Susie felt herself gently falling, like she was descending through water. The air around her was cold and hollow. She looked around but all she saw was the void, an inky blackness that stared straight back at her. She let her legs hang below her and eventually felt hard ground beneath her feet. She settled on it, the void continuing to encompass all around her. She looked down and clearly saw herself, dressed in the outfit she went to bed in. She slowly began walking through the void, looking for anything that might tell her where she was. She eventually came across a small, familiar house. She saw a light lit in one of its windows, and heard the soft, tell-tale tinny sound of voices coming from a T.V. She stepped up to the door, reached out a hand towards the doorknob, then hesitated. Some thoughts wormed their way into her head; What if he wasn't home? What if he was busy? What if he didn't like what she was wearing? Then, some more familiar thoughts began to form; What if he didn't want to see her? What if he was disgusted by her? What if he turned her away? What if...
The thoughts were swirling in her mind as she heard the click of a lock from behind the door. She pulled her hand back and saw the doorknob slowly turning. She stepped back quickly and the door opened to reveal Kris, standing there in his everyday attire. He stared silently at her, judging her appearance and seeming more bothered than happy to see her. Or, so it seemed to Susie.
Susie cleared her throat before addressing him. "Uh, 'sup dude?"
He stared silently at her. She felt herself becoming like a wilting flower under his gaze. Why wasn't he saying anything? He wasn't much of a talker, but even he would've at least responded. She rubbed the back of her head, messing up her already messed up hair.
"What's with the silent treatment? Did I do something wrong?"
She was met with more silence, and she began to get into a frustrated ramble. "Look, I know I'm not perfect, but you don't gotta blow me off. I thought we were cool, I thought we had an understanding. I chose you over Noelle and I thought you'd be grateful. I mean, I know I'm no prize, and you could probably do a lot better. I know any girl in town would be happy to be dating you and that you just settled for me because we had one little adventure together."
She felt herself slump forward, becoming dejected. "I know I'm not pretty. I know you don't look at me like you probably look at other girls. I know that being friends with me means other people don't want to be friends with you. I know that dating me is a burden. I know you probably want to be with someone else. I know-"
She was cut off by a sudden feeling around her midsection. She looked down to see Kris... hugging her? When did that happen? She slowly lifted her arms and wrapped them around Kris, settling into a familiar embrace. She began to shudder, her composure beginning to slip. 'Don't cry,' she thought to herself. 'Don't you dare cry you weak, pathetic loser. Don't let him see this. Don't let him hear this. Don't drive him away.' She took in a shaky breath. Kris looked up at her, his eyes hidden behind his hair.
"Don't look at me!" She said hurriedly, turning her face from his. "Please don't look. I'm strong, I'm tough. I don't need to cry, I don't want to cry, I don't... I don't..."
She felt a gentle hand on her cheek, and she shut her eyes. It pushed her head to face his. She stared blindly at him behind tightly shut, wet eyelids. The tears began to flow, and she began to shudder from repressing her urge to fall into deep sobs. Then she heard it; the gentle, familiar sound of his voice.
"Susie."
She opened her eyes, and Kris was much closer now, staring back into her eyes with a gentle smile. He leaned closer, closer, closer than he ever had on his own. Her eyes grew wide as his lips approached hers. Then, just before their lips touched, he spoke again.
"Wake up."
Susie's eye's blearily opened, the crust on them pulling at her eyelashes. She looked around her dark room. It was rather spartanly, with a dresser against one wall, full body mirror on her closet door and a small collection of weights in the corner as the most prominent decorations. On her dresser was a pair of picture frames, one with a younger Susie and her dad making faces into the camera, and another that was empty. Next to them was a small pile of magazines, mostly consisting of boxing updates and video game consumer news. On top of the pile was an old cassette player her dad had given her. She hadn't really used it much, but she did like some of the cassettes her dad had and this was the only way to listen to them. Next to the pile was a coffee mug, painted poorly with mismatched watercolor paints. On the side facing her it read "The Dillon Family" in poorly written letters with a few of the letters backwards.
She sighed and threw back her covers. She was dressed in a stained, loose white tank top and gray sweatpants. She pushed herself up and threw her legs over the side of her uncovered mattress. It was laying on the floor at an angle near the wall opposite her door. She stood up, stretched and checked the clock on the floor next to her mattress. It read as a few minutes after six o'clock. A little earlier than normal, but it wouldn't kill her to get up a bit early.
She moved to her door and opened it to a dimly lit hallway. Light from her kitchen window was pouring into the living room, and the door to the hallway was wide open, letting bits of the morning light through it. 'Dad must have been in a hurry' she thought to herself as she walked into the living room. She made her way from the living room to the small kitchen. Against the wall was a countertop which turned at a right angle and ran along another wall to the fridge. The counter consisted of a set of drawers that were mostly empty, a folding door that covered a rotating shelf, an electric stove and a dishwasher that hadn't worked for as long as she could remember. Sitting on top of the counter was a bread box, a microwave and a plate of cold eggs and bacon.
Susie picked up the plate and tore off a bit of cold egg from the pile with her fingers, tossing the fluffy piece into her mouth. She may get up later than her dad, but he'd be damned if she was gonna miss a meal. She leaned against the counter and dug in, musing over her dream as she ate.
'The hell was that about?' She thought to herself. 'I mean, that seemed like how he'd react. Right up until...' She blushed intensely to herself. 'Fuck. We're a real pair of losers, aren't we? Whatever. One of us will get the balls to do it... maybe...'
She pulled at a limp piece of bacon as a thought occurred to her. 'Maybe... maybe I should be the one to kick it off. Kris is a nice guy, he's not gonna do anything without being sure I want it. The problem is he never knows if I want anything. He's timid, he doesn't wanna step on any toes. He's scared to take a leap. He just needs a push, a strong... small... gentle...'She gulped down more than the last piece of bacon.
'God, why does this have to be so hard!' She thought loudly in the void of her mind. 'I just wanna pull him into a hug so tight he snaps and kiss him until we both suffocate! Why can't it just happen!?' She tossed the plastic plate violently into the empty sink, where it bounced back out and fell to the floor. She stared down at the plate, letting out a frustrated sigh. She rubbed her hand across her face and leaned down to pick up the plate.
What if he doesn't want to?
She paused. The thought had occurred to her that he may be just humoring her, but she figured he wouldn't've invited her to his house if he was. But she always had that creeping doubt, that ever present shadow that he didn't actually love her. That it was all a joke, a prank being played at her own expense. She looked into the reflective surface of the plastic, barely making out her face in the garish purple base. She just stared for a moment.
'What's not to love?' She thought sarcastically. 'I'm the tallest girl in class, I'm stronger than all the boys, I have a face only a father could love...'
Or a human...
She blushed again, grabbing the plate quickly and placing it into the sink with a greater degree of care than before. She walked hurriedly away from that thought and to her room, but it chased her at the same speed.
'What does he see in me?' She thought with a degree of curiosity as she shut her door. 'I mean, does he just have a thing for monsters taller than him? Is it my "attractive and glowing" personality? Hell, is he just into getting his ass kicked?'
She slipped out of her pajamas and into a different outfit; a gray tee shirt, gray sweat pants and a pair of old workout shoes. She walked over to her mirror, ready to start the process again. She stood in front of it, glancing at the visage of a tall, muscular, purple...
'Loser.' She completed in her head. 'But, if I'm gonna be a loser, I'm at least gonna be a strong loser.'
She flexed her right arm and looked at it in the mirror. A noticeable muscle bulged from her bicep and the muscles tensed in her forearm. Satisfied, she tested the opposite arm. Much the same happened. She brought her arms outward to her sides, then brought her fists up and toward her head, flexing both arms. More muscles answered her call. She continued to flex in her mirror, getting a little into it with grunts of effort. Eventually she stopped, smirking.
Then she fell into a loose battle stance. She bounced back and forth, side to side, doing feinting head bobs to her mirrored self. Then she let out a straight punch, ducked and brought an uppercut up to meet the air. She fell back, let out a jab, jab, duck around the counter, jab into a right hook. She practiced this routine everyday, shadow boxing herself so she never got rusty. As she brought her finishing blow to bear, she suddenly remembered last night and she faltered.
Huffing and puffing, she rubbed some sweat from her brow. 'Dammit, don't tell me this is gonna happen if I ever fight anyone.' She thought to herself. She rolled her shoulders and flicked her arms out, getting the tension out of them. 'I don't need to be thinking about Kris when I wanna kick some ass.'
I always let my mind drift.
'Gotta focus.' She thought. 'Can't get distracted.'
He's only a distraction.
'Gotta push stuff outta my mind.'
A very cute distraction.
'He is kinda cute.'
With his messy hair...
'And dreamy eyes...'
And the way he looks at me...
She stopped for a moment. 'The way he looks at me...' She thought back to the dream and every encounter they had. Each time she was waiting to be chastised, to be hurt with words. But he never glared at her with any degree of seriousness. He never looked down on her. He never even asked her to... change. She looked down at her hand and flexed her fingers, flicking out the little claws she had.
'Dad always said I had to be careful. That because I'm a dragon, people will want to manipulate me. To use me then toss me aside. To fight me to prove how strong they are.' She flexed her fingers forward, retracting her claws. 'But no one wants to fight me, they're too scared. They all would rather look down on me. They'd rather talk behind my back. Not because I'm stronger than them, or because I can fight better than them. But because they're afraid of what I'll do when I hear it.'
She closed her hand into a fist. 'Because we're poorer than most people. Because I don't have nice clothes. Because I gotta use old phones and old sneakers and a cassette player. Because no one likes me, because I'm a bully, a loser, a nothing.'
Two people like me.
Her knuckles went pale at the thought. 'Do they, though? Noelle may just have a crush. And Kris... he can't know what he wants. Not if he's into me. They both are just dumbasses who fell for the strong girl.'
I'm not strong.
'I get mad like everyone else. I get flustered like everyone else. I... cry, like everyone else.' She unclenched her fist and looked at herself in the mirror again. 'What could they possibly see in me?'
She sighed before going to her dresser and pulling out some clean clothes. She then marched to the bathroom for a shower.