Gillian was putting washing away in the bedroom when Cal came home. He gave Lewis a cuddle in greeting and then put him back down with the books he was reading to himself. Which meant he was just enjoying the pictures. Then he went to find his wife. She skipped over asking how his day was and went straight to the question clearly burning a hole in her mind. "What happened at the doctor's?" She demanded.

Cal took her hand and guided her to the bed. She sat next to him heavily. "He found a tumour."

"Oh," Gillian managed to get out before looking stricken. Her grip tightened on his hand.

"Doesn't mean it's cancer," Cal added quickly, repeating the mantra the doctor had given him that morning. It had been going around and around in his head. It doesn't mean it's cancer. "I'm goin' for a biopsy tomorrow to find out."

Gillian looked as though she wanted to cry. Cal raised his eyebrows at her slightly, inviting her to say something. She looked torn for a moment, her lower jaw worked slightly as if she couldn't decide on which words to say first. And then tears welled up in her eyes and Cal had her in his arms before they could spill over. He wanted to say something comforting. But what? What could he say?

"Can I come with you tomorrow?"

"Of course. I was gonna ask you if you'd come. They're gonna put me unda."

Gillian pulled back again and a flash of worry through her eyes but she held it together. "You're so calm."

"I'm not sure there's anythin' to worry about yet. I mean," he went on hurriedly as he saw her gearing up to protest. "I don't know that it's cancer yet. It could be a benign lump and then all the stress was for nothin'."

"Just going to deal with it as it comes up huh?"

Cal nodded. It might not be the healthiest way to deal with the situation and he never claimed it was the absolute best, but it was all he could think to do. Just like he wasn't going to deal with the adoption thing until it happened, he wasn't going to deal with this medical emergency until he knew exactly what it was that he was dealing with. He was all ready too tired to pour extra energy into it. He was all ready too stressed out. Right now, everything was carefully balanced. He was all ready groping around in the dark trying to find his way without throwing in more paranoid obstacles.

PJ

They dropped Lewis off at day care together and then drove on to the hospital. Cal was quiet and Gillian tense. "You know, it's just a biopsy," Cal tried, keeping his tone very careful. He didn't want to belittle her fears, he just wanted to assuage them a little.

"Still a general anaesthetic."

"Yeah," Cal agreed. "But you know me. I'm a tough old bugga."

It was weak, but Cal didn't really have anything better. The biopsy wasn't necessarily a big deal, but the risks were the same every time for general anaesthetic. What Cal meant was that he was fit and generally healthy and there was a very small chance that anything would go wrong.

"Funnily enough," Gillian responded softly while she drove. "That doesn't make me feel any better."

Cal turned to look out of the passenger window. He sucked at this game. He used to be better at it. This was what happened when he didn't keep his skills up. This was what happened when his wife knew him too well. He couldn't manipulate her anymore. Not that he wanted to necessarily control her, just convince her that his attitude towards this was the right one and she should jump on board with him. They talked about being on the same page, in the same boat, on the same side of the coin. They weren't. They were still resisting each other.

"Unless you want to make hollow promises to me that you can't possibly guarantee to keep?" Gillian interrupted his thoughts.

Cal swallowed hard. The lump in his throat, now that he knew what it was, made him feel sick. He could feel it there. It was what had made him want to clear his throat constantly. "How about I just tell you I love you?" Cal croaked, the lump in his throat growing three times bigger to make him sound emotional.

"Do that," Gillian agreed.

Cal reached over and took her hand. "I love you."

They arrived at the hospital in silence. They walked inside together in silence. Cal asked whereabouts he was meant to be headed. They went upstairs in silence, waited in silence and just as Cal was determined to finally break it and ease the tension, he was called by a nurse. They were taken to an office where a woman in her thirties stood to greet them. "I'm Doctor Sam George," she introduced herself and shook hands. She offered them a seat politely. Cal had been expecting a man. That'll teach him to assume anything.

"Okay, let me go over what's going to happen today. Doctor Campbell has forwarded me your notes." She moved an image from the endoscopy to the top of the stack. The doctor turned to face them. "What we'll do is give you a general anaesthetic and then I'll guide the needle down your throat to cut a small section of the tumour out for testing. It's a very simple process. After that you'll wake and probably feel a little uncomfortable. Your throat will be sore for a few days."

"When can we expect the results?" Gillian asked.

"Within the next few days," Doctor George responded with kind brown eyes. Cal was yet to come across a doctor without them. Maybe Adler had? Cal didn't remember. He had all ready put that bastard out of his mind.

"I'll test the sample myself," she folded her hands in her lap. "Have you got any questions?"

Cal hated when someone asked that and his mind went blank. Gillian said she didn't. Cal just shook his head.

"We can go through and get started straight away. Mrs Lightman you're welcome to sit in."

They went down the hallway. Gillian slipped her hand into Cal's and he noted that it was cold. He was asked to change into a gown and lie down on the bed in a sterile room. Gillian donned booties, gown and cap. She held Cal's hand while monitors were set up to keep track of his pulse. Cal tried not to eyeball the crash cart in the corner. A nurse stuck a needle into his vein and set up the IV line. Then she left and they were alone for a moment.

"All right?" Cal spoke first.

"Sure. You?"

Cal nodded. "Love you."

The anaesthesiologist came in. He was followed quickly by Doctor George who had changed into scrubs for the procedure. The anaesthetic was pushed. Cal was asked to count backwards from ten. He got to eight before his jaw slackened and his head lolled. Gillian gripped his hand tighter and realised she hadn't told him she loved him back.

They moved Cal to a recliner to wait out the rest of his drugs. He slept with his mouth open and Gillian waited out twenty minutes listening to the sound of liquid gurgling in the back of his throat. At least she knew he was still breathing even if it started to grate on her nerves. She took a deep breath, told herself to calm down, she was just tense at the moment. They both were. And Cal needed her to be there for him right now. She held his hand and watched his peaceful face. From where she sat, she couldn't even see that tiny little bump on his neck. But she had seen the image of the tumour on the monitor while Doctor George worked. And it was very real.

PJ

"I can't believe you're being so calm about this," Gillian said again in more disbelief than before. It was one thing for him to sit her down and tell her he had a tumour and a whole other one to see it with her own two eyes. Cancer or not, it frightened her. It was like he was telling her not to be afraid of the nutbar with a chainsaw. Just because he wasn't hacking their limbs off right now didn't mean he wasn't scary, and it also didn't mean he wasn't going to try and attempt it.

"I'm just tryin' not to worry about it too much before we know what it is exactly," he repeated what was becoming his mantra.

"I'm scared Cal." Gillian went for honesty.

"I know sweetheart," he pulled her closer against him. He wanted to comfort her but like she had all ready pointed out, unless he was going to make false promises, there was nothing he could say. What he had decided on was just being strong for her.

"Subject change?" Gillian suggested lightly when she didn't get more of a reaction out of him.

"Sure," Cal agreed. But it appeared she didn't have a topic prepared, so they lay in silence for a while. "You look into those pay rises?"

"I did a preliminary investigation."

"Mmm I love it when you talk business," Cal teased. "Now tell me about the fiscal year."

Gillian gave his shoulder a shove, made difficult by the fact that they were lying next to each other in bed. "You brought it up."

"I thought I was gonna get a 'yes' or 'no' answa."

"I got distracted by other things," Gillian explained.

"So what do you think?"

"I think it's possible but I'd have to look into it more carefully and talk to the accountant."

Cal hugged her tightly. "I do love your business mind by the way."

"Why are you intent on handing out pay rises?"

"You don't want to?" Cal exaggerated his shock.

"Why are you surprised? I should be the one surprised."

Cal gave a light chuckle.

"They have put up with a lot in the last few years."

"Uh huh," Cal agreed. "And they'll be puttin' up with even more once the baby arrives." In his head Cal added 'if', because potentially Kiera could change her mind up to ten days after the birth.

"And when you have surgery," Gillian added because whether the lump was cancerous or not Cal was all ready scheduled for surgery to have it removed. Once the biopsy came back he'd know if he needed his lymph nodes removed and if he'd have to have further treatment with chemotherapy or radiotherapy.

"Right," Cal agreed thinking this subject change was failing abysmally. They lay in silence a while longer. "Look," Cal whispered. "The sun's comin' up."

"Hhmm," Gillian responded.

"Are you goin' back to sleep luv?"

"No," she sounded slightly indignant. "Just thinking."

"About?" Cal prompted despite probably not wanting to hear what she had to say.

"Work. We'll have to tell them about you and the baby. At least eventually."

Cal stroked her arm and watched the room get infinitesimally greyer.

"You want to soften the blow with a pay rise," it wasn't a question.

"Somethin' like that yeah," Cal responded gently.

"Hmmm I like the way your brain works."

"I knew you weren't with me for my looks," Cal quipped.

"Shut up!" Gillian gave a half laugh and a shove as she sat up. "No fair making me laugh!"

Cal gave her hooded eyes and she leaned back in to give him a chaste kiss. He watched her get out of bed and head for the bathroom. His phone started ringing on the bedside table.

"Lightman," he answered.

"Good morning Doctor Lightman, this is Sam George calling."

Cal felt his stomach turn icy cold.

PJ

Cal opened the door for his daughter. She skipped through and into the warm office space. "Hi Gillian," she greeted and waved.

"Hi Emily!" Gillian turned from her desk in the room opposite the door. Cal's office was on the right and it was painted a light blue. Gillian's office was in a deep maroon and the area where he stood now, closing the door behind them, was sunshine yellow. Gillian picked the colours. She had also campaigned for redecorating the office too. She said it was important to make the place seem bright and fun, yet professional at the same time. Cal had asked why the hell they were painting it yellow then, and she had just rolled her eyes and gave a little sigh and told him to 'just trust me'. It had become her favourite tag line. They both knew very well that he trusted her. But it was harder for him to question her when she asked him to trust her.

Cal's desk wasn't visible through his doorway. It was probably better that potential clients spotted Doctor Foster first. Emily moved to the low coffee table and pulled out her homework. "How was school?" Gillian asked the twelve year old as she emerged from behind her desk.

"Lame," Emily answered happily.

Cal rolled his eyes at her response, whipped his coat off and heaved it at his daughter's head. She had been giving him attitude around smiles, laughter and cheerful skipping. It was hard to know what was going on with her when she was like that.

"Hey!" Emily exclaimed loudly and threw his coat to the floor in a pile.

Cal got into Gillian's space, far more interested in her face right now than his pre-teen daughter's. "What's goin' on?"

Gillian refused to step backwards. She gave him a little shove instead.

"What?" Cal asked again. "You're happy. What happened?"

"I just got back from a meeting with the accountant."

"Give you a full service did he?"

"Cal!" Gillian's face clouded with embarrassment. Her eyes slid to Emily who had inserted buds into ears and was now listening to an mp3 player. Gillian took Cal's arm and forcibly dragged him into her office. "He went over the financial year with me."

"Oh yeah?" Cal was more interested in watching the colour rise under her freckles. Gillian reached for papers on her desk. She held them up in front of him, a smile of glee on her lips and in her eyes. Cal waited, amused. She paused slightly and the smile broadened and Cal felt like if she didn't say whatever it was she might just explode all over the room.

"We broke even!"

Cal's stomach flipped. He grinned. Gillian's smile grew so wide her lips couldn't contain it any longer. She showed him teeth. The skin around her eyes crinkled. Her blue eyes flashed. Cal pus his arms around her shoulders and she did the same. They hugged tightly.

"You're brilliant you are," Cal murmured in her hair. Their bodies were pressed together. Cal realised she smelt fantastic and all of a sudden his stomach tightened for a different reason.

'Wholly shit,' he thought. 'I'm in trouble.'

Then to make matters worse Gillian pulled back and kissed his cheek. She opened her mouth to add something else and then the situation got even more complicated.

"What's going on?"

"Zoe!" Cal greeted cheerfully, ripping his arms away from the woman who was not his wife. He found his heart pounding with trying to force everything to the side to pretend that it was completely normal for him to be sharing a rather intimate hug with his business partner. He stepped closer to his wife. "Gillian just informed me we broke even this year!"

Zoe narrowed her eyes at him slightly. "That's great," her words were a stark contradiction to her body language.

Emily appeared at her mother's elbow. "Ready to go." She seemed oblivious to any tension.

Zoe turned to leave. "I'll come too," Cal added hurriedly. He wondered if he was going to have to make it up to Zoe or should just pretend it was nothing and carry on. He turned to Gillian. She was studying the papers on her desk. Her ears were pink. "I'll…" he started to explain and then had no idea what to say.

"Yep," she responded. He didn't have to say word. They both knew.

"Tomorrow," Cal slung over his shoulder as he walked out of her office space to pick up his coat.

"Tomorrow," Gillian agreed.