As soon as we arrived in the underworld, Polydegmon handed off his horses and chariot to some servant hands. He walked off as if he had forgotten all about me. Thus I wandered around the palace, exploring. There were palace guards in every corner, they all snapped to attention and saluted whenever I passed. Everything was so grand and beautiful, until I eventually came across something unusual.

I scrutinized the stone wall that stood so imposingly before me. It seemed so primitive and out of place at the end of a corridor that stretched with the finest marble, I think it was called. Intrigued, I ran my hands along the rock and drew back with alarm when it began to move back, revealing an opening on the side. I slipped inside, unable to turn down the discovery of a secret passageway. I found myself in a marble hallway that was identical to the one I had been in. There was another stone wall at the end and it, too, yielded to my touch.

This time, it opened to a small, dingy chamber that was completely empty, save for a strange, life-sized object that was completely gray with dust. I moved closer and saw that it was a sculpture of a sleeping or dead woman. From the graceful hands folded over her flat stomach, the proud posture, and the fine features of the face, I could tell it was meant to depict a noble lady.

"Girl," came a stern voice.

I gasped and spun around. The master stood in the doorway, looking magnificent in gleaming silver robes. Apparently he had already changed out of his black. I wondered how often he changed his attire. His diadem was of a simpler sort this time, it was only as high as 2 fingers width. I threw myself to the floor and almost smacked my forehead on the ground. I peeked up only when I heard a series of high pitched barks. Cerberus was wriggly excitably in the master's arms.

"How did you get in here?" he demanded. He swept past me and examined the statue, almost anxiously. Then his expression flickered with relief, then turned to sheer disdain. "This is the Pandora of the divine race. We could not stand the sight of her wandering in our kingdom, so we had Hypnos put her to sleep. Forever."

Cerberus growled and snapped at the statute as is agreeing with his master.

There was an unspoken note of what Polydegmon could do to those who displeased him. When he turned to look at me, I hastily lowered my head to the ground once more.

"We should have never let you wander around the palace for so long," he said, almost to himself. "It is time for you to properly join the dead. Come!"

At his command, some invisible force pulled me to my feet and made me walk, no, trot along with his swift, angry strides. I tried to stall and slow my steps, but the unseen force simply pulled harder. I had no desire to "properly join the dead."

"Commander!" the master bellowed. He made no attempt to slow down as a lavishly armored soul, obviously a high ranking soldier, appeared beside him. The soldier snapped to attention, then seeing that he was being left behind, quickly fell into step next to the master in a clank of metal. Meanwhile I was still being dragged along by the invisible force that never eased its grip on me.

"My Lord!" the warrior panted. "Reporting for—"

"How is it that this human girl was able to breach your defenses?" demanded Polydegmon. "You let her slip past you and get into that—forbidden chamber. How would you like to be a foot soldier again, I'll put you on guard duty in Tartarus…"

The commander looked astonished. "I was just following orders Sir!" he protested. "You gave specific orders that those you escorted personally to the underworld shall be treated as a mistress of this realm. You told us Sir, repeatedly, that we must do everything to impress such a lady. We wanted to do nothing to jeopardize your chances of engaging in congress with your… special guest." He trailed off as the god froze in mid stride.

The master looked astonished, then angry, then annoyed. "Ah," he said with much more calm. Then he paused to look at me, then he looked at the commander, then he looked back at me. "Have you no eyes, Commander?" the master chuckled. "Your bed must be cold indeed if you think that we, the Grandson of the Heaven and Earth, King of the underworld, guardian of souls, high commander of the largest army in the world, a beauty desired by all creatures, a fearsome warrior whose skill in battle is only surpassed by his ability in bed, would care to lie with that." He jerked his chin in my direction.

I blinked. I did not think I was horrid looking, there had been plenty of men willing to lie with me. However, I supposed that the Grandson of the Heaven and Earth, King of the underworld, guardian of souls, high commander of the largest army in the world, a beauty desired by all creatures, a fearsome warrior whose skill in battle is only surpassed by his ability in bed would have his choice of mates.

The commander chuckled back, looking relieved. "Even Zeus' bed cools in comparison to yours, My Lord," he bowed.

"Probably not," Polysemantor replied solemnly. "Unlike our dear brother, who finds satisfaction in any maiden, there are few that we find deserving of our affections." He paused and blinked rapidly. "We will never forget that day we first saw our proper reflection." His voice broke. "We sobbed and sank to the floor, humbled by the beauty of the portrait before us. When we realized the countenance in the mirror was actually us, we clawed at our face, frightened that nature could produce such unnatural marvel. We could not breathe and lost consciousness for a full minute."

I wondered how he would know that a minute had passed if he were unconscious.

The master continued to walk in silence, although he seemed much happier. The commander clanked along, occasionally dabbing at his brow. We finally stopped when we reached the throne room. Minus a few official looking souls milling about, it was empty. The souls all bowed when they saw the master.

"We shall have this girl judged," he announced. "Send her off to her proper afterlife." He turned to leave but one of the souls coughed.

"Forgive me master," said the soul. "Today is a holiday. There is no one to judge, no one to speak on her behalf, no scribes to keep record…"

"Tomorrow then," Polysemantor shrugged. He turned to leave again.

"Alas," replied the soul, looking surprisingly calm. "This girl is still alive, she cannot be judged."

"Yes, I resurrected her for a simple task," snapped the master, looking increasingly less patient. "Then I brought her back myself to save Hermes some paperwork, just do what you need to do."

"She must wait her turn," insisted the soul. "If you make an exception for one, then everyone will want an exception." The other souls nodded and mumbled assent. Even the commander started to nod but froze when the god shot him a look.

As the master's face began to darken, his silver robes almost looked white in comparison.

"Bureaucrats!" he muttered under his breath. "Then let her wait at the shores of the Styx," he ordered aloud. He turned to leave once more but the soul spoke again with apparently no concern for the master's temper.

"Charon won't ferry souls to the side of the living," the soul pointed out. "Your orders, my lord."

"There's an exception if she has a hero visa," added another soul who was listening to the conversation. She looked me up and down. "It usually requires the applicant to have military training however…"

"How am I the king of the underworld if mired in red adhesive!" cried the master. "Why can't you fools just get things done?" His eyes grew cold as he focused on me. "I want that human to drink from the Lethe by tomorrow. Dead or alive, judged or not. If this is not done, all of you will be demoted to crowd control duty in Erebrus."

As the souls gasped and quietly muttered among themselves, Polysemantor stalked away with Cerberus following at his heels. I just stood there, forlorn and useless. I eavesdropped anxiously as they spoke among themselves.

"Unheard of!" one of the souls whispered.

"He wants her to skip the line?"

"It's at least a 60 years wait, everyone will want to cut ahead…"

"Would he really send us to Erebrus? The new souls are so annoying…"

"Do you think he'd let us take a pay cut instead?"

After much argument and furtive glances in my direction (as if I were not standing right next to them) the souls broke out of their hurdle.

"Come along now," said one of them with mock cheer. They hustled me back to the Styx, gave Charon so much gold that it weighed down his boat, and accompanied me to the other side. They walked me over to what looked like the opening in a cavern and gave me another bag of gold.

"Listen carefully," spoke one of the souls, slowly and clearly. "First you leave through that exit right here. Once you're out in the world of the living, you must kill yourself. Make sure you're actually dead. Then let Hermes bring you to the underworld. Then cut to the front of the line, give Charon this gold, and after that you can drink from Lethe."

I almost asked why I couldn't just drink from the Lethe now, but chose to not give them that idea. Instead, I asked how I was to kill myself. I had no intention of doing so, but it seemed the right question to ask.

"How are we to know?" the soul shrugged. "We're already dead." He nudged me along. "Now go!"

Clutching my bag of gold, I half walked, half skipped past the opening of the cave and into the world of the living. I could not believe my luck, I was to live again, to delay the dreariness of Asphodel. I turned my face up towards the sun, and then…

"E.S.E. Halt!" someone shouted from behind me.

I halted. Bandits, I thought. I glanced down at the bag of gold I had dropped at my feet.

"Put your hands behind your head!"

I obeyed. The speaker sounded very angry.

"Turn around. Slowly!"

At least the bandits would save me the trouble of killing myself. I sighed and started to turn. Then, in a flash of bronze, about 20 people jumped on me. I screamed and tripped onto my back.

"Stop resisting! Stop resisting!" the bandits cried, while beating me with their sticks.

I screamed, struggled, and raised my arms to protect my face only to realize that I felt no blows. I blinked and saw that the bandits had stopped beating me as well. They looked astonished. I also saw that they wore the same armor of the soldiers I had seen in the underworld. One of them put his hand against my arm, but his hand went straight through me as if he were nothing but mist.

"Sorry miss, didn't know you were still alive," he stammered. "Just doing our jobs, you know." He touched the base of his helmet. "Escaped Soul Enforcement at your service."

"No grudge is held," I replied graciously. I picked up the bag of gold and started to go along on my merry way.

"You have to kill yourself!" called one of the bureaucrat souls that had been watching the entire scene. "We need you to drink from the Lethe by tomorrow!"

I waved without turning back. "I have till tomorrow!" I responded. Meanwhile, I was starving. Surely Charon would not mind if his bag of gold was a little lighter. I wanted to eat everything. I would enjoy life to its fullest while I still could.

While on my way to civilization (and a bazaar with lots of food) I found a small, open air shrine dedicated to Demeter, patron goddess of my home Eleusis. Ever the priestess, I laid a coin upon the altar and poured a libation from the jug of water. I knelt and kissed the ground. When I looked up, two beautiful and noble priestesses had appeared out of nowhere.

"Bow before the lady," the first one commanded.

"I am bowing," I stated obviously. Couldn't the ninny see what I was doing?

The first woman opened her mouth but the second priestess put a restraining hand on her arm.

"You should eat first," she said kindly. A feast suited for kings appeared on the altar.

I gasped and pressed my forehead to the dirt. "This humble wretch greets Potnia Demeter!" I managed.