Chapter Three

She kept her eyes on the road as she and Sam drove in silence. The only noise in the car was the low radio playing "Far From Home" by Five Finger Death Punch and the quite noises the car made as it drove down the freeway. Sam sat staring silently out of the window most-likely as deep in thought as she was herself. I wonder if he can think where he is. I wonder if he thinks of me. She knew it was a long shot, but who knew, maybe he did have something for her.

Suddenly breaking the awkward silence and making her jump, Sam said, "So, you got the hairspray and lighters?" She laughed a little. That was how you killed a Wendigo, fire. Unfortunately, however, neither Sam nor her owned anything close to a flamethrower, so they packed up five cans of hairspray and three lighters.

"Yeah Sam, I got 'em." The silence lingered for a moment after until she couldn't stand it. "Sam," she said slightly too loud.

"Hmm?"

"Sam, do you ever wonder what he's thinking about down there? Do you ever wonder if when we get him back he's going to regret going down there? Or worse, do you think he'll regret us bringing him back?" They were questions she had asked so often. They were questions she asked herself when she wasn't with him.

"Hazel," Sam said with a sigh. She knew what was coming, she always did. She just refused to believe it. "He's not coming back." Although he said it strong, she still saw the tears that tempted his eyes. "He made his choice. He decided his own fate. There's nothing we can do about it. It's been half of a year, he's not coming back."

Subconsciously, she reached to the back of her neck where a hand print lay. She hadn't told him about her trip many years back to the same place Dean lay now. She didn't think he would accept her as he did now. She needed Sam, she needed him so she could forget about Dean. She didn't respond to his doubts. She never did. That was how the conversations went. First she would ask a question. He would tell her an answer she didn't want to hear. That answer would remind her of one of the many secrets she was keeping from him, and she couldn't tell him so she never responded.

He looked at her with sympathetic eyes. She ignored him and listened to the slow rhythm of the music. All the places I've been and things I've seen. A million stories that made up, a million shattered dreams. The words sank in and she couldn't help but think of this song being the number one song on the play list of her life.

In a small attempt at comfort he placed a hand on her shoulder. She let him. She needed the comfort even if it didn't sink through her like she needed it to. "Hazel, look. I'm sure that he's still being strong. I know him, and you do too. So you should know that above all, he's going to let his sarcastic attitude come out before his feelings. Don't worry about him." Even as he said it she could read the despondence on his face.

She pulled the car over and hugged him. Although he was slightly stunned she didn't pull away. After some time, he hugged back. He placed a hand on her back and patted it comfortingly. She bit back tears at the image of him being his brother instead. As a tear rolled down her cheek she pulled away sniffling. "Thanks." She said quietly refusing to let anymore tears escape past her water line.

"For what?" He asked with a brief smile.

"For being there for me. For trying to comfort me when I'm on the verge of tears. For keeping by my side when no one else can. For . . . everything. Thanks." She smiled at him despite the tears that still begged for exit from her eyes. He smiled back but didn't say anything. She saw his lip quiver ever so slightly and looked down away from him. She let another tear escape feeling it slip past her cheekbone. He wiped the tear away with his thumb and tilted her head up with his finger.

"Don't cry. If you do, I'm going to want to. I know it's hard to let him go, to forget about him, but you have to. And if you can't, you have to at least stay strong." He was smiling a comforting smile even though a tear rolled down his cheek too.

As she looked up into his eyes she realized she hadn't really seen him cry before. She smiled and wiped his tear as he had hers. She smiled at him trying to be as comforting and strong as he was. "I won't cry if you won't." He laughed a little and looked away.

"Eh, I don't think I have much to cry over. My brother was a douche bag. You could have done way better you know?" She laughed and nodded wiping away her tears and trying to clear her sinuses.

She turned back to the road and started the car again. As she began to drive she resisted the urge to call the one person who may be able to help Dean. She knew he wouldn't want that. So instead, she turned up the music as "Highway to Hell" began to blare through the speakers.