Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.

Rated M for a reason.

Chpt 1 Back to Life

BPOV

Ah, trees. I'm learnin' to appreciate them although if I'm honest I still prefer a nice comfy roof for my contemplatin'.

To say that Pete was pissed at us, well specifically me, is an understatement. If I were a fictional vampire I'm pretty sure he would have staked me in my sleep durin' those first few weeks after the fight.

Is not that he doesn't appreciate why we did it, or that for it to be believable he an' Char had to be in the dark. It was the risk involved that appalled him. Pete worships Jasper. If it had gone wrong an' he'd lost his sire he would have been every bit as devastated as I would have been.

Char was slightly more acceptin' although she did vow to rip me a new one if I ever pull a stunt like that again. They'd had no idea my shield was fire proof not havin' seen exactly what happened in Kentucky.

Eventually everything was forgiven an' the emotional scars healed over but it was a very long time before Pete called me sweet thing or lil' sis again.

All in all there was a lot of emotional baggage to deal with. I still feel like I have a split personality. All that death, each one crystal clear in my memory. Technically vampires are already dead but I feel so alive I can't use that as a sop to my conscience. I killed, again. An' only if I try real hard to dredge up the echoes of my human emotions can I summon more than a shred of remorse. A part of me is grateful that vampires see things so differently an' the human part of me is horrified that I can be so callous. It's not a comfortable feelin', like havin' a war goin' on in my soul, but I force myself to think about it often as a way to hold onto my humanity. Jasper thinks I'm bein' too hard on myself, saying I was forced to kill to defend the people I love an' I understand his argument, I really do. But. I feel vengeful an' violent. Much more so now than when I was an out of control newborn. I'm afraid I may start to like my power an' my strength a little too much, especially as it grows.

My scars bother me too, I know its shallow, but I'm a woman an' I can't help it. Jasper says the scars are one of the most beautiful things about me, because they show my love for him an' he worships them at every opportunity.

In the months after the fight we became nomads, wandering the country with no particular goal in mind, slowly relaxin' into the knowledge that it was over an' we had survived intact. Well almost intact. Pete lost part of his left ass cheek an' we never did find it in all that mess. Char calls the little depression her new love handle an' Pete calls it Bella's Fuckin' Fault, or BFF. Maybe he's still a teeny bit mad at me.

I have mixed feelings about the nomadic lifestyle. It's very freeing to be able to wander about at will, goin' where the fancy takes you an' not havin' to worry about all the usual human crap. From time to time we ran across other nomads, we avoided them when we could and when we couldn't we didn't linger long, using my newborness as an excuse. During that time I fell a long way, a policeman's daughter an' ex-cop thinkin' nothin' of breakin' into someone's house to steal a hot shower an' clean clothes, Charlie'd be turning in his grave if he knew. But I'm a home body at heart an' even though I don't need them I missed my creature comforts. An', oh dear god, I cannot express how much I missed my bed, especially now I have realised that if I lower my mental shield Jasper can put me in a state of lassitude that almost feels like sleep. He's so talented. I kept quiet about my desire to have a home again, fearin' Pete teasin' me about being a tame vampire an' to my relief it was Char who broke first, one day when she was sittin' by a stream dispiritedly pickin' twigs an' leaves out of her luscious blonde hair.

An' so after some debate we spoke to Jenks an' asked him to find us a place in Texas.

As soon as we settled in an' started to calm down we began to think about plannin' for the future. It took us six months to get that point an' now another six months have passed an' we're no further forward. We've been living content in the moment, somethin' that seems to come easy to vampires, after all a year is nothin' in the grand scheme of things. But its time to step out of our little bubble an' make some decisions.

The Major an' Jasper Whitlock are dead an' for all our safety they need to stay that way. Just yesterday three losers turned up lookin' for him, how the fuck do these people keep findin' us? Has one of us got a GPS talent we're not aware of? Are we on fuckin' twitter? Follow the Whitlocks on NORAD's Jasper tracker! Their visit has shaken all of us.

Of course life hasn't stopped completely. Carlisle has been e-mailin' an' textin' Jasper regularly trying to talk to him about Alice an' Edward, but we've ignored him on the basis that dead vampires don't have real good communication skills. I suppose we'll have to talk to him soon in case he decides to try an' find us.

We've also been workin' on my exposure to humans. So far so good but, damn, they smell delicious. We've walked through towns a couple of times, either early or late when there are few people about an' always with Jasper holdin' my hand an' Pete an' Char flanking me. An' we've been and wandered through stores but never stoppin' always on the move so the scents don't get a chance to build up in my nose. Jasper's caution has been frustratin' to say the least but I've happily done it his way because frankly I am ready to get back to civilisation, even shopping sounds like heaven to me about now. An' dancing. I want Jasper to take me dancin'.

"Sweet thing!" Pete's voice breaks into my dirty dancin' daydream. "Get outta that wimpy ass tree an' get home. Family meetin' was supposed to start half an hour ago."

"K Pete. I'll be right behind you."

Climbing down my tree an' takin' a last look at the expansive Texas sky I follow him home.

All the lights are blazin' in welcome an' Jasper is standing on the porch waitin' for me.

"I've missed you." He murmurs, buryin' his face in my hair an' wrapping his arms around me.

I press my face briefly against his heart scar and then lift it to his. With a groan his lips descend, moving softly but insistently against mine. Immediately heat washes across me an' my breathin' hitches, Jasper responds by pullin' me closer an' deepenin' the kiss his tongue demandin' entrance to my mouth.

"Oh for the love of . . . ." Pete's testy voice floats out through the open door. "Pack it in. You're like fuckin' rabbits!"

With a growl Jasper kicks his booted foot back, slammin' the screen door an' I climb up his body wrappin' my legs around him. He moves his hands down to grab my ass and turns shovin' me against the wall, his mouth droppin' down to attack my neck, his erection grindin' into me in just the right place.

I reach up, cuppin' my hands around his face pulling it up an' as close to mine as I can while I devour his mouth. Using his hips to pin me in place he raises one hand to pull at my hair while the other rips my shirt open without preamble an' roughly finds my breast.

Gaspin' I open my eyes just in time to see Pete's evil grin as he empties a barrel of water over us.

"Bastard!" Jasper roars, droppin' me back onto my feet an' takin' off after an already fleeing Pete. Within seconds they're out of sight an' a moment later we can no longer hear Pete's laughin' or Jasper's threats to tear him limb from limb.

Char appears in the doorway and we laugh together. "There goes another family meetin'." She observes, smirkin' at me trying to pull my torn shirt together. "You need to go clothes shoppin' sugar. As quick as I get you somethin' J rips it off you. Must be the vampire equivalent of keepin' you barefoot an' pregnant, Pete was almost as bad our first couple of years together."

"Can we go now?" I ask, suddenly excited. I have sensed for a long time that Char is my best bet to get someone to weaken an' agree to take me out, she's as keen as I am for some quality girl time.

"There'll only be the Wal-Mart open." She muses. "Won't be many customers this time of night. Why not? It'll teach those two cavemen a lesson to come back an' find us gone."

Wisely Char leaves a note tapped to the screen door while I flit upstairs and grab a clean t-shirt.

Within minutes we're bouncin' along the drive in Pete's truck with me fidgetin' in my seat like a five year old.

"Sugar. Its only Wal-Mart."

"I know Char but its out." I squeal. "You've no idea how much I've been longin' to do somethin' simple like go to the store an' pick up milk."

"Milk?" She snorts. "Have you any idea how fuckin' disgustin' it smells to a vampire."

"No." Excitement makes my voice higher than normal. "An' that's the point. I haven't done any of this stuff yet. I've spent my newborn year fightin' an' hidin'. I wanna have some fun, there must be so many cool things you can do in the real world when you're a vampire!"

"You'd better behave yourself an' do what I tell ya." She growls.

I nod.

"Promise me Bella or I'm turnin' the truck round now. J'll kill me if you get into any trouble."

"I promise Char." I tell her seriously. "Can we get a pizza? I've really missed pizza!"

"You can get one if you want sugar but you'll be cleanin' up the mess afterwards if you try an' eat it."

We drive on in silence until finally we pull into the parkin' lot.

"You will stay directly by my side." Char orders. "You will concentrate an' move at human speed. You will do as you are told an' you will tell me immediately if you feel remotely tempted to hunt anyone. Clear?"

"Clear. Trust me Char, I don't want to screw this up."

"I'm not really worried about you drinkin' anyone sugar." She softens slightly. "You've proven already you can resist. I'm just worried about ya doin' somethin' that lets people know you're different."

"I'll be careful."

"Come on then." She opens her door. "Let's go peruse their fine clothin' lines."

I follow her into the brightly lit store, vampire eyes wide like saucers. The noise of the lights humming' sounds to my sensitive ears like a jet is roarin' overhead. I haven't felt this disorientated since I first woke to this life.

"A bit much?" She whispers, takin' my elbow.

"A bit." I take a deep breath wanting to re-experience the smells of a big store. Huge mistake, there are five people in the store an' the smell of their blood makes me want to salivate like a starvin' man in a bakery. To me, the actual bakery smells like river silt an' I wrinkle my nose.

"Don't fancy that pizza now, huh?"

"Eww. No, it smells disgustin' in here."

"Let's grab some clothes an' head home." She says, leadin' me deeper into the store. "Don't wanna push our luck first time out without the guys."

Quickly we select some jeans, shorts, t-shirts an' a couple of light cotton dresses as well as armfuls of underwear. Jasper is particularly hard on my underwear, the man has no patience for it at all.

Throughout it all I am aware of the delicious scent of human blood but to my relief with a little effort I can ignore it. Goin' through the tills is the hardest. Up close I can see, hear and smell the blood underneath their fragile skin and I have to grit my teeth.

As soon as we are outside I take a deep breath to clear my nose. Relief floods through me, I did it, I am pretty much ready to re-enter polite society.

"You did good sugar." Char chuckles pullin' me in for a hug before she suddenly stiffens lookin' over my shoulder.