Alfred felt guilty. Incredibly guilty as he drove away from home the morning after the next leaving his husband alone with their month old- and recently diagnosed as colicky- son. The house was silent when Alfred kissed Arthur goodbye, but he knew it wouldn't be for long. It was only a matter of time before little Charlie cracked his little sky blue eyes open and began wailing like a banshee. "Are you positively sure you don't want me to talk to my boss?" Alfred inquired curiously. The American had offered to talk things over with his supervisor and try and work out some sort of deal so that Alfred could remain home and help Arthur take care of Charlie without getting fired.
"No, no like I said we need the income and we can't have you losing your job, now can we?" Arthur assured the other man as he smoothed down the lapels of Alfred's navy pinstripe suit and adjusted the American's tie.
Alfred pressed his lips together and remained unconvinced, but didn't press the issue further seeing as how if he began making an argument he really would be late for work. "Alright well… I'll come home as soon as I can and if you need anything- anything at all- just call me and I'll be there in hurry, alright? Remember I'm super dad."
Arthur smiled gently and released a small sigh. "Of course you are, love. Don't worry Charlie and I will be perfectly fine. Now you go on and get moving you're going to be late for work."
Alfred released a small withheld sigh. "Well then… I guess I better get going. I'll be home soon. I love you Arthur." The American said as he leaned forward and planted a small tender goodbye kiss on the Briton's thin pink lips.
"There's no rush pet, I love you too." Arthur said as he returned the kiss. With that statement Alfred left the temporarily silent home and headed off to work with a heavy heart; only hoping that Arthur's so called 'strong constitution' would last.
Arthur watched wistfully from the window as Alfred's car slowly disappeared on the horizon. The Briton worried his lower lip as the curtains of the front window slipped away from his grasp and fell back into place. In all honesty Arthur didn't want Alfred to leave. Not only did the house seem slightly empty without his ever exuberant presence (The American had been home for practically an entire month since Charlie had been born) but Arthur really did wish he could have some help with the baby. Maybe he could hire a nanny…? No, no he couldn't do that. Arthur was not going to throw in the towel and take the easy road out just so he could spare himself a bit of crying and some soiled diapers. Besides the first few years of life we excellent bonding times between children and their parents and there was no way Arthur was going to let this once in a life time opportunity pass him by.
He could do this. Yes he could. He was confident. Whenever Charlie cried or fussed Arthur would do everything in his power to comfort the little boy and hopefully his hard work would pay off. Confidence, optimism, and perseverance those were the keys to success and Arthur had them all on the ring. He could do this. He could do this.
The familiar sound of Charlie's cries echoed out from the baby monitor on the foyer table pulling Arthur out of his inner pep talk. The Briton's gaze fluttered to where the stairs lay and he released a heavy withheld sigh. "Don't let yourself get all discouraged, old boy." Arthur reminded himself as he pulled his robe tighter over his torso and headed up the stairs to tend to his wailing son. I can do this… I can do this… Arthur religiously chanted to himself and he would continue to the next day… and the next day… and the next day… and the next day…
Before long it had been nearly a week since Alfred returned to work full time. He would leave every morning when the house was still silent and return home as soon as the clock struck four. He would come home to Arthur either pacing in the living room or sitting on the couch or in the rocking chair in the nursery with a squirming, wailing Charlie cradled in his arms. Alfred was pained to see the way Arthur had begun changing during those few days. His face became paler, stark against the dark circles that began to form under his eyes which had started to lose to bright gleam. His usually messy gold blonde hair was even more mused and tangled and he hardly ever got out of his pajamas save for the few times he had to trek out to the store to retrieve food for dinner or supplies for Charlie.
Alfred would do his best to help Arthur out as soon as he arrived home- scooping up Charlie and telling Arthur to go do something he needed to (i.e.; sleep, eat, shower- the essentials that had someone started to lose their importance during that first week of chaos). At night Alfred would try and comfort his stressed husband with a loving kiss, a bit of cuddling, or a relaxing massage, but Arthur seemed so distant. Whenever the couple kissed Arthur's heart was never in it the way it used to be. When the two went to sleep they used to stay tangled within each other's embrace as they drifted off, but nowadays Arthur merely crawled into his side of the bed and stayed there with his back turned towards Alfred. Arthur stopped packing one of his weirdo scones in Alfred's lunch (actually he just stopped making Alfred's lunch in general). When Alfred would take the time to write a little love message on the mirror covered in steam during Arthur's showers the Briton wouldn't laugh and smile at the notion anymore, but merely wipe away the steam with a hand towel. And forget about sex. Alfred couldn't even remember the last time he and Arthur had spent a night of heated love making together.
What was happening to him? This was not the same man Alfred had remembered from the week before. He was so far away and Alfred just couldn't reach him.
Alfred sat in his office one afternoon; leaning back in his swivel chair with his feet kicked up on the desk. The American released a heavy sigh as he draped his forearm over his eyes to block out the harsh day time sun that flittered through his window. What was he going to do? There was nothing he could do. No matter how many times he tried to get through to Arthur the Briton would only increase his defenses further. How was Alfred supposed to help his husband if Arthur wouldn't even listen?
"Bad day?" A familiar voice floated from the open door way.
Alfred lifted his forearm slightly to see just who had invaded in on his stress time when he spotted his co-worker, Jack, standing there with his hands casually shoved into his pockets. "You have no idea." Alfred groaned as he placed his arm back over his eyes.
"Let me guess, something between you and Arthur involving Charlie?" The black haired man inquired as he casually strolled into the room.
Alfred nodded, "I don't know what to do Jack. Ever since Charlie started getting all colicky Arthur's been getting so distant. He never smiles; he hardly talks to me or even looks at me for that matter. We haven't really kissed in ages and forget about sex- he won't even cuddle. He looks awful. His eyes are dull and have dark circles all around them. He's getting paler and I swear to god I think he's losing weight and he was really thin to begin with." Before Alfred could even stop himself he began ranting onto Jack about all his home troubles- only wanting to get the weight of all his stresses off his chest. "I'm… I'm just so worried about him Jack. He looks awful and I can't help feeling that somehow it's my fault because I had to go back to work…" If only Alfred had insisted he stay home then maybe they couple wouldn't be in this situation. Sure they'd both be a bit stressed, but splitting the stress with someone else was always much better than enduring it alone.
"Well Al… if I was to give you my unprofessional yet educational opinion, I'd say Arthur's got himself a case of postpartum-depression."
Alfred stared over at Jack- his expression blank and somewhat confused. "Postparta- who now?" Alfred echoed (or at least sort of) back to his co-worker.
The black haired man sighed and shook his head slightly, "Postpartum- depression- otherwise known as the baby blues- it's something that women can suffer from after childbirth. Basically what it is when that person feels sad, lonely, over come with anxiety, and over exhausted."
Well that certainly sounded like Arthur, but there was one problem in that equation. Arthur wasn't a woman and wasn't the one to give birth to Charlie so had could this postpar… postparti… depression thingy, be affecting him. "But Jack, Arthur's a dude and it's not like he's the one who had Charlie." Alfred protested against Jack's diagnosis.
"Well… maybe he doesn't have to be a woman. It could just be from the stress of having a new kid in general. I mean come on it changes so much. The list of things you can't do just goes on and on not to mention the fact you have barley anytime for yourself. It can be really frustrating on anyone dude or not." Jack explained. Well he did have a point which only added to Alfred's guilt. He was putting so much weight and responsibility on Arthur's shoulders while his remained near Scott free.
"That's it," Alfred proclaimed as he took his feet off the desk and stood up from his seat. "I'm leaving. I've been here way too long and shoving all the work of taking care of Charlie on Arthur." He said as he turned around and grabbed his brief case, shoving in a bunch of random papers into its square leather body. "I don't know and I don't care what you tell him just give the boss some kind of excuse because I gotta get home." Before Jack had anytime to say anything back to him Alfred was already out the door and gone half way down the hall way- shoving his arms in the sleeves of his coat as he did so.
"I can't believe I've been so insensitive and stupid…" Alfred scolded himself as he drove home as fast as the white speed limit signs would allow him. Alfred was a smart cookie (he wouldn't have the job he did if he wasn't) but he was incredibly dense and oblivious and that made him seem about as intelligent as a rock. Now that what was happening had been explained to him Arthur's distantness made so much more sense and all Alfred could do was kick himself for not seeing it sooner.
Alfred pulled into his driveway with a quick jerk of the steering wheel, slamming on the breaks and shifting the car into park before he flew out the front door- not even bothering to grab his brief case before he did so. He stomped up the steps and hastily shoved his key in the front door before nosily swinging it open. "Arthur!" He called out as he began to hurriedly take off his coat.
Arthur appeared out of nowhere, his eyes wild and a finger flying up to his mouth as he shushed Arthur with a low hiss. "For bloody fuck's sake don't come bust in here and cause a ruckus!" He hissed in a voice only similar to that of a venomous snake- green his burning with bitter acidity. "Charlie just stopped fussing long enough for a nap and I swear to the lord above if he wakes up because of you I will end you."
Alfred was sure that his momentarily stopped beating… either that or he just completely forgot how to breathe. When Alfred finally remembered how to fill his lungs with necessary air and was able to force words rise up from his throat they came out shaky and nervous, "… Okay… one… that was terrifying…" Arthur's bitter green gaze didn't lesson up in the slightest. "… Two… I've gotta talk to you so-!" Alfred was promptly cut off by the sound of Charlie's cries echoing down the stairs from his nursery.
Arthur nearly lost it. The Briton practically screamed as he fisted locks of his golden blonde hair within his pale hands, "Five minutes! He's not even asleep for five minutes and now he's up and crying again! For the sake of the queen can't I have one god damn moment to breathe without him bloody crying!" He shouted in his frustration.
"Artie… A-Arthur… okay let's just calm down for a minute…" Alfred chided soothingly as he attempted to calm his frazzled husband down.
"Don't you tell me to calm down! Why don't you stay here all day and have a baby crying in your ear from the moment you wake to the moment you finally collapse from exhaustion! Then you can talk come talk to me about calming down!" Arthur shouted- once again throwing a nasty glare in Alfred's direction before he began to storm up the stairs to go tend to his little boy.
"Arthur, hold on just a minute," Alfred demanded as he latches onto Arthur's wrist and pulled him back. "We need to talk about this."
"I can't just leave him up there to cry- he needs me Alfred!"
Alfred held his grip on Arthur strong, "He'll be fine for a few minutes." Alfred said as he began dragging him out to the back porch where Arthur would be free to yell without scaring poor Charlie. With as little force as necessary Alfred brought Arthur out back and pushed him into the room, closing the door shut behind them. "Alright Arthur, we seriously need to talk about this."
"About what?" Snapped back. "There's nothing to talk about! You go to work and make money to support us while I stay home day after day and tend to Charlie. That's it. Might as well call me a bloody house wife!" He snapped against as he tightly folded his arms over his chest.
"Okay well, number one, you're the one who wanted to stay home and do all your writing stuff so you can't blame me for that. And number two, if you wanted me to stay home all you had to do was say so, Arthur." Alfred retorted.
"Well Alfred, you can't just decide to randomly skip work whenever the hell you want! It's a job Alfred, not a come-in-whenever-you-damn-well-please-and-maybe-do-a-little-work thing!"
"I know that Arthur! I take my job seriously and you know that, but if you needed me to be home I'm sure I could work something out with my boss- maybe an extra day or two if I put in a bit of overtime." Alfred said.
"Absolutely not! You absolutely cannot afford to risk you losing your job- not now with a child to support."
"Then what do you want me to do Arthur? There's no way I can always be here to help with Charlie while being able to put in all the hours I need to at work."
"I don't need you to do anything!" Arthur practically screeched, stomping his foot on the ground and fisting his hands at his sides. "I am perfectly capable of taking care of my own son when he… when he…" Arthur's angry words died off in a low whisper. "Oh god Al… I just… I just can't take it anymore…" He nearly whimpered- voice cracking mid sentence. "All he does is cry, and cry, and cry all day long. I try to change him, he's dry. I try to feed him, he's not hungry. I try to put him down for a nap, he's not tired. I don't know what the bloody hell he wants from me… if this keeps up I'll… I'll just lose my mind…" He voice cracked again and tears sprung to the corner of his dull emerald eyes causing Alfred's guilt levels to sky rocket.
"Hey, hey now Artie, don't cry." Alfred cooed soothingly as he gripped Arthur's arm and gently pulled him into a comforting embrace.
"I'm not crying… bloody git…" The Briton whimpered (rather pathetically) as he half heartedly smacked his husband on the chest. Alfred merely hushed him quietly; gently stroking his unruly golden hair and rocking the two of them side to side in a soothing motion. "Oh god Alfred… I just can't take it... nothing I do keeps him happy…. I just can't take the screaming anymore…"
"I know Artie I know…," Arthur cooed. "Look here's what we'll do- you take the night off. Sleep, shower, write, embroider just do something you want to do. I'll call up Mattie and have him take Charlie for the night and-."
"No, no we can't do that to poor Matthew. We can't just call and say, 'We're dropping our colicky son off with you for the evening and as an added bonus we'll be there in 20 minutes." Arthur said as he pulled a bit out of Alfred's embrace so he could look his husband in the eye.
"I'm sure it'll be fine Arthur. I mean yeah its a little short notice, but Mattie won't mind especially if it's for the sake of your sanity." Alfred reassured. Arthur was reluctant- turning his gaze off to the side to avoid the look in Alfred's endless blue eyes. "Come on Artie… drop the gentleman attitude of yours just this once and let yourself have a bit of Arthur time, okay?"
Arthur turned his green gaze off to the side again- trying to avoid looking directly at that pleading and worried look that danced in Alfred's eyes. Arthur indeed didn't want to have to hindrance people with his problems (or maybe that was just his stubbornness to back down and give) and Matthew was to nice of a person to bother. Still… he was tried… so very, very tired. He was so mentally and physically drained that he was just about prepared to collapse on the floor on throw in the towel. "Well… w-well I… alright. But only for tonight, I won't bother Matthew any further after that. Ever."
Alfred smiled softly and gently kissed Arthur on the forehead with his confirmation of the baby sitting idea. It was about time too. "Don't worry about a thing Artie. I'm gonna go quick call Mattie and then I'm gonna go take care of Charlie." The Briton merely hummed out a word of agreement- closing his eyes slightly at the tender kiss before Alfred ran off back inside to tend to his duties. Arthur took in a deep breath and breathed it out in a long withheld sigh. I really had been a long time since he had been able to relax (Sure Alfred helped when he came home, but still Alfred's help didn't quiet the crying by much and that's what really got to him). It would be well… heavenly.
After a bit of pleading, begging, and maybe a bit of money exchanged under the table Matthew was over within twenty minutes to take Charlie, a bag full of bottles, diapers, toys, and clothes, and a promise to return the little boy by nine o' clock in the evening. Arthur sat sprawled out on the couch- his forearm resting over his eyes- as he reveled in the glorious, golden sound that was silence. "… I can't remember the last time I heard peace and quiet…" He grumbled.
"Nice isn't it?" Alfred said as he entered the room.
"Glorious." Arthur replied as he felt the couch dip by his feet signaling Alfred had sat down. "I just can't remember the last time I was able to just sit down and relax without being on edge about Charlie waking up."
"No need to worry about that now. You'll have all night to relax and even when Charlie comes back home you don't have to worry about a thing I'll take care of him. He's my son too so I should share the responsibility." Alfred soothed reassuringly as he a hand on Arthur's lower leg (seeing as how his upper body was out of reach).
Alfred gazed down at Arthur from over the hills of his knees- his eyes still dull and exhausted. "Thank you…" He muttered softly. "… I didn't mean to be so angry with you earlier it's just… god… I'm so tired. I haven't slept in days, I've hardly had anytime to eat, shave, or even really shower for that matter." Alfred bit back a 'yeah I've noticed' deeming it a bit too rude for this sensitive situation. "I just… I can't believe I never realized just how difficult child care is. Sure it was fine at first- a little aggravating at times, but I had generally gotten used to the new schedule. But ever since Charlie's gotten colic… it's been like hell on earth…" Alfred could have sworn that he saw Arthur shudder at the recollection of the never ending echo of Charlie's shrill wails.
"I know, I know… but don't worry I'm gonna help a lot more now." Alfred reassured his husband as he soothingly stroked his leg under the material of his khaki pants. "Why don't you go take a shower or a nap and I'll make you a super special and amazingly awesome dinner, how's that sound?" Alfred inquired as he flashed Arthur his famous brilliant smile.
"Sounds lovely…" Arthur replied back as a small smile graced his lips- the first smile Alfred had seen in seven long dreary days.
Arthur retreated upstairs to shower while Alfred began preparing dinner. As the American placed the meal in the oven to cook he decided ran upstairs to perform one test that would prove whether or not Arthur was returning to his former self. Alfred snuck in the bathroom- staying as quiet as possible- and wrote a love note on the mirror using the steam that had gathered on its reflective surface. He grinned to himself; confident in his husband's love for him as he once retreated back down the stairs to finished preparing the meal.
After another half an hour or so Alfred's super special amazing meal sat steaming and hot with the warm scent of spices and grilled meat wafting around in the air of the kitchen. "Arthur! Dinner's ready!" Alfred called as he put down the last glass on the table. There was no response; only the echo of silence and the small sound of Alfred's breathing. "Arthur!" The American attempted again, but it was to no avail. "Where is that man…?" Alfred muttered to himself as he strode down the hall way and up the stairs to inspect just where his husband had ended up.
Alfred headed for the bedroom first seeing as how that was the most likely place Arthur would have crashed after he had finished with his shower and luckily for Alfred he knew his husband all too well. The funny part of the situation was just how well Alfred did know his husband. On normal occasions Arthur would always sleep on his side or back, completely neat and curled up with only deep even breaths instead of loud obnoxious snores like his American counterpart. There was only one time when Arthur strayed from that habit and that was when he was truly, honest to god, I'm-so-tired-I-can-hardly-stand exhausted.
And this was one of those times.
Arthur laid flat out on his back, legs and arms sprawled out in awkward positions, mouth hanging wide open and ajar as low snore burbled their way up from his throat along with a small cord or drool from the corner of his mouth. He was dressed in only cotton pajama bottoms with his hair still wet and the towel still half hanging off his head. Alfred couldn't help, but smile to himself at the sight of his husband look so defenseless and innocent in his sleeping form. The feeling was so great in fact that Alfred couldn't even bear to wake the Briton from his peaceful slumber. The American quietly closed the door to block out the noise from Arthur's ears and merely retreated the bathroom to clean up seeing as how it didn't look like his husband had. Alfred gathered up the towels strewn on the floor and began to hang them up over the shower curtain pole to dry when he noticed something; something on the mirror. Underneath Alfred's previously written love message (faded away, but still with some legible remains) was a small heart with two 'A's written smack in the middle.
Alfred fondly smiled to himself again as he turned to the leave the bathroom now fully satisfied with the situation. "… Good to have you back Arthur…"
Sorry for the late update, but I've had so much stuff going on between school, color guard, drama auditions, and just general laziness and exhaustion. But I hope this chapter will help curb your appetite for USUK fluffiness. So this really wasn't a case of postpartum-depression (since it is actually very serious) but a mild form of the baby blues. I just wanted to confuse Alfred in the scene with Jack because I just love to mess with him.
Well in any case reviews are greatly appreciated lovies! Thanks so much for all your love and support so far! I'm eternally grateful! :D