Cal did half inch Kiera's phone and found a number almost instantly for an Aunty Melissa and so he rang her on the off chance they were close, or the Aunt could at least point him in the direction of a close friend of Kiera's. Someone to support her. It was not a good idea for her to go through all of this alone. Turns out Aunt Melissa was a friend of Kiera's mother; an 'aunty' of the family friend variety. She knew Kiera was pregnant but she didn't know she'd had the baby and promised to come down to see her. In fact, she insisted on it and half an hour later she showed up. Short, short dark hair, a 'mumsy' type. The type of woman who would hug and kiss everyone, who would make you a cup of coffee without being asked and would insist on biscuits or home baking, or perhaps a small meal. She gave Kiera a fierce hug and admonished her for not telling her she was having the baby. They both cried a little. Gillian had gone to feed the baby and Cal felt like he was intruding, so he took Lewis and slipped out of the room to give the two women some privacy.

Kiera was discharged by mid morning. If she was pissed at Cal for ringing Melissa she didn't say so and Cal couldn't read it on her face either, so he took that as having done the right thing. Melissa was taking Kiera home to her place. She insisted. Flat our refused to let Kiera go home alone. And then she pulled Gillian aside and asked her how she should help Kiera with getting over her baby. A very good question. How was anyone going to help her through this? Cal couldn't imagine.

Cal looked after Lewis while Gillian took care of the new baby. He also snapped off pictures on his camera in the background. He took a few posed shots. One with Lewis holding the baby was very cute. Cal made sure to snag the card out of the baby's bassinet before they left. In his days at home after surgery he had done a lot of reading up on the internet about what it was like for a birth mother after the baby was born. They had a plan. It was his job to take mementos. They were going to put a book together for Kiera once the baby was six months. Or, if this didn't work out, they were just going to give her all the stuff they had collected anyway. Because those little things would be the things she wasn't thinking about right now but would maybe want later. It was the same for Gillian when she gave birth and was allowed to leave the hospital. She even got home and went 'oh I didn't get Lewis' ID bracelet'. Cal earned big points for remembering it himself.

Kiera held the baby as they walked out. Melissa pushed her in the wheelchair to the front entrance. Cal trailed along behind with the shorter paced Lewis. They were all subdued. Aside from Lewis who was in an exceptionally good mood. Everything was fascinating for him right now. Kiera had been quiet that morning. Probably the enormity of what was happening seeping in. Cal half expected her to get outside and tell them no. He was bracing himself. Physically as well as emotionally; he was gripping the bag in his hand too tightly. He told Gillian he would bring the car around. He was hoping Kiera would have passed the baby over by the time he pulled up in the drop off zone in front of the hospital's entrance. She hadn't. The three women stood together.

Cal left Lewis in the car and approached again. He took a picture of them together while he walked up. Once he was standing still Gillian slipped her hand into his. Kiera was looking down at her little girl. Gillian was watching Kiera. Cal was trying to study the facade of the building. A goodbye had never been so bloody awkward. Melissa announced she would go and get her car too. Kiera lifted her head to acknowledge. Then she looked over at Cal and Gillian. Cal made sure not one inch of him was giving a sign of eagerness. It was hard to read her face. She had tears in her eyes though. He could, at least, see that.

Gillian reached out with her arm and tentatively put it around the young woman's shoulders. In that way, all four of them were connected to each other now. No one spoke. The baby slept. Kiera gave a little sniffle. Aunt Melissa pulled up in her car. But she stayed in it and Cal silently thanked her. This was between the four of them standing right there. He wanted to tell Kiera to take all the time in the world, there was no pressure on this decision, but he didn't want to break the moment more, so he stood and waited.

A minute later Kiera looked up again and blinked away her tears. "Here," she indicated she wanted to give the baby to Gillian. Gillian took her carefully. "Thank you," Kiera added.

"Thank you Kiera," Gillian responded.

Kiera wiped her chin with the sleeve of the sweatshirt she was wearing. She didn't have to add the usual sentiments about 'taking good care of her'. They knew; she knew; everyone knew. Just like the Lightman's didn't have to add anything about 'what this meant to them'. They knew; she knew; everyone knew. Cal heard Lewis give a yell from the car. Perfect opening. "We should go," he said gently.

"Yeah," Gillian agreed softly.

Kiera gave a nod. "I guess we'll be in touch," she offered, meaning, the adoption agency would get involved again, more social worker's visits, and eventually in ten days time, a final decision.

Gillian gave a smile. Cal gave Kiera a hug. He wanted to ground them too. And it felt right. Kind of like his way of saying thank you without having to utter the insufficient words. Kiera gave him a watery smile when he pulled away from the brief contact. "You make sure you take care of yourself," he told her gently and stepped away. Gillian turned with him and they walked further along the path to where Lewis was calling out again. Cal heard a car door close behind him and then Melissa's car pulled past slowly. Kiera raised her hand. Cal mimicked the gesture.

Gillian put the baby in the car seat carefully and then carefully clipped it into the back seat. Cal found Lewis a banana to eat while they were waiting. When the baby was secure Gillian straightened up. She approached where Cal was leaning against the back of the car. She put her arms around him, a full body hug, and clung tightly. Cal's hands found their immediate homes behind her shoulders and in the small of her back. "You all right?" He murmured near her ear.

She nodded and pulled back. "Just starting to feel final."

But not quite.

Cal nodded. "Shall we go then?"

Gillian agreed and slipped into the back of the car, sitting between both car seats. Lewis had been moved to the other side of the car, directly behind Cal now. "Ooohh," he greeted her, his face saying 'what are you doing here in the back with me?'

Cal couldn't help it, he drove home slowly. The normal fifty minute drive had an extra twenty minutes added to it. He was paranoid about the new born baby in the backseat. Gillian rang the adoption agency from the back seat to say they were taking the baby home. Then she called Emily and Ria back to let them know they were taking the baby home. Emily was a familial obligation call; Ria was a courtesy to let her know neither of them would be at work tomorrow. On their way back to the house they stopped into a supermarket to get supplies; new born diapers, wipes and formula. They had clothes, blankets and bottles at home.

Cal fixed Lewis lunch once they were inside. He made Gillian a sandwich and took it to her in the baby's room. She was holding the little girl, sitting in the comfortable chair in the corner. "Hungry?" Cal asked her.

Gillian looked up at him. She eyed the sandwich as he held it in his hands. There was no furniture in there for him to put it down on. Unless he risked the changing table. But that was just not sanitary. Gillian looked down at the sleeping bundle in her arms. She gave a slight wince and looked up at him again. "Cal. I'm bonding."

"I know," Cal responded quietly. Fear quivered his stomach.

"I'm going to need more than ever if this blows up in our faces."

"I know," Cal agreed softly. "It's ok."

PJ

The sound of a baby crying startled Cal awake. He groaned as Gillian stirred next to him. He had forgotten how hard this part was. The baby was unsettled. This was the second time they had been woken up. The clock now read four thirteen. They had been asleep for just an hour and a half. At least Lewis wasn't also being disturbed. It would be worse trying to get the both of them to go back to sleep. Gillian switched on a lamp and Cal flinched against the light as he started to sit. Gillian scooped the baby up out of her bassient. "Hey, it's ok," she whispered softly. "I got you."

But Gillian didn't have her. Because even after checking her nappy and attempting to give her something to eat, rocking her, holding her, trying to leave her, soothing with a patience built up by baby number one, Gillian gave up and passed her to Cal. Cal rocked her back and forth in his arms too. He rubbed her back gently thinking she might have indigestion. But that didn't work either. It seemed she was just intent on crying. "Poor little girl," Cal murmured to her, sitting down on the mattress. "Miss your Mum already huh?" He swung his legs up to the bed and leaned back on his pillows. "You can sense she's not here," he continued as he scooted further down so his head was resting on the soft cushioning. "But you know, Gillian's here," he shifted the tiny body so it was in the middle of his chest. "And I'm right here," he continued to rub light circles against the soft fabric of the pink 'onesie' she had come home from the hospital in. Cal closed his gritty eyes. He felt Gillian lie down next to him.

He took several deep breaths, the weight of the body on him felt like nothing. He hummed a few lines of nothing in particular. Gillian sighed and came in closer. Cal's hand got tired so he let it drop to the bed. The next thing he felt were Gillian's fingers slipping in against his. He gave her hand a squeeze twice. She squeezed two times in return. "It was like this with Sophie too?" Cal asked gently.

"Yeah," Gillian breathed, sounding very much like she was falling asleep.

"Hmmm," Cal hummed again. He felt his mind starting to drift. Just as he was about to slip into oblivion he realised the baby had stopped crying and gone to sleep again.

PJ

"Is she cute? I bet she's cute," Emily gushed on the phone.

"Yeah she's pretty damn cute," Cal admitted tiredly. But she would not stop crying. She woke every few hours in the night and cried and would not be comforted. During the day she slept, which was when Lewis was awake and demanding attention. Two days without proper sleep and Cal felt like shit. But yeah, she was a cute baby.

"Can you send me a picture?"

Cal pulled his keys from the ignition. "Well the thing is, with it not bein' official yet. We haven't taken any photos." Which was partially true. He had photos of the baby in the hospital with Kiera. But in the two days the baby had been with them he hadn't taken anymore. Gillian might be bonding but he was trying not to get too attached. Which was why they also hadn't named her. And probably why the baby cried more often if he was holding her. Only the naked chest trick worked for Cal. He could tell Emily's next question would be about a name. He climbed out of his car and slammed the door shut. He climbed out of his car and slammed the door shut.

"Em, we're tryin' not to get our hopes up too much on this one," Cal told her gently. He hoped she would understand. He hoped she would take a hint and drop the subject as he headed towards the entrance to of the building of the Lightman Group.

"Ok," she said. "I get what you mean."

"Thank you," Cal told her as he pulled the door open. "You told your Mum about this?"

"No," Emily answered cautiously. "I was going to. But I can hold off until you say so."

"Yeah, let's do that."

"Have you told anyone else?"

"Just you and Ria and Eli."

"Cool."

"You were first."

"Cool," Emily repeated.

"Always my numba one darlin'," Cal told her. He strode through the entranceway of his business, the lit up sign of his name was on the right. He was spotted almost immediately by Ria on her way to the copy room. Her face lit up and she opened her mouth to talk to him but he held up a finger indicating he needed just one minute. He was on the phone. What a nice tidy excuse. He strode on to his office, raising his eyebrows at Doctor Roberts in greeting as he went past.

"So I rang to talk about the baby but..."

"No you can talk away. We're just takin' it very, very easy. Just very, teeny, tiny, little baby steps on this one."

"Have you named her?"

"No."

"Ok so you're kind of killing my conversation here."

Cal sat behind his desk and turned his computer on. He sighed. "I'm sorry luv. I just got to work and I haven't been here for two days. I've had two of the most shit night's sleep. And I'm worryin' about Gill and this baby and the whole adoption situation. It's probably not a very good time to get decent convasation out of me. I'm sorry. Can I call you back tonight?"

"It's ok Dad," Emily told him gently. "I was just excited. I can totally appreciate where you're coming from. How about we chat when you've had some sleep? And I'll try not to get too excited about the idea of a sister until everything is officiated?"

"That sounds like a date."

"Love you Dad. Hope you get some sleep soon. You're insane for doing this again over the age of fifty."

"Yes thank you," Cal responded sardonically to her teasing tone. "I'm aware." They said goodbyes and hung up. Cal rubbed his eyes, then wished he hadn't; it was like he had stirred up the aching sting again. He waited for the dust to settle. He felt stretched too thin. Then he opened his email. Usually Gillian handled all the emailing. But she wasn't here. Ria was screening them and passing along the ones she felt Cal needed to deal with himself.

He had barely typed in his password when Ria herself appeared around his office door frame. He wondered if she had been hovering outside listening to his phone conversation, waiting for it to end. She came to stand opposite his desk, a bright beam on her face. "So? Is she cute? I bet she's cute!"

PJ

"I was such a good boy today, you would have been so proud," Cal told Gillian as he took the baby carefully from her arms.

"Shave the beard and I'll be thrilled," Gillian replied dryly.

"I filed the pape-a work with the lawe-a," Cal ignored her as he took a seat at the kitchen table gingerly so he didn't jostle the small bundle. "And I sat through the meetin' without makin' any snorin' noises, or snide comments." He paused for the dramatic element. He shifted the baby into the crook of his arm to take the piece of paper Lewis was trying to offer him. "And I listened to everythin' they said."

Gillian was at the sink washing her hands to finish dinner. She seemed stressed and she clearly wasn't listening to him. Cal turned to Lewis. "This is great," he told him of the picture, a coloured scribble. He put the paper down on the table and signed 'beautiful' with his now free hand.

"Oh look!" Lewis pointed to the baby. He reached up on his tip toes to peer within Cal's embrace. "Sleepy."

"Yeah she's sleepin'," Cal whispered.

"Oh," Lewis looked concerned.

"Let's put this on the fridge," Cal suggested. He got up and picked up the picture. "Come on," he coaxed Lewis. So long as his attention was focused he would leave his mother alone to cook, or maybe just to give her some space. "You get the magnets," Cal told Lewis. Cal held the picture in place and Lewis helped while prying several animal shaped magnets off the fridge to reposition. "One more," Cal told him. "For here," he showed Lewis the corner that needed to be pinned down. "All done," Cal announced once they had finished.

"Done!" Lewis clapped his hands excitedly.

"Beautiful," Cal told him.

"Boo boo bool."

Cal caught a wiff of something unpleasant. "Whoa. Come with me buddy. We'll change your nappy."

Lewis raced to his old bedroom and then hesitated. Lewis's gear had been moved to his new bedroom. Cal picked up the baby's car seat before telling Lewis he was in the wrong room. "Come on," Cal called to him as he walked past. Lewis followed him at a run and climbed up to his bed. Cal put the car seat on the mattress and lowered the baby into it carefully, making sure he supported her neck and that she didn't wake up. Then he turned to Lewis who had taken his trousers off in preparation and was now lying back to hover his legs in the air.

"We should teach you to wipe your own butt," Cal mused to himself. "Save me the hassle." Lewis started pulling back the tabs of his own nappy. Cal reached for a clean one and wipes. He gave Lewis's thighs a slap. "Oooh look at you! Rude boy!" Lewis giggled and kicked at his father.

As he finished cleaning up Lewis the baby started to stir. It was like she could sense she had been left alone for more than ten minutes. "Here," Cal threw Lewis's trousers at him. "Put those back on." He rocked the baby's car seat until she went quiet again. Then he picked it up and took her for a walk around the house while he dumped the dirty nappy in the rubbish and went to the bathroom to wash his hands. He took her back to the kitchen.

Cal approached Gillian and pulled her into a hug; even when she resisted he insisted. Finally she gave in and sank against him.

"How was your day?"

"Long," Gillian complained into his shoulder.

"Mm hmm," Cal agreed. He rubbed her back.

"Yours?"

"Exhaustin'." He was on duty from the moment he got up until he was allowed to go to sleep at the end of the evening.

Gillian gave him a squeeze and then pulled away again. The baby started to stir from the kitchen counter. Cal gave the car seat a gentle rock until she settled again.

"You know what I figured out today?" Gillian spoke from the bench where she sliced an onion.

"What's that?" Cal asked taking a seat at the breakfast bar. He pushed the car seat out of his way so he could see her.

"When she's going to sleep it's like she needs a lot of reassurance that someone is still around. After a while she must reach the deep part of her sleep cycle and I can actually leave her."

"That's good to know."

"I'm going to try it tonight. See if my theory is sound. If we get her to go to sleep around midnight she won't wake again until four," here Gillian crossed her fingers. "We might get a solid four hour block of uninterrupted sleep."

"Don't you tease," Cal warned. He got up, feeling suddenly sleepy. The last thing he wanted to do was fall asleep where he sat. He was pretty sure he'd take a nose dive to the kitchen floor. He kept himself moving by setting the table. Then he went to get Lewis when it was dinner time. Gillian was right about the baby. Once she settled, she was settled.

After dinner Cal played with Lewis to fight of sleep once again. He didn't want to nap before it was actually bed time. It would throw his sleeping pattern even more out of whack than it already was. Gillian fed the baby as Lewis was preparing to go to bed. Cal burped the baby while Gillian tucked Lewis in. While Gillian was saying goodnight Cal lay down on the couch, the baby on his chest. This way he could reassure her he was still there with minimal effort and rest his eyes a bit at the same time.

"Cal, come to bed."

"I'd love to darlin' but I'm too exhausted to fool around."

Gillian smiled to herself. "Get your mind out of the gutter. I meant to sleep."

"Oh," Cal opened his eyes. The baby was gone. He must have fallen asleep.

"She's asleep and you're asleep and I sure as hell could do with going to sleep," Gillian explained to his confused expression. "So let's go," she held out her hand to him.

Cal undressed quickly and slipped beneath the bed covers gratefully. He was pretty sure he was barely even conscious as he brushed his teeth. Gillian fell into bed behind him a second later and got the light. The baby was still and quiet.

"Did you say you talked to the lawyer today?"

"Mhh," Cal answered.

"And filed the paperwork?"

"Mmmmm," Cal responded.

"A social worker is coming on Thursday."

"Mmm."

"After that they'll..."