CHAPTER 13

Olivia and Dana sit in the waiting room, while Elliot is in physical therapy. Olivia plays with her fingers, somewhat nervous of the awkward silence between herself and Dana. Dana also feels this silence but doesn't want to push Olivia, knowing she is fragile right now.

"Dana? How did you stay so strong after you were raped? You never faltered, never broke. I don't think I can do this, I don't think I can go on anymore. He haunts me. I know he's dead, I know this was a set up but I just can't shake the memories." Olivia was scared, of herself, her own mind.

"Oh sweetheart. I wasn't strong. I was scared out of my mind. I check the parole sheet everyday, scared to death that Coleman's name will be on it. I have nightmares about him. I feel his touch, I feel him inside me. I have my good days and my bad. Sometimes I can get through a whole day and not think about him. Other days I can't make it fifteen minutes. Sweetie, it never goes away but it does get easier. You need to talk to someone first of all. Secondly, you need to let Elliot in. Let him support you. I would have never survived without Alec." Dana was sympathic, understanding. She wanted to be honest with Olivia.

"How did you get past the sudden, overwhelming images that flood your mind at the most inopportune times? Sometimes I'll be in the shower, or talking with Cap and he just overtakes my mind. I can't stop it." Olivia is tearing up a little. She is trying hard not to cry, not to make a fool of herself in the waiting room. She feels she has made a fool of herself in from of enough people.

"Liv, your best hope is to let Elliot in. When you have these episodes of memories, talk to him. Tell him what's going through your mind. Let him know how the memories are making you feel. Don't own the memories; let them come, then let them out, to someone safe. There have been many times, still to this day, when Alec and I have been together, making love, and he will touch me in a way that catapults me back to that night. He loves me. He understands. We will talk about it. Just talking to him makes me feel better. He's gentle with me. Let's me take my time and he never judges me or gets frustrated with me. He loves me, Olivia, and Elliot loves you. Trust him, believe in him. Liv, it's ok." Olivia is silently crying. She knows Dana is right, as right as anyone could ever be. Just as she looks to at Dana, Elliot comes through the door.

"El! Wha? Really? This is wonderful! You feel ok?" Olivia is thrilled at the sight of Elliot actually walking out of the therapy room. He is using a walker, but this is one of the most beautiful sights she has ever seen. She limps up to him, throws her arms around him and kisses him. The kiss lasts a little longer than a kiss in a doctor's office should but neither of them cared. They were both so happy.

"Congrats Elliot. This is wonderful." Dana gave him a hug, happy for him, happy for them both.

Squad Room

Dana, Elliot, and Olivia enter the squad room, still reeling over Elliot's wonderful progress.

"Hey man, nice to see you on you're feet. How's it feel?" Fin was happy to see Elliot up.

"Feel's great! I am so happy. They told me not to over do it but I don't know if I can stop!" Olivia could see the spark in Elliot's eyes. His excitement was overwhelming, spilling onto her. She loved seeing him so happy.

"Benson! Stabler! Lewis! My office." Cragen was stern, yet he was just as happy for Elliot as everyone else.

As they entered Cragen's office, they saw Cragen at his desk and Ericks, Dana's boss, in a chair to the side. Dana got a chair for Elliot, Olivia sat down, then Dana sat, all looking, nervously, around the room.

"Ericks, you find anything?" Cragen asked, not wasting anytime.

"Porter was in charge of the operation. The plan was to have Harris killed. He became a prison informant for some Mexican drug lords. Porter thought it wouldn't tip his "higher ups" if it looked like he messed up and got shot. Stabler, you were supposed to find them right away and shoot him and get Benson before she got hurt. Harris pulled some strings he still had to have his parole notification delayed so he had time to set his plan into motion. That's why it took you so long. Harris' plans were different than Porter's. Porter never thought it though. Since Harris was a CO, he had contacts on the inside. Olivia. Elliot. I know there are no words to make up for what happened but on behalf of the FBI, I am truly sorry."

"What's happening with Porter?" Olivia asked quietly.

"Porter is in a whole heap of trouble. He is on unpaid suspension, indefinatly, until the bureau can decide what actions to take. He has been ordered to stay at least 500 yards from you three and Fin. If he leaves the city, he will be held in contempt. We need to get his full story before we can make a decision. I will keep you informed as his case progresses. Again, I am so sorry, to all three of you. This should have never have happened. If any of you need anything, please let me know. I will do whatever it takes to help you guys out." Ericks stands to leave. He shakes Cragen's hand, then Elliot's, then Dana's. Finally he goes to Olivia, takes her hand and looks her in the eyes, "Olivia, I know it doesn't change what happened but I truly am sorry for everything Harris did to you, because of Porter."

"Thanks." Olivia is still soft in her tone. Ericks walks out and Dana and Elliot get up to leave also. Olivia looks at Cragen and says "Guys, can you give me a minute. I need to talk to Cap."

"Sure, we'll wait for you in the squad room" Elliot says as he pats her shoulder, reassuring her.

The door closes and Cragen speaks before Olivia has the chance. "Olivia, I found a therapist that I think will work for you. Her name is Dr. McMannis. I took the liberty of making your appointments. She has an hour set aside for you and Elliot separately, then an hour together. Here's the address. The first appointment is at 10 am tomorrow. I really think I will be good for you guys. When she feels you both are ready, she will clear you to come back to work. In the meantime, let yourselves heal, both mentally and physically. We need you both back here. You are my best detectives."

"Thanks Cap, for everything." Olivia was good with what Cragen had just told her. She was not sure however, how Elliot would go for it.