Chapter 9
T'rin stayed on at the Gather with his other friends for the dancing – he had high hopes of winning the dancing competition this turn – while Kit pushed Horgey back down to the Harper Hall. They came, on the way, upon a muddy and confused pile of boys which resolved itself into four lads thoughtfully stuffing mud down the tunic of a fifth.
"HRHM!" Horgey cleared his throat loudly. "And a most unseemly scrum for any passers by to see! Now, let me see, do we have any boys under that mud or are you all turned into mud-rodies?"
Kit chuckled. The small water creature he described dug industriously in mud for the minute crustacea that formed the greater part of its diet.
The boys untangled themselves and stood to attention before Horgey. Four of them looked distinctly smug beneath their carefully subdued and muddy expressions; the fifth was filled with baffled resentment and fury.
"I see" said Horgey.
"I suppose you want to know what happened, sir?" said Braid. "It's quite simple."
"Yes, most of the things that come out of your fertile imagination are, young Braid" said Horgey, equably. "Very well, tell me your version and then I'll tell you what I think really happened."
Braid gave him a faintly reproachful look.
"Well, sir, it was like this. It started as a mud throwing contest, you know? Because of the thaw and being lots of mud…but it just got a little out of hand."
"Ingenious" said Horgey dryly "And not too over embroidered. A way to deflect all official notice save a dressing down for fighting. NOW! This is my interpretation" he swept his eyes over all of them. "I'd be no Harper if I'd not heard Vaek carolling rude songs all around the Gather about Gavel. And then Vaek leaves, whistling jauntily and obviously alone. Naturally, Gavel is not happy about this and takes a shortcut across the fields to waylay him in this most convenient ambush site in the bend of the road. Unfortunately for Gavel, Braid, Gwetul and Timmis had already left early and prepared to ambush the ambusher. One would hope that they kept nominally in the right by letting him leap Vaek first" he added "Ah, yes, I see the flicker of smugness there; and then all four proceeded to let Gavel know what they thought of a boy of fifteen or more turns beating on a boy of ten. Is that approximately correct?"
The four conspirators exchanged looks.
"Sir, we think it's a lovely fiction" said Braid "And we stick by our original story."
Horgey gave a smile of approval.
"I'm glad you boys would rather keep things amongst yourself. Gavel? Do you want to comment?"
The boy shook his head.
"No, sir, it's like Braid said."
"Very well, water rations for the five of you for…oh, five days for fighting; and each one of you to spend half an hour telling your life story to the others. Cut along now and bath; you're disgusting objects."
The boys ran off, glad to have got off relatively lightly.
"That was clever" said Kit "Making him open up as part of the collective punishment."
"I wasn't sure Braid had the maturity to do it all without some help" Horgey confessed. "In Gavel's shoes I'd have been grateful deep down for being covered for, but also resentful and suspicious and – well, pretty mixed up. T'rin might have got me talking; but even he might not. And T'rin is a genius; I'm not sure that Braid is."
Kit nodded.
"He's quite perspicacious, however, now he looks beyond looking for slights on his birth. Are you going to talk to Gavel as well?" she asked.
Horgey thought.
"I don't know; I may not have to, though he may like an older man as a confidant, to lay all his troubles on to make them get better. I'll watch how it goes; and see if I need to engineer a situation where I can leave the opportunity to talk open" he said.
Horgey did not need to manufacture an excuse to seek confidences from Gavel; the boy came to his room, rather hesitantly.
"Sir, Braid said you helped him cope with stuff; he thought if I talked to you, you might be able to help me" he said.
"It's quite possible I might be able to" said Horgey. "Very few problems are insurmountable with application and good will. Sit down my boy – no, wait, pour us both a mug of klah, there's a kettle on the stove, it's a little overbrewed but palatable enough and there's a pipkin of cream on the windowsill to add to it if you like it. THEN come and sit down and start at the beginning."
Gavel did as he was bid; cream was a luxury in klah and he poured it in to both mugs with a heavy hand. He sat hunched up, cradling the mug between his hands.
"The beginning?" he queried. "I – I don't quite know…."
Horgey nodded, smiling encouragingly.
"Why not go back to the last time you were happy – if there ever was such a time?" he suggested.
Gavel's eyes looked haunted and he sipped his klah almost without seeming to taste it.
"There was. It's such a long time ago, sometimes I wonder if I imagined it. I was about six or seven turns old when my parents died; there was a fire, an accident with a flamethrower I think…I was too young to properly understand the whispers and half sentences. And then I went to live with my aunt and uncle in their cot, who didn't really want me….they already had five children, older than me: so I became their drudge. And I wasn't allowed to make music any more, and even though I didn't feel like singing any more, I had to have music….if they caught me even drumming with my fingers to a tune in my head I was beaten because drudges don't waste time on music."
Horgey's eyes sparkled in indignation.
"Wickedness!" he said. "But they let you come here eventually?"
Gavel shook his head.
"No, sir; when I was thirteen or so – I never had any birthing day celebration, so I'm not actually sure exactly – I ran away. It took me nearly a turn to find a Journeyman who'd test me, and who believed in me enough to get me an apprenticeship. And then" his voice faltered "And then the dream became a nightmare, when I discovered how much I didn't know – and an ignorant boy of fourteen or fifteen, almost a man, in a class of ten, eleven and twelve-turn-olds and knowing less than them is pretty quickly the butt of jokes and jibes. And though I was stung to work hard I – I also started lashing out. All the anger from all the turns just came out; and it became habit to put kids down before they got the chance to pt me down."
Horgey nodded sympathetically.
"And little boys can be pretty cruel without even realising it" he said. "I half encouraged the songs, you know: to bring you to a point where you could talk to someone. I hoped it would be a lad like Braid who is a well-meaning young imp who has had, as you know, his own problems."
Gavel nodded; he was crying.
"He's been very decent. But – well, you're grown up."
Horgey nodded.
"Your aunt and uncle sound the sort of people who don't set out to be wicked; but are too stupid and insular to see beyond themselves and their immediate family. With Thread a constant danger I'm afraid it's an all too common attitude. They felt resentful of you, and felt that you should earn your keep for being foisted onto them – and were too limited to consider beyond their annoyance to the bewildered grief of a bereaved little boy. And I suppose your cousins took their tone from their parents?"
Gavel nodded.
"They ordered me about and clouted me if I was slow or was trying to avoid a beating for not being quick enough about another cousin's business; they didn't care for each other and each expected me to put his or her orders first."
"Lovely family" commented Horgey.
"Yeah, a real bundle of laughs" said Gavel. "It was a shock; my parents loved me…." Two big tears welled up and he sniffed hard.
"My dear boy, don't hold back on my account" said Horgey. "You've never been allowed to grieve – in there is a six turn old who's never been allowed to cry for a perfectly legitimate grief. C'mon lad, you can let it come."
And come it did.
Horgey let him sob himself into gentle hiccoughs.
"You've made the first step to rebuilding yourself, you know" the journeyman said. "You've told boys who will understand and be indignant on your behalf; and who will put themselves out to see that you catch up. They'll also introduce you to Ferry's group of hooligans, who will bring you on – if you'll put in the extra work – to a level close to your age group, their own level. I can speak to Ferry too, if you'd like. I've known him since I was an apprentice, before the accident."
"Would you really, sir? I- I'd be afraid to…I know how he despises bullies…"
"He also realises that many of us who have bullied usually have reasons that make us act in such an unreasonable way" said Horgey. "Yes, lad, I used to be a bully – worse than you, I assure you! But I was helped out by another boy, Ferry's friend, now a Journeyman himself: and I had a second chance. You get to have a second chance before you get yourself in as much trouble as I got myself into; use it well and don't let yourself down!"
"No, sir, I shan't! I can't believe that you were a bully, though, I always thought you were a soft touch!"
Horgey grinned.
"Oh, I'm not afraid to hand out discipline if I think it's needed! Like you lot being on water rations – it's a matter of principle to discourage fighting. It brings the Hall into disrepute it outsiders see it. But I am also aware that excessive punishment can be a form of bullying too; and that Masters are not immune from the disease of unfairness. And usually the crabbier masters have THEIR reasons for being crabby too; which are none of your or my business. Generations of often thick-headed, naughty boys must take its toll on the most equable of characters; and it's easy to assume that an older boy is behind because he is lazy, rather than looking for other explanations, because in nine cases out of ten it's just because he is lazy."
Gavel brightened.
"Then I guess I can forgive old Morshal – er, Master Morshal, sorry sir" as Horgey cleared his throat meaningfully "It was his sarcastic comments I always felt led to the little boys picking on me too; he kind of made it an acceptable thing to do."
Horgey shrugged.
"I'll not dispute the truth of that" he said "Teaching slower learners is hard; I have a bit of an aptitude for it so it doesn't much bother me, but clever men sometimes find it hard to break a task they know well down for those of little knowledge; and it's easier to get irritable if you know you're not doing a job well"
"Steady on, sir, you'll make me feel sorry for him and that's surely against tradition!" Gavel ventured a weak sally.
"Oh, absolutely" said Horgey, smiling. "Seriously, Gavel, I'll study through any lesson you want more help with in your spare time. You've pulled yourself up well in just the turn you've been here: at least you didn't give up the way I did!"
"YOU gave up?"
"I found myself out of my depth and bullied: like you I took the bully's role as easier. But I'm not as clever or as talented as you, Gavel; and I couldn't catch up on my own. I also got in with a couple of other bullies, which didn't help; we egged each other on. Since my accident I have pulled myself up with the help of friends and even learned enough to make journeyman; but I could not have done it without them. With the help of friends, I have every expectation that you'll walk the tables in a very short few turns. Now, you may use my Necessary to go and wash your face; and my door is always open to you, expect me to be grumpy if you need help in the middle of the night."
Gavel gave a weak smile at the last comment.
He was so grateful!
Shortly after this the Turnover postings were to be made: and Master Robinton spoke to Horgey.
"I shan't keep you in suspense; I am going to confirm you as Journeyman" he said. "Do you wish to stay here, or return to the Weyr?"
"Sir, would you think me ungrateful if I said that I'd like to consider returning to the Weyr?" asked Horgey "Only there are things happening here…"
"Your romance with Kitiara?"
Horgey flushed.
"I'm beginning to think the whole Harper Hall knew about it before we did" he said. Robinton laughed.
"Oh, I know the signs; I doubt many others know" he said. "It's a more solid looking relationship than her crush on T'rin; if she wants to accompany you to the Weyr, I'll not oppose it. At least she can continue her studies there now."
Horgey pulled a wry face.
"Of course, if she does, with her heritage and bravery it's likely she'll Impress; and I'll have to stand by and grin and bear it every time her dragon rises."
"And can you do that and still love her?" asked the Masterharper.
Horgey nodded.
"Oh yes, of course! I know it's nothing personal….well, it's very personal but not necessarily personal mentally…. I suppose part of me is afraid she'd find a rider she could love more. And it would be no sort of love on my part not to let her go if that happened, would it?"
Robinton laid a fatherly hand on the youth's shoulder.
"Horgey, that was the biggest thing I ever heard a man say" he said, seriously. "And I say this to you: Kit has played at love before; I think she's sensible enough to know her own mind by now. And too sensible to mistake the violence of dragon-driven passions for a replacement for true love."
Horgey nodded.
"I think so too, really" he said "But….well, you know."
Robinton nodded.
"There's still that touch of low self worth within you" he said "And no amount of telling you how well you've done and how proud you've made me of you and how glad I am that T'rin bullied me into reinstating you will ever dispel that. Only time will give you self confidence. It will come though; of that I am sure!"
Horgey nodded.
"I hope so…. I don't think I'm doing too badly. Apart from with Lesara."
"You've done very well, so far. Never mind her; do NOT dwell on the negative. Nobody could have done more think on your slow boys who have, on the whole, pulled ahead of their peer group; Braid has gone from being a flaming nuisance to being a model pupil; Vaek has quieted down…."
"That was nothing to do with me, sir"
"No? Who asked Ferry to sort him out? Well then!" said the Masterharper as Horgey wriggled his shoulders deprecatingly. "And Gavel's a changed boy too. Forget Lesara! Some people you just can't do anything with! And I hear – unofficially mind! – that even Lord Larad wants to strangle her!"
Horgey grinned.
"Well, it's not so much Kit, because if she forgot me it wouldn't last if you wanted her to wait: I just want to watch over Gavel a little longer" he said "He trusts me and comes to me for advice. Leaving abruptly might just shake the beginnings of his self confidence. But if you're satisfied with me, I should like to go back to High Reaches soon. No disrespect to you or any of the Masters" he said apologetically "But I'm not looked at askance as a freak there."
Robinton nodded.
"Alas, it is human nature to fear, and therefore denigrate any kind of disability, mental or physical. High Reaches Weyr is, I think, a very special place."
"WE think so, Masterharper."
"And there you have it – 'WE' you say. A place that engenders such a sense of belonging is a healthy community. I'll keep you – what, another five or six sevendays?"
Horgey nodded.
"That would be ideal. T'rin tells me that Esruth is now fully mature, so it won't be long before Tamalenth rises – L'rilly's been inhibiting her to be with her weyrmate" he explained "And there might then be an egg for Kitiara. It – well, I think she'd be a good Green Rider, and we've got enough in the Harperweyr as you say to continue her studies!"
Robinton smiled.
"I've come to like you, Horgey" he said "And we shall miss you: but you are right. Your place is in a Weyr. Your face lights up when you speak of it. Oh, Ferry is to Walk; would you like to escort him?"
Horgey grinned.
"Would I just!" he said "Who else is supporting him?"
"Kister: he arrived a couple of hours ago from his current posting just to see the listings – just like Kister!"
Horgey sought out Kister; they had not been on good terms the last time they had met, but evidently the Masterharper had spoken to the young Journeyman. Or maybe T'rin had; Horgey could not guess. But in any case, Kister greeted him with a grin and held out his hand. And laughed at Horgey's expression of disgust at the dead rodie he had palmed.
As Kister had a reputation for playing practical jokes on his friends more than on enemies, Horgey took it the right way; and dropped the creature down Kister's tunic cheerfully.
They were soon firm friends.
And Ferry wept with joy as they escorted him to the Journeyman table to the time-honoured chant 'Walk, Ferry, Walk!'