A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews, you guys are incredible.

Song "Displaced" by Azure Ray

It's just a simple line
I can still hear it all of the time
If I can just hold on tonight
I'll know that nothing
nothing survives
nothing survives

I think I'm turned around
I'm looking up not looking down
and when I'm standing still
watching you run
watching you fall, fall into me

Chapter 2

Booth's intake of breath was the only sound in the room. He felt as though he had been sucker punched, as though his bruises had bruises. Each time she had verbally struck out at him, he felt the black and blue marks, but he hadn't even tried to stop her. Maybe he had hoped that by letting her verbally assault him, she would somehow get to the pain inside herself. If she hit hard enough, maybe her words would ricochet off him, and maybe she would be able to feel again. But maybe he was wrong; maybe she was never going to feel again. He never once raised his voice to her; never once threw anything back in her face. He didn't feel like fighting with her; it was the last thing he wanted. He wanted his wife back. Whatever it took he was willing to shoulder it, to handle the blunt of her grief. Maybe in his own guilt some part of him thought he deserved it.

He had known she was about to do something drastic. He felt like he was on the brink of something catastrophic, but what could be worse than what had already happened? Thank God they had Cooper and Parker; otherwise she might do something... His heart broke off the thought. He couldn't contemplate any more loss. And now she wanted out. What would this do to them? He couldn't fathom the mere idea of her never being at the Jeffersonian again, never working a case by his side. They were partners! How could he go back to The Bureau and have a different partner?

"Bren," Angela's gentle voice brought some feel of normality to the room. "Don't you think it's a little rash to want to quit... I mean, we all understand that you need time to…"

"Understand?" Brennan's eyes rose accusingly, they reflected bitterness and sorrow. She didn't have control over her emotions anymore. They seemed to be on a one way roller coaster ride to hell, and she was powerless to stop them. She spewed it out sporadically, like a bubbling pot that had been simmering, reaching the boiling point, then over-flowing... spattering out chaotically every which way, hitting whoever happened to be there. Booth had taken the brunt of it, but the others had too.

Everyone had been more than patient and sympathetic, especially Booth. She knew they were devoted friends, and would do anything for her, but no one could change what happened. If only someone could.

Booth watched the torment on his wife's face. He had seen it time and time again; she had taken all the sorrow and disappointment out on him. The only time she seemed to let go of the sorrow was in the presence of little Cooper and Parker. With them, he saw shades of the soft Brennan he loved. Cooper and Parker were the only people they both had to cling to. Their son was their salvation, the anchor that kept them from giving into total devastation. He felt guilty about that too, about putting so much on one little boy, placing every hope he had left on his brave little shoulders; it really wasn't fair. For once, Booth was glad that Parker wasn't living with him, so he didn't have to see so much sadness every day. He missed Parker, but he wanted him to be around happiness, not the sorrow and sadness their home had now become. He knew how much Brennan loved Parker too, just like a son. She had known him since he was four years old, and she treated him as her own, especially after what happened.

"You don't understand!" Brennan eyes stared into them all. "You couldn't possibly know! You haven't lost a child, you don't know!" Brennan was yelling shrilly, she was hearing her voice as if it were coming from someone else. "I have to get out of here… I have to leave." The desperation in her voice was unmistakable.

Booth wanted to say something, but there was a knot forming in his stomach. The pounding fear that his life, which had felt at best like a fragile pane of glass, was now about to shatter into a million pieces stopped him from speaking. He didn't know what the hell to do anyway. There was no plan, no strategy, no rabbit to pull out of a hat. He was just lost.

"Dr. Brennan, maybe you should think this over…." Hodgins' reasonable voice incited new anger.

"There's no need to think it over. I want out." Brennan said the 'out' with such emotion, it left Booth with little doubt that she was not only referring to their partnership within the walls of the Jeffersonian. His eyes captured hers, and she looked away quickly. He felt the hot tears forming. He wanted to cry, he wanted to cry for ages, but he couldn't let himself be weak. He had to stay strong, because if he gave into tears, he couldn't help her. He would be too consumed with his own grief to ever be of any use to her. And there was Cooper and Parker too, he couldn't let them down. They needed a father to be their rock, now more than ever.

"Dr. Brennan," Cam's voice was placating as though she were speaking to a frightened child, "Listen, maybe you can take another leave, as long as you want this time, but leaving... you belong with us, we're a family."

Angela chimed in, "Look sweetie, you're right; we have no idea what you are going through, you or Booth. But I do know how much you loved Liz. I can understand that very well."Angela's eyes reiterated the words. "We loved her too. I know how devastating this has been, but Bren, you can't leave. I agree with Cam. Take all the time you need, but don't quit. We love you, both of you. As time passes, you will be able to move on…" Angela knew before Brennan said a word that she had gone way too far. The fire in Brennan's wrath wasn't anything new. This time it was more heartbreaking than scary. Angela took a step back bracing for the attack.

"Angela? Really? You tell me how that will ever happen. Tell me! Would you be able to move on? What if it was your little girl? What if you never saw Gracie again? Would enough time pass for you to be able to move from that? Don't you dare tell me I'll move on eventually." Brennan's voice was trembling with rage, "Will I ever see her smile again? Will she lift her arms to me and ask 'Mommy up?' Is she going to suddenly appear in her bed and beg me to lie down next to her and read her a story?" Brennan's voice was venomous with the bitter taste of sorrow and sadness. "She was only five-years-old damn it! You move on Angela if it's so easy for you!" Brennan spit the words out, as though they were spoiled milk. She felt the prick of her conscience. Part of her knew Angela didn't deserve the attack, so she turned it back to the person who did. "It's my fault! If I hadn't been away…" Brennan's voice faded sadly.

"Bones!" Booth couldn't stand the hopelessness in her voice. His hand hit the Angelator hard, his frustration and helplessness at an all time high. He had wanted to shake her so many times lately. He didn't know what to do. In all the time he had known her, she had always been his strength, his hope. He couldn't stand to lose that in her. He felt angry and betrayed. He knew he had to tread carefully, but he would put a stop to her craziness. He had to for his own sanity.

He knew she was blaming herself for going on the trip. He had known she would do that, and he had tried many times to reassure her. It wouldn't have changed anything, he told her over and over again.

He stood on the opposite side of the Angelator from her; he started walking to her slowly, trying not to scare her away, praying to God he could reach her at last. She had put up a barrier between them. He knew about barriers, he had been trying to get through Brennan's barriers ever since they met. He wasn't going to quit now.

"It's true… I should have never left." Her voice faltered, under the guilt of failing to be by her daughter's side. She missed her last breath. She missed her last chance to hold her in her arms, to feel the warm sweet body against her breast. She would never get to look into her eyes again. The same brown eyes as her father, those penetrating chocolate eyes that sparkled in laughter and mischief, or shimmered in helpless tears. The last chance to feel the soft golden curls brush against her cheek, to feel the little chubby arms latch around her neck... she had missed it all. It might never have happened at all, if only she had been there. She would have known mommy was there. She would have fought harder to stay if she knew Brennan was there.

She had known. Her intuition had warned her, but she had shaken it off as over-protective-mom-syndrome. She never gave it another thought... until she had gotten the mid-morning call, the call that all parents dread so much. She knew as the phone rang, and the hours that followed were the most torturous of her life.

The airport in Denver was snowed in, no flights in or out. Her baby girl lay in the hospital in D.C., fighting for her life, struggling for each elusive breath. Her little hands must have reached out for Brennan, she must have felt abandoned. Just like when her parents abandoned her when she was just a teenager. She knew exactly how her baby girl felt, because she had been through it herself. But she was worse than her parents. She left her baby girl to die. The horrifying reality, the mere idea that Liz thought that Brennan deserted her, that broke her heart. Maybe Liz gave up too easily; maybe she thought Mommy didn't care. She had relived what she imagined were the last hours. She had put herself through the most horrible possibilities over and over again, consciously and subconsciously, even in her dreams... in her nightmares, she didn't give her the privilege to dream anymore.

She knew intellectually she had done everything she could to make it to her baby's side in time. She knew it was the weather's fault.

She never had the faith that Booth had. She never would now. She had watched him in troubled times and marveled at his resiliency. She knew it was based in his faith. She stood on the sidelines watching him bounce back time after time, although never wanting to share his belief in the ultimate higher being. He believed there was a reason for everything. What possible reason for this could there be, other than to kill her, to turn her inside out, and upside down, to take all her fragile happiness and viciously attack it, ripping away one of the most precious parts of her life?

She actually thought she deserved some happiness after her parents abandoned her, leaving her in foster homes for several years. Of course, there was The Gravedigger that attacked both her and Booth, and the big scare with Booth's brain tumor. She actually believed that after all of that, they were overdue for it, and foolishly, she trusted it. Anytime a warning thought came in, telling her to guard her heart, not to believe in too much, she shoved it aside, reveling in the beauty that was her family. Booth was such a wonderful father, and the children couldn't be more perfect. She had found blissful happiness. And now it was suddenly gone. Why had she ever imagined it would last forever?

She couldn't bear it. She couldn't go on as if nothing happened. She couldn't pretend she was alive, because she was dead too, just like her daughter. Her heart was no longer whole; her mind was no longer healthy. Her body felt wasted and used, every nerve was shot. The only thing that was remotely alive inside of her was the love she had for Cooper and Parker. That was all that had survived.

Booth's hand reached out to stroke her face. When had he come so near?

Her mind kept that horrible day playing over and over again. Not one day since had gone by without the scenes filling her head. Not one day would ever go by again without her thinking if only.

Brennan tried everything. Her near hysterical tears did nothing. She pleaded and begged; she would have gotten on her knees and paid for a private jet, if she could have made it to Liz's beside. She prayed, even though she didn't believe in God. She prayed, in desperation only a mother could know, to get there in time. She would have gladly given her own life to spare her little girl's.

If they had known, it never would have happened, because she never would have left. Everything comes back to that merry-go-around. 'What if's' going on for infinity. No answers, no peace. They were left with only questions.

The only way she could deal with it was to withdraw, hide it, crawl away from it slowly so it wouldn't see her, would never find her. So she did that. She retreated to a place of numbness, a place where there was no feeling at all. The only time she allowed herself to be exposed to sensation was with Cooper and Parker. She couldn't look at them without feeling. She loved them in spite of her fear of loving anything or anyone again. Being their mother and step-mother was the only thing she had left. Their smiles and laughter took away the guilt momentarily. Their innocent sparkling eyes penetrated the defense she had erected. Her precious little boy and her adorable step-son were like a lifeline. They were the reason she existed now.

She was able to feel love when she held her son in her arms, because she wouldn't hold it back from him. She would never want to. She had to cling to life for her son and for Parker. She had to hold on for them. They had to be enough. They were enough.

But there were so many times during the day when she found herself falling, spiraling into a black abyss. Her thoughts would take her away from Cooper and Parker, to a place dark and ominous. It would be so easy to continue to that destination, if not for them.

If she could die right now, she would. She would do it, just to see her little girl again. She would go anywhere, do anything, just to have one more glimpse of that little face, one more touch of the soft delicate skin. One more time. She would gladly die for that. She found herself questioning everything she ever believed in. Booth seemed to get strength from his faith. Even now, he had turned to his church, his priest, his God. She had no faith left. Her spirit so often threatened by outside forces, managed a strength and resiliency she never knew she had, but this was way too much for her to handle. She didn't have anymore strength left; there was no way she could withstand this last crushing blow.

Booth's fingers brushed against her cheek, the back of his hand caressed her hand softly, trying to soothe her. Nothing could do that. No one could do it, not really. And she hated that he had the guts to think he could.

She felt the anger rise up again, and she pushed him back and walked away from him, to the other side of the Angelator. She had to avoid his touch. She couldn't allow him to get too close to her. If she gave in even a little bit, she would be lost. She didn't see Booth's look of rejection as she bolted to the other side, backing away from him. She was blinded by rage, her fists clenched. "I'm getting out of here. I'm quitting, and I'm not changing my mind." She said it again, and she said 'out' like never before, and she meant it.

There was no way out. She knew that all too well. She yearned to escape from all of it. She knew that if not for Cooper and Parker she would seek out a permanent hiding place, where no one could ever find her, where she could cry endless tears and mourn this insurmountable loss all alone. She wanted no one around daring to tell her it got easier. The hell it would, it would never get easier. But no, staying numb was safer, numb was better, numb was the only way to live now. With no feelings allowed, you couldn't have the pain. But the anger never seemed to end. That was the one feeling that broke through the frozen tundra in her heart. She had never felt so much anger in her life, not even when her parents abandoned her, or when she was buried alive by The Gravedigger.

The only things that kept her from running away forever, were Cooper and Parker. Not her husband, not her friends. Only those two boys.

She knew Cooper and Parker were suffering too. They had loved Liz as well. All three of them were very close - they all loved each other deeply, hardly fought with each other. Cooper was suffering at such at a tender age, and Brennan hated that he had to learn what it was to lose someone so soon. Parker was sixteen years old and such a good big brother, to both Cooper and Liz, and he had cried so much for a teenager when he had found out. He loved that little girl. She truly was the light of the family, the one who brought everyone together, and now everyone was falling apart. Parker had promised himself that from now on, he would take care of Cooper and be the best big brother he could, even though they didn't live in the same house, and they only saw each other every other weekend. He made sure to call every other day to check on his little brother. Parker was only eleven years old when she was born, and even though he knew that Cooper saw her every day, that didn't stop him from loving her any less. His heart broke when he found out he lost his little sister.

Brennan had watched Cooper's face as he looked around the house, lost without his little sister. He missed Liz. He would burst into tears at night asking over and over when his little sister would be coming home. He was only two years old when she was born. Even though he was young, he was her protector from day one. The moment he walked into the hospital room to greet his newborn sister, he became her guardian angel, her champion. He would watch her in her bassinet, marveling at her every move, informing Brennan of anything that might be amiss. He retrieved the lost pacifiers, and he flung toys as she grew older; he was the quintessential protective older brother. He was very proud of his little sister, bragging rights were all his when company arrived. It tore Brennan apart to have to tell Cooper and Parker that she had died, somehow expecting them to understand it when she herself couldn't.

Booth's soft voice interrupted her thoughts. Her mind had been racing lately; it was never still, it was never at peace. "Bones, please, let's talk about this! You… you don't have to go!" Booth's face was pale; the stress lines around his eyes had deepened. In the last four months, he felt like he'd aged twenty years.

Brennan looked into those eyes that used to make her feel invincible. They had been her compass, her shining light. She saw no refuge now. She saw nothing but pain reflected in them. He looked like he was going down for the third time, about to drown, yet she couldn't reach out and to pull him up, because she was going under too. It was unbearable.

"We need to go through this together." His voice was a soft, almost pleading, whisper.

"I don't need you!" Her voice was full of contempt, she felt that ire rising. She hated him. She had to hate him; she couldn't afford to love him anymore.

Booth couldn't believe she said it. He wondered many times over the last few months, and now to have his fears confirmed was too much. He found himself staring at a stranger. They had always needed each other, depended on each other, even when they were partners back in the old days. Their deep, loving, understanding kept them afloat and centered. Now everything was off kilter. The invisible thread that held them together through countless tests and trials, it tattered and frayed.

"I don't need this place that drains the life out of me every day. I see death every day, and it keeps reminding me of what I lost. Just last week, I had to identify a little girl. She was about Liz's age. Do you know how hard that was for me? Losing her has changed my perspective on the job. I don't want to be here anymore. I need to get out of here, to leave this place behind." Brennan was serious about this. Her eyes focused on the buttons on his shirt, her tone was hard and cold.

"I think we should give them some privacy," Cam said motioning to the others to get out. For once, even Angela didn't make waves, although she couldn't stop herself from looking back once. Cam pulled her forcefully out of her own office. Angela had no idea how she could help her best friend, but she let Cam drag her out. She bowed her head sadly and walked away, hoping that Booth could save Brennan.

The door shut with a deafening thud. Booth and Brennan were alone on the opposite sides of the Angelator facing each other, although she wasn't looking at him. The chasm between them was widening.

X-X-X-X-X-X

A/N: So, there you have it. Most of you guys were right. Let me know what you think so far? Good? Bad? Reviews are very much appreciate it.