Hey guys. This is the last chapter.
Please read the author's note at the end.
It was mostly a sleepless night.
Even in the darkness of the room, as Kurt slept peacefully, not a thing in the world to be worried about, his head on Blaine's shoulder, his arm thrown around him as if he couldn't help wanting to keep him close even while he was asleep, Blaine felt like he could see the outline of his soulmate mark, red as blood.
What was he going to do?
Everything about this day had felt like too much. Cooper knocking at his door had just been the beginning, then he and Kurt going to bed together, and now his mark changing colors, the treacherous little thing.
He wanted to say he hadn't expected it, but there was nothing shocking about this, actually. Of course he loved Kurt. What was there not to love? He was a wonderful man, sweet and caring and funny and attractive. Blaine could barely keep his eyes off of him, and his heart had been doomed right from the start: it was as if it kept getting pulled and pulled and pulled towards Kurt, the magnetic force too strong to resist.
And that was it. He was in love with him.
He wished it could all be so simple.
Sam would probably hit him over the head and tell him he was being really difficult without a single reason to, but Blaine couldn't quite forget about the years and years of loneliness and rejection, about how it felt to be the one left behind. Was he just supposed to believe that, because Kurt was his soulmate, there was some sort of guarantee? There were so many ugly, insecure parts of him that Kurt hadn't seen yet. What if their bond wasn't enough to make him want to stay?
He lifted his hand for the millionth time to look at his mark again, and that's when it occurred to him: Kurt was going to see this. They were naked in bed together, of course he was going to see it.
Blaine thought of how humiliating and painful it would be for Kurt to look at his mark and discover what Blaine felt for him, right there, written on his skin, plain and undeniable. It was too soon, wasn't it? They hadn't known each other that long. Would Kurt see how needy and desperate he was for someone to actually want him for the first time in his life?
The word echoed in his head, in a hateful voice that for some reason sounded a lot like Cooper's, back when they were younger and still living together: pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.
He felt like curling up in on himself, but that would have woken Kurt up.
His chest felt tight, his stomach felt funny, just like it always had when he was a little kid, before he had the word to describe what this feeling was. But how could he feel lonely when Kurt's arms were wrapped around him?
He wondered if he would ever stop feeling like that.
It was long hours later when he finally fell into an uneasy sleep. Kurt had turned on his side and, not even waking up, he had pulled on Blaine's hand and hugged it to his chest. His palm was now splayed on the smooth skin there. He wished he could say he was counting his heartbeats like they were sheep helping him fall asleep, but the truth was that, instead, he was counting them like grains of sand on an hourglass that was running out of time.
There was a smile on his face even before he woke up. Kurt stretched his arms, eyes still closed, feeling loose and happy in a way he hadn't felt in a long time. The bed smelled like Blaine, something comforting, something that somehow spoke of the future. He burrowed his face in the pillow for a few seconds before he opened his eyes and took a look around the room.
Blaine was already gone, but sounds coming from outside the bedroom told Kurt he was making breakfast. There was a faint scent of toast and coffee too. He allowed himself to smile at the ceiling for a little longer before he pushed the blankets off and stood up, heading straight to the bathroom after picking up his underwear, which had somehow ended up halfway under the bed.
He whistled as he peed, which was already a sign that he was happier than he had been in a while. It was almost ridiculous, how great he felt…
He was thinking how crazy it was that one night could make such a difference, but he had to correct himself: it hadn't been what had happened last night, even though it had been truly amazing. It was the person he had been with.
Blaine had been slowly changing his life since the moment he had walked into it. Maybe they'd had a bumpy start, but things were definitely looking up…
Just in case Blaine's roommate was back, Kurt took the time to put his clothes back on before heading to the kitchen. Blaine had his back to him, and he was making scrambled eggs. He was fully clothed, too. He startled a bit when Kurt slipped his arms around his waist and kissed the back of his neck.
"Good morning," he said softly.
"Good morning," Blaine replied. "Did you sleep well?"
"Like a baby," Kurt chuckled, and couldn't resist pressing one more kiss to Blaine's neck. "Anything I can help with?"
"Nope. I've got it all under control," Blaine said.
There was something stiff and overtly polite about his tone of voice. It made Kurt pause and frown for a second.
"Are you alright?" He asked, worried.
It wouldn't the first time that having sex seemed like a great idea in the heat of the moment, and a horrible one once the sun came up. But Kurt didn't think it would change for them: they were soulmates. They belonged together.
Blaine gave him a quick, little smile over his shoulder, meant to be reassuring. "Yes. I'm fine. It's just…" he stopped and then started again. "It's Cooper. I didn't expect to see him last night. That's all."
Kurt had almost forgotten about Blaine's brother all together, which he probably couldn't be blamed for after what had happened between them when Cooper left. He hummed softly in understanding. "Can't have been easy, if you hadn't seen him in years."
"Not really, no," Blaine put the scrambled eggs on a plate and then paused again, spatula still in hand resting against the counter. "I'm… I'm not sure what that looked like to you. I'm sorry you had to be there for it."
"Blaine, please, I'm glad I was here," Kurt reassured him at once. "I could tell it was overwhelming and though I'm not sure if my intervention was welcomed, I can't even think about you having to go through it by yourself…"
"I'm used to it," Blaine shrugged slightly. "Most of my life…" He stopped again, and looked hesitant. "Forget it, you don't want to hear about this. Would you like some bacon?"
Kurt watched as Blaine pulled away from him and began to put the plates on the kitchen table. He seemed closed off, like he had raised a million walls up while Kurt slept. Kurt couldn't quite understand that.
He took a couple of steps to get in his way and raised his hands as if to contain whatever it was that Blaine was feeling. "Hey. Blaine, look at me."
Rather reluctantly, Blaine glanced up at him, the first time that their eyes met since Kurt had entered the kitchen. They were bright but held such a deep, old sadness that Kurt was breathless for a moment.
"I want to hear about it," he said firmly. "Whatever happens to you, matters to me. I want to hear about every single little detail of your day, of your life. I want to hear about the things that make you happy, but I especially want to hear about the ones that upset you. Whatever it is… I want to hear it. I want to be here for it. For you."
It almost looked like each and every one of his words broke Blaine's heart, and Kurt couldn't understand why.
"My family is complicated," Blaine said simply, shrugging again. "They aren't like yours, at all. My parents are distant – my mom mostly because she doesn't even notice she is, she probably thinks she's warm and caring, and my dad thinks he does what's best for everyone but mostly ends up doing what's best for himself. They were good parents to Cooper, but something must have happened, something must have changed before I was born, because they didn't seem to care being around for me. They weren't… they didn't abuse me or neglect me, not in the way you're probably thinking. I always had everything I needed and everything I could possibly want, when it came to material things. But… well, my brother got married and no one even thought I should know. So that should tell you how things are."
Blaine had told him a bit about his family before, and Kurt had already guessed things hadn't been easy for him on that front. He had guessed that Blaine had been alone most of his childhood and teenage years, had seen the old pain reflected in his honey eyes and wished he could have been there for him.
But there was something different this morning, like that old pain was finally catching up with him, and all the strength that had taken him to push through all these years had suddenly run out.
Blaine looked down at his feet and shook his head. When he looked back up again, he tried to smile. "It's okay, really. I'm okay. I'm used to this and you don't have to worry about me, because there's nothing wrong. Let's just… let's just have breakfast."
Kurt didn't want to push despite the fact that he didn't think it was the best thing to let this go. It looked like Blaine needed to get what he had inside out – bottling it up couldn't do him any good. But Blaine looked so closed off right now…
He grabbed his hand and pulled him into a quick, soft kiss. Blaine almost melted against him. "Okay. But we can talk about this whenever you want."
Blaine nodded and then went to pour the coffee, and Kurt watched him, watched his suddenly empty arms, and wished they were still wrapped around him, keeping him close.
He caught a glimpse of red that hadn't been there before and gasped, so quietly that Blaine didn't even hear it. Kurt lifted his hand and saw that the BA that had been orange not too long ago was now a beautiful shade of red.
He wasn't surprised. Of course he wasn't. Loving Blaine seemed like the most natural and logical thing in the world.
He glanced at Blaine to tell him, eyes automatically falling on Blaine's hand, searching, searching, searching for a hint of red, a hint of reciprocation, a hint that they were both heading in the same direction…
Instead, what he saw, as Blaine placed the coffee pot back on its base, was that he had put a Band-Aid over his mark again, like he had before they met, like he had even after they had met.
Like he was ashamed. Like he didn't want it to be a part of him. Like he was denying what they shared.
So there it was then: Kurt was in love with him, and Blaine had instead realized that what they had wasn't enough. Blaine didn't love him, didn't feel anything for him, which explained why the walls were suddenly up again this morning after they had torn them down last night, leaving not even the foundations.
It was all broken before them, Kurt realized. The future he had imagined and dreamed of, that he had thought was right at his fingertips, ready to be grasped, was broken.
He knew that what he felt for Blaine was never going to be matched again. No matter how many men he met, he would never have the kind of connection he felt with him. That was the whole point of being with your soulmate.
The heartbreak was going to be just as monumental.
But he was here for it, Kurt decided right there and then. If heartbreak was all there was here for him, so be it. He was going to squeeze out every second he possibly could with Blaine.
It wasn't supposed to be like this. But if Blaine didn't want him… then he would have to learn to live with it.
Rehearsals began to blend together. Blaine's feet hurt almost daily now, because the choreographer was pushing them as hard as he could. Sometimes even his vocal chords hurt from singing the same song over and over and over again until he got it perfectly. Kurt usually waited for him with a cup of tea with lemon and honey in it and a gentle smile that shouldn't have made Blaine's heart beat faster, and yet it totally did.
If Kurt had noticed that he was hiding his mark again, he was being perfectly polite and not saying a damn word about it. But it was also possible that he hadn't noticed the Band-Aid was back on Blane's wrist at all, since the weather called for long sleeves lately. They hadn't slept together again – how was Blaine supposed to hide the mark when they were both naked and touching and kissing everywhere? – and things seemed to have grown slightly cold in that department. If they touched, it was only briefly, Kurt's hand cupping Blaine's cheek or Blaine reaching out to grab Kurt's hand as they walked to the subway. It felt like they were stuck in a Victorian romance at some points, but it was no one's fault but Blaine's. He had been the one to want to put some distance between them.
He couldn't stop the fear that had risen inside of him since he had discovered his mark was red.
Blaine for once considered himself lucky to have family issues, because it was a pretty good distraction from freaking out about Kurt finding out.
Ever since Cooper had stopped by his apartment, his mother had been calling him incessantly. Apparently Cooper had told her that they had seen each other and that Blaine was pretty unhappy with the way the family had treated him. Their mom had been more than ready to compare notes with him, it seemed, especially considering the last time their parents had been in New York and visited Blaine, and they both had decided that Blaine was in desperate need of some sort of intervention, as if he was on a self-destructive path that they couldn't quite understand.
At least they were trying, though. It was more interest than they had shown since he had been born.
Eventually, Blaine felt his will bending. He was home alone (Sam was working late, Kurt had to help his friend Santana with some wedding planning, and the video game he had been looking forward to playing all day suddenly didn't seem that enticing anymore) and nothing could stop the thoughts that kept coming at him, biting like bullets.
Hadn't he spent most of his life wishing his family noticed him? Why was he the one ignoring them now that they were actually trying? Maybe it was too little, too late, but wasn't he going to regret it, if he closed this door forever and it never opened again?
So he did something he never thought he would do: he grabbed his phone and dialed his brother's number.
Cooper picked up after the third time it rang, and he sounded a little breathless. "Hello?"
"Uhm, hi Cooper," Blaine said, biting his lip. And then he added, just in case: "It's Blaine."
"Oh hey, hi," Cooper murmured, sounding surprised. He clearly hadn't expected Blaine to call him. "How… how are you?"
"I'm good," Blaine said, feeling awkward. "How are you?"
"Great, just great. You just caught me at the gym," Cooper replied with a quick chuckle. "I… I'm really glad you called." He paused, and then added: "Well, unless it's to tell me you don't want to talk to me ever again and to stay the fuck out of your life. Then I wish you hadn't called at all."
"I wasn't going to say that," Blaine said softly. "You told me you wanted to talk, so… here I am."
"Right," Cooper muttered. It sounded like he was chugging half a bottle of water as the silence stretched between them, but Blaine told himself to be patient. "Well, to be honest, I wasn't exactly prepared for your call, so…"
Blaine had no right to be disappointed. If he had any expectations, that was on him. He should have known better. "Right," he echoed. "That's fine. Then I guess…"
"Wait," Cooper interrupted him just as he was getting ready to hang up. "I didn't mean that I don't want to talk now. I just mean that I need a second to get my thoughts in order. So how about you tell me a bit about your day while I do that? I'd love to hear about it, actually."
It was probably pathetic to be this relieved that Cooper was showing interest in his life. But it felt nice, to notice he actually did care. He sounded earnest. Blaine closed his eyes and pictured their dining room back at home, the table set for dinner, the family gathered there at the end of the day, and he was sitting moving his food around on his plate while every conversation flowed around him but never seemed to have room for him to say something, to contribute something, to make himself heard. His father saying "so how was your day, champ?" and knowing, without a single moment of hesitation, that the question was directed at Cooper and never at him.
"Well, I… had rehearsal today," he said, because it was always simpler starting with work. "And I have the night off from the bar, so I'm at home."
"What's the play about?" Cooper asked, and his interest sounded so genuine that Blaine felt a flash of warmth going through his chest.
He told him about Out of Town, about the cast and the crew, about how exciting it was to finally be able to be part of something like this. He told him about how exhausting it was sometimes, to go from dance rehearsal to the bar, but how he still couldn't quit, not until he was sure the show would actually make it.
"It sounds like a great show," Cooper said when he was done. "It really does. And from what you're telling me, it seems like everyone involved is really passionate about it. That's already a great sign that everyone's going to fight tooth and nail to make it work."
"I hope so," Blaine said.
Silence stretched between them for a few seconds. Blaine wasn't sure if he was supposed to say something else, but before he could decide, it was Cooper who broke it.
"I should have been there for you," he said, and he sounded a lot more serious than Blaine had ever heard him. "There's no excuse. When we were kids and still living at home, I just didn't know how to relate to a brother so much younger than me, but I still should have been in your corner, noticed the differences, known how you were feeling. I should have asked you. I should have helped you. And… what I regret the most is not being there when you ended up at the hospital. That's when you needed someone by your side the most, and I wasn't there…"
"Well, in your defense, no one even called you," Blaine shrugged. That was on his parents, not on Cooper.
"Still. If I had checked on you regularly like a good brother should…" Cooper sounded really bitter. "I'm sorry, Blaine. That's the first thing I should have said. I'm sorry. I can't even imagine how upset you must have felt. We were all so… so selfish. We never stopped for a second to think about how you felt, how left out you were."
Blaine thought that having his pain recognized would have felt like a small victory. Ha, finally seen! But no, it was still there, beating inside of him. "I just…" he started, and he was surprised by how his voice cracked, so he stopped to clear his throat. "I just never understood why."
"I don't think I can give you an actual reason," Cooper said. "I was an entitled, egotistical asshole, I guess. I couldn't be bothered to care about anything except myself. Maybe there was some sort of jealousy when mom was pregnant with you, when you were born. I thought I was being replaced…"
"But then they couldn't give two shits about me," Blaine said.
"This is going to sound really fucking messed up, but remember I was ten years old when you were born: I was glad they didn't seem that enchanted with you," Cooper said, and a pang went through Blaine's chest. "I was used to being their little prince and I thought you were going to steal all of that from me. But then you were born and they both seemed really keen on just going on with their lives as usual and it felt like nothing at all had changed, so I was relieved."
"I see," Blaine whispered.
"Look, I know how it sounds, and like I said… I don't want to make excuses for myself because I was wrong," Cooper said fiercely. "Especially… especially when it comes to my adult life. I guess that's the worst part of it. I didn't… I didn't make room for you, Blaine, not even when I knew better, and I will always hate myself for it, because I missed out on so much. But I was hoping… when I came to your apartment, I was hoping that it wasn't too late, and that I still might have you in my life. That you'll give me a chance to make it up to you."
Blaine felt like he was choking. It took a lot of effort to say: "That's all I've ever wanted, Coop."
There was a little startled chuckled on Cooper's end, like he couldn't believe his luck. "You called me Coop."
Blaine couldn't help laughing a bit, too. "Shut up." He dried his tears, which he hadn't even realized were there until now. "Anyway, I… I want to give this a shot. I can't promise it'll be easy, I have… I have a few trust issues, honestly."
"I can't blame you," Cooper murmured quietly. "I mean… I knew it was going to be difficult, judging by the way Kurt reacted when I was there. He must hate my guts already."
"He's just… protective, I guess," Blaine retorted, unable to stop the smile that spread on his lips at the thought of Kurt.
"He seems like a great guy," Cooper commented. "Want to tell me about him?"
Blaine hesitated, not because he wasn't ready to sing Kurt's praises, but because it was a very, very sensitive subject at the moment. He glanced down at his wrist, at the Band-Aid covering Kurt's initials. He missed tracing them with his fingertips. But it felt like a stab, whenever he saw how red they were.
Before he realized what he was doing, he was spilling everything to someone who had become a stranger to him. He told him about how he had resented the idea of soulmates for years, how he had felt betrayed and used, how he didn't even want Kurt to find him, how hard he had been with him when Kurt appeared in his life. He told him about being unable to stay away from him, and how everything had been so beautiful between them.
He told him about his mark turning red the night he had shown up at his apartment, and how he couldn't let Kurt know, because he was too afraid of looking at Kurt's mark and still finding it yellow. He was too afraid it would mean Kurt didn't love him back, that he couldn't, that Blaine would never be enough, just like he had never been enough.
"Blaine…" Cooper said, sadness tinging the name. "Please don't… don't let what we did, the way we hurt you stop you from having something good in your life. I'm sure Kurt would be so, so happy to know that you love him…"
"But what if he isn't?" Blaine asked, and he couldn't believe he was baring his soul to his brother, who he hadn't talked to since he was about fourteen years old. It seemed easier than talking to Sam, that constantly pushed him to trust the soulmate bond.
"Well, if you ask me," Cooper replied softly. "He will be. Didn't you see him, that night? The way he stood up for you, so fierce, so passionate, like there was nothing he wanted more than to make sure you were safe and happy and protected? That's love, Blaine. That's love."
Blaine didn't know what to say. He felt raw, exposed. He closed his eyes for a second and shook his head, trying to regain some composure. Too many emotions for just one day, he thought. It had been heavy on him.
"Thanks for listening," Blaine said, and he hoped he conveyed how much he didn't want to keep talking about it.
"No need to thank me. This is exactly the kind of thing I want to do," Cooper said at once. "And I thank you, for giving me a chance. You don't owe me anything, but I appreciate it. And I really want to say how sorry I am, again. I should have…"
"Cooper," Blaine interrupted. "You said you're sorry already. It's fine. I'll just… I'll just need a bit more time."
"All the time you need," Cooper said at once. "But in the meantime, just know you can call me whenever you want. If you need to talk… let me be here, Blaine. Let me earn this."
"Okay," Blaine whispered.
They said their goodbyes, and Blaine put his phone down on the couch next to him, as he melted against the cushions. It felt like some huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders, in a way, but he was still carrying plenty.
But maybe, just maybe, today he was a little less alone than he had been yesterday.
Carefully cutting the thread and putting the scissors down, Kurt took a few steps back to admire the wedding dress currently occupying half the living room at the loft. Santana had found one she loved at a store that only needed minor alterations, but even if it was just hemming and taking in a bit of the waist, Kurt was nervous as hell: he didn't want to be the one to ruin Santana Lopez's wedding dress.
He didn't feel like turning up drowned in the Hudson River.
But everything looked perfect, so he exhaled slowly.
Just then, the front door rolled open and Santana and Rachel walked in. They had been out for some last minute shoe shopping (Rachel had been sent out with pictures of options so she wouldn't pick something awful), and they looked exhausted but happy, which was always a good sign.
"Oh, it's finished!" Santana exclaimed, eyes glossy as she stared at the dress, and Kurt had never seen her like this. It was refreshing. She didn't look capable of murdering him and throwing his body to the river right now. "Kurt, it looks perfect!"
"You'll need to try it on tomorrow just in case," Kurt said. "But yes, I think it's done."
She touched the dress reverently and then they showed him the shoes they had bought (they got the Hummel Seal of Approval) and last they sat down together at the kitchen table to have tea and talk about the last few details that needed to be taken care of before Santana's and Brittany's big day.
"Have you talked to Blaine?" Rachel eventually asked, like she did every single day.
Without meaning to, Kurt's fingertips settled on his wrist, the slight texture of his soulmate mark feeling both comforting and dooming. "We texted a bit today, yeah."
"That's not what I asked, Kurt," Rachel said quietly.
He knew. Ever since his mark had turned red and Blaine had started hiding his own again, things had felt so weird. He wasn't sure what was happening, though he had a few guesses, the most likely being that Blaine didn't like him and wasn't sure how to break the news to him.
He had thought soulmates were meant to be infallible.
"What am I supposed to say, Rach?" He said, tiredly. "Hi Blaine, my mark has turned red because I'm in love with you. I'm so deeply in love with you that I can hardly think of anything else. But I've noticed you've covered your mark again, so could you maybe not break up with me so I don't have to experience the excruciating heartbreak that I'm sure will follow?" He glared at Rachel, like it was her fault, even though Kurt knew she was just trying to help.
"It sounds like a start," Santana said, long red fingernails tapping on the table incessantly. "You two need to sit down and have an honest to god conversation. You keep beating around the bush and it's not going to help anyone." She paused, like she was considering what she had just said: "Actually, if you could wait until after my wedding for that conversation, it'd be great. I don't want any drama before or during. Once Brit and I are on our honeymoon, do whatever you want."
Kurt rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to ruin your big day, Santana." He sighed. "I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose him, but… I don't want to force him to be with me, either."
Since he was a little kid and had realized he was different to the other boys, he had longed for a soulmate who would understand, someone who would love him for who he was. Someone who would be brave enough to stand next to him and hold his hand. And when Blaine's initials had appeared on his wrist, he thought the universe was finally giving him hope, telling him he was going to get everything he had ever needed, something certain and right.
And Blaine seemed all of those things to him, but for some reason…
For some reason he still didn't want Kurt.
Maybe he felt obligated by the bond they shared. Maybe he would have walked away already if he could.
He felt like crying but he refused to.
After Santana's wedding, he was going to set him free.
The ceremony had been short, but beautiful, and Kurt stood at the altar watching Santana and Brittany walk away, arms wrapped around each other while everyone cheered and clapped for them. He could feel Rachel standing right beside him, so he reached out and squeezed her hand briefly – it was obvious she was having thoughts she couldn't quite stop.
Finn would have looked amazing in a suit.
Kurt let his eyes wander around the venue until he found Blaine, sitting in a middle row, clapping along with everyone else. Sam was sitting right beside him – Kurt had told him to bring him, because Kurt had to be with Santana until after the ceremony, and he didn't want Blaine to feel awkward amongst too many strangers. Sam had been more than happy to be invited to a party where he would get free food and free booze.
Blaine's eyes found his and he gave him a soft, hesitant smile. They had both been so careful around each other lately. It was obvious that the end was near. Kurt shivered slightly at the thought. He knew he was just delaying the inevitable, but the heartbreak was already unbearable and nothing had even happened yet.
Well, nothing except the uncomfortable distance between them.
Kurt had made up his mind to talk to Blaine the next day. He would already be likely nursing a hungover, maybe he could add the broken heart to the mix and get it all over with already. But today… oh today was such a hard day. Blaine looked absolutely gorgeous in his black suit, bowtie sitting at the base of his throat. Kurt wanted to touch him, to kiss him, to bring him close, wrap his arms around him with all the strength he had left and never let go.
They all moved slowly to the next room, where the party would be happening. Santana and Brittany had retreated to have a moment to themselves. Kurt wondered what it felt like, to marry your soulmate. Did it feel like you were finally tethered to the person that you belonged with? Did it make your soul peaceful? Did your heart beat more steadily, knowing it was in the right hands?
He guessed he would never know.
When he reached the row where Blaine and Sam had been sitting, Kurt found them talking in hushed tones. Sam seemed on the verge of a breakdown and Blaine was trying to calm him down. Kurt frowned as he headed towards them.
"Hey guys," he said, pretending everything was fine. He could pretend for a little longer, right? "Everything okay?"
Sam's eyes were almost painfully wide, his lips parted, like he was in shock.
"Uhm, is there any girl here whose initials are MJ?" Blaine asked, when it was obvious his best friend couldn't utter a single word.
Kurt didn't have to think too hard about that. "Yes, why?"
Sam lifted his hand and showed his wrist to him. The initials there, MJ, were yellow. "She's here. MJ is here."
Kurt was speechless for a second. "What's your last name?"
"Evans," Sam replied at once, almost desperately. "I'm Sam Evans."
"SE," Kurt said. He had seen her mark a million times. He had been the first person she showed it to when they were back in high school. "Of course. She… she's right over there," he pointed at a table near the back of the room, where the brides would sit. There was a small group of their friends there, Artie, Rachel, Tina, Mike… and Mercedes. "Mercedes Jones. The girl in the dark blue dress."
Sam's breath stuttered out of him. His hands were shaking. He turned to Blaine, looking like a deer caught in the headlights.
Blaine smiled softly at him. "It's time, buddy. You've been waiting for this a long time," he told him. "Go get her."
Sam didn't need to be told twice. He made his way towards her and Kurt and Blaine stood together and watched as he introduced himself. Rachel and Tina covered their mouths with their hands as they heard what Sam was saying. Artie and Mike clapped Sam's back in a friendly way. Then everyone walked away, leaving the two of them alone. Kurt could see how Mercedes' eyes were bright from across the room. She seemed so happy…
He looked away. He was glad that they had found each other, but it felt like someone was pushing a thorn into his side.
Why did soulmates work for everyone except himself?
The brides arrived right then, which proved to be a perfect distraction. For a while, nothing mattered but them. They were all there to celebrate them, after all. They ate and toasted to their happiness and focused on how happy they seemed. It made it easier to get through it.
But eventually the dancing started, and Blaine stood up and offered his hand to Kurt. Kurt looked at it for a few seconds, dying to take it, but knowing the nearness was going to be too much for him today. Still, he couldn't refuse. There was nothing that he wanted more than to wrap his arms around Blaine and sway to the music as if nothing was wrong.
Mercedes and Sam were already dancing together, looking so lost in each other that it felt like everyone else in the room had become inconsequential. They hadn't said anything to anyone – Mercedes probably didn't want to eclipse Brittany's and Santana's day with her own happiness – but it was obvious to anyone who looked at them.
"I'm so happy for them," Blaine whispered quietly. "Sam's been looking for her for a long time."
Kurt only nodded. He couldn't speak. It felt like there was something stuck in his throat.
Blaine fit so perfectly in his arms. His forehead was pressed against Kurt's temple, and Kurt closed his eyes, because all he could feel, all he could breathe was Blaine. It was overwhelming in the best and worst way.
And it was suddenly too much.
"I promised Santana I would wait until tomorrow," he said weakly. "But I'm afraid I can't wait. Just knowing it's what's coming… I'm dying inside. Everything hurts."
Blaine pulled away, frowning at him. "Kurt? What are you talking about?"
Kurt grabbed Blaine's hands and pressed them against his chest. He didn't want to let go. His fingertips pressed on the pulse point at Blaine's wrists, and he wished those heartbeats were for him. "I don't ever want you to be unhappy, Blaine."
Blaine still looked like he didn't understand.
"I've waited for you my whole life," Kurt said, and he could already feel the tears gathering in his eyes. "And I thought finding you would be my happy ending. But you don't seem to want the same thing, and I don't want a stupid mark on our wrists to be the reason we're miserable for the rest of our lives…"
Blaine's frown deepened. "Kurt?" He said, sounding small, so small.
"I'm sorry I'm not what you wanted," Kurt whispered.
Blaine looked like he had been slapped. "Who said you're not what I wanted?"
"You've started covering your mark again," Kurt replied bitterly. "You thought I wasn't going to notice? Everything's been so… so different, so cold between us. I don't really understand what changed. After that night we spent together… I thought things were finally moving in the right direction. But the next morning you… you covered your mark…"
Blaine took a deep breath. He looked a little nauseous. "It's not… it's not covered now."
Kurt blinked at him stupidly. He had been caressing his wrists and hadn't even noticed the absence of the Band-Aid there. He needed to take a deep breath, too, as he glanced down at the hands he was cupping against his own chest. He wondered briefly if Blaine could feel how his heart had slowed down, as if in anticipation.
He saw the edge of Blaine's soulmate mark peeking from beneath the sleeve of his jacket and shirt. The buttoned white cuffs still hid half of it, but Kurt could see the top half of the K and the H.
They were red.
"You're everything I've ever wanted," Blaine said then, sounding so fragile, like he was about to break into a million pieces. "You're more than I could have imagined, Kurt. I didn't hide my mark because I didn't want you. I hid it because I fell in love with you and I didn't want you to feel bad about not being able to love me back…"
"Blaine, how can you say that?" Kurt asked, perplexed.
"I've never been enough for anyone," Blaine said, so quietly Kurt could barely hear him over the music playing. "Why would I be enough for you?"
The vulnerability reflected in Blaine's face threatened to break Kurt's heart. Now that he had said those words, he looked like he wanted to run away: he had put all the cards on the table, showed Kurt his mark, told him how he felt… and he still believed it was all unrequited.
The silly, silly love of his life.
Instead of giving him empty reassurances, Kurt lifted his hand, his mark bare on his wrist, the red of the initials seemed so dark against his pale skin.
Blaine looked at it like it was something he had never expected to see in his life, like he truly believed no one could ever fall for him.
It added another crack to Kurt's heart. He vowed to make sure Blaine knew how loved he was every day for the rest of their lives.
If he let him.
"I love you," he said, simple and unadorned, and Blaine lifted his head to look at him, his wide eyes on him. "Not because I have to, or because some random mark on my skin tells me you're perfect for me. I love you because you're sweet and kind and smart. I love you because you make me smile, because every day I spend with you is the best day of my life. I love you because just thinking of you makes me happier than I've ever been. I love you because…"
"I love you too," Blaine blurted out, cutting him, looking like he couldn't hold the words back anymore. "I love you for all the same reasons, and so many more. You've made me want to be better. I want to be better for you…"
"Blaine," Kurt said, fondly. "I wouldn't change a damn thing about you."
Blaine surged forward like he couldn't stop himself any longer, kissing Kurt in a way he hadn't kissed him in weeks, or maybe ever. He poured into that kiss everything he had felt lately: his uncertainty, his fears, his love for Kurt. He hoped the kiss was speaking louder than he ever could.
And Kurt kissed him back in earnest, because the relief was flooding him all at once, making his knees a little weak with the realization that this wasn't over.
This was just beginning.
"I'm sorry," Blaine said when he pulled away, a little breathless. "I'm sorry I made you think… I've been such an idiot. I'm just sorry."
"I'm sorry, too," Kurt said. "I just assumed… I should have talked to you."
Blaine tilted his head as he regarded him. "Were you going to break up with me?"
"I thought it was what you wanted," Kurt said with a sad shrug.
"I just…" Blaine swallowed, like what he was about to say had been stuck in his throat for a long time and he was fighting to get it out. "I'm used to nobody wanting me."
Kurt wanted to cry just from hearing that. Instead, he painted a smile on his face and poked Blaine's chest playfully. "Well, mister, start getting used to the opposite. Because I want you. I want you so much, in every possible way."
They would have time, all the time in the world, for Kurt to show him he was no longer alone, no longer cast aside, no longer unwanted. He would make sure Blaine understood. But tonight… tonight he wanted Blaine to smile and forget that had ever been something that hurt him.
He wanted today (and every day on) to be about how loved Blaine felt.
It felt like they needed a moment to themselves, so Kurt grabbed Blaine's hand and pulled him out of the venue, leaving the music and their friends behind. They ended up in a side hallway between the kitchen and the bathrooms. Kurt pushed Blaine against the wall, gently, and crowded him there, their bodies glued together, Blaine's breath right against his own lips.
They kissed again, slow and deep, as if they were the two last people in the world and the would never be interrupted, taking their time to savor each other, tongues brushing together in a way that made heat pool in their bellies. They were suddenly very aware of how long it had been since they had truly touched each other – one night weeks ago wasn't exactly enough, and everything since then had been distance, coldness and silent want.
So much silent want.
Kurt was suddenly glad that the wedding was taking place at a small hotel. Maybe they could get a room and make their want a little louder… "Should we…?" He started to say.
Blaine seemed to have read his mind. "Aren't they going to notice that we're gone?"
"Honestly, sweetheart, right now I don't care," Kurt said against his lips, and then moved in for one more kiss.
"Then yes," Blaine said in what could have been described as a whine. "Yes, yes, yes, let's go…"
Kurt grabbed his hand to pull him in the right direction.
It was like he was melting into the mattress, his body loose and pliant and Kurt's. Blaine took a deep breath and watched as Kurt got rid of the very last item of clothing he was still wearing and then stood naked in all his glory at the foot of the bed.
Blaine felt as if his whole body was beyond boiling temperature.
They didn't have time for sweet and gentle – people would notice they were gone – but they didn't exactly want sweet and gentle, not right now. It felt as if something was buzzing underneath their skin, a desire too big to hold back, sheer and urgent need in their veins like blood.
Blaine extended his hand to Kurt, who took it without a second's hesitation, to pull him onto the bed, right in top of him, their bodies fitting together perfectly. Kurt's mouth immediately found his, and they kissed as their hips began to sway, slow, slow, slow, searching for the right kind of friction.
Blaine parted his legs and wrapped them around Kurt's waist, pulling him even closer, meeting every single one of his thrusts. He threw his head back and exhaled, and in that breath, he let the doubts, the fears and the second-guesses go.
Kurt loved him. He was never going to be alone again.
As if he was reading his thoughts, Kurt reached for his hand. Without taking his blue eyes (which looked sort of stormy right now, intense, like everything he was feeling was pouring right out of them) off of Blaine's face, he began to kiss the inside of his wrist, right where his initials were red.
Some other time, Blaine would have been embarrassed by how quickly that made him come. Not today. Today, he arched his back and spilled between them, Kurt's name leaving his lips like a prayer.
Kurt smiled knowingly at him, that perfect little smirk more sensuous than anything Blaine had ever seen in his life. He gave a quick, tiny lick to the inside of Blaine's wrist, which made Blaine's cock twitch again. "Duly noted. This is clearly a turn on for you."
"Wish I'd known," Blaine practically whined. "Let me…" He added, as he let his legs fall back on the bed and he sneaked a hand between them to grab Kurt's cock.
Kurt thrusted forward into Blaine's fist, letting out a soft moan. "God, this is really not the romantic occasion we deserved…"
"There'll be plenty of time for romantic," Blaine said, as he watched Kurt's face. He loved seeing the pleasure reflected in it. "Kind of need to make you come right now."
"Well, you're doing great job at it," Kurt said, biting his lip.
Kurt tucked his head into Blaine's neck, panting heavily, until he came, pearly white strings joining the mess on Blaine's belly, making him even messier, but neither of them cared. Then they wrapped their arms around each other, reluctant to let go and get dressed, and allowed themselves a moment to just hold on and breathe.
It was a little hard to believe that they were lucky enough to have forever ahead of them.
"This might be the best wedding I've ever been to," Blaine murmured, and Kurt laughed.
"I don't think this counts as part of the wedding, sweetheart."
Blaine shrugged. "Still. I'm just… so happy. And so relieved. And a little ashamed that I was so stupid."
"You weren't stupid," Kurt said, dropping a reassuring kiss to the curve of his shoulder. "It's natural to have doubts when you are used to being disappointed. I just… I want you to know I'm going to work every day to make you sure you're happy and that you feel loved."
Blaine cupped his face tenderly. "Just be with me, Kurt Hummel. That's all you need to do."
"I'm not going anywhere," Kurt said fiercely, and Blaine believed him.
He wasn't going to be left behind anymore.
When they rejoined the wedding, a little later, they looked a little less put together and a lot more joyful than they had before they disappeared, but if anyone noticed anything, they were all kind enough not to mention it.
Sam introduced Mercedes to Blaine, and the four of them danced together for a bit, laughing about how life had put them in each other's way.
"It looks like I was always destined to become Blaine's roommate," Sam said, watching fondly as Blaine twirled Mercedes. He tried to do the same to Kurt, but he was a little taller and they almost ended up on the floor. Kurt laughed. "Because it was his soulmate who was going to lead me straight to mine."
"It's kind of funny, how tangled everyone's lives can be, don't you think?" Kurt murmured. Blaine made Mercedes twirl again, this time right into Sam's arms, and then he extended his hand to reach for Kurt, who went to him more than willingly. "Like no matter what we did, we would always end up finding each other."
Just then, Santana and Brittany danced their way towards them. Santana had her eyes narrowed at Blaine.
"Hey," she said. "Don't you work at a bar? I'm pretty sure I spilled my problems to you a couple of months ago and you were the un-friendliest bartender in the world."
Blaine beamed at her. "Oh yeah, I remember you! Sorry about that. I was just… a little bitter about my own problems. But it looks like everything worked out for both of us, huh?"
"It really did," she said, and her smile turned into a wicked smirk. "You both have sex hair, by the way. Do try to be a little less obvious."
Kurt self-consciously began patting his hair down.
They danced, laughed and drank the night away, both a little eager to return to their hotel room, but knowing they would have plenty of time to enjoy each other. Blaine realized he felt right at home with Kurt's friends, and enjoyed watching Kurt tease Sam about his hair, trying to get him to admit it was dyed. Everything felt like it had clicked into place.
For once, Blaine felt like he belonged.
Santana and Brittany were going straight from the party to their honeymoon, so when it was time for them to leave, they gathered everyone to throw their bouquets. Blaine had to stifle a giggle when one of them landed right into Kurt's arms. They glanced at each other, Kurt suddenly shy, Blaine feeling so at peace he couldn't stop smiling.
He knew they were heading in that direction. He just didn't care about rushing there. He wanted to enjoy the ride.
Kurt went straight to Blaine as the music started again, like no one wanted the party to stop even if the brides had already left. Blaine opened his arms and began to sway them along to the music again, careful not to crush the pretty bouquet between them.
"One last dance before we head back to our room?" Kurt asked, dropping a kiss to the edge of his jaw.
Blaine shivered, just thinking about feeling Kurt all over him again. He was allowed to touch, to kiss, to desire. He was overwhelmed with the freedom and the confidence that made him feel. "One last dance," he agreed.
But it wasn't going to be their last dance, not really. They had a lifetime of dances ahead of them.
Kurt lifted Blaine's hand to place a kiss on his mark, blue eyes fixed on him, knowing exactly the kind of effect it had on him. But despite the fire trying to lap at his insides, Blaine felt so much more than just that: he felt calm, and relief, and so much happiness he never could have imagined it would fit inside of him.
It was nice, he thought, knowing he never had to be alone again.
"Hey," he said. "I love you."
Kurt's smile was brighter than the sun, the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. "I love you too," he replied.
Blaine twirled Kurt around the dancefloor and held him tight until the end of the song.
Well, you guys. It's that time again. Time to say goodbye to yet another story. I'm still amazed, after all these years, of just how quickly it all goes by.
I hope you enjoyed this journey, my little take on a very familiar trope. I had a lot of fun with it, and it felt like a bit of a relief to get it out, since it was an idea I carried with me for a while, until I was ready to pour it into the page.
Thank you for all the comments and tweets and messages, week after week, full of love and support. I wouldn't be writing Klaine fics in 2023 if it wasn't for you. So thank you for giving me a valid reason to do what I love the most.
Thanks to Christine, who always makes my stories better. It's a pleasure getting to collaborate with her after all these years, and I couldn't ask for a better partner. So thanks for everything, always 3
And thanks to Sofi, for the encouragement and the lovely cover art.
I truly do have the best team ever.
I have already started working on my next fic, but it needs some time. I promise to keep you all updated on it. You can find me on Twitter (TheFicWhisperer), Instagram and Tumblr (heartsmadeofbooks) to keep up with my writing news and other special projects.
Thank you, a million times. I love you all and see you soon!
L.-