Espionage wasn't anything out of the ordinary for Lincoln. It was among his many hobbies and while he wouldn't call himself an expert, he couldn't deny he had grown somewhat proficient in it. Key at the moment, keeping a low profile. To achieve this, he was sitting in a bush. Clyde was similarly stationed in another bush on the other side of the Loud's property. While impaired by the lack of their more advanced gadgets, curtesy of Lisa, the pair vigilantly watched the house with what they had, for a moment short of two hours now.
In retrospect, the plan may have had a flaw or two, starting off with just waiting for the Louds to make a move. Despite it, morale was high, with Clyde showing no signs of wavering on his regular check ins and Lincoln's will remaining untouched. Lincoln reminded himself periodically that they were conducting a stake out. Not to keep his morale up, but to prevent him from barging in. Patience was the name of the game, and it looked like patience was paying off.
The Louds left the house one by one and piled into their van with Logan taking his car. The process took some time and consisted of two people needing to run back to the house, but once finished it gave Lincoln the yellow light. Not five minutes later, they returned to drop off Luan so she could run into the house and back out again.
From Lincoln's experience and knowing the distance to the police station, he knew that if they didn't return within ten minutes, they wouldn't for the foreseeable future and that was more than enough time for him to do his work. "Ace to Jack, I am going in. I repeat, I am going in. Over." Lincoln said over the radio before leaving the bush.
"Copy that Ace, Jack is on full alert. Over." Clyde said.
Being careful not to act weird, Lincoln approached the house. First stop, the rose bush. Lincoln came prepared, bringing in an impromptu fishing rod with him. However, when he looked for it, the keys weren't there. He checked again but couldn't find them. To be safe, he tried the other bush, but it turned out blank as well. "Fu..." Lincoln groaned.
Thinking fast he ran up the stairs and flipped over the door mat. Empty. Trying the door, locked. The windows closed. That left only the back as a potential entrance. However, the back door was locked as well. Lincoln did his best not to panic. It was a big house, with many people, there must be a way in. Walking around a bit, he noticed just what he was looking for. The basement window was left ajar. "Bingo!" Lincoln whispered and climbed in.
He only fell down and hurt himself a little when coming in. Having a job to do, he soldiered on, getting out of the basement and unlocking the back door, just in case he needed a quick exit.
There was nothing out of order since he was last there. A bit messier perhaps, but in this house determining the cleanliness of a room was like determining if one, two, or three bombs were dropped into it. First stop in the house, the master bedroom. He made a short work of it.
Upstairs, the first order of business was to check Lisa's room. He needed to gather his own samples if possible, however, Lisa already had ones ready at hand. The problem was that she wasn't stupid. She had meddled with evidence by now and more likely than not already had tampered samples ready. He had the sample of himself so he either needed her sample of him, to prove she was lying, or an older sample of everyone else, in case she was changing everyone else's results. The furthest she kept the evidence outside of her bunker was six months. He didn't know how long this plot was in the making but he hoped it would be enough. Just in case, he grabbed the samples of himself from all the months, just in case.
Next, he went to her computer. Lisa kept incriminating evidence on the family, as they all did, for the bad times. The worst of these were too secure for him to reach, however, he wasn't in a position to be picky and had to take what he could. He sent himself, over email, folders he knew contained what he was looking for as well as anything that looked to be relevant. While he waited for it to finish, he went about gathering better samples.
From Lisa he took a pen she constantly chewed on and from Lily he took a bottlecap. Next stop was the twin's room but on the way there he caught a glimpse of his room's door. He planned to hit it last. He knew exactly what he needed from it and where it was, so it would take him the least time and had the things he needed the least. However, he couldn't help but feel something was off when he looked at the door, he just couldn't put into words what it was. He went through the twins' room, taking Lola's brush and Lana's chewing toy, and planned on going to Lynn and Lucy's next, but the door bugged him too much.
Coming up to his room, he tried to open the door. Instead, it moved inside at the touch of his finger. "That isn't right," Lincoln thought. Either he was going mad, or his door had changed direction. He didn't have time to delve into it. Pushing the door open, he reached for where he usually kept his phone, but stopped when he saw the room. To describe it as anything short of carnage would do it disservice. The room looked like the Mongol Horde ran through it. Toys were smashed, papers and books torn, clothes ripped, even the desk was caved in. His phone lay on the floor in shambles, his computer in two pieces, and his console in fine gray mush. Upon closer inspection he noticed his bed was cracked and there were dents in the walls. The shards of wood around the floor gave him a hint of what it was, but the sight on his wall all but confirmed his hypothesis. In the wall between his room and Lisa's closet there was a bat, lodged more than halfway through. "Lynn...", he almost said, and he would have had he not been grinding his teeth.
He pulled the bat out of the wall and looked over it. The top half was entirely missing, presumably turned into splinters lining the floor. His grip tightened and his blood boiled. He took deep breaths, but it helped nothing. He threw a bat against the wall and nearly got hit in the face. By the time that could register with him, he already left the room and was on his way to kick down Lynn's door. Slamming her closet open, he grabbed the first bat he could and went to town. Equipment, toys, furniture, he hit anything within his field of vision. The room had the misfortune of him taking a metal bat. Nothing in the room was made to withstand it and even if it was, it would have only prolonged its suffering. By the time he was done, the only things still intact were the walls and the floor.
As he let the bat fall to the floor, his actions started to sink in. He was scared. He did this. He just wrecked the room. He went on a rampage. He started walking back and ran out of the room. He needed to get out of there. No, he had to get the samples. Screw the samples, he can't risk being caught after that. He still needs the samples.
"Whose idea was it bring us along, again?"
Lincoln didn't know who said that. He didn't need to know who said that. He just needed to hear it to say: "Fuck." Where was Clyde, he was supposed to warn him? "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Lincoln scrambled to hide but stopped when he heard a window being shattered. The girls began to scream before one shouted: "Get him!" and a stampede ensued.
There was Clyde, Lincoln thought. He needed to get out before they returned. Not caring for leaving traces, Lincoln ran into the bathroom and put the toothbrushes with the cup into his bag and ran to Lisa's room and yanked the cables out of the wall. If he took a second more, he would have been caught by the sisters that gave up first. As he made his way into the kitchen more returned. Lincoln ran as quietly as possible to the back door. The exit was close, he could feel it in his hand. It was so close that the door opened for him. By the time he could move, it was too late.
"Lincoln!" Leni screamed out and joy as she grabbed him in a chokehold. Like crows to a corpse, the rest appeared.
They started to talk over one another, eventually getting Leni to let go of Lincoln and join him. Seeing his opportunity, Lincoln tried to sneak out.
"Where are you going?" Lori asked, silencing the rest.
Neither side said a word. Lincoln tried to ignore them and keep leaving but was snatched back once it was clear what he was trying to do.
"Where are you doing here?" Lori asked before noticing what he was holding. "What's in the bag?"
"Nothing." Lincoln held onto it for his dear life.
"Show it." Lori said sternly.
"No, it's my stuff." Lincoln said.
Lori raised her voice slightly. "I'll ask again, what are you doing here?"
"I came to get my stuff. You know, my phone, laptop, school stuff..." Lincoln tried to sound confident. He only managed to make Lori angrier.
"Show us the bag." Lori said.
Lincoln clutched it. "No."
"Why won't you show us, it's just your stuff." Lori said.
"Like the one you destroyed?" Lincoln fired back.
"Don't change the topic. I literally asked you to just open your bag." Lori said.
"Who are you to tell me what to do? You're not my mom. You're not even my sister!" Lincoln lashed out.
Lori balled her fist; however, she didn't do anything. Luna did, slapping Lincoln across the face and making him drop the bag. "What the fuck gives you the right to say that?"
Lincoln brushed his cheek. What gave him the right? What gave her the right?
Lola pulled the toothbrushes out of the bag. "Guys?", she held it with as few fingers as possible, not knowing what to make of it. The girls looked at Lincoln, not knowing what to make of it either. When he didn't answer, Lisa did. "He wants to do a DNA test."
Lincoln picked up the bag and snatched the cup from Lola.
"Lincoln..." Lori spoke up.
Lincoln didn't know what she wanted. She was angry for sure, but he felt like she was worried as well. "I don't want to hear it, Lori. I'm not buying your lies."
"Lincoln..."
He turned around and marched up to her. "What?! Do you have something to say about it!?"
"Lincoln, I ran the tests..." Lisa said.
"Don't even try!" Lincoln pointed at Lisa. "I know what "tests" you ran."
"Lincoln, I know it may be hard, but you need to-" Lisa tried to hold back the tears.
"Shut it! SHUT UP! I don't care! I'm not listening! You are lying! You are all lying! You do nothing but lie! You just lie and ruin my life! That's all you do, that's all you ever did!" Lincoln didn't talk to any one of them, but he managed to get a reaction out of each, and none were pleasant. Younger ones were crying at his outburst, while the older ones were worried. Lori, however, was furious.
Lincoln tried to walk back and leave the house before anything more happened, but it was too late. Lori grabbed a vase and threw it to the door, making it slam shut.
"What the fuck is wrong with you, you entitled brat!? Do you literally think no one else is affected!? Do you think none of us are hurting?"
Lincoln clenched his teeth. "Don't play the sympathy card on me, it won't work."
"Sympathy? The only card I will be playing on you is TWISITNG YOU INTO A PRETZLE CARD!" Lori stepped forward, making Lincoln take two steps back. "Do you think we did this!? Do you think we woke up one morning and decided to ruin our lives just to spite you? Are you that self-obsessed?"
"Don't turn this on me!"
"SHUT IT!" Lori said, making Lincoln shake. "It's on you! It's all on you! You're the fucking bastard and now you have the gall to come here and try to blame us!? It's never your fault, is it!? Nothing is your fault! You are the almighty Lincoln; you have never done a single wrong thing in your life!" Lori was blowing steam from her nose, and it scared the whole house. She fumed in front of Lincoln. He tried not to break down and cry, and she tried not to snap him in half. When she had calmed down enough she took the cup from him and spat into it. "Here, have your sample, have whoever you fucking want test it. Now get out of my fucking home."
Lincoln took the cup back as forcefully as Lori. He wanted to do more, to make a comeback or punch her, however, he knew he was on thin ice. Waying his options quickly, he left the house and slammed the door behind him. With a hurried pace, he set for Clyde's house, only taking a moment to spit on the van.