Chapter 4 - The Murk

Revised on 1/4/12.

When I met with the aliens, I was reminded of a meeting between in-laws, or perhaps a job interview. Taruto seemed to welcome me (in his awkward, 10-year-old-boy way), although Kisshu appeared somewhat hesitant. I was now a spy of sorts… a double agent, so to speak. I never really saw myself as the spy type; that was more of Uri's territory. I learned more about Kisshu and Taruto – and, by association, Pai – through extensive conversation.

When it was time for me to go home, Pai looked at me – his eyes still glowing in the gloom of the maroon space – and very lightly, as if I would break on contact, touched my elbow. I immediately knew what it meant, because he had done it many times before when he needed to return me home. I glanced at him, and then said goodbye to Kisshu and Taruto. I stood up, waved goodbye, and closed my eyes. When I opened them, I was in my room, Pai by my side.

I turned to him, smiling. "That was a little strange, but I'm glad to have met them." I said as he nodded, his face calm and serene.

"I am pleased that you are friendly with them." He said. I smiled, glancing at me feet.

"You… Kisshu and Taruto too…" I began. I heard him turn his head to look at me. "All three of you are not much different from humans…" I looked out the window, my smile fading as I realized that something felt very wrong. Slowly, I turned my head to him glaring at me, his

"We are not like humans." Pai growled. I took a wary step back, eyeing him nervously. This was the first time that he had expressed any anger towards me. I felt the cold wall against my back as I continued to retreat, due to him advancing. His footsteps were soft, almost silent as he drew nearer, his tall figure towering over me as he closed the gap between us, leaving only an few inches. I saw his pale hand moving toward me, illuminated by a distant street lamp outside.

I was terrified.

I knew that he was stronger than me, and having no prior knowledge of how he expressed his anger only served to increase my apprehension.

"I'm sorry, Pai-san," I whispered as I stared at him. I saw his right ear twitch at the sound of his name. "I don't mean that you're similar in your beliefs, but I was just noting that you have similar mannerisms…" His eyes pierced mine as he cupped my chin too tightly, causing me to wince in pain.

"Since we've been around so much longer, perhaps the humans got it from us." He said coolly, his slight accent making the words sound stranger, and in a way, more frightening. "As a species, we are much more advanced. Surely you know that, or else you would probably ally yourself with your own ..." As he paused, I saw his eyes wander along my body, his face blank. "Species." He finished, sounding almost uncertain at the use of the word. He then looked into my eyes, releasing my chin to run his right hand through my hair, lightly holding the back of my neck with his left. I saw him look down at my mew mark that rested just below my collarbone, and just above the collar of my sundress. I shivered as he delicately ran his fingers along the shape of the light pink mark.

"But since you don't ally yourself with them, it seems a bit odd that you should retain this mark." He hissed, rubbing the mark with his thumb, as if he were trying to rub it out of my skin. "You're ours."

I simply stared at him, unsure of what to do. "Pai-san," I began. He looked into my eyes, his gaze sharp and focused. "You're scaring me." He removed his hand and took a step back, then turned around.

"I apologize." He said coldly, his words sounding insincere. I stared at the back of his head, unsure of what to do. We stood in silence for several minutes, until he finally spoke. "I should leave." He said, turning his head slightly to look over his shoulder. I began to feel the sting of tears in my eyes as he turned his head again to look to his front.

"Please don't go." I said quietly, my hands shaking.

Silence.

"Why not?" He asked, his tone flat.

Silence again.

"I don't want to be alone." I whispered.

"You do not need me here." He said bluntly, still not looking at me.

"Yes, I do." I said, feeling the first tear trickle down my cheek. "I…"

I needed to say it, although I knew that it was unlikely that my feelings would be reciprocated.

"I think I love you…" I said, wanting to pull the words back as soon as they left my mouth.

He said nothing for a while.

Finally, he turned around, glaring at me. I wished that I were a ghost so that I could slide into the wall behind me.

"I was mistaken, then." He hissed. "You are a fool." And then the air grew stale and he disappeared.

After he was gone, I stood staring at where he had been standing, tears falling steadily now. It felt like I had been standing there for hours until I finally walked over to my bed and sat down on it. I pulled off my clothes, abandoning them on the floor, and then I shuffled through my doll-making supplies until I found my razor. I stared at it for a few moments until shifted my leg and began to carve his name into the outside of my thigh. I watched it bleed for a while until I began to feel woozy, and I lay back on my bed.

Although it was not the sweetest lullaby, I fell asleep to the memory of his cold, heartless words, the wound on my leg throbbing with his name.

That night, I dreamt of a desolate place, the ruins of my home. My dear 'friends' cried out to me, telling me that it wasn't too late. How would they know? It had been too late for a long time. I saw him then, standing in a shroud of darkness, his darks robes camouflaging him in the murk.

I tried to say his name, but not a sound emerged. I grabbed at my throat, but I found that it was missing. I saw it then, there in his hands: an old music box, rusted and broken down from disuse.

"Are you awake, Retasu?" He asked me. I tried to say no, but no words came out. "I'm sorry," He said, remorse resonating in his voice. "I think I love you too." With that, he dropped the music box, and upon hitting the ground, it turned into nothing but a pile of useless gears. I slowly started to black out, pain searing into my leg.

When I awoke, my leg was bandaged, although the blood was starting to seep through. When I looked over at my bedside table, I found a single note upon it, in messy kanji.

I'm sorry. Don't hurt yourself anymore.