I walk the line of the disappointed
I celebrate when I'm in pain
My heart and mind can be disjointed
I built a bed in this hole I made
I recognize that I'm damaged
I sympathize that you are too
But I wanna breathe without feelin' so self-conscious
But it's hard when the world's starin' at you

xxxx

She slammed the magazine shut and threw it down onto the kitchen table hard. They don't know shit. Nobody knows what happened to her and nobody knows how broken she is. They don't even know her past. They only see what just happened to her, not what she'd endured just months before. She would often relive those nights. The painful beatings, the hurtful words that stabbed her like a knife and feeling like she was worthless; they were all parts of her past that she'd tried to erase. She isn't stupid, she can hear them whispering behind her back. Everywhere she goes, someone is always whispering. She can see their pathetic stares and looks of sympathy. But, she doesn't want their sympathy. She doesn't need it. "Did you hear what happened to that Davis girl?" and "It's such a shame. She was really headed places, you know?" seem to be the most constant topics of Tree Hill's residents over morning coffee. And they think, she doesn't know. She hates being in the public eye. Now all of the people that once told her she would fail could prove her wrong.

Her phone burst out into song, tearing her away from her thoughts. She let out a grunt before picking up the device and checking to see who was calling her. It was Lucas. She let out a sigh before clicking on. He had been so supportive of her ever since she returned to Tree Hill and she would be eternally grateful for that.

"Hey Luke," she mumbled into the phone. "Have you seen the latest tabloids? They just can't seem to leave me alone huh?" she chuckled bitterly.

"I'm sorry Brooke. I wish there was something that I could do…"

"Well there isn't," she snapped, the feeling of guilt instantly washing over her. "I'm sorry… I shouldn't have said that, I'm just angry I guess. I wish they'd find someone new to stalk."

"They will," he promised as a small smile spread across his face. "I have a meeting with the producer that wants to turn my book into a movie today."

"Luke, that's great!" She tried her best to sound optimistic but the smile on her face faltered. She was afraid that Lucas would spend all of his time with the movie and then he would have no time for her and once again, she'd be all alone.

"Yeah it is," he agreed before slipping into his seat at the café. "I'm just waiting for him to arrive right now and I was wondering if you'd like to come down to the Riverside Café and meet him? You were such a big part of the book and I want you to be there."

"Of course, I'll be there. Give me ten," she smiled as she searched the pile of clothes in her room for something clean to wear. She grabbed a pair of jeans and began yanking them on. "You can order for me, I'll have the usual."

"Okay, see you soon." His phone clicked off and she grabbed her keys, checking her appearance in the mirror, before heading out the door.

"Lucas Scott. How are you doing?" Julian asked with a slight smirk as he dropped into the seat opposite Lucas.

"Great," Lucas replied as the waitress set a glass of water in front of Lucas. "Can I also get a coffee with two cream and two sugars for my friend?"

"I don't drink coffee actually. I'm more of a beer guy," Julian smiled as he glanced at the waitress.

"Not for you," Lucas smiled with the roll of his blue eyes.

"Oh, you invited someone else?"

"Yeah, she'll be here in a second," Lucas nodded as he glanced at his phone. As if on cue, Brooke came strolling through the door. "And there she is."

"I'm sorry Luke. I tried to get here as fast as I could but traffic was a bitch..." she exclaimed breathlessly. Julian would recognize that voice anywhere. He felt a small smile creep across his face.

"Hey stranger…" He turned around. "It's been awhile hasn't it?"

"Julian?" she blinked in confusion. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm a producer," he smirked. "And Lucas wrote a book so I'm making a movie out of it…" he elaborated for her.

"Well no shit," she rolled her eyes as she slipped into the seat beside Lucas. "But why? Why do you have to do this? If you're doing it to get back at me, you're wasting your time. Don't mess with Lucas."

"I'm flattered that you think this is about you sweetheart, but it's not. This is about Lucas's book and how popular it is. I happen to think that it will make a successful movie."

"I'm confused," Lucas spoke up, his eyes darting back and forth between the two. Then he remembered something. "Just ask Brooke Davis, she'll tell you." and "She's the reason I read the book and she's the reason I believe in it" ran through his head.

"Brooke and I dated back in New York…" Julian answered as he took a sip of his beer. "But it was nothing serious…"

"It was serious Julian!" she protested. "I could have loved you if you hadn't shut me out."

"But you weren't over Lucas right?"

"Don't drag him into this," she shook her head, brunette curls falling into her face.

"Look man," Lucas turned towards Julian. "Brooke and I are just friends… for now."

"Whatever," Julian shrugged. "I'm here for the book. It's good and I want to make a movie out of it. Right here in Tree Hill. What do you say?"

Lucas turned towards Brooke and looked at her expectantly. "I won't do it if you are uncomfortable with it."

"Lucas," Brooke smiled, resting her hand on top of his. "Julian and I are mature adults and we can handle this. Sure, it will be hard but we can manage because this is your dream and I would never do anything to take it away from you. I know what it is like to lose the one thing you were most proud of and I wouldn't wish it on anyone."

I've already lost the one thing I was most proud of Lucas thought as he turned back to Julian. "Okay, I'm in. Drop by TRIC tomorrow and we can start then."

"Good," Julian smiled as he stood up and grabbed the tab. "I'll see you around Davis," he winked at the brunette before leaving.

"So," Lucas looked at Brooke curiously as he leaned back in his chair. "You dated this guy?"

"Yeah…"

"I don't like him," Lucas grunted as he sipped his water. "He's arrogant and I don't like the way he flirts with you openly."

"He's just Julian," Brooke sighed. "He might come across as arrogant but inside he has the biggest heart and that was not flirting. That's just who he is."

"Well, it sure sounded like flirting to me."

"Are you jealous?" Brooke asked, kinking an eyebrow at the blonde.

"What? No!" Lucas shook his head. "That guy doesn't stand a chance," he growled. "So tell me about your relationship with him? Was it really serious?"

"Yes," she nodded her head. "We dated for just over a year."

"So if you don't mind me asking, why did you break up?"

"Just two different people from two different worlds that wanted two different things," she shrugged as she played with the straw in her drink. "It was a mutual thing. He thought that I wasn't completely over you and that was why I couldn't tell him I loved him. And he was too closed off for me and I can't be in a relationship if the other person is going to push me away." She hadn't meant for that last part to be a jab at Lucas but judging by the look on his face, he'd definitely taken it to heart.

"And this isn't gonna be weird for you?" he asked and instantly mentally slapped himself for saying that. Of course, it was gonna be weird. "I mean are you sure that you can handle this?"

"I'll be fine," she offered him a genuine smile. "Julian is in my past and he is going to stay there. We just weren't meant to be and we both accepted that so I don't see why it wouldn't be fine."

Another piece of the puzzle, that doesn't fit
You throw your arms up, you're so damn sick of it
What are you working for
What are you searching for
Love
You won't be thinking of cars when
You're on your death bed and dyin'
You'll only be thinkin' of what you are paying for,
What you are praying for
Love

xxxx

"Where's your head at?" the blonde asked as she turned towards her friend. "You seem off."

"I was just thinking about the past," the light brunette shrugged as she reached for the TV remote and hit the mute button.

"About Nate right?" Peyton asked as she turned towards her friend, who was glancing at a picture of her family on the wall.

"Yeah," Haley sighed. "Does it get easier?"

"What do you mean does it get easier? I was never married so I wouldn't know…"

"Yeah, but you know what it is like to not be able to have someone that you love," Haley shrugged. "I mean you loved Lucas and he didn't want a relationship."

"Because he was in love with someone else and I let him go because I wanted the two people I loved most to be happy," Peyton smiled as she reflected on her past experiences in High School. "I loved Lucas and it was hard to get over him but it got easier with each passing day and now I'm completely over him. It's different with you and Nate though. There is no other girl and you have a son in the mix too. But sometimes you just have to push through the pain and fight like hell."

"Thanks Peyton," Haley smiled lightly as she glanced at her bare ring finger. Somehow those words weren't quite as comforting as they should have been.

FLASHBACK

"I can't keep doing this Nathan!" Haley screamed at the top of her lungs, fighting for air. "It's not working for me and this version of you does not work for me or for Jamie!"

"I love you Haley. Isn't that enough?" He asked with pleading eyes. "I promise that I'll change if you bear with me. I will try to do everything that I can to be a better man for you and for Jamie."

"Life isn't fair Nathan. When life throws you tough shit you learn to swerve. We were forced to grow up fast with having a son at only eighteen. I can't wait around for you forever. I need you to step up and be the man that I know you have the potential to be. And if you can't do that right now, then I can't keep living like this. It's not fair to Jamie or to me."

"Haley, please?" he begged, his eyes softening as he felt his family slipping away. He knew that in the blink of an eye his beautiful family could be ripped away from him.

"Love isn't always enough Nathan. God knows I love you, but I need a man who is going to be there for my family even in the toughest of times. We all go through tough times and we all learn to push through. I understand that your dreams were torn away from you and that hurt you more than anything but you still have a family. You still have a reason to continue living your life to the fullest."

"Haley…"

"I said one more night like this and I would be done," she insisted firmly as she looked around the house at the broken beer bottles scattered across the floor. They were shattered, just like her marriage. "I can't do this anymore Nathan… I'm sorry. I want a divorce."

His eyes widened in shock as visions of his family being torn away from him flooded his mind. "Haley! Please don't do this! I've already lost my career and I can't afford to lose my family!"

"Well you should have thought about that before you ripped our family apart and turned to alcohol as an escape route for your problems."

She didn't give him any time to respond before giving him a disheartened look and leaving the room, picking up empty beer bottles and shoving them into the trash can on her way out.

xxxx

"Are you sure we are doing the right thing?" Nathan asked as he closed his eyes momentarily and tried to envision his life without Haley and Jamie in it. But he couldn't.

"Yes," she answered stoically as she reached for the pen and tapped it against the desk. "Do I sign with James or Scott?"

"James I think," Nathan sighed as he sent his wife a look of pain. "Haley, are you sure that this is the solution? I mean, we can work out our problems, can't we?"

"Nathan, we have been trying to work out our problems for months now but we can't. I don't want to end up in a broken marriage a few years down the road. I mean, look at your parents…"

"I'm not Dan!" Nathan snapped, anger rushing through his body, unable to comprehend why she would compare their marriage to his parents. "And you aren't Deb."

"Not now, we aren't," she shook her head threateningly. "But that doesn't mean that we won't turn into them later on down the road."

"Haley… don't say that. Just don't okay!"

Haley sent him a look before grabbing the paper and signing her name on the designated spot. She shoved it towards Nathan. "If you really love me, you'll sign it."

He sent her a pained look before grabbing the pen from her hand and scribbling his signature on the line hesitantly. "It's really over isn't it?" he asked, turning towards his soon to be ex-wife.

"I wish it wasn't but it is," she responded, her voice cracking slightly. She sent him a small smile before grabbing the papers and turning away from him. All it took for him was to sign that damn paper and his never-ending nightmare had become reality.

END FLASHBACK

She spotted him sitting in the café reading a newspaper. It took everything inside of her to not go in there but she needed some answers.

He heard her approaching him as he looked up from his drink and smiled. "What are you doing here?" He sounded surprised to see her.

She slipped into the chair across from him and folded her arms. "I need some answers…"

"About what?"

"Why are you here Julian? The real reason, I mean. Not the reason you told Lucas today."

He sighed as he set the paper down and looked into her eyes. "I'm here for two reasons. "I do believe that the book is amazingly written and will make a good movie. But, I also believe that we aren't truly over. I'm ready to love you Brooke and to fully open my heart up to you. Ever since we broke up and you left, I've been thinking about you."

"You left Julian!" she reminded him bitterly. "You got that stupid job offer in LA and you just up and left."

"You could have come with me," he responded plainly. "We could have had an amazing life together Brooke. I'm sorry that I maybe didn't appreciate you enough but as soon as you were out of my life, I realized what I was missing."

"I love you for what you did for me okay Julian? You helped me feel again and you helped me become myself again after my break up with Lucas. But, I don't think that what we had was real love. I would love to have you as my friend but I don't think that we could ever go down that road again."

"Are you scared?" he asked pointblank. "Is it because you are afraid of getting your heart broken? Because, I've told you this before and I'll tell you again, I'm not Lucas. And I won't put you through the same pain that he put you through."

"He might have put me through pain but he also made me feel things that I've never felt before. Luke and I were young when we dated and we weren't ready. But I think that once my emotions are all sorted out, we might have a real chance this time around," she whispered softly. She saw the look of disappointment in Julian's eyes and it pained her to have hurt him because he was a genuinely good guy. Even if other people couldn't see it, she could.

"So, you're just going to turn your back on us like that?"

"I'm sorry Julian… I wish I could give you everything that you want because you deserve to be happy and have an amazing life. But, I can't give it to you because my heart doesn't belong with you. It belongs with someone else and I think that you know that."

He sent her a small smile before pushing his chair back and standing up. "I'm not ready to let you go just yet Brooke Davis. While I'm here I'm going to fight like hell to win you back. I came here for the girl in the book, the girl that I fell in love with. And I'm going to show her that she belongs with me. You'll see."

"Ugh, this is so confusing!" Brooke growled as she sent Lucas a look of bewilderment. "I don't understand why he is doing this."

"It's okay Brooke…"

"No, it isn't. I've told him time and time again that he isn't the guy for me and I will keep telling him that."

"It's gonna be fine Brooke," Lucas smiled as he wrapped his arms around the brunette. "You will figure it all out because you are a strong person. And I want you to know that whatever decision you make, I will be okay with. As long as it makes you happy because you deserve to be happy after all the shit you've been through."

"Thank you," she smiled, wiping to brush a tear from her eye. "You really are an amazing guy Luke. You know that?"

"So I've been told," he grinned. "So I talked to Victoria the other day."

Brooke blinked in surprise. "When did you run into bitchtoria?"

"While I was packing up your things in New York, I ran into her. She actually had the decency to go to your house after all she did. Can you believe that?"

"Actually, yeah, I can," Brooke answered quietly. "She doesn't think about what she's done. She feels that because she didn't physically attack me that she's not at fault. It doesn't even register to her that hiring someone to attack me is virtually the same thing. She may not have done it herself but it all hurts just the same."

"I don't understand how someone so cruel and coldhearted could spawn someone with such a big amazing heart. It just doesn't make sense to me," Lucas shook his head, a small smile spreading across his face.

"It doesn't make sense to me either," she replied with a grin. "I guess that I've just thought about how she treated me growing up and I used it as incentive to become what she never was."

"Well I'm glad that you didn't turn out like her," Lucas smiled as he stared into her hazel eyes. It killed him to see the pain still lingering in her eyes. It hurt him to know that one person had caused her this much pain and he wished that he could take it away.

"Yeah, me too," she nodded as she leaned her head against Lucas's shoulder. Becoming her mother had always been her biggest fear. It didn't matter how many times everyone convinced her that she wasn't going to become Victoria; she couldn't help but get the feeling that she would.

"Haley! Are you home?" Lucas hollered as he pushed the front door open and slipped his shoes off. He wasn't sure if Haley was home from picking Jamie up just yet. Brooke had gone to the store to grab a few things for supper and Lucas had decided to trek over to Haley's to see if her and Peyton were up for supper at his house tonight.

The only noise he heard was the hushed sound of the TV in the distance. His feet made their way over to the kitchen and he noticed that the screen door leading into the backyard was open. He found that to be extremely odd as he poked his head outside the door. Standing beside the house, a joint in between her lips, was Peyton Sawyer.

"Peyton?"

"Lucas?" she turned to him with a grave expression as she threw the joint onto the ground and stamped it out with her shoe-clad foot. "This isn't what it looks like."

"Oh really? Was cocaine not enough for you in High School?"

"Lucas," Peyton sighed as she leaned her head back against the house and took in a deep breath. "It's prescribed marijuana."

"Yeah," Lucas scoffed sarcastically. "I bet that your drug dealer prescribes you marijuana to relieve the stress that life puts on you."

"Lucas, I got it from the doctor not a drug dealer," she sighed heavily as she looked at him seriously. "I have cancer."

"What?" He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Aside from Brooke, Peyton was one of the strongest people he'd ever met. He never imagined that cancer would strike such an amazing individual. It just wasn't possible.

"It's hereditary Lucas. Ellie had it and now I have it."

"How long?" he asked as he closed his eyes and tried to push away what she was telling him. It just couldn't be true.

"I've known for about six months. I had chemo in LA and was in remission but it came back. I had an allergic reaction to the chemo so I just have to let fate take its course."

"Why didn't you tell anyone about this Peyton? We are your friends and we could have helped you!"

"Lucas, I didn't want to burden you guys with my problems. Brooke is going through the hardest time of her life right now and she needs me to be there for her and she needs everyone else to be there for her. I didn't want anyone to worry about me."

"You are going through the hardest time of your life too Peyton. You could die!" Lucas shut his eyes again and tried to chase his thoughts away. Peyton couldn't die. It just wouldn't be fair.

"Lucas," Peyton smiled as she placed her hand on top of his. "I'm going to just have to hope for the best. When the time is right I will tell everyone else about my condition. For now I just want to live my life. When my times comes, whether it is fifty years down the road or a few months down the road, I will leave this world knowing that I had a good life and I had the best friends that I could have ever asked for. I want to leave this world on a good note, knowing that I righted my wrongs. That is why it is so important that I reconcile with Brooke. I can't fight this without her because she is such a big part of my life."

"Well then why don't you tell her that?"

"I will when the time is right. For now I want to focus on Brooke's recovery and make sure that I can get back at least a piece of our broken friendship. That is my one wish in this world. I can't leave this world without knowing that I left without Brooke as my best friend again."

"Okay, your secret is safe with me Peyton. I won't tell anyone until you are ready to let your secret out. God, Peyton this is so scary. I can't lose any of my friends right now. I've already lost so many people that I love." Lucas then wrapped his arms around Peyton. "It's okay to cry you know? You don't have to be strong all the time."

AN: I'm sorry if anyone didn't like the Leyton scene but they will only be friends in this story because I HATE Leyton as a couple. I do love their friendship though and I think that it will be important in my story. Also, I will be putting a poll up on my page. I'm not sure whether I want Peyton to die or overcome cancer just yet. I will let you guys vote for that on my poll. Hurry up and get your votes in while you can! I will also be putting up another poll for you guys to vote whether or not Brooke and Victoria reconcile in the end of the story. That is also up to you guys. Song used is What Are You Looking For by the Sick Puppies. Please review and let me know what you guys thought of this chapter!