June 11, 2011

Hello, lovelies,

It is a wonderful day to be a writer! I'm truly blessed with the most amazing betas ever. Add to that a night of incredible dancing and this unexpected nugget of free time to edit and continue the sequel and my spirits are high!

I've always loved this chapter. For those of you who are reading for the first time, please don't hate Ness for what she decides. Everything will work out for the best. I promise. :)

Happy reading!

evelyn-shaye

Special thanks to Linnfromia and ChloeCougar for their phenomenal, over-and-beyond beta-ing of this chapter. You ladies have amazing instincts and know exactly where to put your creative efforts!

Chapter Nineteen: Resolution

Daddy caught wind of my plan before I could even dial Jake's number that afternoon. "Ness, are you sure this is a good idea?" he asked worriedly.

I stared at my phone's screen. Jake had snapped a picture of the two of us a few weeks ago and made it my background. He looked adorable with his big eyes and wide smile; I just looked tiny and head-over-heels infatuated. I resolutely tore my eyes away. "Would you rather let my best friend fall into Braden's hands?" I countered softly.

Daddy sighed. "Jacob won't take it well," he reminded me, as if I had forgotten that simple fact. "But more importantly, I don't want this to destroy you." I lifted my eyes from the ground to look at Daddy. He had a hint of sadness in his eyes; I was told once that his eyes had burned with sorrow when I'd almost killed Momma in childbirth.

I glanced down again. "It's only until Braden graduates," I murmured hopefully. "And I know the truth. Jacob wouldn't betray me now."

Daddy didn't ask the obvious question: would Jake's going along with my plan constitute betrayal?

Mind over matter, I thought to myself, hitting Jacob's speed dial. I thought I saw Daddy's mouth twitch with mirth before he left my bedroom, as he often did when recalling a fond memory of Momma.

"Nessie!" Jacob answered happily. The sound made me all at once light and content but painfully despairing at what I was about to say. "You have the best timing. The pack has been teasing me all day about our new relationship—"

"Jake, I-I have to talk to you," I blurted. I couldn't attempt to have lighthearted conversation while my heart was about to break.

Before Jacob could speak, Jasper quickly entered the room. "Gracious, Nessie, I felt that sorrow from across the house!" he exclaimed. He paused when he saw the phone in my hand, before asking more gently, "Are you okay?"

Jasper's query did not sit well with Jacob. "Ness?" he repeated with concern.

I turned to Jasper, covering the mouth of the phone with my hand. "I'm fine, Uncle Jasper," I lied. "I just need some space."

He backed out of the room, eyeing me suspiciously until he disappeared from view. I uncovered the phone. "Sorry about that," I apologized to Jake.

"Don't even worry about it." Jacob sounded dazed. "Nessie, what's going on?"

I inhaled deeply. "Jake…" With a rush of adrenaline, I spilled the entire story of today's encounter at school. I could hear him attempting to breathe calmly, not wanting me to know that he was incensed at Braden and concerned about me. But I knew him better than that. This next statement was going to be hard.

"So, basically, I need you to date Tamara for a while," I concluded quickly.

Something shattered on the other end of the line. "No," Jacob growled. "Absolutely not."

I sighed. "Jake, you have to—"

"No! I refuse!" he shouted. I cringed against the sound. "There is no way in hell that I am dating Tamara. She can find a different boyfriend."

"But Jake, that's the problem. She wants to date Braden!" I cried. "We can't let her do that."

Jacob struggled to speak slowly. "So tell her that Braden is bad news," he suggested through gritted teeth. "She trusts you, doesn't she? If you tell her the truth…"

"You know I can't do that," I interjected. "I'm not supposed to know who Braden is. She'll never believe me. I'd have to tell her that he's a psychopathic vampire that controls minds, and that's out of the question."

"I can't, Ness." Jacob's tone was sorrowful now, quietly anguished. "I can't suffer through this."

I frowned in confusion. "You won't be suffering," I argued weakly.

"Yes. Yes, I will, Nessie," he answered with sad sincerity. "Every moment I have to spend away from you kills me inside. This trip to Forks…it's great, really wonderful to see the pack, but I'm dying here. If I date Tamara, that's less time I have to spend with you."

I opened my mouth to counter him, but Jacob's next words stopped me. "And what about you, Ness?" If his voice had been merely sad before, now it was desperate. "Imprinting is stronger than you can imagine. It is physically painful for one of us to see the other in a different relationship. Not only that, our bond makes us aware of each other's emotions. I know that you want to help Tamara, but do you realize that forcing me to date her will hurt both of us? You'll be heartbroken. I can't let that happen to you."

A tear slid down my cheek, and I angrily swiped it away. I couldn't let my mind be swayed by the frantic, yearning pulse of my heart. Jacob's explanation was everything I had ever wondered about imprinting. He didn't have to mention what we already knew – that although his primary concern was my well-being, he would be tormented by my uncontrollable emotions. He could tell from our connection, even states away, that my heart was crumbling to pieces at the very suggestion.

Still, in that moment, I was convinced that I had to save Tamara. If she hadn't befriended me, Braden would never have targeted her. I couldn't live with that guilt. Jacob needed to understand the importance of the situation, even if our separation pained us considerably.

I inhaled deeply, trying to hide my inner turmoil. "Jake, please…please at least try," I begged him quietly.

There was a prolonged silence, and in that void, I allowed myself to imagine what my first year of high school could have been if Braden hadn't threatened my family. Jake and I would have fallen in love more slowly, without fear of an attack or losing one another. Perhaps we would have acted like any high school couple: sneaking glances at each other during class, cheering side by side at pep rallies and football games and inexorably drawing closer to one another, or attending Homecoming as nervous kids on their first date and relishing the odd slow dance in between the more upbeat songs. Our friends would have watched us flirt and deny the existence of a crush, and when Jacob and I finally broke the news, they would shout "Told you so!" and laugh as we grew more accustomed to being a couple.

The year would have been perfect, especially when I learned about the imprinting bond and discovered, possibly months after actually dating, that Jacob and I would be eternal soul mates.

Suddenly, the very idea of Tamara dating Jacob was repulsive to me. Where before I had been merely upset and a little lonely, I now felt disgusted at the images forcing themselves into my brain, as if my gift had turned against me. I had no desire to see Tamara hanging on Jake's arm, giggling at his every word, running her fingers through his amazing hair, and planting butterfly kisses on his cheeks and lips. For a brief moment, I hoped that Jake would refuse, and all this agonizing would be over.

Finally, there was a long sigh on the other end. "Fine," Jacob conceded, his voice filled with defeat. "For you, I will." There was a moment's pause before he continued with sudden force, "But I won't enjoy a second of it. I hope you know that."

My breath hitched. "I know. I know, Jake," I whispered. I won't enjoy it, either.

"But Tamara's safety is most important at this point," I said with resolve. "If this works, Braden won't touch her."

Jake gagged on the other end. "Heaven forbid that someone wouldn't be allowed near her."

I had to grin. "That's my Jake," I commended fondly.

"Ness…" In Jacob's voice were all the love and longing and life-sustaining everything that I had missed since he left. My throat closed with bottled-up tears.

"Um, text me later, okay?" I asked shyly.

"Of course," he answered gently. "This doesn't change anything between us, Ness. We're still real."

My heart swelled at his words. "Keep reminding me. Sometimes I forget that you're not supernatural," I teased.

"Ha ha ha," Jake chuckled sarcastically. I smiled. No matter what, I was still in his good graces. That was enough reason for me to wake up every morning.

We chatted for a few more minutes until Jacob had to meet with the pack again. Tonight, he promised me, he would call Tamara.

I wasn't exactly sure that was a reassurance.

The next morning was agonizing. After waiting up until midnight for Jake to call me back with an update on his status with Tamara, I had fallen into a restless sleep. I dreamt that I was running through the woods of Forks, searching for Jacob but finding myself surrounded by darkness instead. Somewhere in the background, Tamara was giggling and cooing Jake's name, and my dear Jacob was muttering that he couldn't decide whom he wanted more. I was fairly certain that I'd cried most of the night.

When I awoke at six, a record for me, I checked my phone eagerly for messages but found none. My heart sank lower and lower as I readied myself for the day and waited for word that wasn't forthcoming.

My parents glanced up worriedly as I slouched down the stairs and seated myself with a huff. Grandmother silently placed my favorite pancakes, bacon, and orange juice in front of me. I lifted my fork tiredly and took slow, automatic bites, not tasting a thing.

Daddy whispered something to Momma, and she nodded. He approached me carefully, sitting on the stool directly across from me. "Nessie, we both know that I can hear your jumbled thoughts already, but I would really like for you to talk to us." Apparently sensing that I needed a private moment with my family, Grandmother kissed my forehead lightly and slipped away without a word. In the other room, I heard Kate and Tía Carmen lower their voices respectfully.

I mumbled something unintelligible and shoved half a pancake in my mouth to avoid talking.

"That's not going to work, young lady," Daddy countered, his tone more admonishing now than open.

What do you want me to say, Daddy? That you were right? That I was stupid to think that I could save my best friend and still be happy with my life?

"You are many things, Nessie, but stupid is not one of them," he answered my thoughts.

Thanks, I thought sarcastically. So I'm dependent on my boyfriend for my happiness and, therefore, pathetic.

"Again, pathetic is the last word I would use to describe you," Daddy stated genuinely. Momma nodded and smiled warmly at me, though I heard Rosalie snort derisively from another room. "And that dependence is due solely to the fact that you are Jacob's imprint. It is biologically impossible for the two of you to be separated for an extended period of time without one or both of you collapsing."

I stared into Daddy's golden eyes incredulously. "You're telling me this now?" I hissed. Momma flinched at the acidity in my voice. "You couldn't have told me about the imprint's power before I signed Jacob up to date Tamara?"

Daddy frowned. "Jacob understands the imprinting phenomenon better than I do, even with my century on him. If he thinks this scheme is possible, then it must be. He would never put you in a situation that you couldn't handle," he reminded me.

I sighed. "I know you're right." But the thought of Jacob being anywhere near Tamara with her feelings so strong makes me want to hurl. I know he has no inclination to show her any attention or affection, but she might force herself on him. My Jake.

"That's one area in which you'll just have to trust Jake," Daddy responded. "If he plays the game well, he may be able to convince Tamara to take things slowly and avoid the emotional and physical aspect altogether." He recoiled slightly; he knew how close Jacob and I already were.

For an entire year?

Daddy reached across the table to place his cool hand on mine. "What is one year compared to eternity?" he asked with a smile.

I inhaled deeply. "Right. Perspective." I smiled weakly. "Thanks, Daddy."

Daddy relaxed, and Momma added her reassuring hand to his. "We know you can do this, baby," she comforted me. "We'll all pull for you. And Alice will be watching Tamara's decisions, won't you, Alice?" She turned to her sister-in law, who was seated against the far wall, quietly watching our conversation.

Alice nodded. "Things are already in motion," she informed us. "Tamara is trying to decide when to tell you that Jacob called last night."

My heart sank, but I regained quick control to address Alice. "Then I guess I'll just have to wait. Jake won't be back for a few days, anyway, so—"

"Who said I wouldn't be back?" asked my favorite voice in the whole world.

I gasped at the sound. Time seemed to have stopped completely or else raced forward with the fluttering of my hummingbird heart. My eyes and ears searched frantically for the source of the beautiful sound until they found him standing by the front door, every six-plus feet, tanned, built, amazingly handsome bit of him. His eyes shone with joy and desire, his smile spread across his entire face; and suddenly, my legs were pumping of their own accord as I ran to my Jacob and slammed into him with enough force that he hit the door frame.

"Jeez, Ness!" he laughed, but his voice was filled with such happiness that I only pressed myself closer to him and let my tears run down his bare chest. He cradled my head to him and kissed my hair.

I wasn't aware of anything else as I lifted my tear-filled eyes to his and he kissed my lips with all the sensitivity and passion of a man who had been separated from his true love for a moment too long. As my hands tangled themselves in his thick hair and he pressed one hand to the small of my back and one to my flushed cheek, all I could think was that love was real and that, no matter what façade we were forced into for the sake of the human race, Jacob would be my love, my only love, and I would be his.

I knew that when school started in an hour and I watched Jacob woo my best friend, I would humor them gracefully and look forward to the night, as my family had for centuries.