eyebrows slightly.
"She told me that late, one autumn day, when she was at her lowest, she watched a squirrel storing up nuts for the winter. One at a time, he would take them to the nest. And she thought, "If that squirrel can take care of himself with a harsh winter coming on, so can I. Once I broke my problems into small pieces, I was able to carry them, just like those acorns."
Mr. Schuester indicated for the students to start reading their music.
"One at a time."
The band started on a heavy riff, and Puck sang, reading his music.
"Take all your problems and rip them apart…"
The class ooh'd as Rachel picked up.
"Carry them off in a shopping cart."
More ooh's and aah's. Mercedes started singing according to the page.
"And another thing you should've known from the start, the problems at hand are lighter than at heart."
More hard-rock riffs, as the class smiled and laughed, some of them banging their heads. Finn stole a glance at Kurt, who wasn't even bobbing his head. Finn looked down and noticed it was his turn.
"Be like the squirrel girl, be like the squirrel…"
Artie's turn.
"Give it a whirl, girl, be like the squirrel…"
Kurt, flustered, started his bit,
"Cut up your hair, straighten your curls…"
And finally, the entire class sang together,
"Well, your problems hide in your curls!"
The guitar played through and ended abruptly. The class, save for Kurt and Finn, laughed and smiled cheerfully. Kurt just coughed. Finn stared at him through his peripherals.
"Despite songs generally being about singing," Mr. Schuester began, "There are a few songs that contain speaking parts…."
Finn blocked Schuester out. He had other things on his mind. The closet, the kiss, the lynching he prevented, Kurt running away from him… it seemed like only minutes had gone by since then, even though it had been a full day. He still felt the confusion. The anxiety. Everything.
Glee Club couldn't have gotten out fast enough for him. Like yesterday, he just wanted to go home and sit in seclusion. "You're being a hermit," he'd expect his mom to say, "You need to get out of the house."
As soon as Mr. Schue said those magical words, "See you guys tomorrow," Finn was on his feet with his backpack on, ready to leave. Until he realized that he'd forgotten his iPod in his locker.
Okay, we're going to make this fast so nobody comes up to you. Run to your locker, put in the combonation, grab the iPod, close the locker, leave.
He repeated this in his mind like a mantra. He got as far as closing his locker. He turned his back and walked toward the door, certain of his victory, when he heard a light voice behind him.
"Finn…?"
Finn froze. He knew who it was immediately. He turned around stiffly and stared at Kurt, who walked up to him slowly. Finn looked around the halls to make sure nobody was looking, and then pulled Kurt into the nearest classroom.
As soon as he closed the door, he loosened up a bit, trying his best to be comfortable, for Kurt's sake.
"Finn, I'm sorry."
Those words alone made Finn want to die. He squinted his eyes shut, trying to escape Kurt's soft face.
"No…"
"Please, Finn, listen to me."
Calm down, Hudson. Calm down. It's just Kurt. Chill out. Chill out! His heart was beating out of his chest.
"O…okay. I'm listening." He tried to speak as little as possible.
"I'm not good at… being weak. I hate being vulnerable," Kurt sighed. This was obviously very hard for him to say.
"I feel like I have to be the strong one. For everyone. My dad, my friends, myself... you know. That's why I was so cold to you yesterday," he took a deep breath in, trying to slow himself down, "and for that, I'm sorry. I know you were only trying to help. But I don't like being… rescued. I don't want you to feel like you have to protect me from anyone."
Finn stared into oblivion, trying to absorb Kurt's words.
"You don't understand what it's like, seeing people hurt your friends," Finn stated quietly.
"I do, Finn. I really do," Kurt looked away, "Don't you remember me talking about my dad?"
Kurt was right. Finn was wrong. But I can't help but feel responsible! Finn screamed in his mind. Kurt read his face.
"I don't want you to feel responsible for my issues."
Finn's eyes widened at the fact that Kurt seemed to be inside of his head. Kurt sighed painfully.
"You don't need to help me."
"But I want to help you!" Finn shouted out, without thinking, "You were there for me. I want to be there for you, Kurt."
Kurt stared at Finn in shock. Finn looked away and repeated himself quietly, "I want to."
Kurt felt the tears drip down his rosed cheeks. They were tears of sadness mixed with euphony. The two boys shared a moment of silence between them, Kurt standing and silently crying, and Finn sitting, looking away, emotional pain tearing his insides apart.
Kurt understood his faults. Often, he accepted them and tried to better them. He thought this was what Finn wanted to hear. Obviously, he was wrong.
"I just can't see people do that do you anymore. It's not a matter of protecting or saving you. I know you can take care of yourself," Finn struggled, "It's impossible for me to just sit back and watch you continue to get battered. Not after what you said two days ago. I just can't stomach your pain while knowing I can do something about it!"
Finn felt tears coming on. This was the third time this week. He hadn't cried this much in a while. He allowed them to fall from his chocolate-brown eyes.
"I just can't," he sobbed.
I'm crying like a little girl. God, I suck so much.
"Please," Kurt sniffed and kneeled, as to be eye-to-eye with Finn, who kept looking away, "Please don't cry."
"How do you expect me not to?! Not to cry, not to help… I can't sit back and do nothing all the time! I have a lot of pressure!"
I'm yelling at Kurt again. I told myself I wouldn't do that anymore… not to him.
"How am I supposed to deal with all of this?!"
Finn felt a soft hand cup his face, and Kurt's forehead on his.
"You don't have to change for me, Finn. Things can go back to normal."
Finn put his hand over Kurt's.
"No, they can't."
"Why?"
"Because!" Finn was lashing out again. He looked up into Kurt's watering, sea-blue, pain-infected eyes. Thoughts rushing through his mind, Finn said the only thing that made sense, and whether it was consciously or not, he would never know.
"Because I love you."
Kurt hadn't expected that. He had no response. He could only stare, in shock, at Finn. Had he really said that? To Kurt? He blinked slowly, trying to take in those three words. Those three little words that contain more emotion then some books.
Kurt couldn't manage to get anything out of his voice box successfully. He felt like his heart had stopped beating completely.
He stood up straight, trying to remain calm. He walked toward the door, figuring this was as far as their conversation was going to go. He didn't even stop to adjust his clothes. Right now, he just needed to get out of that abandoned classroom- trying to escape his own vulnerability again.
Just as Kurt was about to open the door, he felt a strong hand on his shoulder. Finn turned him around hastily.
"Don't run away again," Finn said, "I don't think I could handle it."
"Wh…" Kurt gulped, "What do you expect me to do?"
"Nothing," Finn said, tears reappearing at the lower apexes of his eyes, "Just stay here."
Kurt and Finn slowly embraced, Kurt placing his head on Finn's chest. Finn ran his fingers through Kurt's well-groomed caramel hair, and wrapped his arm around Kurt's torso, gripping some of the cloth of his black turtleneck. Kurt swathed his small arms around Finn's back and shoulders, clutching to him. Finn closed his eyes, tears dripping from them.
"Right here."
Kurt closed his eyes and emitted a sob.
"I'm…sorry."
Kurt could feel Finn's hand tighten. "No," he said, "Don't say you're sorry. Don't ever say you're sorry."
Kurt looked up at Finn. Finn put a hand on Kurt's neck, keeping their gaze. Kurt raised himself up by his toes to kiss Finn, closing his eyes. Finn bent over, adjusting his height for Kurt's benefit. Kurt tangled his lean fingers through Finn's brown, faux-hawked hair and clenched his fist, forcing Finn's lips into his even more.
Their lips parted and met again, and Kurt's back met the wall. In their kiss, apologies and wishes flowed between them, not in words, but in emotion…
xXx
Puck had forgotten his phone in his locker. Normally this wouldn't have been a problem, but he was expecting his weekly text newsletter from one of his favourite… special interest websites. He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked down the hallway, past a couple classrooms, to where his locker was. He twisted to the right a couple times, then to the left, then…
A thump. Puck looked up and around, and then something caught his eye. He left his locker mid-combo, and shuffled toward a classroom door, and looked through the window.
He never figured he'd see this.
xXx
HOT DAMN. Oh hay- Goodfellas is on! Time to go!
Little Acorns is by The White Stripes.
Glee belongs to some other people that aren't me. It makes me sad, too.