May 19, 2012

Hello, lovelies,

Final exams are over! It is such a relief to be home, albeit for a short week before I move to Washington for the summer. Still, it's been nice to tackle my writing projects again and make some important progress. My betas walked me through some very key changes to this chapter; if you're reading ADKoL for the first time, you are incredibly fortunate, because I've never felt more certain about this chapter.

Enjoy, as always, and please review/share!

evelyn-shaye

Special thanks to my amazing new permanent beta, ChloeCougar, and my wonderful temporary beta, Linnfromia. Your feedback was essential!

Chapter Sixteen: Arousal

After an hour of running together, Jake—now in his human form—and I collapsed hand in hand against a nearby tree. The woods around us stirred with the sounds of autumn. Stray leaves spiraled to the ground as they were caught by strong breezes. Little animals scurried about, gathering food or playing in the trees. Change was coming; Jake could sense it as well as I could.

I had never seen him so ecstatic, not even the day I'd been born and he'd discovered the center of his existence. Now that I knew the truth, there was new excitement and urgency to our relationship. No matter that we had tentatively determined that the physical part could wait. My body was screaming with desire that wanted to be quenched immediately.

Jake shuddered beside me, hearing my thoughts through our intertwined hands. The desire was strong in him, too.

As much as I wanted some time to think alone, I couldn't draw my hand away from his. If I let go of his hand, I would only stroke his arm, explore the wonderful contours of his body that I was only beginning to fully appreciate, memorize every detail of his perfect face with my fingertips. Then I would feel the need to touch his lips and feel his warm breath on my hands and my face, until we leaned in and…

Jacob sighed heavily with the longing that accompanied this direction of my thoughts, and that strange sensation erupted in me again, confirming what I had only conjectured. Obviously, my body knew something that my mind didn't and that my heart was quickly learning. It was natural, even instinctual, to turn my body toward my new boyfriend—my heart danced at the thought—and press myself against him.

Jacob followed my motion and allowed us to fall back softly on the ground, pulling me on top of him. I placed my head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, while he traced slow, fiery circles into my back. Our combined heat should have caused an explosion by now, but we rested together, savoring this new aspect of our relationship.

Things that I had always taken for granted were suddenly in the forefront of my senses with bright newness. The strong, defined muscles in his arms as he held me close, for instance, and the steady thrumming of his heart beneath mine. I inhaled his normal but comforting woodsy scent and registered a smell that reminded me of La Push beach and the crashing waves I had played in as a child. I absently wondered if he used a new body wash; whatever its origin, I wasn't complaining.

I smiled into the black T-shirt he wore, tight across his abdomen and only slightly damp with perspiration, before raising my head to study him. My eyes traced the faint line of stubble running along his jaw line, the soft dimples accentuating his full, smiling lips, and up to his incredible, smoldering eyes.

I had never fully appreciated just how…beautiful Jake was. Just by gazing into his eyes, I felt that I could better understand his soul, his very essence, and what I saw only intensified my passion for him. This love was mine.

Jake pulled us into a sitting position, situating me on his lap, and sighed. "You have no idea how amazing I feel right now, Nessie." His voice was deep with emotion. I stirred just at the tone, while my heart swelled at his words.

"I think I have an idea," I teased, my voice somewhat unstable with the depth of feeling we shared.

He kissed my forehead, leaving a warm spot. "I've waited my entire life for you, Renesmee," he said seriously. He used my full name only when he was telling me something of vast importance. "From the moment I held you as a baby, you've owned me. Given me purpose. Made everything right again. When the Volturi threatened to end you…"

Jacob trembled. I felt his every vibration against my body and instinctively snuggled closer. "There's no point in living without you, Nessie," he finally said. "You're the reason I draw air every day. If you didn't exist, my life would be meaningless. Void." He nuzzled my cheek with his nose. "I just can't even put into words how happy I am that we have eternity to love each other."

I flushed at his words. Jake had never been so open about our connection before. He had always pulled back slightly, using a language I understood better. Of course, his words pierced me with perfect clarity and understanding now, but if he had tried to tell me this even a month ago…

I sighed. "I wish I had realized that you loved me sooner," I muttered regretfully.

Jacob's eyes widened in shock. "Why would you say that?" he asked, completely startled.

"We could've had even longer, and I was too stupid to notice." My lips trembled at the realization. How self-centered was I, to not even be aware that Jake's feelings for me were changing? I lived with him, grew up with him, and in my own self-absorbed mindset, I had convinced myself that my emotions weren't reciprocated and completely ignored Jake's desires.

Jacob took my face in his hands. "No, Nessie, no," he murmured. For some inexplicable reason, tears began streaming down my face. He brushed them away with a calloused but gentle thumb. "I wouldn't have it any other way," he told me. I tried to pull away, but he removed one hand from my face to hold me close.

"This is the best way it could've happened. The most natural way," he amended when he saw my skeptical expression. "Do you know why I never told you that you're my imprint? I didn't want you to feel obligated to me. I wanted you to fall in love with me on your own, without me or your family pressuring you." He paused thoughtfully, and then added, "Actually, you fell for me sooner than I expected you to, which was a wonderful surprise on my end."

I laughed through my tears. Of course. I had always known that Jake loved me, in his own way. But he'd waited until I was ready and had been prepared to wait even longer for me to wise up. He was endlessly patient.

A thought occurred to me. "It seems kind of unfair, doesn't it, that you've had to wait five years and I've only had to wait five days?" The moment the words escaped my mouth, I mentally slapped myself. What if Jake agreed with me? Could I wait five years now that I knew he was my soul mate? Patience wasn't my strong suit, especially now that my hormones were involved.

Jake shrugged. "I suppose that seems reasonable…" He trailed off. When he saw my horrified expression, he smiled. "But I don't think that I can wait another five years," he teased. "That would be over-the-top, don't you think?"

I grinned. "If you say so," I teased back.

He laughed and squeezed me tightly, but our teasing ended almost as soon as it had begun. Jacob's face softened as it had that night in the kitchen, his grin settling to a contented smile. With one hand still cupping my cheek and the other now running through my hair, my phenomenal Jacob Black leaned in and pressed his lips gently against mine.

It was as if we hadn't kissed just an hour ago. My lips molded with his, and suddenly, the kiss was urgent. I wrapped my arms around his neck and gripped his hair tightly as Jacob moaned into my mouth, sending my emotions into a frenzy. As of their own accord, my legs wound their way around his waist and locked into place. Jake moved his mouth to my face, down my jaw line to my neck, all the while whispering, "Nessie, my Nessie."

I shivered at the pleasurable sensations coursing through my body and, in a daring move, leaned back and pulled Jacob on top of me. He followed me willingly, pressing himself against me and moving his lips back to mine with renewed vigor.

At this rate, we would keep up our passionate pursuit for hours and set the forest on fire. A part of me didn't mind if we perished in the flames of our own desire, but a more reasonable part of me remembered that this was our first day as a couple, and if we didn't watch ourselves, our relationship would be nothing but physical fulfillment.

As if reading my thoughts—which he probably had, since my hands were everywhere—Jacob lifted himself off of me with a sigh and rolled to the side, putting some space between us.

Though there was still a charge in the air between us, the fire started to cool. I found that I could think more coherently, and my thoughts told me that we had been treading on dangerous ground just moments before. If we had all eternity ahead of us, a future that could hold just as much regret as joy, I wanted to do this properly.

With a clear head and no intent to tease, I stretched my hand out to Jacob's cheek and shared my thoughts, pulling back just as quickly. He nodded.

"There's a lot that we need to figure out," he agreed. He paused thoughtfully. "I think it would help if you confided in Bella and I confided in my dad."

I had to grin even in our serious moment. "Not my dad, then?" I teased.

Jake laughed but sobered quickly. "My dad's always been great for advice, even if I didn't want to listen," he said quietly. "I don't want to mess up with you, Nessie. You're too important to me for that."

I scooted forward and took his hand in what I hoped was a comforting gesture. "You'll never mess up with me," I promised. "I will always love you, no matter what happens."

Jacob smiled. "Thanks, Ness," he said gratefully. He paused again, eyeing me somewhat regretfully. "I still want to see my dad, though."

The air caught in my throat as I contemplated being separated from him. Still, I recognized that seeking advice was an important step in our relationship, and this was no time to get possessive and clingy. "You should see him," I whispered. I coughed quietly. "I'm sure he would have a lot of good advice for you…for us." My voice hitched on the last two words.

Jacob frowned with concern. "You're not upset?"

I tried to smile. "I'll just—I'll just miss you, is all. No biggie."

Jake squeezed my hand comfortingly but didn't move closer as he would have earlier. Obviously, we were still vulnerable here. "I won't be gone long," he promised. "I'll call you every day until I return. I'm supposed to have a horrible illness, anyway," he teased, reminding me of the lie I had told Tamara.

I laughed, effectively stopping any potential cascade of tears. "It will be fun hanging out with Tamara without you to distract her," I confessed.

Jacob laughed. "That's my girl," he said affectionately. He pulled me effortlessly to my feet and embraced me quickly. For a moment, it seemed like a day in the past, when Jacob Black was my best friend forever. It was almost easy to forget that he was really Jacob Black, my soul mate. Then he released me and took my hand, and it was back to the present and inevitable future.

As we walked hand in hand back to the house, something occurred to me. "Hey, what was it that Daddy wanted you to remember?" I asked innocently.

Jacob blushed and glanced at me. "Nothing," he answered quickly.

"Daddy rarely says something without purpose," I retorted. I knew that only too well. "You can tell me."

Jacob looked away, presumably to avoid the subject, but when he turned back, his eyes were sheepish. "Your dad was reminding me that I wasn't allowed to kiss you until we'd been dating at least a month," he said guiltily.

I stared at him with disbelief. "I think it's safe to say that my dad has gone completely mental," I replied. Jake tensed next to me. "Besides," I continued, allowing a sly tone to color my voice, "I believe that I kissed you first."

Jacob stared at me and suddenly burst out laughing, barking like a dog. His shoulders relaxed. "Maybe I'll escape the punishment of a lifetime, then," he muttered hopefully.

"Maybe so," I agreed cheerfully. The only one who could reasonably get into trouble this afternoon was me, and I knew that Daddy would never have it in him to punish me, especially if I told him that I planned to hash things out with Momma.

And even though it was Jacob's suggestion, suddenly that was all I wanted. I wanted some more girl talk with Momma like we'd had the other morning, just after Jake and I had confessed our feelings. I wanted to show her our afternoon and ask for her input, even if it stung a little. Because if I knew Momma, I knew that she would have a few things to say about my behavior, a fact that made me blush. But I also knew that she would voice her opinion with concern and kindness and all the motherly love that she had to offer, which was even stronger than her shield.

Yes, as much as I would miss Jacob, as much as it pained my heart to see him go, it was good that he was going away for a few days. He needed Billy like I needed Momma, especially with this big step ahead of us.

Jacob pulled me into a long, comforting embrace, and bent down to lightly kiss my lips. "I'll see you in a few days, and talk to you sooner," he assured me.

"Hurry back," I answered. As I headed back to the house he shifted into the wolf I loved, howled one last good-bye, and ran for all he was worth.