Herro!

Ah, purple paragraphs. What am I going to do with you?

They hurt me. They do.

Storybook Romance

-:

And Snow Erza can only stare.

At first there is a path. Grey and scaly with bleached cobblestones, it twists and slithers out before her quickly like an escaping snake, trees of bottle green springing up by its sides. The trees are littered with little birds and spiders, spinning intricate webs out of gold and silver thread, which glimmer with the sun forming over her head like a great bright ball of dragonfire. On the horizon a castle rises upon a grand plateau, all spires and turrets and romantic tower windows, with rich sandstone walls and graceful green flags that flirt cheerfully with the breezes, tumbling and shifting like the hair of a carefree maiden. There is not a single cloud in the periwinkle sky.

Snow Erza gasps as a tan corset cinches her waist and her high collar unbuttons to nothing. Starched white material softens, and fabric falls from her shoulders to gather around her upper arms. Her blue skirt lengthens and billows outwards to brush gently across the skin of her feet, left exposed by her soft blue slippers. Her hair curls from freedom to captivity atop her head, bound with white and navy flowers, a scheme which continues along the trimmings of her off-the-shoulder chemise and settles itself as a simple necklace around the hollow of her throat. Her underwear-

:-

"I think that's quite enough out of you!" Erza snapped, jabbing at Levy's mind through their link. "Creating a world is one thing – interfering with a lady's undergarments is quite another!"

"But if I don't change them, it won't be consistent to the story," Levy whined, trying to rid herself of the atrocious aftertaste that was Erza's mental disapproval. "Everything needs to be consistent! Won't you please wear bloomers? For me?"

"Absolutely not!" Erza scowled. "Surely my underwear is not relevant to the happenings of this story!"

"It could be!" Levy tried. "When we get to the intimate scenes!"

"LEVY MCGARDEN!"

"Oh, don't be like that! You have nothing to be embarrassed about!"

After that, Erza was very quiet. And she was quiet for such a long time that Levy thought she might have lost the connection. Then a swarm of loathe battered through her mind like a stampede of horny Tauruses, and the cold, adamant voice of Titania rang through her consciousness at such a pitch it brought tears to the script witch's eyes.

"THERE WILL BE NOTHING OF THE SORT IN THIS STORY!"

"O-Okay! Alright! I- I'm sorry! It was just a joke!"

"Joking or not," Erza warned her, easing off a touch, "I want you to realise exactly what kind of unreasonable position it is you have placed me. And you should know -" she paused for dramatic effect, the kind of which Levy, as a fan of literature could only appreciate, "- I have weapons that can cut me out of anything. Including - and yet not limited to - other dimensions. So you'd best watch your step." She must have sensed Levy's fear through their link, because her temper appeared satisfied after that. Then as an afterthought, by way of indirect apology, Erza added a touch of colloquialism that had been popular around the guild recently. "Jus' sayin'," she said, with a stiffness that suited her dearly.

The strangeness was enough to make Levy laugh, and she returned with a threat of her own.

"Well just to let you know, I am in direct control of the amount of strawberry cheesecake and vanilla soufflé that is available in this world! So maybe it's you that should watch your step!" She paused cheekily, like Erza had. "Jus' sayin'." And a whole stack of sweet strawberry delights appeared around Erza, garnished with all of Levy's creative splendour.

The heroine wasted no time. "This world's god is a benevolent and merciful one," she said, pride utterly forsaken, and she bowed once gracefully before digging in with single-minded enthusiasm.

Erza's mind felt drunk and hazy with pleasure, and Levy wondered whether it was really Jellal who should be the opposite lead in Snow Erza's love story.

Storybook Romance

There are some foods that can seduce me very easily.

Very easily.

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