A/N Dun dun dun dun! Another Edit!

-Slinky762

My friends are gonna be there too, I'm on the highway to hell

On the highway to hell, highway to hell

I'm on the highway to hell

ACDC: Highway to Hell

"Bella. Bella! BELLA!" I heard someone shouting my name, what they didn't know is I was a little delusional at the moment. So I babbled out the first sentence that came to my mind.

"Relax don't do it when you wanna go to it, Relax don't mmhhh." Where the hell did that come from?

"What the- BELLA!"

"WHO WHAT!" I shot up from my sleeping position. "Oh cramp!" And I feel back over landing hard on the ground. Evidentially sleeping on the ground does nothing for your back. I fell asleep fine and woke up with scoliosis.

"Took you long enough." Edward smirked helping me back into a sitting position. His face was muddy with a black eye and had many scratches on is arms and legs. His shirt sleeves where even ripped up.

"Did you get jumped by a rabid Chihuahua or something?" I asked tracing the holes on his sleeves.

"Oh yea Bella, because California has a rabid Chihuahua problem in these parts." Edward replied exasperated.

"Oh no I hate small yappy dogs!" I chuckled and clung to the front of Edwards ripped up jungle man shirt, acting like I was scared. As soon as I did so Edward went ridged and his face went up a few shades of red. I pulled away from him and gave him a questioning look. He turned his face away from me and pointed at my shirt. Completely clueless about what he was on about I looked down and shrieked and fell over. Apparently while I was blacked out it rained and I was so stupid as to wear white undies and run out into the woods of all things. I crossed my arms over my chest and scowled remembering last night.

Why the hell does this always happen to me! Damn you nature! Just then Edward stood up and took his shirt off and gestured for me to take it. I smiled and took it from him, slipping it over my head with ease. It smelled of tree and Edward.

Mhmmm yummy, almost as yummy as Edward shirtless.

"Ok we should get back, the wet dog is worried about you." He sneered at the thought of Jacob, and continued to walk the way we had come. I quickly scrambled to my feet and yelled after him.

"When I was playing strip poker with Jacob that meant nothing!" Ok I have no idea where that came from. He stopped at the sound of my voice and slow-mo turned around and faced me. Wow that was hot. He walked over to me and smiled.

"Why is it so important I know this Miss Bella Swan?" He chuckled smiling at me.

Oh he was good. Why did he need to know that? Stupid conscience. I pondered on the question until he moved closer to me. His breath was hot and smelled of mint. Where he got mint in the forest I'll never know. He slid his arms around my waist and pulled me closer. Hey, hey, hey who does he think he is? His chest was wet from the rain as well and the sun came out and shone on him like a god. He was so hot and sparkly. Damn my overactive imagination.

Thunk

"Ouch." Edward said pulling his head away. Thank you chipmunk god for sending this acorn to save me! We both looked to the ground where an acorn had landed and heard squeaking noises from a tree overhead. Edward picked up the acorn and chucked it back at the chipmunk sitting there. It caught the acorn and chucked it back hitting Edward in the eye.

"Ahh. Damn squirrel." He mumbled as his good eye began to water.

"Aww she's so cute! And she's not a squirrel she's a chipmunk." I cooed at the chipmunk. I couldn't help it, it was just so dang cute, and it had just saved me from impending sexual doom. Thank you chipmunk! "Come here little one, come on."

It took a liking to me and jumped down out of the tree running towards me. I bent down ready to scoop it up into my arms, when it bypassed my outstretched arms and headed for my leg. It then proceeded to hump my leg. Oh she's a he.

"AHHHH GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!" I yelled shaking my leg until it went flying off and hit a tree. Pissed off it climbed back up the tree and pointed at us. A whole army of chipmunks popped out of all the surrounding trees, all holding acorns.

"Oh shit." I mumbled, grabbed Edward's hand and made a run for it. Acorns were flying everywhere and whizzing past our heads. One hit Edward in the back. He dropped to his knees in the frenzy of acorns.

"Go on leave me, I'll be fine." He gasped out and fell to the floor with a lot of random twitching.

"Done?" I said standing over him.

"You are quite the kill joy aren't you?" He said looking up from his playing dead position on the ground. I grabbed his arm and pulled him off the ground dragging him back to our "camp". As soon as we got back Jacob was the first to pounce.

"What happened to you guys? You look like a wreck." Jacob said eyeing the acorns that had accumulated in my hair well what was left of it anyway.

"Well what do you expect? Do you want me to come out of the forest after sleeping on the ground, in my undies, in the rain and look civilized? We just got attacked by rabid pervert chipmunks for gods sake!" I yelled at him, he was obviously not getting the picture. Ah yes the war with the chipmunks, the greatest war the world will never now. Probably a good thing since we were losing. Miserably. I sighed and passed him without another word.

"Any questions about it should be addressed to me. I know everything." Jasper smirked making his eyebrows do the wave.

"YOU DON'T KNOW WHEN TO STOP DO YOU!" I yelled and tackled Jasper to the ground grabbing his head and proceeding to bang his head against the ground. Jacob and Edward stood at a distance watching me.

"I got 20 on Bella." Jacob whispered.

"Deal" Edward replied.

20 minutes later we all were calm and collected sitting around the fire eating random candies and honey buns from the dollar store a days flying distance from here. Turns out we are in the middle of no where.

I was the one to make the trip (after getting dressed of course) since the boys were all hung up on the words "honey buns" when I mentioned what I was getting. They are so immature.

"Ok guys you want to hear about Bella's little forest friend?" Edward smirked looking in my direction. Oh this guy was trying to push my buttons. And it was working. And it was kinda sexy.

"Tell them about the chipmunk and I will sneak over to you in the middle of the night and cut off your favorite appendage." I threatened loud enough for all of them to hear. "That means you too Jasper."

"Is that a threat or a promise?" Jasper smirked at me and made his eyebrows do that wave thing again.

"Do you want it to be?" I grinned evilly. "I have no remorse." Jasper then crossed his legs in an attempt to protect his happy place.

"Bella got humped doggy style by a chipmunk!" Jasper blurted out unmoved by my earlier threat.

"That's it say goodbye to Mr. Happy!" I yelled making a move to jump him, but strong arms held me back.

"Ok Bella, down girl." Jacob said stifling a giggle.

Damn you and your convincingness Jacob.

"Bed time everyone, big day tomorrow." Edward said not showing any sign of restraining his full out laughing. Meanwhile I eyed Jasper and gave him daggers along with a nicely worded mental message.

You need to learn to sleep with your eyes open jackass. I know no bounds when it comes to revenge on ass holes. Jasper gave a shudder as he walked to the far end of the cave and made himself comfortable on the ground.

Smart guy. I mentally noted. There was at least 5 feet between him and me. He took my threat seriously. As soon as we were all settled on the ground getting comfortable there was a loud bang on the ceiling of the cave, followed by jello like footsteps.

"I want my mommy." Jasper whined in the darkness.

"Bertha." They all said in unison again. God is that ominous or what? I turned on my back to stare at the ceiling, when an idea hit me. I grinned evilly in the darkness as Bertha's footsteps faded into the distance. I then rolled over on my side facing Jacob.

"Hey Jacob, where does Bertha stay?" I whispered making sure Jasper couldn't hear me.

"She stays in a hut outside of the facility, why?" He drawled sleepily.

"Oh no reason." I smiled evilly in the darkness.

A few hours later everyone was fast asleep. Now it was time to carry out my revenge. I love the wise man that said "Never go to sleep angry, stay up and plot revenge."

I tip toed around all the sleeping bodies on the floor to the one I knew was Jasper. I mean how couldn't it be? It was the only one not snoring or radiating heat as much as the sun. I grabbed his legs and began to drag him to the mouth of the cave.

Surprisingly he was light enough for me to pick him up. Damn these powers are good. I then proceeded to put him on my back and fly in the direction of the Science Academy.

Problem. Jasper was heavier than your average sack of potatoes. But, to my relief, I soon came to a little shack on the outskirts of the fencing and such of the Academy. Problem solved. I dropped Jasper out side the shack and hid on the right side of the house, the one not facing the institute, and scooted over to the window. I peered into the window and searched for movement inside. It was then that I saw it. Bertha in a little nightie that barely covered her boobs much less her artic region.

I almost chucked honey buns right there and then but I had to hold it together if I was gonna get this done. I looked back in the room to make sure she was asleep. Well I didn't need to look to prove that.

There was also a horrible sound coming from inside that was close to a lawn mower and a leaf blower fornicating in a metal shack. I covered my ears and crossed my eyes. It was loud, horribly loud. I grabbed Jasper and opened the door, easily sneaking in.

I threw Jasper on the floor and slid him under the tiny bed that Bertha was perched on. I then ran back outside and made a lot of noise that was sure to wake Bertha. Sure enough she came running out side carrying that damned disk.

The wind began to blow and you could hear the pots and pans I hung up clanging together in the distance. Bertha giggled over in the direction of the noise leaving me to do my dirty deed. Glad to see my trap was working, I wandered inside and grabbed Jasper once more, throwing him on the bed.

I looked around the room to see if there was anything I could use for my evil schemes. Then I saw a drawer labeled Jasper's Ties. Freaked out a little by this display of stalkerishness I opened it and grabbed 4 of the ties. I took two and tied Jasper's hands to the headboard and used the other two to tie his legs to the end bedposts, spread eagle position.

I stepped back and admired my work. Beautiful, just beautiful. I walked out the door just in time to see Bertha making her way back to her shack. I smiled evilly and patted my self on the back. Sweet dreams Jasper, sweet dreams indeed.

Soon it was morning and Jacob and Edward were hounding me with questions. All of which were around the general subject of what the hell did I do with Jasper.

"Bella what did you do with him!" Edward exclaimed. "We are having an important meeting this morning and he needs to be here."

"He should be back any minute now. What meeting?" I said trying so hard to keep a straight face.

"Do you agree we need to find out where he is?" Edward asked, smirking already addressing Jacob.

"Yup I do agree with you only on this." Jacob replied smirking as well. All I could do was stare and wonder what the hell they were up to. I prepared for war.

Then they pounced like wild cats on an armadillo. I shrieked and tumbled over as they began a frenzy of tickling.

"AHAHAHAHHAHAHA AHAHHA STOP HAHAHAH PLEASE AHHAHAH!"

I was giggling and rolling everywhere until I got the upper hand and had Jacob and Edward both on their backs and tickling them at the same time. Oh yea payback is sweet. Speaking of which….

"What the hell are you guys doing?" Jasper gaped at us as he was standing in the bushes. His shirt was ripped and he still had a bit of the tie around his wrist, but it looked as if a wild rodent had gnawed it off. His hair was messed up as well and had lipstick marks all over his face.

"I would kill you now Bella Swan, but I can't." He said clearly frustrated about something.

"Whys that Jasper Cullen?" I teased. This was so much fun.

"I.." He paused for a second and then spit it all out. "I don't have any pants or underwear on."

All of us stood there staring at him hiding behind the bush. I was the first to speak.

"She… took your pants and underwear?" I said with a confused expression. Oh man this turned out better than I thought.

"Yea she ripped them off with her teeth as I was escaping." He mumbled under his breath. I couldn't take it anymore; collapsing in a heap on the floor I began laughing my ass off. The funniest thing about all this? I didn't know Bertha was so kinky.

"Well we are all here now sooo… who wants to save the world?" Edward ventured.

"You want to run that one by me again?"

Way to put it all out there at once Cullen.