"Yeah?" Cal rasped into the phone. He felt like there was something scratching in the back of his throat but the last time he had tried to clear it the agony had him doubled over in bed, like someone had scraped a razor along his trachea. He wasn't going to fall for that again.

"Cal? It's Kiera."

Cal's first thought was that she was having the baby. He reached for his smart phone, preparing to text Gillian immediately.

"I was wondering if we could meet?"

Cal hesitated. What was this about? "Now?"

"Oh well I was just thinking sometime whenever you're free."

"I'm free now."

He was home during the middle of the day. Didn't that indicate that he was free? Gillian was at work. Lewis at day care. Cal was meant to be recovering. His sleeping patterns were a little out of whack. Yesterday when he got home he'd had a nap. Then he couldn't sleep at night and when he finally fell asleep Gillian got up a few hours later. He was pretty sure his medication made him a bit sleepy too. But he wasn't due to take any again for two and a half hours. So yes, he was free right now. Right now was perfect timing.

"I'll have to check the bus schedule."

"I'll come to you," Cal told her. She tried to refuse and Cal insisted so she suggested they meet in a coffee house on the main road in Manassas. She lived in Virginia. Manassas was a fifty minute drive from DC. Cal told her he would leave now and see her soon. When he got close he text and she replied she was there waiting. Cal pulled into a park and walked back. She was sitting out on the street. Her head was bowed in a way that made Cal feel nervous. He steeled himself and approached. She stood up to greet him. She was huge!

"You look well," Cal commented gesturing she should take a seat again. And she did. She seemed more rested. Her hair was tidier and her face less drawn.

"I feel a lot better about things now that we've met."

"That's good." Cal felt a pang of nerves. What was this about? He wanted to ask, but he was also scared to push her. Gillian would kill him if he blew the adoption.

"What happened to you," she inquired.

"Oh I had my lymph nodes taken out," Cal rasped in response.

"How come?"

"Felt they made me look fat," Cal retorted.

Kiera gave a slight smile. "You want something to drink?"

"I'll just have a hot chocolate," Cal responded. "Thank you."

"Sure," Kiera signalled the waiter. She ordered two hot chocolates with whipped cream and marshmallows and two raspberry and white chocolate slices. Cal watched her. She clearly had something on her mind and it made his blood pound through his veins in that uncomfortable way. It was a shot of dread through his system. "Gillian couldn't make it as well?"

"She's workin'."

"Right."

And to be honest Cal was grateful for that tidy excuse. He didn't know what Kiera wanted exactly, whatever it was, was making her feel nervous too, but she still fell under the category of things Cal wanted to protect his wife from. And it would be easier to do that without Gillian here. That way, he could soften the blow.

"Maybe it's better this way," Kiera mused. "You could talk to her about it for me. Explain where I'm coming from."

Cal started to feel suspicious even though he was trying not to jump to a conclusion. Had she changed her mind? He liked Kiera but if he was going to pick sides he was on Gillian's all the way. And after the massive cracks that had appeared in their relationship over this very subject, he would do whatever it took to make sure they didn't get any bigger. He was tempted to call her out already. But then Gillian would tell him to wait, to not push it, it was a delicate situation. This would be one of those cases where he would watch and she would ask the questions. If only this was just a case and not his actual life. Their drinks and slices arrived. He probably should have warned her that he wasn't doing so well with solid foods just yet.

"What's this all about then?" Cal prompted. He didn't know how to feel; angry, disappointed?

Should he intervene, steer the conversation purposefully, just let Kiera talk? He wondered again if this was a good idea. Maybe he should have put his foot down with Gillian. But she seemed pretty ok at the moment. Even after the cancer thing.

"I've been thinking a lot about the baby."

Cal gave an inward groan. Yes, he should have put his foot down. How was he going to tell Gillian about this? She would be devastated. It would set them back. This was stupid getting involved like this. He definitely should have put his foot down. He should have let his head lead his heart on this. He should have just told Gillian 'no' and been firm about it. It wasn't a good idea to go down this road no matter how badly either of them wanted it; especially how badly she wanted it.

"I wanted to know how you feel about an open adoption."

Cal watched her face carefully. She seemed open, honest, no markers for deceit. But he was confused because he hadn't been expecting that. That's what she had been afraid of? "I'll be frank," Cal started. "Gillian and I haven't discussed it particularly." And he didn't even know what kind of arrangement Gillian and Alec had had with Sophie's birth mother.

"Look I've done a lot of reading on the subject and I know as the adoptive parents you have absolutely all the power in the situation. But let me please just explain where I'm coming from on this."

Cal gave a slight nod and leaned back in his chair. He was open. He was listening. He had no idea what to say anyway.

"My mother was adopted. And her adoptive parents never told her. She found out because her birth mother wanted to find her. They didn't have contact until she was into her late thirties. Until after she'd had me. It was a mess. She was a mess. Everything she knew was a lie. She didn't know who she was anymore. She was really lost. She fell out with both sets of parents."

Cal watched Kiera speak passionately. This was a very personal subject for her. He understood even further how big of a decision she'd made in opting to adopt her daughter out. And the vast amount of trust she was placing in the Lightman's in having them raise her baby.

"Do you believe in kismet?"

"Not always," Cal answered honestly. "But then I think there must have been a fair amount of fortuitous circumstances that let me meet Gillian first and foremost, and then be blessed to marry her late-a on. I look at Lewis and think there must be kismet on some level."

"Fate or destiny or kismet..."

"Serendipity?" Cal suggested.

Kiera gave a slight smile. "Whatever it was that lead me to you and Gillian, I have to believe there was a purpose. When I found Gillian's profile and I read about her and how she wanted to complete her family and that she was a psychologist. It just seemed like the forces of the universe got together to make this happen. After I met you both, and talked to you in particular and Gillian even more so, I just had the best feeling about you. It just felt right to me. I know you'll do an amazing job of raising this baby girl. But I also know you'll do right by her. You won't let her feel insecure or confused about who her parents are or how she fits into your family or the world. It was important to me to find someone like that. And after meeting Gillian... I just know her capacity to love is..."

"Huge," Cal finished.

Kiera nodded. "I absolutely want the best for this baby. And I'm pretty sure that I can't offer her everything I would want for her. But I know you can. You and Gillian. And even Lewis," she gave a smile. "You can give her family and security and so many more opportunities in life." She paused slightly, looked away as if trying to fight off tears. When Cal saw her eyes get a little watery he knew she was being genuine. This wasn't an act. "I would love this little girl and I would love to keep her. But I know the best thing really, for everyone involved, is to let you take care of her."

Cal waited for her to get to the point. Waited patiently. Neither of them had eaten or even touched their drinks. He wanted to reach out and place a hand on her arm. He wanted to comfort.

"I guess what I'm asking you is if you would tell her that I love her and that she wasn't given up out of shame or for some selfish reasons but out of love."

Cal wanted to tell her that he absolutely would. But the truth was, he hadn't discussed it with his wife. In trying to let the adoption thing not register on his or Gillian's emotional radar they were ignoring some glaringly obvious conversations. Topped with the whole cancer thing... they weren't really prepared for this on an emotional level.

Cal did reach over and place his hand over hers. She looked up to meet his eyes. "Gillian and I haven't really talked about this kind of thing. Life has gotten in the way," he offered the simplest explanation. "But we are committed to doin' the right thing by your baby and by you." He left it at that. He didn't want to make promises he couldn't keep. He didn't want to tell her that he would happily raise the little girl to know who her birth mother was. He'd have pictures in the house; he would be all right with her coming to visit. He trusted Kiera as much as she trusted them. But he couldn't speak on behalf of Gillian without discussing it with her first.

Kiera nodded. She looked a little relieved.

Cal took a deep breath. "Which means I should explain to you why I had my lymph nodes out." He couldn't very well act like a hypocrite could he?

Kiera looked cautious.

"I've just had surgery for throat cancer."

"Oh god. Are you ok?"

"Yep. I'm fine now. But you know, cancer," he waved his hand. "It means docta's checkups for several years. It means potential relapse."

"Oh," Kiera nodded. "Right cos the agency does health checks."

Cal nodded. His throat felt sore, as if it knew they were talking about it.

"What are the chances of relapse?"

Cal explained the type of cancer, the rate of relapse, his chances of survival. He told her all of it and he felt a sense of relief that it was out in the open. Or was it just that he was talking about it with someone?

Kiera gave a nod. "You could get hit by a bus this time next year. Can't predict that. And I would still be secure in the knowledge that my little girl had a year with you and Gillian and now had Gillian to take care of her."

"You'd still go through with this if it was just Gillian?"

Kiera gave a slow nod. "Yeah I would." She paused. "And I will make sure the agency knows that if they have a problem."

PJ

"We need to talk."

Gillian looked startled.

"I got a phone call from Kiera today."

Gillian gave a slight fear expression.

"She wanted to discuss open adoption."

Gillian looked affronted.

"Not somethin' we've talked about," Cal pointed out.

"No," she agreed. "Why did she call you?" Suspicious eyes.

"She rang here. I was home."

"And she came over to talk?"

"No," Cal went for complete honesty. "I went to meet her for coffee."

"You're not supposed to have caffeine."

"I didn't. I had hot chocolate."

Gillian stripped out of her shirt and skirt ensemble. "You want to talk right now?"

"It could be a long conversation." Meaning this was not one they should start when it was bedtime because it could keep them up all night.

Gillian looked wary. They moved into the kitchen. Cal already had dinner prepared. It just needed to be reheated later that evening. He opened the deck doors for Lewis to go into the back yard. He retrieved a print out and they sat on the deck in the mid autumn sun.

"You've been doing research huh?" Gillian noted, leaning back on a lounger.

"Yep," Cal affirmed. "I have spare time."

"And what did you find out?"

It was hard to read her in that moment. He couldn't tell if she was offended, hurt, upset or angry. Or open and receptive. He felt more than ever the egg shells he was walking on "I found out that as the adoptive parents we have all the legal rights. Even if we sign a 'good faith' contract it's not legally admissible. That is, afta she's relinquished and the official pape-a work has gone through."

Gillian nodded.

"What kind of arrangement did you have with Sophie's birth mutha?"

"She didn't want contact."

"Do you think that was why she changed her mind?"

"I never asked."

And Cal understood what she didn't say: she didn't want to know.

"Does Kiera want us to sign one? A 'good faith' contract"

"She talked about wantin' one. But she didn't say anythin' about signin' anythin'. I think she was just testin' the warta's. She wanted to know how we would feel about it."

"Do you think she's going to change her mind if we say 'no'?"

"Honestly? I think she would take a very serious second look at the situation." He told her about what Kiera had told him, her mother's story and her strong feelings on the subject. "So I guess I'm askin' you what your thoughts are on it."

"What are your thoughts?"

"I asked you first."

"Hang on," Gillian got up. "Lewis!" She called. "No! Leave that alone!" She went down the stairs to where Lewis was trying to capture a bee. Cal could hear her telling him the bee would hurt him. She shooed it away and got Lewis interested in playing with something else before he could get upset that she had ruined his fun. Gillian came back and plopped down in her spot again. Cal waited for her to go on. She studied a fingernail, then worried her wedding band.

"All right, I'll go first," Cal volunteered in his forced whisper. The more he talked, the more strained his voice got. "There are a lot of stories on the intanet where adoptive parents have agreed to open adoptions and then disappeared without a trace. I think that's really deplorable. That's not who we are. I think denyin' the baby contact with her mutha also goes against who we are. I don't think Kiera is the kind of person who would try to manipulate the situation in her fave-a. She genuinely wants what's best for her daughta. And afta talkin' to her today, I feel strongly that she's adamant we're it. She wants this to work. In fact, if anythin', she was more worried about scarin' us off, not the otha way around. But I also think, if she thought we were gonna do somethin' that wasn't in the baby's best interests, she'd walk away from the adoption."

"She does seem genuine."

"I'd say she's very genuine."

"Well I trust your decision."

"We have to make this decision togetha. If you're not all right with an open adoption then we won't do it. I'm with you on this. A hundred percent." He paused. "But I will say this, this is my opinion, I think it would be the best thing for the baby to have contact with its birth mutha and I think it would be the best thing for Kiera to have contact with her baby. At least on some level. She's doin' this all alone."

"Yeah she is," Gillian agreed. "I do think about that." Cal knew she would. She was that kind of compassionate. "I think would be ok with an open adoption. I wouldn't feel comfortable with cutting her out completely."

"Me eitha."

"So then, how much contact does she want?"

"She didn't say. But I think we're in the position to negotiate that with her."

Gillian nodded.