16
How do you regret great sex? Is it even possible during the post coital glow to think about regretting sex? Edward and I were possibly the two stupidest people on the planet. We were stretched out on the broken bed trying to catch our breath when I realized at least my headache was gone.
"Son of a biscuit," I managed to say. "You chose the wrong vocation because…hot damn." He shook his head back and forth as he stared at the ceiling. I sat up and looked down at his face. "Don't you dare say it yet," I warned him. "Let me enjoy the moment before you start with regrets."
"I wasn't thinking about regrets, I was thinking about how we were going to make this work," he explained.
"Oh," I said and lay back down. "Obviously it can't work. I mean, I'm not even a former Catholic."
"Not an issue," he said and shook his head again.
I felt a button under my butt and pulled it out before asking, "Can I keep the shirt?"
His head rolled to the side and he looked at me. "You realize I come with the shirt, right?"
I picked it up and scrunched up my nose. "I think you came ON the shirt."
He rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hands and mumbled, "Oh God, help me."
I laughed and rolled on top of him as I smiled at his surprised face. "You don't need any help, you were perfect."
His hands moved to my ass and he said, "Bella Swan, you are my wife now whether you like it or not."
"I like it," I smiled and kissed him for his great performance. "And I'm Bella Masen now.
"It isn't going to be easy," he warned.
I rolled my eyes and wondered how dense he thought I really was. I know our beginning was less than ideal, but there are arranged marriages that worked out…of course Elizabeth would never arrange for me to marry Edward.
"Are you going to wake up and change your mind?" I asked, because it was easy to be confident in the darkness.
He tightened his hold on me and smiled, "Not if you sleep right like this."
It was a deal. I would use his body as a pillow and sleep soundly to the beat of his heart. After the weeks of trying to bed him, I was swooning from the afterglow. I closed my eyes as I lay my face on his chest and said truthfully, "I love you."
"I love you too," he said happily, "With all my heart."
And they lived happily ever after, should have been the remark at this time, but life isn't like a fairy tale and we were married to people we hardly knew. It was apparent the very next morning when Edward had almost a full beard. God, what was he, a Sasquatch?
He tried to kiss me but I pulled away. "How often do you shave?" I asked.
He rubbed his chin and said, "It isn't too bad yet."
Yet? You mean it gets worse. I made him an offer to get his face hair free as soon as possible. "Let's take a shower and you can shave while I soap you."
"You don't want to feel my beard?" he laughed.
"I like my men werewolf free," I explained and walked naked to the shower. He quickly jumped up to follow me and corrected my statement.
"I think you should now say man, not men."
Oh yeah, I was going to have to remember that. I hope I didn't remember during a date with Jake. I really needed to make that call as soon as possible. I stepped into the shower and shut the glass door. "Give me a sec, I need to pee," I told him.
"You're not peeing in the shower are you?" he asked in complete disgust.
"It goes down the drain, and urine is just body fluid. If you can jack off in the shower I can pee in the shower."
"If you pee in there I'm not using it," he said adamantly.
"You are such a wuss," I said as I climbed out and used the toilet.
I never figured him to be so picky. I thought once I got a hold of his penis just about anything would go. I had so much of Elizabeth to work out of him. He shaved as I soaped his back and wrote filthy messages in the suds. He couldn't guess any of them, which meant he hadn't played the soap game with Jane. I was happy.
We added bodily fluids to the shower and it ticked me off, since he had been so disgusted by my urine. But my mood was lifted by the fact my husband was a sex God. I will highly recommend bedding a Pastor.
I called Rose and asked her to bring me some clothes to wear and she asked me if I was leaving with her today. I had forgotten about her private plane and turned to look at Edward. "My ride leaves today," I told him and he smiled.
"I'll go with you."
"You're coming to Seattle?" I asked in shock.
"You're my wife, I go where you go. You can take care of business and then come with me to Chicago," he explained.
I went back to the phone and said, "Yeah, I am but I need to take care of business first. Bring me clothes and put them outside the door." I smiled at Edward and looked at the broken bed. "Can we do it one last time in Paradise?"
"Seriously?" he said and his entire face lit up. I bet the nun was a lot harder sell than I am. I dropped my towel and got back onto the mattress. He rushed over and dove onto me as if he was superman. I screamed but he used his arms and legs to keep from smashing me. I wrapped my legs around him and made him scream hallelujah.
This whole marriage thing was looking brighter.
Rose and Alice were so depressed on the way home. They had given the milk away for free and so far the guys weren't buying the cow. They made plans to come to Seattle but it would be at least another month away.
By the time we made it to Seattle Edward and I were exhausted. Rose's driver dropped us off at my apartment and I noticed how he looked around like he was afraid he would catch a disease. My place was clean, it was just ratty.
"Do you like O.J.?" I asked and pointed at my orange sofa. "It's ugly but I defy you to find a more comfortable place to plant your ass."
"It's a sofa?" he asked, as he looked quizzically at my orange blob.
"I got it at a yard sale, can you believe it?" I laughed.
"I'm…speechless," he said, and I noticed he was still holding his suitcase, which reminded me of another matter to clear up.
"I need to buy you a real ring that one came off of my suitcase."
He looked down at his hand and then over at my suitcase. He pulled it off and handed it back to me in embarrassment. I laughed and said, "I just wanted to see if you were greedy."
"Show me the bed," he demanded, and I ran down my little hallway to where my bed was. The only expense I went to was in decorating my bedroom. It was hooker burlesque with a hint of Parisian whore, not the bedroom befitting a Pastor, or a man with any standards whatsoever.
"Oh dear Lord," Edward gasped.
"Look, I have a condom machine," I said proudly, and then we both looked at each other and remembered a very important detail. "I gave you my pills."
"Do you think? Naw, it would be too soon," he said, half full of hope and half filled with terror.
"Do you have them, I'll finish the entire pack," I said with my own stifling fear.
"No, I tossed them," he said, since pills were from the devil.
"Then put a quarter in the machine or sleep with O.J."
I was surprised when he walked up to the machine. I didn't see the difference between condoms and birth control pills, but if he did, cool. I hoped he picked the glow in the dark slot, but he went with a standard, generic Trojan. I had to remind myself to take baby steps with Edward.
I grabbed it from his hand and dropped to my knees. Just as I got my hands on his zipper the doorbell rang. "Don't move," I instructed him and ran to answer the door.
Jake was standing there, impressive abs and all. He smiled and took a step closer to kiss me. I turned my head and he only caught the edge of my cheek. "Don't tell me you're still pissed at me," he complained.
"I got something in Brazil," I said to explain.
"Not VD I hope," he teased.
Edward walked into view and I held out my hands and said, "Ta da, look what I caught."
Jake looked at Edward and then back at me for an explanation. I let my head drop a little and said, "Um yeah, Jake, we need to break up. I'm married now and he doesn't allow me to date."
"Yeah, right," he said, and laughed loudly.
"No really, look," I said, and held up just my middle finger with the big diamond. It felt good to flip him off as I tried to diplomatically end it. "This is Edward Masen, and I'm now Bella Masen. Oh yeah, and he's a pastor too."
"You're a pastor and you married Bella?" he asked as he laughed. "Have you seen her bedroom?"
Ouch, it hurt to have my semi steady guy point out my sluty room to my religious husband. I decided to kick Jake out before he began talking about my different battery operated toys. Edward would run to the nearest confessional if he heard about those.
"We're broken up now, so bye," I said rudely.
"Can I have my stuff back?" he asked, and I glanced around the room. I had no idea what stuff he was talking about. I had an old t-shirt of his, but surely he didn't want that nasty thing back.
"What stuff?" I asked.
"I bought that couch," he said. Oh hell no, he was not taking O.J. or known more formally as Orange Julius. I would fight to the death over that thing.
"You bought it for my place, so it stays," I demanded.
"Bella," Edward called out. "I already have furniture at our house."
I was sure whatever furniture Edward had was picked out by Elizabeth, so it would be stiff and uncomfortable. If Edward wanted me, he had to take O.J. too.
I ignored him and turned my attention back to Jake. "You are just doing this to hurt me. You don't care about O. all. You never came over here to see him."
"You're the one who ran off to get married without telling me. I think I deserve him because you chose another man over him."
"I did not," I yelled. "This was all a misunderstanding that became a mistake. I never planned to leave O.J."
My mild mannered husband finally reached his breaking point. He whistled loudly to get our attention and then said, "Jake, I would be happy to pay you double for the sofa. Bella, it is not under any circumstances coming to Chicago with us."
Jake smiled at me like he had won, even though he left without the sofa. I let Edward have his manly moment and decided to bring up the subject again when I was better rested, or when he had less oxygen going to his brain.
Edward smiled and said, "Now what were we doing before we were interrupted?" As if he really forgot, yeah right.
I tossed the condom at him and marched back to the bedroom as I said, "You have to put it on yourself now." I didn't cut him off completely, because it would only punish me. But I left the light on so he would have to feel like he was making love in a brothel. We'll see if he tries to separate me from O.J. again.
17
We didn't have much of a reason to hang around Seattle. After I gave notice on my condo lease and we got his ring purchased and mine sized, we were pretty much done here. I think Edward wanted to come with me to see if I had anything salvageable in my condo. He told me to leave everything, even the condom machine. I cried for hours.
We took a red eye flight to Chicago and by the time we got into a cab I was fighting to keep my eyes open. I finally leaned my head on Edward's shoulder and closed my eyes. We seemed to be driving forever and I wondered just how big Chicago was.
The next thing I knew I woke up in a strange bed. I sat up and tried to remember if I was dreaming or not. I looked at the huge dark furniture and felt like I was in a castle. Edward was gone from the bed so I got up and saw I was only in my shirt and panties. I pulled on my jeans and began looking for a way out of the massive room.
I opened a door which led into a huge bathroom. I opened the door next to it and found a closet larger than my entire bedroom. I headed to the other side of the room and opened a door to see another large bathroom. I glanced back and forth between the two and wondered exactly how much a person would need to shit to warrant two bathrooms in their bedroom.
I finally found the door to escape and exited onto a large walkway overlooking a massive marble staircase. Oh my God, he lives in a church! I called out for Edward and he appeared from underneath me and looked up to the balcony. He was holding a bowl and wearing an apron.
"Where's a clock?" I demanded.
He pointed to a colossal grandfather clock which towered over him.
"You have five minutes to explain…go."
"Explain what?" he asked in confusion.
I threw my arms out to circle around me and said, "This. What is this? What are you doing? How often do you shit?" I asked in hysterics.
He smiled and said calmly. "This is our home; I am making you breakfast, and normally once a day."
"No, no, no," I exclaimed as I rushed down the stairs. "This isn't a home. This is a museum. You are a pastor, so who are you doing to afford all of this."
It did kind of make sense. He wouldn't give it up to me because I couldn't buy him a museum, only a whorishly gaudy master suite.
"Come into the kitchen and we'll talk."
I followed him into a kitchen that scared me to death. It had four ovens! A pizza oven made into a brick wall, a convection oven, and duel electric ovens. Not only did I need all new clothes, but I needed to learn to cook. I felt my eyes tear up and Edward set down the bowl and came to hug me.
I wished he would have removed the apron, or at least gone with just the apron. This way he looked kind of gay.
"Bella, I am a pastor and offer my services as a counselor free of charge. I don't run a congregation because I don't need any money," he told me. "This was why I needed to find out if you wanted me for my money or for me."
If I was perfectly honest it was good to know he was rich AFTER our failure at playing the game. But this was not the way I wanted to live. I pulled back and looked into his eyes. "Edward, this isn't a home for kids. Hell, a baby gate wouldn't even fit across the staircase, and I can't watch soap operas if I'm chasing a baby up and down the stairs all day."
Not to mention the fact that if Edward grew an aversion to condoms I would be chasing multiple babies.
He took my hand and said, "Let me show you the entire house."
"Do I need my walking shoes?" I asked.
"No," he laughed. "If you get tired I'll carry you."
"Did you carry me over the threshold last night?" I asked, since I had missed it.
"Yes, and you were snoring loudly," he said to embarrass me.
We began the tour and I was feeling sick to my stomach. The furniture was almost all wooden, dusting alone would be an all day event. There was a room for everything he had. Books in one room, office in another, a T.V. room, an exercise room, and a music room.
"Do you play the piano" I asked. It wouldn't surprise me if he said no, because he had two bathrooms in the master bedroom and apparently only shits once a day.
"My mother insisted I learn, in case I ended up in some underdeveloped country I would be able to provide music for the church."
"Did she know musical guys get laid more?" I asked, losing all confidence in Elizabeth's decision making abilities.
"Not when playing hymns," he laughed.
Yeah, I saw his point. The house had a total of six bedrooms, not counting ours. I figured with bunk beds we could put four kids to a room. I looked at Edward and asked, "Can I bring my condom machine, PLEASE!"
He didn't answer, and I noticed too. "Do you like the house better now?"
I took hold of his hand and we sat on a settee that was hard and had gold fabric. It would look great in my bedroom at home.
"Edward, this is beautiful, but it isn't a house for a family. I want a home that we can really live in, one where we can laugh and love without it echoing. I want my kids to be able to run next door to my room when a storm frightens them and they can sit in the kitchen and help me make a special cake for daddy. This is….insane."
His eyes began to water and I felt awful for insulting his house, but I had to be honest….for once.
"I'm sorry I upset you," I offered.
"Bella, you just described everything I want so badly. I don't need this mansion, I just need you," he smiled, and I threw my arms around him.
"Do places like this sell?" I asked, not sure if a sign was even allowed in the yard.
He didn't answer again but said something else to upset me. "My parents planned a reception for us tonight. You'll need a formal dress."
"Flippin A," I said with exasperation, and he laughed without understanding.
"I'll take you shopping, unless you would rather go with my mother."
"You have a real mean streak, don't you?" I asked him, since I didn't really know him very well.
We ate the food he had prepared and headed out to find a dress. It was the first real look I got of his museum. It was big and white, with a circular drive and a fountain of a naked cherub; I'm stunned Elizabeth would allow it.
I tried on several gowns, not really looking in the mirror, just looking at Edward's face for the right one. When I saw his eyes light up and his pants tighten, I knew I had the right pick. Now I had an issue of my hair. It was a nice feature of mine, but I didn't really do much with it. By the time we finished shopping we didn't have time for a professional style. I decided to just straighten it and let it flow.
As we drove to the country club I asked Edward about his family wealth. His grandfather owned a shipping company and made millions before Elizabeth was even born. If she had been raised in a museum it explained her demeanor.
I instructed Edward to remain close by in case I had to choose from twelve forks or something. I doubted pizza bites were on the menu. He introduced me to so many people I gave up on trying to remember names. It was weird meeting so many nuns and priests and I wished I had a habit to wear so I could eat freely without worrying about a bulging stomach. I didn't think about the consequences of wearing a tight gown.
I finally took a rest and sat down at a table where Mr. Masen was sitting. I smiled and said, "Hey big E, tell me your story."
"Big E?" he laughed. "Does that make my son little E?"
"No way, he's even bigger E," I announced, thinking his father would be proud of how his son was hung.
"My story, well, exactly what are you asking?"
I wanted to know how a seemingly fun man ended up with the ice queen, but I couldn't phrase it that way. "You seem like a go with the flow type of guy, are you a regular in this society?" I said instead.
"I'm not as religious as Elizabeth, but my family had their own wealth," he admitted.
"So, does Lizzy ever relax?" I pushed.
He laughed loudly and then leaned in to whisper, "Don't let her hear you call her that."
I nodded in agreement; since there was a whole list of things I called her without anyone's knowledge. "I know Edward was a bit uptight until I loosened him up. You should give it a try," I suggested.
"And exactly how did you loosen him up?" he asked with a smile.
I scooted my chair closer to him and whispered, "Tonight when you get home, strip down to your boxers and jump up on the bed. Make her join you for a jump, and I mean literally jumping on the bed. Then flip her over and do her from behind."
Mr. Masen jumped back in his chair as if I was going to kiss him or something. He looked stunned and it shocked me a bit. Maybe he was wrapped tighter than I thought. He finally took a sip of champagne and began to laugh. "Bella," he said and raised his glass. "Welcome to the family."
It was the best toast of the night.
We were ready to leave after midnight and I offered Elizabeth a hug before saying, "Have a great night, I have a feeling you will."
She nodded curtly at me and I laughed at the images in my head.
I snuggled up to Edward on the ride home and he held me tightly in his arms. "Bella, I love you more each day," he admitted.
"I think this is going to work," I told him, since he really didn't have a choice anymore.
"There are some…traditions I have that I would like for you to participate in," he said, and I noticed how nervous he seemed.
My traditions were easy. Nachos for the Superbowl, a green bra for St. Patrick's Day, and chocolate by the pound for Valentine's Day….preferably drizzled on the guy if I'm seeing anyone at the time. But I had a feeling Edward's traditions would be more intense.
"Okay," I agreed hesitantly.
"I pray morning and night; I would like you to join me for one of them."
Shit, the only prayer I knew was 'Over the teeth and through the gums, look out stomach here it comes.'
"Do you use smoke and speak in Latin?" I asked, because that was out of the question.
"No, I simply speak to God," he said and gave me a calming kiss.
"Okay, I can talk," I admitted.
"I would like for us to attend Sunday services," he added carefully.
Oh man, I needed new dresses and quick. I doubt my Britney Spears look of skirt, leggings, and ugs would work. I also needed to work on my mental language, because damn if I didn't have a dirty mouth. I tried desperately to come up with my own conditions, but it wasn't the right time to bring up O.J. and other than that I didn't have anything, so I agreed to his.
When we arrived back at the museum I began taking off my dress as soon as the front door closed. He reached out to help me and I lost my composure. We didn't make it to the bedroom, but the old grandfather clock got to witness how slippery marble can be.
18
We were snuggled up in our bed, sleeping until close to noon when I decided to share the dream I had that night with Edward. It had seemed so real. I was playing with my kids in the back yard of a nice house and they were hiding in the trees as I searched for them. We were laughing and so happy. Edward walked onto the deck and I ran into his arms, feeling a love that was almost overwhelming for me.
The part of the dream that struck home with me was the surroundings. We were in Forks and we were happy. I had no idea how Edward would respond so I felt I had to sell the idea.
"Edward, you should have your own congregation. You would be an amazing Pastor and the money could go back into the community and the parishioners. Forks needs an active youth group, since there is nothing to do but drink and have sex. Plus the reservation could use your services too."
"And you could teach school there, right?" he asked.
I hadn't even thought about that. I had my Washington teaching license and I wouldn't have to skip a year of working. I loved the idea of returning to teach at the place I had tormented so many teachers. I began to get really excited.
"We could have our dream home built, something perfect for just us. We could take your piano from here and my sofa from my apartment."
"I'll need to pray on that one," he chuckled.
Okay it was time now. I had bed sex and floor sex to threaten him with so I jumped into the fight. "O.J. is not negotiable so pick something you want, because the discussion is over."
He looked at me and noticed my angry look, the one that warns men to protect their genitals. I realized in that moment what a wonderful counselor Edward was. He could psyche me better than anyone I knew.
"How about this, you give O.J. to a loving home and I'll let you decorate our bedroom?"
Thank God! I would keep the condom machine and forget about the bunk beds. I wouldn't have to have my pelvic floor tightened and could consider a breast enhancement. I mean, my husband was freaking rich after all.
"Deal," I said, betraying O.J. without any regret.
Things were moving alone smoothly and I couldn't wait to call Rose and Alice, until Edward rolled off the bed and onto his knees to pray. It felt weird, since I had only seen him on his knees for other things. I sat up to watch him, mumbling softly with his hands pressed together. I thought I heard my name a couple of times, but it could have been just my narcissism.
When he finished he looked up at me so I quickly closed my eyes and pretended to be saying my own prayer. Hum…what exactly would I pray for? Oh yeah, "God bless O.J. and help me find him a good home. Bless Elizabeth that she'll loosen up and that she didn't kill Big E last night. Help the museum to sell, and help us build a freaking great house in Forks."
I peeked out to see if Edward was still watching me and when he smiled I said, "Amen."
"We'll work on it," he said with a laugh, and then stood to help me out of the bed.
Praying was weird, but it actually did make me feel more connected to Edward and hopeful for the day. Maybe religion had a purpose more than finding hot Pastors.
We got on the computer and looked at land for sale in Forks, for both a church and a house. Unfortunately things like this take time, and I'm not really good with waiting. I applied for an open position as a history teacher in Forks and called my father to make sure it went through for me.
He was beyond excited and agreed we could live with him until our house was finished. Edward wasn't so certain. Having sex on the floor in front of my dad's small coo coo clock wasn't something he wanted to consider.
We ended up purchasing a plot of land which would hold the church and our house just outside of town. Our kids would have plenty of room to run around and I had been offered the teaching position. I flew home to close up my condo and move to Forks until Edward could come.
I made the call to the one person I didn't want to talk to, but I knew loved O.J. as much as I did. Jake came right over and didn't offer to comfort me once as I sobbed when he had it carried out of my house.
I loaded the condom machine into my car with my personal belongings and headed over to Rose's house to spend the night. We talked all through the night and she filled me in on her ongoing relationship with Emmett. I had a flash of brilliance and said, "Rose, you should move to Forks. Emmett could open a gym or something; you're rich enough to do it."
"I can't very well propose to him and offer him his own business," she said sadly.
"Sure you can. He probably feels like he can't offer you enough. Show him you want him just the way he is."
"Do you think I should?" she asked, and I saw a sparkle in her eyes I had never seen before.
"Totally, fly down there and drag his ass back up here," I demanded, forgetting I was a pastor's wife.
"Did you hear Jasper is looking for a job as a professor? Turns out he enjoyed teaching Alice everything and he wants to do it for a living," she laughed.
"Really? I bet he could get on in Port Angeles at the satellite campus. He would be the smartest professor there."
"Oh Bella, I hope this works out for us all," Rose said, and wiped her eyes.
"I'll pray it does, because I can do that now," I admitted proudly.
"Like God would listen to you," she said to cut me.
"Yeah, I think he answers my prayers just because he is terrified for Edward."
"If he is answering yours, he'll definitely answer mine," she teased. "I'm going to give it try."
Wow, I was having an impact for good. I was a right proper pastor's wife, bringing lost souls to God. I wish Edward was here to see it, but that wasn't very humble of me so I kept quiet.
I was happy and fulfilled until I settled in Forks at my dad's place. The school year started and I was missing Edward terribly. I sunk into a funk and only got out of bed to go to work. Every night I would lie in my bed and skype with him on my cell phone. It was getting old and I wanted our house finished and his museum to sell.
"I heard the roof was going on this week," he told me to cheer me up.
"Big deal, we can't move in with just a framed house and a roof."
"Things will begin to move faster from this point," he promised.
"Just come move in here," I begged. "It isn't that bad."
"Bella, I'm getting everything taken care of here. I don't want to be running back and forth like I did in Brazil."
"You aren't looking to replace me with a nun are you?" I said. I admit it was a low blow, but it was the only blow I could give him from this distance.
"I promise you I will be there for good in less than three weeks."
"I'm holding you to it," I said like a child.
"I do miss you Bella, honestly I do."
I sat quietly and looked at the choppy image on my phone. "I love you so much," I said softly.
"You are my only reason for existing," he said and my heart went wild. So this was what that felt like. It was nothing like I had thought. It was pretty dang incredible.
I pinned up a calendar so I could mark off the days. My father stayed away from home as much as possible, since I was so grumpy all the time. I purposefully drove past our house to see the changes every day. If I couldn't see anything different I would get out and yell at the construction crew. I was single handily ruining Edward's ability to attract a congregation.
I was standing in front of my class of misfits, who call themselves junior high students, and going over a quiz. I was tempted to fail them all, just to make myself feel better, but juvenile delinquency was a big enough problem without giving them a cause.
"If it helps make up a poem to remember the dates, like, in 1492 Columbus sailed the blue," I told them.
One particularly impertinent boy said, "Like, I don't need this class, so you can kiss my….."
I rolled my eye, because the kid was beyond stupid. "There isn't a date in that poem, Einstein."
The class laughed and I sighed because I missed laughing. I missed laughing with my husband, my lover, my reason for existing. Hey, it works both ways, cool.
"I'm going to let you all go early today, just promise to study for the quiz tomorrow," I said, and they all cheered loudly.
I sat down at my desk and felt like I could sleep right there. I had to get more exercise before I became a permanent fixture in my bed. And it was a possibility because I had seen a show where a person had to be lifted with a hoist out of his bed.
I opened my drawer and took out some chocolate to eat away my sorrows. I was eating away a lot of sorrows lately, and downing a huge amount of chocolate.
My door opened and I spoke without looking up. "Go study, or I will fail you on principle."
A shy girl walked slowly toward my desk and handed me a note. I opened it to find Edward had called. I looked at the girl and grinned widely. "I'll give you an A, no matter how many you miss," I promised.
"I'm not in your class," she informed me, so I dropped the pretense and told her to leave so I could read my note.
He had called about a problem with a sub contractor on the house and he wanted me to go over there and kick them off the job. I was so sad, and the note didn't even mention anything about being his reason for existing.
I drove to the house and prepared to unleash all my pent up anger on the men painting the walls. I had no idea why Edward wanted them gone, but I needed somewhere to focus my anger. I walked through the place as I called out, "Hello."
It echoed and I noticed the irony of the situation. I headed to the back of the house and heard soft music playing. I turned the corner of what would be the master bedroom and saw something that sent me into tears.
Edward was there, holding roses and smiling lovingly at me. I rushed forward and pushed him out of the way to fall onto O.J. in tears. "You saved him," I cried.
"Yes love, it is really me," he said cynically.
I grabbed the sleeve of his shirt and pulled him down to the couch with me. It was not only comfortable to sit one, but very comfortable to screw on. I welcomed my guy back with everything I had. We lay wasted on the hideous orange sofa naked and completely satisfied. Edward was running his hand lightly across my stomach as I kissed his neck. He pushed me back and stood up to look down at me.
"What?" I asked, thinking he was angry.
"Do you have something to tell me?"
Shit, what did he hear? Maybe Jake added a bunch of junk to the story when Edward reclaimed O.J. I finally manned up and asked, "What are you talking about?"
"Look at you?" he said, as he pointed down at me.
I glanced at my nude body and then back at him. Nothing had changed so if he remembered me differently it was his issue, not mine, although my breasts were maturing finally.
"When was your last period?" he asked, and I quickly looked down to see if I had started.
My head rose slowly back to look at him and I felt a bit sick to my stomach. "On the island," I mumbled.
He fell to his knees and held his clasped hands into the air rejoicing as I went totally numb. Maybe I wasn't just a lazy pig; maybe I was tired and hungry because I was pregnant. I looked at my stomach and noticed a hard lump in my lower pelvis. How could I have missed that?
"Do you really think I could be four months pregnant?" I asked him, and also praying it wasn't only a month because I was pretty much going to be divorced if I was.
He put his mouth to my abdomen and said, "I've prayed for you, Barnabas."
Oh hell no!