"So apart from the fucked up buildings and creepy gushy love-love crap this world doesn't have cigs? Shit's so messed up."
"Huh? This world? What?"
Izaya picked up his now wet jacket and wringed it a bit.
"To make this less confusing, I'm Izaya, he's Shizuo. We come from a parallel universe, or whatever you want to call it, in which Tokyo isn't Desperate Housewives. Nice to meet you and congrats on your video skills, that porn was hot."
Shizzy blushed, Izzy giggled very much like a schoolgirl.
"That was private- and what do you mean, parallel universe?"
Izaya picked up some clothes from a closet and handed Shizuo something dry to wear as well. He then flipped open his cell phone and displayed a picture of city at night. Shizzy looked at it and blinked confusedly.
"That's Tokyo…?"
"Indeed it is! Our Tokyo, at least. And so far it seems to beat yours by far."
Izzy stepped from the cover of Shizuo's body and looked at the tall buildings illuminated in neon light.
"Oh, this city looks amazing! I want to visit."
Izaya gave him a thumbs up.
"I'll give you a personal tour one of these days. I know Tokyo inside out."
Shizuo mumbled darkly,
"Just don't get near Ikebukuro, I've fucking told you this a million times."
"This is Shibuya, though. You didn't say a thing about Shibuya."
Shizuo barked.
"You know what I meant!"
Izzy leaned against Shizzy, half going through the pictures in the phone and half looking at Shizuo and Izaya.
"So, what do you guys do in this city?"
Shizzy glanced at his partner.
"Izzy, we shouldn't be talking with these people."
"Why not? Aren't you curious about them? This is absolutely amazing! Sure, the wrecked window downstairs and the dirty bed covers are not nice but it's kind of hot that they watched our video."
Shizuo pointed at Shizzy.
"Couldn't you find a decent girlfriend? Izayas are bad news. All of them."
Izaya waved dismissively.
"Yeah, yeah. Anyway, Shizuo here is a bouncer at a bar-"
"It's called 'bartender'! Don't make it sound shady!"
"-and I deal with information."
Izzy turned to Shizzy and beamed.
"Isn't it great? They're like us and just like us they're a couple! It goes to show our love exists in all layers of reality."
Shizuo grew positively pale with rage.
"Are you fucking stupid? I don't love this louse, love my fucking ass! I hate Izaya! He's made my life a living hell, he's a dirty lowlife, a filthy thief!"
Izzy looked puzzled.
"But just now…you were having sex, so-"
"Ah well, I suppose this makes us sex buddies. Right, Shizu-chan?"
"Go die in a ditch, I'm not your buddy in any way. You're a slut and Ikebukuro's cum dump."
Izaya shrugged. Same old.
"Mister, you look like me but you seem to have severe anger management issues. Have you considered trying yoga?"
Shizuo gritted his teeth.
"How about I punch your face in?"
"Violence doesn't solve anything."
"You heard him, Shizu-chan! Actually, if you want to be Freudian about it, the reason why your temper is so short is because you're sublimating your sexual needs and channeling them into violence."
Shizuo was about to go on a bloody rampage so Izaya decided to backpedal rapidly.
"On a more serious note, how did you end up here? I was just about to reach the Sunshine building when-"
"I told you not to set a foot in Ikebukuro! Bet that was what triggered all this!"
"You do realize that doesn't make any sense?"
"Whatever. Fuck this."
"Just try to remember what you were doing at the time."
Izzy and Shizzy took seats and watched their counterparts as one would watch a soap opera.
"I was taking a break when I heard you were prancing about like the disrespectful bitch you are. So I got a sign post and charged ahead in the hopes of finding you, when I was close to the Sunshine Tokyo disappeared and I was in this trippy place. That's when I saw fucking Izzy here driving and chased him here."
"Hmm…so maybe the Sunshine building is connected, somehow."
They were considering this, or at least Izaya was, when Izzy chimed in.
"Let's have lunch! I'm sure we'll think of something once we have some food in our bellies."