Chapter 6: Earth.

Earth...

Ta'uri for the Goa'uld: the Homeworld of the human species and possible capital of the Ancients in the Milky Way, the world that initiated the fall of the System Lords, and that in less than fifteen years went from being a forgotten and nobody world to an unusual but undisputed galactic -and even intergalactic- power in its own right. The world that, according to Li Shou's descriptions, was the most similar to mine, culturally speaking, despite belonging to different species; I did not expect to get to know it so soon, but now I was there, in its orbit.

— "Do you enjoy the view?"

— Ehm... Yeah, yeah... Boss, Earth? Are you sure about this?

— "Why are you so surprised? If I have infiltrators inside the SGC, it's obvious I have them in other circles of power on Earth. Doesn't it seem logical to you?"

— Now that you mention it... Yes, it does sound logical.

— "If it's for fear of detection, you should know that no one will discover our ship. So we'll have a..." -Li Shou abruptly fell silent; something on the monitors caught his attention- "There's activity in orbit: something came out of hypersp..."

— Boss?

— "By Apep..."

— "Boss, what happened...?

When I looked ahead again I understood why: a dark blue, pod-like or arrowhead spacecraft was orbiting the Earth, fighting two Oddysey-like ships. And it was huge... FUCKING huge: while the human ships were at least half a kilometer long, the other was over twenty. In the distance, several fighters from both ships could be seen deployed fighting each other. One of the human ships was already looking quite damaged. Li Shou grunted and then hit the control panel with his fist and flashed his eyes.

— "Damn it, can't those Ta'uri do anything right?"

— Whose giant ship is that, Boss?

— "If my intel on Atlantis is correct... it's a Wraith." -I watched out of the corner of my eye as he swallowed saliva- "We're screwed, Hard Drive. Really screwed."

I had already learned of the Wraith: that alien species from that galaxy that humans knew as Pegasus, who were responsible for the ultimate downfall of the Ancients, and who fed on the life force of the inhabitants of that galaxy - mostly humans - treating them like cattle. I admit that I was terrified just imagining meeting one: only the fact that they were three million light years away was a little reassuring. But everything indicated that...

The ship then detected another signal of something coming out of hyperspace, and when we saw it... Even Li Shou was dumbfounded, and with good reason: a huge, snowflake-shaped ship made of gleaming metal emerged out of nowhere, and although it was smaller than the SuperHive, it was still huge: the most incredible thing was that not only was it giving it battle, and seemed to be winning, but the structures on top of that snowflake-shaped thing looked like skyscrapers. A spaceship with skyscrapers? It immediately dawned on me as I remembered my lessons on the Ancients about what I was seeing, and I gasped.

— Atlantis...

— "'It has come to protect the Earth from the Pegasus galaxy.'" -commented Li Shou- "After nearly ten million years, it has returned home."

— That's... impressive. -I snapped ecstatically- Imagine what we could do with it!

— "I like your ambition, Hard Drive. Unfortunately it will be impossible for us to take it: we don't have enough resources for it; a pity not to be able to take advantage of this unique opportunity. Anyway, it will be useless to us without someone with the ATA gene."

— True. -I agreed- "We would have to kidnap a human to serve us.

— "Even that would be too dangerous, and difficult. Let's watch the battle from a safe distance and wait: it won't do any good to go down to the surface if Earth becomes the new Wraith feeding trough."

— Don't you think we could take advantage of that to get hold of some wraith ship or something?

— "I thought about it, but it's not worth the risk; as far as I know, they don't have anything I'm interested in."

We stayed hidden for a couple of hours until we watched as the SuperHive was destroyed in a nuclear explosion, and Atlantis entered the atmosphere; according to the ship's calculations, it would dock in the bay of a city called San Francisco, which Li Shou found amusing for some reason. We followed the ship at a safe distance until it landed-although it was hidden in time-and then we saw the city in the distance, one that reminded me very much of Calico Bay in Phellus. They even had a similar iconic suspension bridge! As if we Kats were unwittingly replicating Earth culture.

What struck me most of all was Atlantis itself: the knowledge it housed, the technology, the fact that it was a city and an intergalactic ship at the same time... damn: I never imagined anything like it, and I doubt anyone on Megakat, or on my entire planet for that matter. It was the most wonderful thing I had ever seen in my life.

I swore that someday, Li Shou and I would get it.

— "A spectacular view, but we must get back on our agenda."

— Right. So where are we going now, boss?

— "We're going to the "Pearl of the Orient": Shanghai."

We crossed a ocean named "Pacific" to the night side of the planet, reaching the shores of a great continent named Asia, specifically a country called China, whose culture was the same as that of the former Celican Empire on my planet, which was now a vassal of the Mishima Empire. The city of Shanghai was extremely impressive, very similar to the pictures of the great Mishimese cities, but at a much more spectacular range, with neon lights and spotlights shining on the huge skyscrapers. We took a little aerial tour of the city as I gawked at that alien metropolis and Li Shou passed me a couple of photos: they were of the city, barely fifteen years apart. The city had changed dramatically from a place of low-rise buildings to one riddled with skyscrapers!

— "When I first came here ten thousand years ago, it was a swampy river delta."

— Ah, right: you told me that your old lord ruled a part of the Earth from which he drew his slaves.

— "Lord Yu... That old man..." -his tone changed to a less... mocking one- "He never had any real interest in this planet or this part of the galaxy, so I ended up doing most of the work of ruling the region of China. I even taught them how to grow rice, how to channel the rivers, among other things." -he grumbled a little- "But of course: the one who got the credit was Yu."

— In other words, you were Yu's "Callie Briggs." -I commented by way of mockery-.

— "You could say that. I don't care anyway: I did learn to appreciate Earth; I haven't stopped coming here since."

He explained to me that even with the Goa'uld expelled five thousand years ago, Li Shou kept coming to Earth to visit, to learn, study, investigate, and -how could he not- infiltrate if he could, and he did so within the Chinese Empire for centuries, earning the respect of entire dynasties, and even during the time of the Republic, and up to the present day, having powerful allies within the Chinese Communist Party, since they never quite trusted the United States -the human nation that has the Stargate on Earth- and its role in the Stargate Program. By now I knew a bit about how the United Nations worked, and all that, but it still struck me that communism still existed: on Phellus, both communism and fascism had been annihilated, discredited and banned after the Mega-War 2, so the eight kat nations were all more or less functional democracies.

— Ah... Since China is part of this "UN Security Council" as a permanent member, and knows about the Stargate, it is your main source of information.

— "Exactly, and in return, I give them some technological advances... which of course, they must keep secret. They're good at that; I can assure you."

— And you'll be meeting with them now.

— "Communist Party's members, and some like-minded powerful businessmen close to the government. My role as 'god' in the past gives me some prestige among them, despite their being mostly atheists." -he scoffed- "What can I say."

— I feel like I won't fit in at that meeting, boss. All humans and...well, you...

— "You don't have to participate; we'll be speaking Chinese -or Celican- anyway, and you wouldn't understand. As for the species thing, don't worry: they already know that my host is a kat, so they won't be too surprised to see you; you just have to behave a little. They're pretty rigid about that protocol thing."

— I guess I can stay on the ship or in some room.

— "Or you can take a walk around the city."

— What?

Li Shou gave an amused smile and then pulled out a small medallion-like device: it was a holographic camouflage device that could create an image around me to pass me off as human. It was like putting on a mask or a full-body suit, and would serve to go unnoticed. The idea appealed to me: getting to know the Earth, or a part of it up close, sounded very fascinating, and also fun.

And speaking of funny, Li Shou started laughing for no reason.

— What's so funny?

— "Hehehe... I just thought, maybe you don't need the device after all... and end up pretending to be a furry."

— A what?

— "A person who has a fetish for anthropomorphic animals. Although your 'costume' would be too perfect."

— You're not fucking me, are you, boss?

— "No. "

— Humans here are rare.

— "In Phellus, furries also exist, though it's a trend with no name yet. But changing the subject, since you have your Surge Coat, you can use it to explore more things. Internet for example."

Oh, Holy Kats: ever since I heard about the Internet, I've had the illusion of knowing about it, and now that I was on Earth, I could have access to it through my cell phone. Better yet: with my Surge Coat, I could ENTER the Internet and explore it at my leisure.

I may not have a role other than that of a tourist on this mission, but getting to know the Earth would be enriching.

The ship landed on a rooftop of one of the buildings in Pudong's financial district -the Shanghai World Financial Center- without anyone noticing; although Li Shou also had a cloaking device to pass for human, he did not use it. We were greeted cordially by a group of businessmen -all in black or gray suits- who greeted us by bowing and escorted us to an elegant meeting room with a great view on one of the upper floors of the building; those guys reminded me a lot of that Mr. Young and his associates who once came to set up their company's headquarters in Megakat Tower.

They initially pointed at me as if wondering who I was: Li Shou explained to them -in Celican-Chinese and Mercian, from what I heard- that I was a business partner and companion. After that, they looked at me with less suspicion; at least I ascertained that they were already used to their "old god" having a feline appearance, and that their suspicion of me was because of my delinquent appearance and not because of my species.

I did not stay long in that meeting, as they always spoke in Chinese and I did not understand anything. Besides, environments like that made me uncomfortable and bored me: so much protocol, formality, nice and elegant business suits... Damn: I envied Li Shou for acting so naturally and adapted to that environment while I tried not to get bored while playing with my cell phone or staring at the void. I was a guy who always lived in poverty, in simplicity, and disdained exaggerated formalities... although I never despised the comfort of a life of luxury and wealth. I excused myself to the boss, telling him I would go for a walk around, and he nodded calmly; whether the others noticed or cared that I was leaving, I didn't care.

I locked myself in a room reserved for us, poured myself a soda and a bag of chips from the mini-bar, and lay down on my bed to use the building's wifi to access the Internet with my cell phone. Despite being in a country with somewhat restricted connectivity, I was able to get an idea of what the Internet had to offer; it wasn't ten minutes before I was bored, and decided to do some field exploration. I got out of bed, standing in front of a mirror, put the fake documents and papers Li Shou gave me in my pockets, and took a Hephaestus-modified camouflage device and tried it out.

The device looked like a small brooch that I hid inside my coat; when I activated it, it was to create a realistic holographic image that would give me a human appearance, hiding my feline features. The image reflected in the mirror made such an impression on me that I almost jumped back in surprise: light-colored and furless skin, only slightly covered with hair on the arms; green eyes -like mine- a barely shaved face -I think they would call it sandpaper skin- that gave a somewhat scruffy and rough look, five-fingered hands, somewhat scruffy blond hair, and with a more subtle Mohawk style: almost shaved on the sides of the head, and more abundant on the top. I must admit that I liked my human appearance.

I deactivated the device, left the room and went to the elevator; there was a guard there, who asked me where I was planning to go. Fortunately he could speak Mercian... or English, as they call it here.

— I will go to see the city. Mr. Li Shou gave me permission.

— You can't go like this. I remind you that you're not human.

— I've got that covered. -I activated the device; clearly the guy was impressed- Can I go now?

— Of course; just don't be long, Mr...

— Stern... Kevin Stern.

After leaving the building I found a city with a hectic nightlife: I moved away from that financial district and went to a more commercial one, with electronics stores, clothing stores, banks, restaurants, cafes, street vendors and so on. There were many people walking happily or carefree on the streets and riding in vehicles despite it being late at night. People... humans... It didn't matter, I guess. I immediately noticed that many of those people looked at me out of the corner of their eyes as I passed near them or with extreme curiosity if they were at a distance. I immediately understood that besides my clothes, which gave me a "bad boy" look, it must also be because even as a human, I didn't look like them, not being of their race. Li Shou once explained to me about that, but told me not to worry.

I passed by a street food stall, whose smell, I admit, was quite tempting: meat, fried fish and vegetables, exotic seasonings... I was already getting hungry.

— American, right?

— Huh? -I turned around when I heard that question with a curious accent, it was the owner of the stall- Excuse me?

— Are you American?

— Ah... Yeah. -I answered calmly; in a way, I wasn't lying: United States and Muricia were almost "sister" nations- I'm a tourist.

— I thought so. First time?

— Yes...

— Would you like to try something?

— Umm... Okay.

Upon payment with a few US dollars that Li Shou gave me beforehand along with a credit card and a fake ID, I indulged in some fried mantou -a type of fried, sweet bread- and shaoimai stuffed with pork and mushroom. Satisfied with my snack, I said goodbye to the vendor and continued my exploration by walking the streets and window shopping. I noticed that cell phones like mine were in trend, and there were stores specialized in selling them, as well as accessories such as protective covers, chargers, headphones, and other things; just seeing people, mostly young people, being attached to those devices made me laugh, because I was beginning to understand their fascination for those devices.

Despite having already eaten something, my palate demanded something more... familiar to my taste and less exotic, so after passing a billboard about a blue alien movie, I entered a fast food restaurant and ordered a hamburger with fries and a soda. It was fortunate that the cashier knew how to speak my language; I guess due to the fact that I was receiving more and more foreign tourists in the city. I took my order after paying with my credit card, and settled down to eat in a solitary corner of the restaurant, avoiding the curious glances of the employees and some diners; my clothes still seemed a little strange and suspicious, I guess, but I didn't care. This time I had no intention of stealing.

While I was eating, I diverted my gaze to a flat screen TV that was showing a news item -with subtitles, thank goodness- about some lights or meteors seen on the west coast of the United States. The fact that it didn't mention the appearance of a strange metallic city gave me to understand that Atlantis had managed to camouflage itself.

"Meteor shower": that was how they tried to explain Atlantis' re-entry into the atmosphere; then I realized something quite shocking: all these people -except the one Li Shou knew- were completely and utterly ignorant that less than a few hours before a spaceship bigger than a mountain was about to attack their planet, and that they were saved by an alien city-ship piloted by people from their own world. Strange things happen in Megakat, but the rest of Phellus has no idea about them, or tries to ignore them; my city has a bad reputation of being a nest of crime and unusual events, but beyond that, nobody outside seems to care... or tries to avoid touching the theme.

Another sight caught my attention and made me interrupt my meal: on the other side of the restaurant -relatively empty at that hour- there was a young married couple with their young son, dining together and smiling. Seeing them interacting in such a cheerful and carefree way, with the future ahead of them, reminded me of my childhood: when I was little, between five to seven years old, my family was too poor to come to places like this often, and we went at least once a month as a reward for a month full of hardships.

It was my mom, dad and me: having dinner, laughing, sharing together despite being of humble and simple life. Good times and good memories that after a sweet review, left me with the bitter taste of the present when I remembered that they are not at all proud of me for the path I took, nor particularly interested in seeing me again... and to be honest, not that I'm excited to see them either. But those memories, in this place after seeing that human family made me think of my own after so many years: I was on the other side of the galaxy, on a completely different yet similar planet, and for the first time I wondered what would become of them nowadays. What would happen if I visited them? Would they embrace their son Kevin, or would they only see the criminal Hard Drive he became?

When did I become so sensitive?

I finished my meal and left the restaurant, but not before taking one last look at that couple before they became aware of my presence. Deep down, I wished them good luck, and that their son didn't end up like me. The last thing I needed right now was competition.

I was about to return to the building when I remembered that I had not yet tried going online, but really GOING ONLINE. The problem was that it was crowded, and I needed somewhere uncrowded for him to see me "energize"; the last thing I wanted was to draw attention to myself and make Li Shou angry at my recklessness. Bless the dark, abandoned alleys that exist in every big city: extremely cliché, but quite convenient; after making sure there were no surveillance cameras, I turned to energy by entering through a wall light and got onto the power grid, and after managing to get onto a computer, I got onto the Internet.

It wasn't like the Asgard Core, not by a long shot, but... Holy Kats! Everything in there was extremely varied: not only cultural, scientific and technical information, but absolutely EVERYTHING you could imagine: forums that talked about such mundane things as TV series, cartoons and movies, even pornography sites. I learned about the concept of social networks and I found it fun and interesting... but I also learned that on the Internet you could get VERY valuable things, and not only buying things in specialized pages, but... if someone was extremely smart, they could steal bank accounts, corporate and military secrets, personal data, medical reports, things that could make you a millionaire if you knew how to use that information.

I took the trouble to use that global network to literally go around the world, and appear in different places in the world; I was in at least ten cities in less than two minutes: Sydney, Delhi, Moscow, Paris, Cairo, Dubai, Buenos Aires, New York... In the latter, I appeared on top of a building called Empire State and saw the city below: there was nobody there and it was early in the morning; despite the risk, I was tempted to stand by the railing of the observation post and take a lot of air to fill my lungs.

— Look out, Earth, Hard Drive is here to stay!

I felt alive, free to be there, on the other side of the galaxy, in an alien city and far from my past, from my parents, from the Enforcers, from Feral, from Dark Kat, from the Swat Kats... Li Shou was right to value Earth: this planet was far more valuable and interesting than any of its congeners could imagine. A world so much like Phellus...

I returned to my room through the power lines. When I materialized, Li Shou was already there, drinking a cup of tea, as if waiting for me and with no sign of surprise.

— "Good. I guess you had fun."

— Yeah... I did, actually. How was your reunion, boss?

— "Long but productive; good thing you didn't stay or you would have fallen asleep." -he said offhandedly; I ended up laughing at that- "You'll continue to supply me with information on both activities here and the Pegasus galaxy as I assist your little secret stellar colonization project. Now they've got a whole lawsuit going on with Atlantis stationed in San Francisco Bay, but it's none of my business; we won't be able to steal it anyway. That would expose us."

— Okay. So we're done here, then?

— "I guess." -he heaved a big sigh before continuing- "We'd better get back home. But first, you might be interested in making a couple of small stopovers." -he sketched a smile laden with mischief- "Just by any chance, have you ever been to Dubai?"

Minutes later, we were already in the Tel'tak, leaving Shanghai and flying west; Li Shou piloted while I told him about my experiences on Earth, both in the city and on the Internet and my little tourist visits of less than two minutes, which made him laugh. It was already twilight hours when we arrived at the aforementioned city by the sea and with our backs to a desert, and what I saw...

OH, HOLY KATS.

The Arab-Islamic culture of Earth had its equivalent to the United Kingdoms of Osman in Phellus, but the city of Dubai was several levels above what I knew of that kat nation: Modern skyscrapers with glass facades and whimsical shapes, long avenues lined with palm trees on which luxury vehicles drove, squares lined with palms and trees. By the sea, there was a sail-shaped building with a tennis court on the terrace -a fucking tennis court!-, and that building was the most exclusive hotel on the planet. Li Shou flew over the center of the city circling around an extremely tall, VERY tall, spire-shaped building.

— "It's the Burk Khalifa, which at 828 meters is the tallest building on Earth. It opened last year; you should have seen it lit up by fireworks."

— It's much taller and more impressive than that pathetic Megakat Tower.

— "You mean that ready-to-demolish piece of crap? Of course it's better."

— This whole city seems to say luxury all over the place. It overwhelms me.

— "And you haven't seen anything."

He was right: I hadn't noticed it when I arrived, but on the coast of the city there were several islands... all artificial, which was not new, but what was new was their size and shape. What was new was their size and shape: there was an archipelago in the shape of the map of the Earth's continents, and two others in the shape of a palm tree, yes, a PALM TREE. And all these mega-projects were for luxury housing. Li Shou flew very closely over one of these palm tree islands and pointed out a rather luxurious house with a garden.

— "That's mine; I bought it last year; do you like it? When we're here longer, we can use it as a vacation home."

— Damn, that's impressive, how do you manage to have all this without them getting suspicious, boss?

— "Money, Hard Drive, is what drives the universe. Don't forget that. Ready for one last quick stopover?"

I could only say yes, and we left the city to fly full speed west again, arriving in what would be the center of the United States, on the outskirts of a small town called Colorado Springs in the morning hours. From above, it looked like any medium-sized town I would find in the interior of Muricia, as in the state of Heartland: not too big, not too small, not too fancy, not too shantytown. I felt the desire to walk its streets at least for a few minutes to feel more at home.

We didn't fly too low, let alone approach a resort in the mountains, and I understood why.

— "That's the headquarters of Earth Stargate Command; our most important adversaries, Hard Drive." -he clarified as we flew over the city and he pointed toward the mountains- "They're busy with the Atlantis thing, but I won't risk them detecting the ship."

— I don't suppose you'll be asking me to infiltrate their computers either.

— "I didn't even come up with the idea; I admit it's a good one. But not at the moment; we'd better wait until we're sure they won't detect you in their systems."

— You're right, boss. So, are we done here?

— "Yes; I just wanted to familiarize you with Earth and get you acquainted with the SGC base. It's time to go home."

The Tel'tak pulled away from the city and soon left the atmosphere to return to hyperspace, on its way home. Li Shou let Lenny pilot the ship, and we began to talk, exchanging views on what we had just seen here: clearly, it was troubling that the wraith had arrived in the Milky Way; their presence here was a threat not only to Li Shou's plans, but to our very existence. We were lucky today.

The other thing was about our views on Earth, on which the three of us agreed: it was much more valuable as it was now, and should be kept that way; of course, Lenny made it clear that sooner or later we would conquer it one way or another. Then came the part that I would call the most... "scientific".

— Why do you think Earth and Phellus share the same culture? From what I just saw, they have the same languages, the same customs, the same way of life, etc. Doesn't Li Shou have a theory about that?

— Well... -Lenny became thoughtful before answering- In the Pegasus galaxy, several human groups developed cultures very similar to the western cultures of medieval times or of the industrial and atomic age on Earth; as these have no link with the terrestrial cultures, he believes it is due to some kind of genetic memory within the human DNA.

— Like that of the Goa'uld?

— Similar, but by comparison, virtually imperceptible. In short, humans from different galaxies and with no contact create similar cultures due to a hypothetical genetic memory inherited or implanted by the Ancients. However... with the kats it is difficult to determine what happened.

— You say that our culture, our entire civilization...

— Is human in essence, yes. -Lenny nodded serenely- As if it had been unconsciously implanted in us over the centuries since four thousand years ago, after the end of the Dark Ages that began after the escape of Bastet.

— I heard something about that time in history classes during school. -I pointed out, trying to remember those lessons- A time of barbarism and anarchy in which all societies were extremely unstable.

— Li Shou was in Phellus at that time and he can corroborate it, Kevin. What's more: according to the observations he made back then, he predicted that our species would return to the Stone Age in less than a millennium after his visit.

— But that didn't happen.

— Oh, of course it didn't. -Lenny laughed- And I think it's one of the few times he doesn't regret being wrong. But he still wonders why.

It was a very good question, and I'm not that philosophical. Why didn't we go back to being primitive tribal kats? How did we adopt human culture without having had contact with them? Even more disturbing, what or WHO did it? The Ancient maybe? The Asgard? And why? Perhaps the latter was the only one that could be answered: to save us from barbarism. And while the idea of being culturally and unconsciously colonized by another species was disturbing, and even more so the fact that our histories were almost parallel, at that point it was something that neither Lenny nor I cared much about. A philosopher, a scientist or a kat theologian might find these theories a head-scratcher, but I didn't care, and what's more: like Li Shou, I saw it as a great advantage when it came to understanding humans and interacting with them.

That philosophical discussion aside, there were two other things I wanted to share with Lenny, whom I most certainly saw as a friend. I told him about the young family I saw, and of the nostalgic memories he made me feel about my own; something in his expression made me think he had a similar story, but he didn't want to tell it. I had known him for several months, and he never talked about his family.

— You miss them, don't you?

— A little, I think. -I answered without being entirely sure- I doubt they'll take me back anyway. My costume is terrible.

— That's true: apart from the coat and the mohawk, clearly everyone knows Hard Drive's identity. At least those who know you, Kevin.

— Well... I always thought it was stupid to wear a mask like those silly Swat Kats. Let alone a full mask. -I guffawed a little before wiping away any mocking expression- I'm pathetic, aren't I? Thinking of my family at this point and knowing they'll never forgive me.

— Maybe Li Shou would tell you yes... but he would also say the same thing I'm telling you now: it's normal to miss them, given the bonds of affection and family we have as a species. The Goa'uld don't have that.

— Do you think about your family, Lenny? You barely talk about them.

— Mmm...

— Did I say something wrong? I'm sorry if...

— They don't live in Megakat; they moved away when I was eighteen. -his expression was cold, stern, almost annoyed- That's all I can tell you now, Kevin; I don't like to talk about it. Anything else you want to talk about before we get home?

— Yes. There's something I've been meaning to ask for a long time. Who is Minos?

Any hint of relaxation or attempt at relaxation in Lenny was completely erased; while he didn't look angry or upset as with the issue of his family, he did look worried and indecisive. Was it such a bad thing? Normally I would try to understand his concerns... but I had been holding on to that uncertainty for months, and... damn it, indirectly because of that Goa'uld I ended up dead only to be revived in the Sarcophagus. I needed answers!

— Kevin, I...

— You're not gonna tell me?

— It's just, um...

— I thought we were partners in this. -I suddenly mumbled- That we were friends.

— We are, Kevin! Is that... Do you really want to know who he is?

— Damn it, Lenny. One of his Jaffa killed me! Anybody would want to know who his killer works for!

— Sigh... Give me a minute, will you?

I had to grant it to him only because I trusted him to give me an answer; I was somewhat annoyed by Lenny's hesitation to tell me the truth, and because I really wanted him to remain my friend. Lenny turned around and rubbed his temples, as if in thought; if I had to guess, I think he and Li Shou were having a real mental debate, not to say argument or tiff, about what I had just asked. A couple of minutes later, he turned to me: he looked strangely exhausted.

— Well?

— I talked it over with Li Shou... And he thinks you deserve to know the truth: you'll find out as soon as we get home.

— Good: something fruitful came out of that mental marital debate. -Lenny frowned- Hey, it's just that sometimes you guys seem like that: house-sharing stuff, I guess.

— Funny. -he laughed reluctantly; then let out a long sigh- Tell me... I guess you're afraid of Dark Kat, aren't you?

— Mmm... You could say that. -that was my rude way of saying that yes, I was afraid of that giant purple bastard- It's only natural.

— Get ready, because you'll stop doing it. -he blurted out- Now you'll be afraid of something worse.

He wasn't wrong; he wasn't wrong at all. When we arrived at Lenny's house, and arrived at Li Shou's lair, Lenny took me to a room with a digital projector. He warned me that the recording I was about to see was broadcast for all the Goa'uld in the galaxy, and that it had been edited for its crudeness; I played brave, telling him I wanted to see the uncensored version. After much prodding, Lenny nodded without first blurting out "I warned you."

He had previously been briefed on the bovine species that attacked us on Tartarus: the Shu'halo, a species discovered by a Goa'uld named Apis, and which he adopted with host along with Minos and others before the discovery of humans and kats. These Shu'halo were a people with a strong attachment to nature and traditions, usually peaceful, but willing to fight if necessary; apparently, they had easily defeated Goa'uld warriors on Unas hosts. Considering that these minotaurs were almost three meters tall and weighed between three to five hundred kilos, I am not surprised.

After a brief review of Minos, came the video and...

Minos had a white-furred Shu'halo as host, larger than average, which in itself was impressive: a mass of muscle covered in white fur and with black horns wearing armor that barely covered him and a look out of a horror movie.

The decapitation of a human Jaffa by squeezing his head with one hand while he was still alive; the torture of Zeus, the amputation of his arm and how he ate it; and when he had had enough he ended up biting off his head and eating the symbiote that was trying to escape…

The final scene, with Minos covered in blood looking straight into the camera, with Zeus' severed head in one hand and a gnawed limb in the other, and that look of fury were not as terrifying as his threat, one directed at anyone who got in his way. Phrases that stuck in my memory.

"Obey me or die."

"No matter where they go. This galaxy is my Labyrinth, and no one escapes it."

And the worst of all this cannibal brutality was that this Zeus... was his father. Minos had just tortured and devoured his own father.

Holy Kats...

I felt guilty about playing the tough macho guy by choosing to watch the uncensored version: I was terrified, dizzy, my body was shaking and I felt so nauseous I wanted to vomit. When I felt someone tapping my shoulder gave a scream like a frightened child and I jerked back... only to find it was Lenny, with a glass in his left paw. He didn't seem to be mocking my reaction, but looked quite sympathetic to it. He's scared of him too, I thought.

— How are you? I brought you some water.

— I think I'll need a beer... or something stronger. -I gasped on the floor as I tried to get up- Holy... Kats...

— I warned you.

— And I made myself the alpha male. -I complained; not about Lenny, but about myself; I took the glass with water and drank it in one gulp- I urge alcohol, and strong.

— I doubt it will do you any good.

— Damn it! Minos is... He's a demon! And that thing's planning to conquer the galaxy?!

— It's worse than that: he's doing it, Kevin. It has most of the former Goa'uld domain under its control. Luckily, it hasn't found this sector or the Li Shou worlds yet; now it's concentrating on gathering most of the territories and eradicating any alien civilizations that pose a threat to it.

— What about Earth?

— He hasn't attacked it... but he will: he has a great grudge against that planet. And he'll raze it to the ground, just as he would if he got to Phellus.

— Damn it.

— That's why it's important for Li Shou to control the galaxy before he does: to be strong enough to eliminate him.

— Matter of survival. -I blurt out; Lenny and I start to leave the room- I guess money is not the only thing that interests him.

— Li Shou wants to dominate a galaxy where all species end up dominated by the Goa'uld in the shadows as long as they maintain their way of life and technology; Minos wants an entire galaxy of Stone Age slaves. Do you understand the difference?

— Something tells me that sooner or later we're going to ally with Earth.

— Mmm... He hopes not, but we'll probably end up doing it. Of course, he hopes to have control of Phellus by then, and that the humans don't contact the kats before then.

— Li Shou is afraid of him, isn't he? That's why he keeps himself hidden, and is so careful not to leave any traces. And that's why he was angry when his plan in Tartarus almost failed.

— Who in their right mind wouldn't be afraid of that psychopathic hulk? He may be a hulk of muscle, but he's smart; we can't underestimate him.

— You were right about one thing: Dark Kat now looks like a small insect to me in comparison. -that made me laugh mischievously- I don't think I'm afraid of that idiot anymore; I just want to crush him.

— Hehehehe... That's good to hear.

— Despite all that stuff about how we'll probably end up saving the galaxy from that monster... Will we still make a profit?

— Being selfless heroes and not making a dime? Do you see us looking like Swat Kats or what? haha! Business will go on, Kevin: don't worry about that.

— Cool.

After that conversation, I said goodbye to Lenny and returned to my apartment without anyone noticing. I tried to rest a bit and assimilate what I had just experienced: on the one hand, getting to know Earth was an unforgettable experience, and like Li Shou, I began to grow fond of that planet, and perhaps, in a way, of its people. I would go back there without a doubt.

On the other hand, there was Minos: it was creepy to know that there was someone so monstrous out there, conquering planets, wiping them out completely and enslaving people in ways that even the Goa'uld would consider frightening. If he showed up on Phellus, we were dead: not even the stupid Swat Kats would be able to be anything more than mere mosquitoes to him; only with help from Li Shou could we survive.

Or from the SGC...

I assumed that besides getting rich as a thief and future galactic pirate, I would end up saving my world and the whole galaxy. I hope to achieve this, since I would make a lot of money selling my biography.

Despite my friend's recommendations, I decided to have a drink to relax and lower my stress: nothing better than six cans of beer to help you sleep and assimilate the terrifying reality. I let myself be carried away by the drunkenness, throwing myself on the bed and began to sleep placidly.

Tomorrow would be another day in this crazy, wild universe.

Note: Shu'halo is the name of the tauren of World of Warcraft in their native language. Yes, here they are a species of this universe as well.