02: In Love

She was in love with him and that was really scary. Shizuka had been trying to fool herself into believing, that it wasn't that kind of love, you know, the love between a man and a woman, which led to marriage, kids and grandkids, the whole until death do us apart kinda deal. She had been telling herself it was completely platonic. But it wasn't working anymore. She even tried listing all the reason why it was a bad idea for them to be together. He was her student, she was his teacher. But a voice which sounded suspiciously like Hikigaya's, whispered in the back of her mind, the words, 'not for long' and she found herself stumped.

"He will be graduating next month." Shizuka noted. "He is already eighteen years old."

Eighteen. Oh what she wouldn't give to be eighteen again. If she was around his age, she wouldn't have given it another thought. Both of them would be young and they could do whatever the hell they want, consequences be damned. But the sad fact was she wasn't young, she wasn't eighteen, she was a twenty six year old adult woman and she should have known better. This feeling wouldn't last. There was no way this could end well. By the time he was in his early twenties, she would be in her thirties and both of them would have a completely different set of priorities. Hikigaya might want to focus on his career, while she would want to get married and start a family. She didn't even know if he wanted kids. What if the kid ends up with his rotten dead fish eyes? Even worse, what if their kid gets his shitty attitude towards life? Raising that kid would be a nightmare. But she would still love him. But what about Hikigaya? Will he be there for her and their kid?

Oh what the hell is she thinking? They aren't even dating yet. Or are they? She isn't exactly sure. They did kiss once, but only because she wanted to know if he was lying about being a virgin and having never been in a relationship, let alone going on a date and kissing someone. The kiss was nice. It was everything a first kiss should be. But it raised more than a few questions.

Why the hell was Hikigaya such a damn good kisser?

And how can she make him kiss her again?

Did he even want to kiss her again?

Now that she thought about it, the whole mess was her fault. Why did she feel sorry for him in the first place and set up their little arrangement. Lots of people go through high school without having a girlfriend or being in love. Hikigaya would be no different. In fact, he would have preferred being alone. But no, she just had to open her big mouth and make things complicated by telling him to think of her as a pseudo-girlfriend and be in a pretend relationship with her and try all kinds of stuff out that he missed out on by never having a real girlfriend in high school.

Shizuka thought she would be immune to his charms. After all, he was Hikigaya Hachiman, a rotten loner. What did he know about being romantic? But as she slowly learned over time, he knew quite a number of things and before she knew it, she was actually looking forward to spending more time with him. Now that she thought about it, perhaps she was the one who needed to be taught a thing or two about being in a healthy romantic relationship. The jerks she had been with before never treated her this nice. But to be fair, she had never been with a younger man, let alone one of her own students.

Not that she would recommend it. As far as she was concerned, Hikigaya and her were the exception to the rule. Despite being who they were and who they were, were two very flawed individuals who should never be together, somehow they balanced each other out. They also understood and respected each other's boundaries. In school, they were teacher and student. At her apartment, they were, for lack of a better word, something else.

Shizuka was unable to put a label on what they were and it bugged her a little. By her own admission, she was his pseudo-girlfriend. So does that mean, he was her pseudo-boyfriend? She wasn't even sure if he completely understood the word 'pseudo'. He probably did and more than likely hated it. But he also hadn't spoken up about it. After all, the guy respected the status quo and he hated change. But he must know change was inevitable, right?

Like the change in his essays and reports and assignment. Shizuka couldn't remember the last time she asked him to redo one of his essays. Which explained the reason why he shifted into the faculty lounge with a confused look in his eyes. "What's this about, sensei?" he asked, making sure to close the door. They weren't doing anything wrong. But he didn't want anyone to listen in on their conversation, misinterpret it and spread some awful rumour about it the next day.

"Nothing. I just wanted to know what you will cook for me today." Shizuka asked.

Since they couldn't actually go out on a real date to a café or a restaurant, because they couldn't risk being spotted by someone from their school, all their 'pseudo-dates' had to take place in her apartment. Hikigaya actually preferred this arrangement, because he didn't have to deal with other people or navigate a crowd or spend a ton of money out of his own pocket, but Shizuka was a bit bummed out. There was only so much time a girl could spend in her own apartment and that too on 'date night'.

To remedy the situation, Hikigaya bribed her with a home cooked meal.

A delicious home cooked meal.

How could a girl say no?

"Careful sensei. I'm beginning to think this whole idea of making me experience what being in a relationship is like was actually your way of getting a free meal every other day. That, or secretly you want a chef to be your boyfriend."

I want you to be my boyfriend, you idiot.

But she couldn't exactly say that without getting embarrassed.

"Congratulations. You figured me out." Shizuka joked.

But in a way he did have a point. Perhaps she had been taking advantage of the situation a little bit. You can't really blame her. Who would have thought Hikigaya Hachiman would turn out to be such a great cook? He never took credit though, just pointed out that she was the one who had all the right kind of kitchen tools and utensils and bought all the high quality ingredients. It was almost like the guy was allergic to compliments.

She had to do something about it.

That's it!

Shizuka had a shot of inspiration.

"Tonight, I will cook for you!"

He was slightly taken aback by her loud proclamation and she had to remind herself that they were still in school. They had to use their indoor voice. Okay. Got it. But it was a great idea. So far Hikigaya had been the one who had always cooked for her and like she said, he was good. But she wasn't half bad either. It's just that she didn't like cooking for herself after a long day of work. It was easier to order take out. But their little arrangement, these 'pseudo-dates' were supposed to be a simulation of what an actual relationship was like and it was only natural for a girlfriend to cook something up for her boyfriend. Hikigaya was seriously missing out on something totally awesome.

"You don't have to -"

"I insist!" Shizuka spoke with a note of finality. "Or are you saying I can't cook? Is that what you are trying to say, Hikigaya?"

Hikigaya kept his mouth shut. Only for him to realize that by not speaking up, he was dooming himself to her wrath. It was better to eat her cooking. Besides, it couldn't be that bad. He had suffered through whatever Yuigahama could put on a plate. Hiratsuka-sensei's food couldn't be that bad.

"I look forward to it, sensei."

Shizuka blushed at his earnest tone and tried to calm herself down by lighting a cigarette. After inhaling some of that sweet, sweet nicotine to soothe her nerves, she was finally able to regain some of her old confidence.

"Don't eat anything for lunch. I will cook up a feast. Believe it!"

And she probably ruined whatever romantic angle she was going for by quoting Naruto.

Great going, Shizuka.

A/N: This was supposed to be a one-shot, but by the time I finished, I actually started to like the whole idea of Shizuka trying to help Hikigaya out by being his pseudo-girlfriend, so that he could experience what it's like to be in a relationship and date a girl.

You know what, I think I will use this idea for an actual fic with plot. You know, like 'The Big If'. Yeah, I haven't forgotten about them too.

I actually have an idea for a Miura fic. And now I have an idea for a Shizuka fic.

All that's left is too write it down.

Well, better get back to work.

Hope everyone enjoyed reading this chapter.

Leave lots and lots of reviews, follow and fave.

Won't betray your dreams.