Cal was sitting on the edge of the bed when Gillian came back in. When she saw his face she literally stumbled over her own feet. She gripped the door frame to steady herself. "Who was that?" She asked though clearly she could work it out for herself. And clearly she already had because her face showed clear fear.

"Docta George," Cal answered her anyway. He got up; his legs felt weak. His heart was doing that disturbing thing it did when it beat too hard and felt like it might fall out of his chest and onto the ground and disappear under the bed.

"It's not good news is it?" Gillian spoke and was in tears even before Cal could take two steps and get his hands on her.

"I'm sorry," Cal murmured into her tears. He wished he had better news. And he wished he could lie to her about the results. But no. Neither was possible. It was cancer. He couldn't deny it any longer. The next step was to determine how serious it was. He'd have scans, consults and eventually surgery. He stroked his wife's hair and held her tightly and after a few long moments of silence and gentle sobbing, Gillian pulled back to look him in the eye.

"I don't want to lose you."

"You won't, "Cal promised automatically. It honestly didn't feel like an empty sentiment.

PJ

Cal came through the door and was confronted by a naked two year old. Lewis raced up to him and pointed and squealed, then took off again to his bedroom. Cal followed. Lewis had clothes in a pile on the floor, pulled from his bottom drawer. Cal headed to the kitchen. "Can you explain to me why our son is runnin' around the house naked?"

"Because," Gillian closed the fridge. "Someone must have taught him how to take his clothes off."

'But that was months ago,' Cal thought.

"I knew it!" Gillian exclaimed. "I knew you had shown him." She pointed a finger in accusation.

"It was an accident," Cal tried.

"Yeah right."

"It was a much needed distraction. Why is he doin' it now?"
"Because it's funny."

"Want me to help with dinna?"

"No, you have a phone call to make," and all of a sudden her tone and expression was serious.

"He's doin' it to assert his authority," Cal explained.

"I'm aware," Gillian raised an eyebrow.

Cal kissed her. "All right. Phone call. Then bath time?"

"Dinner, then bath."

"Right," Cal acknowledged. "How about date night then?"

She gave him a slight smile. "See how it goes."

Non-committal. She was processing information. In the last few days Cal had been through tests galore. CT scans, checks on his heart, blood pressure, blood tests, liver function tests… and meetings with specialists, the surgeon who would perform the operation and the anaesthesiologist. It was a lot. He didn't have his head around it. He wasn't even going to try. They were going to cut the lump out.

Cal went to the bedroom. He dialled his daughter's home number. She answered. "Is now a good time to talk?" Cal started.

"What's going on?" Emily was immediately concerned. "I might not be a voice expert but even I can tell there's something up. Are you ok? Lewis? Gillian? Mom?"

"Um, no, fine, fine, and fine. Take a seat luv, I don't have good news."

"I'm sitting," Emily responded tersely.

Cal hesitated. How the hell was he going to say this? "All right, so, when I tell you, don't interrupted me, let me tell you the whole story."

"For god's sake just tell me!"

"I found a lump, and it's cancer. But I found it early. It's only stage two."

Officially: T2, NO, MO – 2-4cm big, no contamination of the lymph nodes, no signs of metastases. Unofficially: he was a lucky, lucky bastard.

"Cancer?" Emily sounded like she was twelve again.

"Totally treatable," Cal said carefully. No false positivism. He had tried to cajole Gillian like that and she had not been impressed. "It sounds scary but it's really not."

"Cancer in any form is scary Dad."

"I know, but this is not a death sentence. I'm scheduled for surgery. I won't even need chemo."

There was a moment's silence.

"When?"

"When?" Cal repeated slowly. When did he discover it? When did he find out he was going under the knife?

"When's the surgery?"

"In a couple of days."

"I'll come home."

"No!" Cal cut her off quickly. "You don't need to do that sweetheart. It's a simple procedure. I'll be home again in a few days. I've got Gillian to look afta me." And he didn't want extra people showing up to clutter the house. He hoped she wasn't offended. Cal waited for Emily to say something and as he listened to dead air he thought about her as a little girl. His baby girl. And Lewis. And maybe another one.

"Can I call you before you go in?" She sounded like that sweet little person Cal had delighted in getting to know and help raise. Life had been simpler back then. Not better but certainly not as chaotic as right now.

"I'll make sure I call you. And Gillian will call you as soon as she knows how it went."

"And then you'll call me?"

Cal hesitated. "The thing is, where the tumour is, it's pressin' against my vocal cords."

"You won't be able to talk again?"

"Well maybe not eva again. But I don't know what will happen."

"Can you imagine that? You, never speaking again."

Cal grinned. "That's my girl. Makin' fun of your old man every opportunity you get."

"I learnt from the best."

"Em, I love you."

"Love you too Dad." She paused slightly and when she spoke again it sounded like she was crying. "Take care ok?"

"I will."

PJ

"The minions have assembled," Cal strode through Gillian's open office door.

"Okay," Gillian breathed. She pushed her chair back from her desk and stood, smoothing down the front of her grey form fitted dress. She was wearing conservative black heels, not even sexy pumps. Her hair was pulled back from her face. Sedated. It was like she was already grieving.

Cal took her hand as they walked down the now deserted corridor. Their staff were all assembled in the conference room. Cal strode up to the head of the table. Gillian stood just inside the doorway. "All right!" Cal raised his voice. If he stressed it too much it would go hoarse and painful. After surgery, he wouldn't be talking much for a few days. If the surgery was even a little screwy he might not be able to talk again. Luckily for him the CT scan revealed the tumour to be limited to the superglottis, which meant, coupled with laser surgery techniques, he could very well be unaffected. If everything went according to plan that was.

"Few announcements," Cal shoved the thoughts aside. He was determined to remain cautiously optimistic. His doctors were telling him that he'd be fine. "Of a personal nature," Cal added. He turned to look at Gillian. "Good news or bad news?" He watched her face. "Good it is," he decided. "All of you are gettin' a ten percent pay rise."

There was a mild eruption of excited noise. Mostly surprise, but certainly delight. There was a smattering of applause. Someone suspiciously sounding like Loker asked why. Cal gestured for the group to be quiet again. "You lot have remained loyal to us for a long time," this was directed particularly at Loker and the other long serving staff members. "Not just that, but you lot have put up with the ripples of some very tough times for us personally," he glanced at Gillian to make it clear what he was talking about. "And a pay rise is our way of sayin' thank you and please stick around because it's gonna get just a little bit rougha. And we're gonna need loyalty now more than eva."

"What does that mean?" Ria asked in the front.

"I have a tumour. Completely operable," he added quickly. "I'm gonna be fine. But I'll need time away from here." He raised his voice to be heard over the murmur washing through the room. Everyone was throwing questions at him. "It's stage two," he added. "So afta surgery I'm gonna be fine. No need for chemo or anythin'." He looked at Gillian. Did she have anything else she wanted to add? She shook her head slightly. "That's all," Cal added and strode for the door. Gillian fell into step with him once they were in the corridor again.

So that was Emily covered and work. Now all he had to do was make his peace with Lewis and later Gillian.

PJ

Cal hugged Lewis tightly. "Love you little man." He gave Lewis a series of quick kisses. Lewis giggled and fought to be put down. He ran off towards the blocks already strewn across the floor. He didn't seem to think it odd that his father was with them while they went to day care. Cal watched him for a moment. Such a cute kid. Such a beautiful wee man. His little munchkin.

Cal turned to Gillian. She raised her eyebrows in question. "Ready?" She asked sombrely.

"Yep," Cal responded. Inside, he was starting to feel uneasy. They went back to Gillian's car. They drove in silence to the hospital this time too but the air in the car seemed less tense this time around. Or maybe that was just because Cal had the window cracked open.

After Cal was checked in and settled in his room there wasn't much to do but wait. "Come lie with me for a bit," Cal patted his shoulder.

"There's no room," Gillian complained.

Cal shifted right over to one side of the bed and turned on his side. He patted his shoulder again. Gillian looked as though she wanted to object some more. But she got to her feet abruptly and climbed up next to him. Cal shifted her body against his to fit. They encircled their arms around each other. Cal kissed the top of her head. He wanted to say a million things to her but nothing seemed appropriate in the silence. Cal didn't really even know how he felt. He wasn't scared but he was little worried. Mostly he was trying to clamp down on the occasional pangs of nerves. Gillian was warm in his arms and he wondered if that was because she was crying. She was facing away from him. It was hard to tell.

"I've been thinkin'," Cal started because he couldn't stand the silences anymore.

"About?"

"Maybe we should invite your parents for Thanksgivin'? Or Christmas? They can meet the new baby and see Lewis. Plus they don't have rugrats to scream about the place." He meant Lewis's cousins. Who could stay at their own house thank you very much. This was his safe topic. Holidays.

"That's true," Gillian mused. "But if we did we'd still have to invite the rugrats to see their Gran and Grandpa."

"Hmmm," Cal mused. "You're absolutely right. Pretend I said nothin' on the subject."

Gillian was in the middle of a slight laugh when a nurse came in. "Oh sorry." She hesitated. "I need to set up an IV line."

Gillian slid off the bed again. She wiped her chin surreptitiously and Cal could see she had, in fact, been crying. With a needle in his arm he was far less confident about moving around and so after the nurse left again Gillian simply held his hand. She kept hold of it when the transfer team came to move Cal to theatre. She stayed with him right up until the fire doors that were marked 'staff only beyond this point'. Then she was told to say goodbye. Cal gave her hand a squeeze.

"I'll be here when you wake up," she told him.

"I love you," Cal told her and there was a flash of tears in her eyes. But she nodded and said she loved him too. And then they pushed him through the doors and he was gone.