I own the Swanton Bomb...Hi my names sam and i'm a liar..."hi sam" ALRIGHT, i own nothing.
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As I walked back to DX's locker room who should I see in the hall but Randy Orton and John Cena.
"Hey John" I said waving.
"Hey Little Dude" He smiled. Two can play the dude card.
"So big dude, whatcha been up to?"
"Honestly? Mainly listening to Orton bitching about me knowing your name…I finally took pity on him and told him to find a TV. Nice segment with Hardy by the way." He smirked. Damn blush.
"So sweetheart, whose idea was it?"
"Clearly mine, I mean who wouldn't want to be completely soaked on their first night on the job, so it can be televised inter-fucking-nationally" I said, rolling my eyes, at least it shut him up.
"They didn't tell you that they were doing it then?" John asked.
"No, they wanted true reactions, but seriously they basically threw me in a shower." I said, still annoyed at DX. Great, Orton looks like he has something to say, this oughta be life changing.
"You know, Hardy was in on it too, I mean come on, he wasn't nude in that shower was he." I know he knew, but fuck I hate that he's right. Jeff knew what he had to do, he was in Speedos for fuck sake. My face was literally changing colour, I was getting angrier and angrier by the second.
"Woah, hold up little dude." John said with his calming voice. "They wouldn't do something like that if they didn't think you'd be ok with it right?"
"Well that's what I thought."
"Do you know who would be offended by it?"
"Well I mean, I doubt my cousin Andrew would want to have even thought abou that." I thought out loud.
"See, they probably cleared it with him first." Damn smart John.
"That makes sense, he is the one who kept going on about indecent exposure in front of him." I said, giggling at the thought of his outbursts earlier today.
"See that's what I mean." John's good at calming me down.
"So what exposing were you doing indecently?" Orton asked smirking…he's such an assclown.
"I was kissing my boyfriend, he just doesn't like to think abou tit."
"Who's you boyfriend?" John asked, as Randy sulked. I almost laughed at Randy.
"Jeff."
"You and Rainbow Bright? No way!" Cena said, louder than I would've liked.
"Yes way. What's so bad about that?"
"You and Jeff, I just didn't think you were his type." John responded, he'd calmed down a bit by now.
"You buddy owe me fifty bucks" Randy said, brought back into the conversation.
"How come" I wanna make fifty bucks…I do have morals…I'm not making it that way.
"Bet" Very useful information John.
"Yea, we've had a bet going since Jeff returned five months ago." Randy added. A bet, what's it for?
"About?" I wanna get to the bottom of this bet.
"His sexuality" John finished…man he looks embarrassed.
"You thought he was gay?" He's definitely wrong abou that.
"No!" Riight. "I thought he was bi, with a life partner back home"
"Same diff." It really is. Cena thought Jeff's gay, I wouldn't have picked that.
"And I thought he was dating a supermodel." Randy added.
"You thought he was dating a supermodel?" God these two are some completely wrong. "Damn, one extreme to the other."
"Well Orton is right, he's not gay…or bi with a boyfriend." I said drowning at John.
"What? It's the nail polish and constant hair dying." John tried to defend himself.
"But Orton is wrong. He's not dating a supermodel, or anything close. Just me. It's just me and him in our little relationship." That is a great word to be able to say…relationship. "So in the way of who owes who what, no one is winning any money tonight, because you were both wrong."
"So why'd he take a month off around May then?" Curiosity killed the cat Orton, and right now, you are my cat.
"It's not my place to say, even if I knew." I felt a strong pair of arms wrap around me, needless to say I was scared, looking to John for some kind of answer, not seeing anything, I looked down at the arms, seeing a root on the right arm I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.
"I took the month off because the girl I had been dating for three years broke up with me, I was completely devastated, I was planning on asking her to marry me." How can he say that while holding me so tight? Shit son, three years is a fucking long time. I would've been like fourteen when they got together. I wonder how long Jeff and I are gonna be tighter for. Great, a tear, I'm tearing up…fuck, I just let it roll down my cheek, it hit Jeff's arm. He turned my body so I was facing him and lifted my chin so I was looking into his eyes. "what's wrong gorgeous?"
"You…you hold your ex so close still." I said, trying to answer the question…without answering the question.
"You're worried I still love her right." Spot on. "I remember that story because it affected me badly the, I remembered it because it reminds me to keep guards around the centre of my heart." Just what needed to hear, he was guarding his heart. I sobbed louder. "Squirt, when I met you, that guards deteriorated. I couldn't even help it."
"Re...really?" If I wasn't sobbing that would've been a lot easier.
"Really really" Jeff replied. It would be retarded if I hadn't stuttered. I took a step back, no Orton or Cena, hmm now I know how to clear a room for intimacy.
A cameraman happened to be rounding the corner and saw Jeff and I in our predicament. I looked up and saw him and gave Jeff an unnoticeable nudge, we need to cover this up with a skit.
"So yea, I just wanted to thank you for helping me again. And Hel, I'm sorry that DX did that to you, you don't deserve that treatment." Jeff said as he released me from our hug.
"It's just because I didn't want to pull stupid pranks on people, but they didn't have to pull one on me." I replied.
"I know, hey I have to go, if Triple H or Michaels, or their new pawn see us together, I don't know who'd suffer more, you or me. I'll see you later. Bye Helen." With that Jeff walked off. The cameraman motioned that he'd stopped filming and that just left me in an empty hall. I walked back to the DX locker room to find a not so happy Paul, no camera in sight. Shit.
"Elsie, where have you been? I've been worried about you." Sure.
"What? Paul I left a note. I was returning the Diva's bags." You need to read buddy.
"I saw the note, I went to the divas locker room and they said you'd left like five minutes before I got there. Where were you? Wait do I even want to know?"
"Eww, Paul, just because you're a degenerate. I ran into John and Randy and they started talking to me, then Jeff came up. Then a camera guy, so we cut a promo." No need for you to get your knickers in a knot.
"You and Jeff?" Paul relaxed a little. "Good I needed you two to cut one."
"Done and done." Paul nodded and I flopped onto the couch. A camera guy walked into the room, got set up, and told Paul and I to be ending a conversation.
"So you see Helen, if you had just been a good little whatever you are, you wouldn't have been pushed in the shower with that freak." I was about to yell at him when Shawn and Andy walked into the room with Jeff's bag.
"How'd it go you two?" H asked.
"Divas said no" Shawn started.
"But that didn't stop me." Andy added, opening the bag to show the divas lingerie they'd allowed me to borrow.
"Good on you lad." H said clapping his hand on Andy's shoulder. "Now let's go give Hardy his bag back. Better yet, let's make her do it." H said giving me a dirty look.
"Yep, get up girly, you're doing this for us and to make sure you do it proper we're going with you." Andy added. Shawn and H shared a look of satisfaction. I groaned but got up all the same. The bag was thrust into my gut and we left for Jeff's room. DX thumped on Jeff's door to signal skit, Jeff opened it in the towel, but you could see his pants hanging out the bottom, DX "didn't notice" though.
"Helen Right?" I glance at H and Shawn as if asking if I had to and they nodded.
"Umm yea, DX said for me to give you this." I said, passing him the bag filled with lingerie. He nodded and accepted the bag. DX and I left and the cameraman followed us until we passed a monitor and saw Jeff open his bag to find one of the divas bras to pop out and hit Jeff in the face. The guys laughed, and I tried not to, but I didn't have to try for long, but I didn't have to for long because I realised whose bra it was, Jillian's. The camera guy left and we all continued to the DX locker room.
That bitch. What doesn't she get that Jeff isn't interested. I mean fuck he has ha girlfriend…ME. Why won't she just let him fucking be?! Having settled down enough not to scream at everyone I pass. I walked to Jeff's locker room, knocking fairly impatiently and Jeff answered, fairly moodily probably because of the way I was knocking, but when he saw me he smiled. I didn't.
"What's wrong Squirt?"
"Jillian" End problem.
"She got to you too?"
"Yes, when I went to the divas locker room to return the bag of bras n things, Jillian was being all anal about well first off she was all like I own these halls bitch, then she was like get your hands off my man. And then with the bra popping out. I was hers." God, I need to breath more.
'I know, her perfume suffocates me." I'm not the only one.
"But I mean, she…you" the words actually refused to form in my mouth.
"Me, Jillian? Squirt please, give me some credit. She's just the company bicycle, everyone's had a ride, but me, I like the pocket bike I have." Bikes, we're back to bikes…again.
"I'm a pocket bike?" Yea, I'm a bike, that offended me a little, but I guess it's better than being the company bicycle.
"Yea, no one knows what they are, and it's just for me." He said, rationalising t out.
"Aww Babe, they'll know me tonight though"
"You scared?" No…yes.
"A little" Jeff hugged me, but turned me around and started massaging my shoulders and back. And damn it felt so good. I was trying to say it wasn't necessary, but my mouth wouldn't say it. My entire body melted and relaxed, then he stoped, why'd he stop?
"Well, you're ok now, besides, you've gotta go back to Shawn and Paul. The match is next. And Jillian can't have me. I'm taken by a gorgeous, unique, real girl." I gave him a quick peck on the lips and went back to DX. Just as I opened the door, Paul and Shawn turned me around the other way.
"Let's go, we have ring time…now" Shawn said, not pushing me, just making me walk that little bit faster. We made it to the gorilla, music that sounded like Rage Against the Machine started Are you Ready? Paul and Shawn looked at me and Andy.
"You guys ready?" We nodded. "Ok so we're gonna go out to the stage, Andy on our heals, then we look for you and Paul will walk back and drag you out, when he does you've gotta kick and scream and stuff, ok Hellover?" Shawn said, before him and Paul dashed through the curtain.
I gave Andy a hug before he sprinted after them. Jeff came up behind me and gave me a kiss.
"For Luck" Man I need luck more often.
"I think I'm in like" I said, we laughed then 'Triple H' came and grabbed me, whispering to me to give him hell, so I did, my arms were flailing everywhere and I was kicking and screaming all the way down the ramp. When we were outside the ring, Paul actually lifted me up, Shawn sat on the middle rope, so I could climb through, I did then ran to the other side of the ring, away from them, completely in character.
"H, I told you to leave the kid and the girl out back."
"Why? So Hardy can take our chick? I think not Shawny Boy"
"Do you think McMahon will mind DX again?" Shawn asked, much like a little kid.
"Nah, we haven't spray painted anyone's ass yet. Damn Helen Tarnation." He said turning to me. "Shoulda got her before we pushed her in the shower with Hardy. But seriously that's probably why she's shook up, seeing a freak nude will do that to anyone." At this point I grabbed a mic, hey if I was gonna get pished, I may as well have some fun too.
"So Shawn isn't a coffee addict then? He just shares a locker room with you" I said smirking, Shawn, along with the audience laughed. At least they weren't for real mad.
"Who do you think you are? I run this joint." Triple H said, though it just reminded me of Randy Orton earlier.
"I'm Helen Tarnation. And I'm merely making an observation. I don't have to put up with your shit just because you tell me to." I said, taking a step forward.
"Right, Shawn get the girl out of my ring" H shouted. Shawn came over, and whispered to drop and roll when he kicked. He kicked, I dropped and rolled out of the ring. "Now we've got some space. Are you ready?" The crowd went crazy even though they were booing Paul a minute ago. "I said Are you Ready North Carolina?" The pop was massive. "Then for the thousands in attendance, for the millions watching at home, and because Helen Tarnation was pushed in a shower tonight." They bent forward, with their hands on their knees, and Andy followed suit. "Let's get ready to SUCK IT" Paul passed the mic to Shawn.
"And if your not down with that, we've got two words for ya" The whole arena screamed SUCK IT. Shawn dropped the mic, and he and Andy jumped out of the ring. Jeff's music went off and he danced away at the top of the ramp, microphone in hand.
"So DX, have you had fun tonight?" Paul nodded smiling. "I'm glad you've had fun torturing that poor girl, as well as Coach, Regal and myself, but the fun's over, for you at least. Coz now I'm gonna come and relieve you of that title there Triple H." He tossed the mic down then ran full on into the ring. Throughout the match, Andrew and Shawn were cheering for Paul, and I was cheering for Jeff. Halfway through the match however, Andy came over and grabbed my hands, pulling them behind my back dragging me over to Shawn.
"Now cheer for DX" He yelled. I struggled, getting nowhere whatsoever.
"Come on Jeff" I yelled, defying the force behind me. Andrew manoeuvred it so it looked like he put more pressure on my arms, and whispered to yelp. I did and then yelled not as loudly. "Let's go Triple H" Andy let go. I ran to the other side of the ring. Shawn gave me the slightest nod, and jumped onto the apron, distracting the red. I dove under the ring, scrambling to the other side and pulled Shawn's feet off the apron, causing his face to eat mat. H had Jeff rolled up for the pin, and Jeff saw this turning to count. I winked at Andy to get him to distract the red. He jumped on the apron after Jeff kicked out. I ducked in the ring, took off my DX shirt to reveal the Only in your imagination shirt, and low blowed Triple H, Jeff then pulled a twist of fate and soared through the air with a Swanton Bomb, for the One Two Three.