A/N: So I don't think I like this, but it's been on my laptop for a while so I thought I would put it on here. Enjoy!
Oh, each odd number is James, and each even number is Lily. May want to keep that in mind. :)
Disclaimer: ... yeah... no.
1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.
You try to tell her in Potions, when she smiles at you for what seems like the first time, and you feel like your heart is singing like the most beautiful birds. But the moment is gone before you've summoned up the courage.
The truth is, you turn into a bit of an idiot whenever you are around a certain Lily Evans. Your hand inevitably jumps to your hair whenever she is within a 6 foot radius. That doesn't seem to do you any favours, but you can't help it. Especially when she's wearing her lovely skirt, and you can see her shapely legs. (You are a guy, after all.)
The next time you try, you're both sitting by the fire in the Gryffindor Common room, doing homework. You look up to see her looking at you, and there goes your hand again. She's looked down again by the time you've summoned up your courage.
You don't know why you were put in Gryffindor in the first place sometimes, when you can't even tell the one girl you love how you feel. Granted, you know she doesn't love you back. (But you still hold onto a foolish thought that maybe one day she will see the error of her ways.)
The time comes when you decide to just man up and tell her. You're patrolling together, and you blurt out "Go out with me, Evans?"
She laughs. It is a true testament to how much you love her that you think it is the most beautiful laugh you've heard, even when it's tinged with bitterness.
"No, Potter. I don't like you."
"Oh, come on Lily. You know you love me." (Stupid stupid stupid)
"No, Potter. I don't. I don't love you. I don't like you. I do hate you." She's turned around and is shooting daggers at you. For a minute you believe her, but you are James Potter, and you know (well, think) that no woman would be crazy enough not to like you.
You laugh. "You might believe that Lily, but I don't. You love me. Just like I love you." There, you said it. Albeit, not in the best way possible, but you know that it's better for people to find out how you feel, rather than hide your emotions.
It hurts knowing that she doesn't love you, but you also know that this pain is nothing compared to a week previously, when you were debating whether to tell her. Knowing that you did the right thing eases the pain.
Even when she walks away.
2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.
You meet Snape in the summer before you get your Hogwarts letter. He's the unique little boy from Spinner's End, and he's your first wizard friend.
But gradually, he changes. You have heaps of excuses for him as he starts saying things about blood purification and different people that make you uncomfortable.
You had been called that word many times before. But not by him. You thought he might be different, even if you had heard him call someone a Mudblood before.
That word, which came out of his mouth, was the straw that broke the camel's back. Well, it was more like a gigantic slab of concrete.
The sad thing about the whole catastrophe, was that you had fancied him, for a while. You had dreamed of sharing a flat together, and working at the ministry.
That word banished all the dreams you'd had. He had turned from the lovely, eager, sweet young boy in Spinner's End, into a cruel, cunning young man that hung around with people who were aspiring to be Voldemort's cronies.
"Lily, I really didn't mean it!" He cries out to you, as you turn away from him and start walking in the opposite direction. You hear his footsteps coming closer, and turn around.
"You did mean it. That's the thing. And I can't look at you the same now. So just leave me alone now, Snape." You tell him coldly. Because it's true.
"If Potter wasn't such an idiot-"
"No, Sev, don't use him as an excuse. You were cruel to me, something he has never been, and he didn't make you say that word. So just stop!" you interrupt him. You are close to tears now and they're threatening to spill onto your cheeks. You've never lost anyone as a friend before, apart from Petunia who doesn't really count.
You have to acknowledge that maybe, just maybe, you have a different life ahead of you. So you let him go, walk away and never look back.
3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
You have the best friends any guy could wish for. Because who can really say that they are friends with a werewolf, a shy boy who more often than not makes the best calls you've ever heard, and a guy that you would die for and knows what you're thinking most of the time. You're the Marauders, and no one knows the strength of your bond with each other.
When you sit on your bed after yet another fight with Lily, Remus comes up and plops down on his bed. Sirius comes up too, and you all just lie in silence for seconds, minutes, hours. Except Peter, who's snoring away from his corner of the room.
You and Sirius chuck the Muggle tennis ball you found around, the thumps as it lands in the other's hand rhythmic and soothing on your weary soul.
Peter has woken up by now and is staring out the window at the dark night sky.
You don't know if you're meant to say anything, or if they want to go to sleep, but you like the comfort that this silence is bringing you. This has happened before, but always, one of you has started a conversation about the upcoming Quidditch match or something else. You don't really miss it this time though.
After a while you get up, and they follow suit, Sirius slapping you on the back before you all head down to dinner.
You think that friendships aren't just about words and talking, but about experiencing life together, and the best friendships are about coming out of it stronger than ever. You also start thinking that you don't mind the silence, because funnily enough, it seems like it was almost as good as any other conversation you've ever had before.
4. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
You walk into the Great Hall hand in hand, and it takes a while for someone to notice.
You can feel James smiling beside you, and you know that you've probably got a huge grin on your face too.
Of course, it doesn't take too long for the collective gasp you had been expecting to appear. The fact that you, Lily Evans, said yes to James Potter seems to shock the whole school population and they just can't get over it. (You still think you may be in a dream.) A buzz of gossip starts out, and you swear you see Dumbledore exchanging some Galleons with Sirius, who has just run up to the teacher's table.
You turn to look at James, who has just sat down at the Gryffindor table, and smile at him as he chuckles at Sirius' antics.
You sit down beside him and he kisses your cheek. An 'awww' the size of a massive truck comes from the ladies in the audience.
For the first time, (well, not the first if you're being honest with yourself) you realise how lucky you are and how stupid you had been, to reject James all this time.
You had been missing something that you wouldn't give up, ever.
And it's better than anything you could've even had with Snape, because it's perfect and true.
5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
You can't quite pinpoint the moment when you fell for her. It was in the space of a day, you know that much, but it was so long ago you've forgotten when it started, and instead accepted it into your life.
You tried to forget about her, in the 4th year summer holidays. (It didn't work). You tried to get over her in 5th year. (It didn't work).
You know you love her. You've talked about her to Sirius for more than 5 hours a day, and you just can't seem to get her out of your head.
It's funny how you fell for her over something simple, like her shampoo (citrus), but you can't get her out of your head. It shouldn't be that hard, you think to yourself, but actually it is.
Because you know in your heart of hearts that she is The One and there's no point fighting it. You will be with her forever or never. There will be no one else.
And you don't mind.
6. Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth, even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
You've had a couple of bad relationships.
There was Amos Diggory, the good looking 7th year to her 5th. He had been the total Hogwarts heart-throb. Quidditch captain, wavy brown hair, beautiful blue eyes and a body to die for. He had turned out to be an ugly soul in a beautiful body, and within 4 months he had dumped you, as you wouldn't go all the way with him. You slapped him.
Wealthy Caradoc Dearborn was next. He wasn't as good looking as Amos, but he had been kind to you, shouting you lunch and a butterbeer in Madam Rosmerta's. He even bought you a beautiful black dress, that he said you could wear to his father's ball. But there was no ball. Caradoc's father lost all his money, and Caradoc turned into a stealing, lying, manipulative boy. You left him before you could be hurt and gave him back the dress. Caradoc got less than half the galleons he had paid for it back when he sold it.
It isn't until James Potter that you decide what you want. Looks and wealth aren't important. You want someone who makes you laugh, even on the darkest of days. You don't want a deliciously good looking Amos Diggory or Caradoc Dearborn, but a James Potter. James Potter, with his endearing smile, and crooked teeth, his bad eyesight and scrawny figure, that did have some impressive muscles, but was far too skinny to be classed as hot. You want him.
"My god, James, you have to look at this. There have been muggle killings. Merlin, this is terrible." You say to him at the breakfast table one morning. He quickly reads the article and folds it up, placing it beside him.
"They'll catch him Lily, don't you worry."
You can't quite manage a smile.
He turns to Sirius and whispers something in his ear. The next minute, you look up to see the Great Hall in an uproar. All the Slytherins, like Rookwood and Avery are trying to kiss the female teachers, and are serenading them. Mulciber is trying to do a raunchy karaoke version of the new Beatles song, to McGonagall no less.
You can't help laughing at the scene, and it's all because of James Potter.
(He's always been able to make you laugh.)
But really, what else could you want? He makes you laugh when you are sad, enjoy life when all you really want is to curl up in a ball and eat ice cream. He makes you smile.
7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
You want to go to Africa. You always have. So you tell her.
"You want to go to Africa, James, really?"
You nod and tell her that you also want to fly to the moon, and have a house with at least 5 little children of theirs and a huge rose garden out the back.
She doesn't quite know whether to believe you or not. But she looks into your eyes, (something that makes your heart skip a beat; something you won't admit because you are, after all, a man) and she sees that you are telling the truth.
So she nods and says "Well, I want to go to Africa too. So let's go."
She also tells you that she wants to read all the books in the library (an impossible feat), and she also wants to have a house with at least 5 of their children, but with a tulip garden in the backyard, not roses. Roses are too cliché, she says.
And she doesn't add it, but you both know it, that Voldemort is gaining more power each day, and you don't know how long you've got left, but you want to spend as much time as you can with each other.
Because you've only got one life, and you both want to live it to the full.
8. Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.
You can remember the first time you actually understood James Potter. You had been shouting at James (the third time that day) and you saw his eyes flash with pain as you said a particularly nasty comment about his parents.
It isn't until Sirius comes up to you and tells you his parents died the week before, from a very rare illness that you realise you had been completely out of line.
And you feel terrible. Because you didn't mean what you said to him (you never do), and you know how it feels to lose someone you love, your mum just recently being diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and your father having died a year ago.
So you apologize to him, and let him know that you never meant anything you said, and that you are sorry for his loss.
You think it might be the definitive start of your positive relationship, as you slide down to the floor to sit by him, as the tears roll out of his eyes silently.
You cry along with him, because he's not the person you once thought he was, and this James doesn't deserve to lose his parents at 17. (Because this James is far more sensitive than you ever thought he would be.)
And you realise that judging people is the wrong way to go about life (heavens knows you've done it too often in the past) and you vow to always put yourself in the other person's shoes, no matter who they are.
Because their life could be horrible and you wouldn't know.
9. A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may heal and bless.
You don't know what possesses you to brag in front of her. She's only just started to become your friend, and then you have to go and ruin it for the sake of looking cool. She ignores you for a while, and it rekindles some of the arguments you both thought you had long put to rest. But you both get over it.
She looks like a crumpled piece of paper when she hears Snape calling her a – a- bad word, and you know that Lily Evans can't cope with it anymore. It's not like her and Snape are friends; that has been over since the first time he called her the terrible word, but still, you know it hurts her.
For a while, Lily folds in on herself. It seems to you that she has lost her will to do well in anything.
You can't have that though. (Because you need the Lily Evans you fell in love with back.)
And slowly, she does come back to life. And this time, her coat of armour is thicker than it was before.
"Come on Evans, we've got Potions to get to." You remark to her, as you get up from the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall. She's still eating a piece of bacon, but you steal it off her.
She mock glares at you, as you wink and grin at her, shoving the piece of bacon into your mouth before she can get it back.
She gets up and follows you, slapping you on the arm when she catches up.
"I was eating that James." She scolds you, but her heart isn't really in it.
"You don't need it. You'll get fat if you eat too much of it, love, and then there'll be no more beautiful Lily Evans."
She blushes, and you wonder if it's the first time you have actually called her beautiful. (But really, she deserves to be told it every day, and you resolve to do this from now on.)
You spend more time together, and you start valuing the power that words have over your life. Because they can break people apart, and bring people together, and cannot be taken back.
10. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.
You remember when you first thought that maybe you loved him. He smiled to you, a true, genuine smile that warmed your insides and told you that yes, he did love you.
And then when you kissed for the first time, you realised that you wanted to spend forever and a day with him, and it didn't matter about what other people thought. (And for the first time in your life, you were angry you had so much pride.)
You cry when you see the flash of green light, as you stand at the top of the banister. He has gone, James, the husband you love more than anything, apart from Harry.
You hear the thump as he hits the floor what seems like an age after you first see the flash. And you start wailing as you press Harry closer to you and run into the bedroom. Harry starts crying too, and you know that this is life and death. This is the moment where you have to do what James would have wanted you to do. You have to fight.
But it's not that easy. One half of you has gone, has gone, and you don't know if you can recover.
It's Harry's cries, which have now become a wail that jolt you back to the present. There's no way out, you realise. You have condemned not only yourself, but your own son to death.
"Harry, I'm so sorry. I love you." You murmur to him, rocking him back and forth in your arms before placing him in his cot.
You can hear Voldemort coming up the stairs, taking his time, as he knows he's got you. He wants to torture you just a little longer.
But has he really got you? He is morbidly afraid of love, and it's the only thing you've got going for you. Dumbledore has always said that love could conquer all. You know it can't possibly stop the Killing Curse, but you might as well sacrifice yourself for Harry. You can't see any other way that you could be happy dying. You start crying, as you know you are leaving this precious baby boy, who is half you and half James, and is one of the best things to ever happen to you.
And so he comes into the room, flicking the door aside with a casual wave of his wand, and advancing on you like a lion with its prey.
You stand up to him, and the only thing you focus on is his wand. It will come soon, you know that, and you are ready.
He says something to you, and you reply, as if on auto-pilot.
Harry is still crying and you want nothing more than to hold him, and tell him everything will be alright. But you can't, because it won't.
So you tell Voldemort that you will NOT stand aside, and that he will have to kill you first.
He scowls, and for some reason you start smiling. You have annoyed him. And you don't mind. (Because what could really be a better way to die than dying for someone you love?)
He raises his wand and you see his mouth moving, and the flash of green light, but you don't mind. You have died protecting your son, and you have lived your life.
And Harry is crying, and you are smiling.
There it is. Thoughts? Loved it? Hated it? Suggestions?