I've skipped ahead a few months in this chapter. We're now in early June 1912, Rose is about 5 months along
Rose stared intently at the young children playing in the park, her mind in turmoil.
It had been two months since she and Jack had moved to Denver with Molly, her ribs had more or less healed so she was able to walk without support and her bruises were beginning to fade.
But as time passed and her physical wounds faded her pregnancy advanced, making it impossible to ignore.
Her stomach seemed to grow larger every day and she was still suffering from nausea and vomiting, not just in the mornings either, she was fairly certain that the concept of morning sickness had been generated by a man.
Other than the physical signs she had been avoiding the topic. In the beginning they had tried to broach the subject with her but she had always found a way to avoid the topic until eventually they had stopped talking about it, for which she had been extremely grateful.
But this morning she had woken up early, the sun had only just risen, kissed Jack goodbye, scribbled a quick note telling them were she was going and quietly let herself out of the house.
She had walked for miles through the streets of Denver, trying desperately to clear her head until eventually she had found herself at a small park.
For hours she sat on a bench, watching children play with their mother's or nannies trying desperately to feel something, to come to some sort of decision.
She was pregnant. She was seventeen and pregnant and not by Jack. By a man she despised. The man who had raped and abused her mercilessly.
It made her shudder just thinking of it.
She couldn't do this. There was no way she could do this, she was only seventeen, nowhere near ready to bare and raise a child.
But would she be saying this if she were pregnant by Jack?
Probably not, no. Jack was the warmest, most loving and caring man she had ever known. He had been with her every time she had need him. Comforting after she had nightmares, holding her hair back while she vomited, dealing with her seemingly constant mood swings, getting her whatever food she happened to be craving, no matter how bizarre and he had assured her over and over again that he was more than happy to do it and that he would help her raise the baby, and would care for it as if it was his own.
Rose couldn't believe how lucky she was to have found him, couldn't believe how strong her feelings were for him.
It doesn't make any sense, that's why I trust itFor all the doubt and uncertainty that plagued her life, he was the one thing she trusted implicitly. And she always would.
Could she really ask him to do this? Give up his freedom for a child that wasn't even his?
And then there was her worse fear. The fear that the baby would be born and she would resent it, would resent it's existence, the reason for it's existence.
She feared that every time she looked at the child she would see Cal.
And that terrified her.
She couldn't do that to a child, she couldn't do that to herself, it wasn't right.
With a deep breath she got up off the bench and walked home trying desperately to convince herself that this was for the best, that she was doing the right thing.
She found Molly in her office, sitting behind the desk, Jack was sitting in one of the chairs opposite her, and they appeared to be deep in conversation.
She hovered in the doorway trying to pluck up the courage to make herself known but Jack noticed her before she could.
"Hey! You're back! Where did you go?" his voice was caring, mildly concerned, nothing like the tone she would have received from Cal or her mother had she gone out without permission
"For a walk, explored the city for a while" she turned to Molly her heart thumping in her chest "Can I speak with you please?"
"Of course darlin' what can I do for you?" Rose moved over to sit on the other chair, she was acutely aware of both Molly and Jack's eyes on her but she avoided them, instead focusing on a painting above the desk
"I've been thinking about the… the uh baby. And I think I've made a decision"
"Oh?"
Rose nodded, this was it, no going back now "I want to give it up for adoption"
"Rose, are you sure? That's a big decision to make" Molly asked softly, Jack for his part remained silent grabbing for her hand and squeezing reassuringly.
"Yes" she nodded, trying hard not to cry "I'm not ready to have a baby, it wouldn't be fair on either of us"
Molly smiled "Okay darlin' I'll set it up"
"Would you mind?"
Molly shook her head "Of course not, I'll take care of everything, don't you worry about a thing"
Rose smiled gratefully suddenly feeling exhausted "thank you, I'm going to go and lie down" she pushed herself up off the seat and moved towards the stairs.
"Rose!" Jack caught up with her halfway up and grabbed her hand "Are you sure this is what you want?"
"Yes, I just don't think I'm ready, not yet"
He raised his hand brushed a stray curl from her forehead, his thumb lingering on her cheek "Okay, you know I'll support you whatever you want right?"
"I do, and I appreciate it" she smiled "Will you lay with me?"
"Of course" he replied leading her up the stairs